A/N I have to apologise yet again for a long gap. I didn't mean it to happen really. I think everything I've written so far was sort of building towards the previous chapter. That one was long, and such an emotional rollercoaster, it was hard for me to think about where to go next, even though I knew logically what I had to do. It wasn't so much writer's block as writer's fatigue, which may not really exist but never mind. Anyway, I've sorted myself out now and, more importantly, made some time to write. Why does my life implode when I have a story on the go? Who made that rule?

As ever, read, review, but most of all, enjoy.

They sat in the car in silence, the only sounds coming from the engine as it purred its way towards the hospital, and Derek's hands as they gripped the steering wheel tighter with each passing mile. As the journey neared its end, it was as if he was trying to squeeze the life out of the black leather in his hands, as if he was avenging himself for a mortal sin the wheel had committed against him. It fought back, squealed in protest every time his fists tightened around it again, determined to steer him to his doom, or at least, that's how it felt.

It had all seemed so easy, Derek mused, as the Lexus swept through the streets, still only half awake at the beginning of a new day. It would be at least another couple of hours before the traffic built up in the city, and by then he would be in the hospital, in a consult with a urologist, not on a professional basis, it wasn't often that neurosurgeons had anything to do with urologists, but as a patient. The thought of it made him feel nauseous, which drove him back to his original thought. When he'd been in Meredith's bed, crushed by shame that he had failed again, it had been easy. He had made up his mind. He wasn't doing this anymore. It had to stop. He was going to face up to whatever was wrong, and he was going to deal with it. But now, in the cold light of day, it was different. The thought of what this day would bring consumed him. Derek gave the steering wheel another punishing squeeze.

Meredith stared out of the window, watching the early morning streets pass by in a haze of watery sunlight. As much as Meredith hated the early starts that came with residency, she loved this time of day. There was hardly any traffic ahead, just the odd car driven by people who obviously worked equally stupid hours as hospital residents, or maybe they had a weird habit of getting out of warm, comfortable beds at God-forsaken hours just to enjoy an early morning drive. No, Meredith mused, pushing that thought away, they had to be going to work. No one got out of bed at this hour of the morning unless they had a good reason, like being a resident in the best teaching hospital in the country, or, Meredith half smiled at the thought, you were an Attending at the aforementioned teaching hospital and you were getting up early to take your girlfriend to work, even if that meant you were at work a good couple of hours before you really needed to be. Meredith allowed the thought to wash over her just for a second. She basked in it, trying not to think about the other reason Derek was going in to work with her, rather than going in later, something he usually did only when he had an early surgery. Today he had no surgeries. Today Derek had an appointment with a urologist. By the end of the day they would have some idea of what could be wrong with him. It wasn't just any ordinary day. It was the moment of truth.

It had seemed all right at first, Meredith remembered. When Derek lay in her bed and said he was going to find a urologist the relief had been unbelievable. It was only later when reality sank in that Meredith began to wonder if he would go back on his word. She told herself that maybe it was a heat of the moment thing. Maybe, once they really got back to normal, after Derek got over the fact that everyone at Seattle Grace knew about him, thanks to Nurse Debbie and Izzie Stevens, he would forget that he'd said he missed her too much not to do something about it.

When she woke up in Derek's arms, the morning after he'd shown up at her house and apologised for ignoring her for days and for calling her a liar when she swore she hadn't told everyone about his problem, Meredith lay watching Derek sleep and wondered if the first thing he would say when he woke up was that he had changed his mind and he wasn't seeing a urologist after all. Instead, when Derek opened his eyes he stared at Meredith sleepily, ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her softly, before he got up and headed for the bathroom. It was as if everything was fine, and not Meredith fine, in a pretending to be fine sort of way, but really fine, in a bright and shiny way. It made Meredith nervous. She didn't do bright and shiny. She'd done bright and shiny before and everything turned to crap. She waited, knowing that sooner or later the other shoe would drop.

The other shoe didn't drop. Instead, Derek seemed to throw himself into finding a urologist with all the enthusiasm he had for approaching difficult surgeries. One evening Meredith arrived home from the hospital after an exhausting shift and found Derek sat on her bed, his legs stretched out in front of him supporting his laptop. He looked up from the screen when he realised he wasn't alone.

'Do you know how difficult it is to find a urologist who has studied imp….my problem in any detail?' He greeted her, smiling broadly, reaching out to kiss her as she sat down on the bed beside him.

Meredith frowned. Maybe this was it. Maybe now he would say he'd looked, couldn't find a good urologist, and he wasn't going to bother. She didn't voice the thought. She leaned in to him as if she was trying to stave off the moment when he crushed the little bit of hope stored deep down inside her. She told herself she was being stupid. He seemed serious about finding a urologist, why would go back on his word now? She ignored a little voice in her head that insisted on reminding her that Derek had let her down before, there was nothing stopping him doing it again.

'Meredith?' Derek's voice dragged her out of her thoughts. She felt the arm that wasn't supporting the laptop slide around her and pull her closer. He inhaled the lavender scent of her hair.

'What?' she responded distractedly, before she blinked and realised what he'd said. 'I thought they all knew about it?'

Derek eyed Meredith warily. She could tell he couldn't work out where she'd mentally drifted off to, or how she'd come back so fast. She hoped he would just think she was tired. She yawned softly just to prove the point. Derek responded by pushing the laptop away and moving down the bed, taking Meredith with him. As if on instinct, she turned and spooned against him. She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck. It was comfortable. She felt safe. He sighed against her. 'I thought they all knew about it too,' he replied, not questioning Meredith's sudden tiredness. 'But according to my research, only ten percent of all urologists in the country have studied it in any depth. I don't get it.'

'Are you going to go on looking for one?' Meredith blurted out the question before she could stop herself. Crap, she lay perfectly still, frozen in time. She cursed her mouth and its ability to run away with itself when she was worried. The next thing she knew, she was being turned and Derek was looking down on her. A small frown creased his forehead, the fleshy skin around his deep blue eyes crinkled.

'Of course I'm still going to look for one, it might just take a little longer than I would have liked. Did you really think I wouldn't?'

Meredith looked into Derek's eyes. She could tell she'd hurt his feelings. Stupid Meredith, really stupid she berated herself. 'I just…I don't know,' she spilled the words out, knowing they didn't really say anything.

Derek sighed deeply and ran his fingers through Meredith's hair. He fixed her with a determined gaze. He could tell. She really did think he was going to back down on what he'd promised, just like he had before. He had failed her and now she didn't trust him, it was obvious, and all his own fault. He sighed again. 'I meant it', he held Meredith's gaze with his own, seeing the worry reflected back at him in the blue grey irises. 'I told you, I can't leave things like this. I can't go on wanting you like this, missing you like this, and not do anything about it, not if it's something that can be sorted out. I meant it.'

Meredith allowed Derek's words to sink in. He hadn't given up. He wanted her and he missed her. He was trying to fix it. 'Okay.' Meredith whispered, the breath knocked out of her by the intensity of Derek's words, and his eyes, as they seemed to bore straight through her.

'Okay' Derek replied, before settling back down on the pillows, his nose resting in Meredith's hair.

So Meredith waited. She resigned herself to it taking a while. If only ten percent of all the urologists in the country knew much about the problem, finding one wasn't going to be easy. At least Derek was trying. It was a start.

A couple of days later Meredith was walking down a hallway at work. She was between patients. She'd just left one and all she had to do was go and do a post-op check on another and she could go to lunch. She wasn't thinking about where she was going when suddenly a hand appeared out of nowhere and pulled her into an on-call room. 'What the….!' She didn't have time to yell anymore before the rest of the person the hand belonged to came into view.

'I've found a urologist' Derek smiled, his mouth stretched into an exaggerated beam. His eyes were shining in the dim light of the room. He clicked the door locked behind Meredith.

'You what?' Meredith caught her breath and brushed herself off. 'You scared the crap out of me, dragging me in here like that, I thought you were some sort of crazed whatever, and you stand there grinning at me like the Cheshire cat with ADHD, what the hell were you doing?'

Derek grinned wider, realising that Meredith wasn't listening to him. 'I. have. found. a. urologist.' He enunciated each word clearly, slowly, as if he was speaking to a small child.

Meredith's eyes widened. Her heart turned over in her chest. 'You….you…what?' she stammered, the wind falling out of her lungs.

'I have found a…'

'I heard what you said!' Meredith yelled, coming back to herself. She reached out and punched Derek on the arm, as if to prove the point.

'Ow!' Derek rubbed the molested limb defensively, the grin slipping off his face, though his eyes shone with suppressed laughter. 'Okay, so what was that for? I tell you I've found a urologist and you hit me? I have to say, that wasn't quite what I had in mind. I thought I'd get a kiss, or maybe a hug, or…'

'So, you found a urologist?' Meredith asked, ignoring Derek completely. 'When? Where?'

The grin on Derek's face put in another appearance. 'Just now, and you'll never guess where.'

Meredith rolled her eyes. 'Derek we're not five year olds, just tell me where!'

'Here.' Derek's grin widened further.

Meredith did a double-take. Derek laughed softly before stifling it, pretending it was a cough when Meredith glared at him. 'Here?' The word came out breathlessly. 'You mean here in Seattle, or here in Seattle Grace?' She stared up at him, trying to hold back the ray of light that seemed to want to overtake her. She couldn't get excited, not yet. It seemed too easy. Derek had found a urologist who specialised in erectile dysfunction already, when so few of them actually existed? It seemed too good to be true.

'I mean here, in Seattle Grace. I took a leaf out of your book and made a little visit to urology.' For just a brief moment the humour died on Derek's face. Meredith knew he was thinking about how angry he was when she went and got some information for him. He threw it back at her and walked away. Suddenly it didn't matter anymore. She waved a hand dismissively, telling him to go on.

'I spoke to the head of department, a Dr. Matherson. I told him what I was looking for and he said he could help. He's done studies on it for years. He said that what he doesn't know about it isn't worth knowing, so…'

'So, what happens now?' Meredith asked. Her head was reeling. This was too much. Within a matter of days everything had completely changed. A few days before everything had seemed to be ruined. Now Derek had found a urologist, and in the hospital they both worked in too. It seemed unreal.

'I have an appointment with him for a couple of days time. I've been able to organise it early, so that I can just go without having to sit around with his other patients. He agreed with me that as I'm a busy surgeon…..' Derek let the rest of his reply hang in the air. He knew that what he was really saying was that Matherson understood that he wanted to see him early so that he could see him in private, away from the prying eyes and ears that could be around later in the day. Derek was grateful.

Meredith suddenly had a thought. 'Did he know about…. ?'

Derek shrugged. He hadn't come out and asked Matherson whether he knew about him from the hospital gossip or not. Somehow he knew he didn't need to. 'I don't know, he didn't seem to be the type to worry about hospital gossip, so maybe not, or maybe he did and he was being discreet. Either way, I don't care. Not anymore.'

Meredith sighed. 'And you don't mind seeing him here, wouldn't you rather see someone at Mercy West or…' She didn't want Derek to feel that he had to do this just to prove that he could keep a promise. She wanted him to be sure he was doing the right thing.

Derek shook his head firmly. 'No, I've done some checking and Matherson is good, really good, so I don't care. Just promise me one thing?' He smiled brightly.

'What?' Meredith smiled back, not seeing where this was going.

Derek laughed softly. 'Don't let Stevens or Nurse Debbie anywhere near the door when I'm in Matherson's office. If either of them find out what the exam I have to have involves, the whole hospital will here about it, then the next thing you know will be that according to the rumour-mill I've just admitted to you that I'm gay and Matherson and I are having a steamy affair. I can handle people knowing all my business, but doubting my sexuality….' He leered at Meredith suggestively as he spoke.

Meredith giggled. 'So, it's you, me and Matherson huh?'

Derek laughed out loud. 'Now that is just kinky Dr. Grey.' He leered again, edging closer to Meredith and lowered his head so his lips were inches from hers.

Meredith giggled again, watching Derek's lips coming closer. 'You accuse me of being kinky, who's the one playing doctors here, you or me, Dr. Shepherd?' Meredith countered Derek, matching him word for word, throwing the use of her title back at him provocatively.

'I'll tell you what, when Matherson gets things back to normal, if you're a good girl I'll let you play with my stethoscope.' Now Derek's lips were hovering over Meredith's.

'Pervert,' Meredith just managed to mumble out, before Derek placed his lips on hers.

'And you love me for it,' Derek responded when he took a breath.

'I wouldn't dream of contradicting you Dr. Shepherd, I mean, you are my Attending, it would be rude to…'

Whatever else Meredith was going to say was lost. Derek had found other uses for her lips.

A/N Well, what can I say. This chapter was supposed to be serious and solemn. I was supposed to get Derek in to see the urologist and move on from there a little. I didn't plan on Derek deciding that he wanted some fun. Well, who am I to argue. The next chapter will be picking up where this one leaves off, so I might do it as another two-parter. We shall see. It WILL be up before the beginning of next week, even if I have to die in the attempt. The next chapter probably won't be as light for the most part, so I didn't think some light relief for now was a bad idea. Please, read and review. More soon.