Number 281: Fun Times with Dick and Jason (for unsanctuaire)

Dick was chortling with glee as Jason starting to shrink, his arms pulling into his sleeves and his torso folding into itself, his feet turning tiny, and his head suddenly becoming much too small for his helmet. Finally a foot tall with outrageously curly hair with white bangs, Jason let out a pathetic growl and attempted to swim his way out of his pants. Dick set the De-Aging Ray on the display table and pulled out his phone, snapping a few pictures as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Jason swore and gripped the edge of his helmet, lifting it as high as his nose before he sighed deeply, not physically able to take it off.

"Damn my tiny arms, help?"

"Of course, Little Jay." Dick bent down and lifted the helmet off Jason's head and placed it beside the De-Aging Ray.

"Don't call me that or I'll bite your ankles."

"You're so cute~"

Jason huffed and tapped his foot currently trapped in one of his pockets, impatiently and Dick rolled his eyes as he lifted Jason into the air, grinning like an idiot as Jason's shirt looked like a giant circus tent around the six year old. He hugged his young brother close to his chest and Jason tried not to show how much he loved being held in Dick's warm embrace by fidgeting and kicking his stomach.

"I think you're enjoying this a little too much, Dickie." Little Jay wheezed.

"You know you love me."

"Not when you're crushing me to death."

"Oh grow up." Jason glared up at his brother and Dick chuckled.

"I will call Bruce, asshole, if you don't put me down and reverse the crap you just pulled."

"I can't."

"Why the fuck not?" Dick gave Little Jay a pointed look and Jason sighed deeply. "Why can't you change me back, big brother?"

"Because the effects wear off in five days, I think you'll make it."

"Where's Damian when I need him…"

Number 282: The Responsible Child ( for Decepticon-silverstreak)

Batman prided himself on that fact that his sidekicks were mostly well-behaved – remember this because it'll come back to bite him in the butt.

Superboy and Superman had little to no contact with each other because Superman was a pansy.

Green Arrow always found a way to piss off Speedy.

And Flash was constantly dealing with Kid Flash and his nose bleeds.

Today, Batman would experience the horror, agitation, and utter annoyance doubled with sheer disbelief when Woman Wonder came by and asked why a certain boy was doing a strip tease on a long silver pole, drink in hand, and singing off key in a voice he knew all too well. It didn't help that the same boy was singing a song Batman despised with a passion, I'm Sexy and I Know It. But he feigned ignorance and said he'd check up on it, not realizing that every screen in the Watch Tower was currently broadcasting this…entertaining spectacle. So Batman started thinking. Who would be dumb enough, or cruel enough, to post an intoxicated Jason Todd all over the Tower's system? It took a minute or so until he realized the sidekick he had brought along with him today.

Most of the Robins, with the exception of Damian because he was still too young, had been inducted into the Justice League although Jason's actions have pretty much ruined his chances in staying a part of the team. Red Robin was very bright and resourceful and Superboy had been adamant that he join which translates to him begging his "father" to put him in or else. Batman smirked at the thought, the Man of Steel is too afraid to parent a teenager.

Walking past Martian Manhunter, Batman found Red Robin perched on the railing observing his fellow superheroes with a bemused expression on his face as Jason did a face plant into a conveniently placed cream pie.

"Do you have something you want to tell me?" Batman asked softly, Red Robin chuckled nervously as Jason fell off the table and screamed bloody murder, demanding to be let back onto his pole.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Batman raised an eyebrow and jerked his chin at the screen as Jason started humping the pole. "Don't look at me, I wasn't there." Jason yanked a startled and blushing Tim Drake onto the table and the rebel started teasing his hair.

"You were saying?"

"Um…well…you see…I was just…Aw screw it, I can't win with you."

"You know why?" Red Robin pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger.

"Because, I'm Batman."

"Of course, how could I forget…"

"You're grounded. Now turn it off.

"Yes Mom."

"Grr."

"Wow, threatening."

"Don't push it."

Number 283: Superheroes and Doors Do Not Mix (For Chaseha-Wing)

Jason wasn't expecting much to happen on a Thursday afternoon, no prominent drug lords were planning anything too major, most criminals were too busy tangling with Daddy Bats and his team of flightless birds, and he had already taken Emily out on a date this morning. An easy and lazy day now with his garlic bread chili-dogs and a case of beer that Roy had not touched and Starfire was still unaware of, Jason was in no mood to catch the alien drunk again since the last and they were in Moscow. Why you may ask? Jason personal vendetta against Ra's al Ghul led him there and Starfire wanted to feel Russia and went off the deep end.

But anyways, Jason was situated in a new safe house that overlooked the bay and it smelled of salt water most of the time, the seagulls soared through the air and new cuss words came by the dozen, not that Jason is willing to share them. As he lifted a can of beer to his lips, something crashed through the window and knocked him and his food over, with an angry cry of vengeance, his hand flew to his hip and reached for the gun that wasn't there. Tim was giving him the strangest look and Jason whimpered and sat up, remembering his bruised collar bone and crossing his legs.

"Are you guys against doors or something? Did one hit you too hard in the face, Timmy, or are you just too damn lazy to walk up the stairs and turn a knob?"

"We need your help." Batman said shortly, eyeing the mess on Jason's shirt from his chili-dog with disgust. Jason rolled his eyes and peeled the shirt off, walking into his room in a fresh T-shirt and his leather jacket, he put on his mask and holstered his guns.

"Well, if you had some courtesy, I wouldn't have looked so bad."

"Since when have you cared about courtesy?"

"Since you decided spoiling my lunch and breaking my windows is an a good enough excuse to bother me into playing cops and robbers."

Number 284: A How-To on Wake-Up Calls

Number 1: Choose you victim. Jason Todd, younger brother.

Number 2: Sneak into room. Done.

Number 3: Stick finger in your mouth. O…kay?

Number 4: Pull finger out and stick it in victim's ear. Oh…I get it now. Last step?

Number 5: Run like Hell, Wet Willies get instant responses.

Note: The generic How-To Agency is not responsible for any injuries sustained in following our step-by-step procedures that may or may not involve ways to jeopardize your health. If any injuries are reported, see a doctor. If you have kicked the bucket, we are not sorry, you decided to be an idiot. Good day.

Number 285: Bones

The only time Dick gets bruises is when Jason decides to jump on his chest.

Number 286: Immature

"I can't believe you." Nightwing hissed, elbowing his partner and pointing at a gathered group of shady gangsters. "Are you trying to get us murdered?"

"Come on, this is a great idea."

"If you were thirteen again but frankly, you're nineteen and a known criminal."

"Hence the disguise, birdbrain."

Nightwing fought against the natural instinct to hit his brother and stood up.

"Fine, don't come crying to me when they start shooting you."

"Come on Dick, chainsaw wielding zombies can only be killed with shotguns, have you ever played Resident Evil 4?"

"For the span of an hour and all I did was kill Ashley."

"That wasn't the point of the game."

"Well, it should've been. Now hurry up or else you'll lose your chance."

Red Hood pulled the worn out sack over his head, adjusted his bloody garments and revved his chainsaw to life, walking out into the light with a limp and moaning incessantly. Nightwing put a hand over his eyes and pulled out some twine and wire, running out and lassoing the gangsters together. Red Hood tried to contain his laughter as he dropped the chainsaw and chortled with glee.

"See? Best idea ever!"

"I swear you've been drinking…"

Number 287: Simply Dick

Jason sometimes gets random presents with no return address. For the longest time, he had no idea who was sending him these weird and somehow useless gifts until a large package was delivered to him by Roy.

"Did you see who it was?"

"Nope, it was left just outside and address to Red Hood. Think it's dangerous?" Jason eyed the box that was roughly half his height and shrugged. He sank down and pulled out a knife.

"Won't know till we open it, right? Stand back, just in case." Roy leaned in the doorway as Starfire walked out of the bathroom, white towel wrapped around his body and she raised an eyebrow. The box fell open and Jason groaned into his hand.

"Is that…a giant gummi bear?"

"Yep."

"Know who sent it?"

"I do now."

"That's for the bear, Dick."

"I didn't send it."

"Right."

"…"

"…"

"You're welcome, anyway."

Number 288: Typical Teenager

"Jason, will you please pull up your pants, I have no desire to know the colour of your underwear."

"You're just jealous because for once, my ass looks better than Dick's."

"Keep telling yourself that, kiddo."

"…That goes for you too, Dick. You both look like penguins."

"Sexy penguins?" Bruce facepalmed.

"Sure, Dick, sexy penguins."

Number 289: Face

"Dick…what did you do to my helmet?"

"Bleached it."

"…Why?"

"I felt like it."

"Do you honestly expect me to wear this now that it's…pink?"

"I could've picked a worse colour."

"Like what?"

"Puke green, mustard yellow; want to me change it?"

"How about I make your face go black and blue and purple, and we call it even?"

Number 290: From Behind

…that's how Dick likes to hug Jason because he can't fight back.