Chapter Twenty

"They want to call it Dudley if it's boy!" Lily was babbling, as he flicked through one of his old books, "Dudley!Can you believe that? It sounds like a cartoon!"

Severus smirked and turned the page.

"And if it's a girl; she wants to call it Gwyneira!"

Severus snorted that time, closed his eyes briefly and shook his head.

"Dudley and Gwyneira!" she broke out into giggles, "I don't think I'll be able to keep a straight face when I'm babysitting. I mean, imagine having to shout that out the door; Gwyneira, dinner's ready…I'd be so embarrassed! The neighbours would probably think I was shouting on a dog or something!"

"Lily," Severus snickered, shaking his head, "It's not your kid. AndVernon is hardly a precious name."

She shook her head, "Poor Tuney; maybe she doesn't like the names, either."

"Maybe," he replied, sceptically, not looking up.

"It's your birthday soon," she declared, excitedly.

"I am aware of that."

"What do you want to do for it?"

"Nothing."

"You can't do nothing!" she scoffed, "It's your twentieth! It's an important age!"

"No it isn't," he glanced at her briefly, "It's the twenty-first that's big. The twentieth is just like any other day."

"No; it's the day you stop being a teenager," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. He rolled his eyes and said nothing; "I hear there's some local bands playing at the pub in town."

"Ah," he smirked, "So you already had a plan."

"Well, I knew you wouldn't have," she said with a grin, "So; what do you think?"

"Whatever," he said, dismissively. At her exasperated look he added, "Sounds good." She smiled brightly, though she raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"What are you reading?" she turned to look at him fully.

"A book."

She rolled her eyes, "Sarcasm party; table for one."

He lifted the book from his lap so she could see the cover. Issues and Ethics in the Dark Arts. He glanced at her out the corner of his eye and immediately took note of her unimpressed look. His eyes snapped back to the book as he lowered it to his knees. There was a silence for a moment and he thought she would strike up a conversation or a rant about his interest until she turned to look at the television, which had been on but remained unwatched since she'd arrived.

Despite the fact that they were now trying to pursue as normal a relationship as possible, his role in the war was still a sort-of taboo subject; only a couple of times had it come up. Once when she'd asked what his main role was; he'd informed her it was potion-making and healing abilities. She had been sceptical at first, reminding him that she had seen him in a raid, but had been convinced otherwise when he explained the small need for those skills during the time period. The second had been when a Phoenix patronus had fluttered into her bedroom and, in the voice of Albus Dumbledore, had informed her of an Order meeting. She had flushed red and insisted he tell her something secret, something only a Death Eater would know; he told her Voldemort was Half-blood and warned her that if he ever found out he'd told her he'd be killed. He was sure he could see the trust bud and grow instantly as the conversation took place.

They had spent New Years apart, much to his dismay. However he had managed to catch glimpses of her throughout the night as he, Regulus and several other Death Eaters had celebrated in The Broom and Dragon; he had told Lily they were going there and she had intentionally dragged along several of her friends. To his annoyance the Marauders were there, apparently part of her group, and he couldn't help but notice how Potter hung around her like a fly the entire night. It irritated him to no end, unable to quell the surge of jealously he felt every time the arrogant arsehole dared to touch her arm or kiss her cheek; it took everything in him not to send a curse at him from across the room. To his delight, however, as the count down to midnight began she had snuck out the back and he had followed; and the two had brought in the New Year with a kiss beneath the stars, as fireworks lit the skies, away from the prying eyes of the other celebrators.

Severus was faltering. He had wanted it all; he knew he had. Regulus knew it too; Regulus, who was extremely angry with him at the moment. And who kept insisting that it would all come back and smack him in the face. Soon. Severus wasn't sure if that was a threat or if it was a warning. But with a slight use of legilimency, he had found only a very great concern behind the boy's words and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He wasn't accustomed to having someone worry over him and the thought that the kid was wasting time considering his problems was slightly unsettling. He had only been attending meetings when they were compulsory; when the Dark Lord would be present. Lucius was becoming agitated, he could tell, but he always managed to escape before he managed to catch him. He was letting them down, Lucius and Regulus, and he felt terrible for it. But his guilt vanished when he came home and found Lily in his sitting room; waiting for him.

He had someone waiting at home for him. And his heart soared every time he thought on it.

Severus glanced at the girl by his side; she sat, relaxed, completely content, a soft smile playing about her lips while wisps of red hair moved against her skin as she breathed. She felt his gaze on her and turned slightly to look at him, her eyes warm; full of love. Love for him. She was everything; he was alive when he was with her. Every nerve in his body stirred when she was near; a smile, a touch, a laugh. All could provoke that tickle in his stomach; not quite an unwelcome feeling.

She smiled and looked back at the television.

She was everything he had ever wanted; everything he had ever needed. It only took him twelve years to see it. As long as he had her, nothing else mattered. He wanted to give her something; he wanted to give her everything. Make her feel the way he felt when he was with her. I am so in love with you, Lily Evans.

As if she'd heard, she turned her head once again, meeting his eyes. He smiled; her eyes brightened slightly at the action and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. He reached up, letting his hand slip into the deep red locks; silky soft between his fingers. He felt her smile against his lips before she giggled, quietly, and drew back. He drank in her features; her impish smile; her emerald eyes shining in the light.

This moment; he would treasure it forever.

"So, what do you think?" Lily shouted out, over the music.

"I think you should keep you voice down and sit down," he hissed, his eyes darting suspiciously around the room. Granted, it was a muggle pub, and no other wizard was likely to walk by the building, never mind enter it. He had charmed his hair and eyebrows blonde for the evening and tied it back, while Lily had gone for a dull brown, with purple highlights; both wore dark sunglasses. He felt like an absolute idiot! The jeans he was wearing were insanely tight; why did muggles put themselves through this? He shifted, trying to fix the discomfort of his groin. Lily, on the other hand, wore a purple dress. They looked like complete goons! He was sure his normally pale skin had gone a permanent shade of red.

He had pointed out the obvious that they had failed to consider when they made the plans earlier that week; they couldn't be seen together. And, though it was unlikely they would be, being in a muggle neighbourhood, they couldn't be too careful. Particularly with James Potter pursuing her; a fact she had told him of very reluctantly. Did he never let up? Severus would've had a much better birthday if he had been able to spend the night hexing the bastard.

Instead, he was sitting, despite the disguise Lily had forced upon them, attempting to blend into the walls, while his eyes darted to every corner of the room. He couldn't even relax and focus on the delightful fact that Lily was holding his hand, squeezing it every so often, while she danced in her seat to the music. He wanted to go home. And now he was sounding like a child.

"Lily, lets go," he said, leaning close to her ear, "We look like idiots. I think we're drawing more attention looking like this, than we would have if we'd come out in our Death Eater and Order robes respectively," he hissed, quietly.

Lily smirked and looked over at him; he couldn't see her eyes. He wanted to see them, "It's almost finished, I think."

"Please," he hissed, his eyes once again darting around, anxiously, "Let's just go. We can go back to mine."

"Oh, how presumptuous!" she said with a teasing grin.

"Not for that!" he said, rolling his eyes, slightly, "Come on." He stood and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the building. She was giggling as they stumbled out into the cold January night.

"You're right, we do look like idiots," she sniggered, speaking quietly as she looked around. He couldn't help smiling at the animated look on her face, as he pulled her around the back of the building and apparated themselves to Spinners End. He hurried up to the door and quickly went inside, Lily close on his heels. With a quick wave of his wand he resumed his normal features and tossed off the silly sunglasses, while Lily watched in giggles.

"My, you make such a handsome blonde, birthday boy" she laughed.

He rolled his eyes as his lips twitched. He reached over and pulled off the offending sunglasses, blocking her eyes from his view. He smiled fully as he looked down at her and then kissed her. He waved his wand and her red hair returned, "Much better," he muttered, reaching up and stroking it as he pulled back.

She laughed and shook her head, "I love you."

He only smiled and kissed her again. He sensed her disappointment but forced himself to ignore it; he tried to pour all his feelings into the kiss, let her know what she wanted to know. At that moment an owl tapped on the window. The two of them pulled apart. Severus silently charmed the window open and an owl flew into the room and dropped a letter on the table, before swooping out of the room. He recognised it as both Regulus' owl and his handwriting without going over. He turned back to Lily with a smile; "It can wait."

"Are you sure?" she looked concerned, "I don't want you getting…"

"I'm sure," he interrupted her and leaned down, kissing her with fervour. She returned the kiss eagerly, and the note went forgotten.

Severus read over the note again, slightly anxiously.

Severus,

The Dark Lord requests a meeting with us; yourself, me and Lucius.Tonight at 9pm. Do not be late.

Regulus.

Idiot!Severus thought, rubbing a hand over his face. He'd hurried Lily out of the house after reading the note; if he was lucky the Dark Lord wouldn't show up on his doorstep and kill him. Not that he was worthy of such an 'honour'; he'd probably have Regulus do it. The bliss he'd experienced for the past few weeks was slowly dissipating. The mistakes of his youth would always haunt them; they would never be free of them.

Not unless they ran.

Severus wondered at it. Would she? Would she give up everything; come away with him? He sighed and tightened his hold on the parchment; creases crept up it. No; he knew she wouldn't. She had already told him that her place was here; that she couldn't just up and leave. But maybe; things were different now. They were together; properly. If he would commit to it; to them…

A loud banging at the door sounded; Severus glanced at the clock. It was 1 o clock in the morning. He frowned; he hadn't expected a confrontation after midnight. He made his way to the door, pushing any nervousness aside. He could be brave. He pulled open the door a couple of inches; and then it flew open, sending Severus back against the wall. Lucius Malfoy stormed into the house, slamming the door shut behind him.

He turned furious, burning eyes on him. And Severus realised; he knew.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" the older man spoke lowly, threateningly, pronouncing each word as he did so. He sounded almost like him.

"Excuse me?" Severus forced himself to remain calm.

"Do not play games with me, Severus," Lucius hissed, his eyes dark, terrifying, "Is she here?" He glanced very briefly, so quickly Severus wasn't sure if he had seen correctly, towards the stairs.

Severus swallowed, "I don't know who you mean."

Lucius raised a hand as if to backhand him, but then let it drop and grab him by the shoulder. He shoved him into the living room, "You are playing a very dangerous game, Severus. If you start cooperating, I might not kill you."

Severus' nerves were beginning to show; Lucius Malfoy rarely made empty threats. And he had never before made one to him.

Severus swallowed again, his throat scratched, "No. She's not here."

"A very good thing for her," came Lucius' low reply, "Because she wouldn't be leaving here alive if she were."

Severus instantly felt a stab of fury hit him and he clenched a fist. Lucius glanced towards it with a smirk, "Oh dear; I've hit a nerve."

Severus looked away; Regulus, you absolute bastard.

Lucius seemed to have read his thoughts, "Ah yes; Regulus," he said, softly, "It might interest you to know that Regulus is suffering a questionable amount of mental damage due to the Cruciatus Curse as we speak."

Severus' eyes flashed as he felt something clench in his stomach. He was surprised; he thought he only cared for Lily, "Is…is he okay?"

"It is best that you see to him as soon as possible," Lucius said, smoothly, as he paced the room, looking for signs of Lily's presence.

"I…why?" Severus frowned, "What happened to him?"

"The Dark Lord was most displeased with the frequent excuses he had been making for your absences over the past few weeks," Lucius said, looking out the window, "Tonight, I'm afraid, was the last straw." He turned angry eyes to him.

Severus was finding it difficult to breath; the Dark Lord knew. No. No; he couldn't. His hands shook.

Lucius grinned slightly, "Do not worry yourself, Severus." He crossed his arms across his chest, "If Regulus had revealed the truth to the Dark Lord himself, he would be dead. As would you."

Severus frowned a little, confused.

"He told me after I returned him home," Lucius stated, "Quite delirious, but thinking clearly, I'm sure. He is most distressed at the moment."

"I should go to him."

"Yes; but not quite yet," Lucius held up a hand, "We have a matter of great importance to discuss."

Severus made to speak.

"I'm sorry, did I say discuss?" he said, with mock thoughtfulness, "I do apologise; I mean – I have something to say. And you are going to listen."

Severus bit his lip.

"Regulus reckons you're in love," Lucius began softly, before his voice hardened, "I couldn't care less. Whatever insane reason you have for this sordid affair; it is now over."

Severus made to protest but Lucius spoke over him.

"You think only your life is at stake here, Severus?" Lucius' eyes narrowed, "Like I said; if Regulus was to inform the Dark Lord of what you are doing, you will be killed. But so will he; because he knows. And has done for quite some time, I gather."

He stepped forward, his voice low, "You and I have been friends for a long time. Your brother was a great friend of mine. I do not want to see you die. Therefore, I am willing to turn a blind eye."

Severus couldn't hide the surprise on his expression.

"On one condition," Lucius' voice was clipped, "Because I have not informed the Dark Lord immediately upon receiving this information, because I am offering you this ultimatum, I am now culpable. And so, by extension, are my wife and my baby."

Severus felt his stomach churn, sickeningly.

"I know all about you and Lily Evans, Severus," Lucius went on, "I know your history; why your friendship ended. I know that you, like any man, are susceptible to a beautiful woman's charms. Indeed, you may have even fallen in love with her."

Lucius eyes darkened, as he stepped closer, "But know this, Severus. I am not willing to put the lives of myself; of my wife; of our baby; or of her cousin on the line because you've decided you want to give it a try with your mudblood. I will not stand by while you throw your own life away; while you risk ourlives on a girl who has already proven to you that she will bail out on you without a second glance if you step out of her myopic view of reality."

Severus flinched.

"I mean it, Severus," Lucius spoke lowly, "If this continues, I willtell the Dark Lord. It ends now!" The final statement was bellowed; the first time Severus had ever heard him raise his voice, and he flinched back as it happened. With that, Lucius turned on his heel and strode purposely from the room.

Severus kept his eyes on the door for a moment; his world crumbling. He swallowed and took a step, another, and then resumed his normal pace as he made to go to Grimmauld Place.