EPOV

Goddamn, my face fucking hurt. I hadn't expected Bella to wake up so violently, though I'm glad she did. I couldn't even describe my feelings in that moment when I realized that she was up...and swinging. After the initial shock wore off and I found myself on the floor with a busted face, relief and pure happiness came rushing through me and filled every part of my body with warmth.

I felt like I was complete again.

And then it all went to shit when she freaked out about my being there. I'd known that was coming, but it didn't hurt any less. It just proved to me that I had to be on my game and win her trust back. I knew it was going to be hard, but she was worth it. I had to tell her everything and be completely honest with her. It was the only way to fix this - if it was fixable at all.

It had to be. She had to forgive me, eventually.

Rose had taken her into another room so she could calm her down and get her away from me. Then Rosalie poked her head out and told me to go home. I didn't want to go the fuck home, and I had every intention of waiting outside that bedroom door until it opened again.

God, I needed her. Even irate, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. And even though all of her anger was directed toward me, I still wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and thank God that she was okay. The connection I felt with her was still so incredibly strong, and I now firmly believed it was all real. I had always known it, deep down, but I was so stupid and afraid to accept it.

I was such an asshole. I deserved what was coming to me. I knew I did. But I was going to fight for her anyway because...I loved her.

I love her.

It felt so fucking good to admit it to myself, and it would feel even better when I admitted it to her because it was true. No more holding back. She was my life now, as crazy as that sounded, and I would do just about anything to prove it to her.

However, I had one really big, really annoying problem at the moment. Rosalie had told me to go home until Bella was ready to talk, and I had absolutely no intention of doing as she'd asked, except that my asshole brother had every intention of me doing as she'd asked. And before I knew it, the big oaf had me outside of my own parents' house...in the goddamn pouring rain.

Some brother. Totally whipped douche bag.

I thought seriously about breaking back into the house but realized it would be useless because he would just kick me out again, and I really didn't want to have to hurt my brother. I just didn't want to leave her. I needed to at least try to make things right.

I finally decided on going home and getting showered because it had definitely been a while, and then maybe I'd grab a quick bite to eat and head back to mom and dad's - to Bella.

Walking in my front door and climbing the stairs up to my apartment, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I knew that I had no right to be smiling...at all. But I just couldn't help myself. All the pain and all the fear from the past few days was now gone. Granted, it did not mean that Bella was out of the woods yet, because we still didn't know that. Not until Dad could give us some insight on what was going on inside her body, if it was something inside her body that had caused the problem.

I was soaking wet and dripping all over my hardwood floors, so I dropped my jacket and shoes at the door and took off to the bathroom. My thoughts were going wild as I thought of Bella.

I couldn't forget the look on her face when she first woke up, filled with confusion and fear. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms, hold her, and smile as I told her that she was okay. I had hoped that she would be comforted by me and melt into the comfort of my embrace. I wanted her to smile up at me while I looked into her beautiful caramel eyes and kissed her. She would have kissed me back and all would have been right in the world.

But unfortunately, that wasn't how it went, and I was afraid, so afraid, that I would never feel her lips on mine again - or her body pressed against me when I'm making love to her. I would miss her laugh, her beautiful heart, and her sweet but very stubborn mind. I'd miss everything about her, and the pain in my chest throbbed just thinking about the possibility.

She was way too good for me. I knew that. Hell, everyone knew that. The things I had done in my life - the hearts I'd broken, the lies I'd told - I didn't deserve to be happy and in love with her. I didn't deserve her.

I sighed sadly as I turned on the shower and removed my cold, wet clothes. As I stepped into the steaming hot water, I prayed to whoever could hear me to wash away all of my many sins and indiscretions. I let the fiery water travel down my body, knowing I would end up red and possibly a little blistery, but I didn't care. I needed to feel the pain - I welcomed it. I had hurt Bella with my stupidity, and I needed to feel the pain, both physically and emotionally.

As I stood there, thinking about the beautiful vampire who had every right to hate me while I tried desperately to burn away all of my sins, I couldn't help the tear that slipped quietly down my cheek. It disappeared quickly, being absorbed by the hot drops coming from the shower. Another one was released, and before I could stop myself, I fell to my knees with the tears falling freely.

I did not make a sound. The only thing I heard was the water falling around me and the soft slaps as it hit my blazing skin. Images of Bella flashed before my eyes; the short time that we had together played over and over in my mind as I cried silently.

I didn't know how long I knelt, crying soundlessly for the love of a woman that I was sure I had lost. It felt like hours. By the time I stood up amid the crackling and popping of my angry knees and grabbed the towel to dry myself off, I realized two things:

One: the bathroom door was wide open, and I was sure that I hadn't left it that way when I went in there; and two: I could just make out that there was some kind of message written on my bathroom mirror that looked a little like...blood? Wait, no...lipstick.

What the fuck?

I stepped toward the mirror hesitantly, because I knew without a shadow of a fucking doubt that that shit was not on there when I first entered the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, I read the short message:

So, let's talk. Meet me in the park in 10 mins. - B

Joy coursed through me momentarily; she wanted to talk. This was my chance to explain my side of it and to beg her for forgiveness. I read the message again and again. It was written with bright red lipstick - ironically, the lipstick that had been in the top drawer of my vanity. That drawer had turned into a lost and found over the years and contained make-up, perfume, and some undergarments from previous...conquests.

She knew exactly what it was.

And I really needed to clean that drawer the fuck out.

I was in my bedroom in a heartbeat, sweat already forming on my brow as I threw on a t-shirt, boxers, and a pair of jeans. I then threw a hoodie over my t-shirt and pulled a rugged pair of boots out of my closet. I knew we were going to the park, and it was most likely cold and muddy. I thought briefly about putting on a different pair of jeans, because the pair I had on were not nearly as warm as the other one...

The mundane thoughts of clothing choices slammed through my head because I was too chicken-shit to think about what this meeting was actually going to be about. I didn't want to think about how terribly wrong it could go, and if I tried to think positively about it, I was just fooling myself. So I chose not to think at all. It just worked better that way.

Grabbing my keys and wallet, I was out the door and taking the steps down two at time, pushing out the door and onto the street. I felt the cold of the wintry evening in my bones as I jogged toward the park, my anxiety and excitement for what was about to happen no longer hidden deep down, but bubbling frantically to the surface.

My hands were shaking and my mouth was dry when I reached the entrance of Lincoln Park. I looked around nervously, trying to catch a glimpse of Bella, but I didn't see her. Maybe she had changed her mind. Maybe she was trying to get back at me by standing me up. I wouldn't blame her at all.

God, I felt like such an asshole. I needed to relax and deal with this situation as it came. I didn't like that I was no longer myself in so many fucking ways. I knew that it was my fault for fucking up, and I saw how everyone looked at me like I was scum for what I had done to Bella. They were right to feel that way. But I didn't care about them. I didn't have to prove myself to them...only her.

I walked the dark and deserted path, deeper into the park, seeing no one except the occasional bum on a bench sound asleep. The moon became my only light as I walked farther away from civilization, and I thanked the powers that be that the moon was bright and full, illuminating my every step into the darkness.

I walked for about twenty-five minutes and was just about to turn back and head to my mom and dad's house when I heard her sweet voice - so sad, so unsure - softly call my name. I stopped dead in my tracks and fought to keep my happiness that she was there from making itself known. My heart literally jumped in my chest when I heard the magical sound, and I could feel the magnetic force gripping my body as if it were trying to rip me apart in order to get to the person it so craved.

My body was just the vessel...it was my soul that wanted her.

"Bella? Where are you? I can't see you." I said nervously.

We were deep in the huge park with nothing but trees and the sound of scurrying animals in the pitch blackness. The moon had disappeared behind the towering trees, leaving nothing for the eye to see beyond the occasional shadows that reflected off of the frost-covered leaves.

I knew that Bella would never bring me out here to hurt me, but I knew that she was incredibly angry, and I just hoped she would be rational about this. I couldn't deny that I was a little nervous being out in the middle of nowhere with an angry vampire who could easily kill me before I even opened my mouth to defend myself.

"I'm up here, Edward." Her voice was low and mellow, her tone clipped and somewhat cold. I didn't expect anything less.

She sounded like she was right above me, so I looked up, and sure enough, I could just make out her angelic silhouette sitting a few branches up in one of the large oak trees. It looked as if she was making no move to come down, so I took a deep breath and swung myself into the tree.

It took several minutes to reach her since I didn't have that vampire agility that had gotten her into the tree, but I finally did and prayed to God that she didn't push me out of it.

I hesitantly sat down next to her on the same branch and let my feet dangle, mimicking her position. She had yet to look at me - her head was facing the other direction - and I could only wonder what she was looking at in the distance with those beautiful vampire eyes.

We sat in silence for several minutes, the tension in the air so thick that I could barely breathe. However, I needed to be able to assess her state of mind before I started spewing my confessions and reasons why I did what I did. I needed her to be able to hear me, understand me, and believe me, but if she was too angry to have an open mind and at least try to understand, we would get absolutely nowhere.

As I drowned inside my own head, submerged by my thoughts, I almost missed it when Bella spoke. It was so soft that it could have been mistaken for the wind. It was just one word, and it broke my heart.

"Why?"

I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands. I really wished she would look at me, but I wasn't going to push her since I knew I was already on thin ice. Actually, that was an understatement - I was underneath the ice, struggling to reach the surface before I drowned or froze to death.

I had to fucking fix it.

Before I could speak, though, Bella turned to me, her face ablaze with anger and her big caramel eyes throwing daggers at my head. She was livid, but I could also see a plethora of other emotions in her expressive eyes. Although anger was the most prevalent, I could see the pain and sorrow reflected back at me, and I had to grip my chest with my fist as I felt my heart rip open from the intensity of her emotions.

What had I done?

We sat there staring at each other for what felt like hours. I had so much to say to her, so much to explain, but I just couldn't find the words. I knew that they would never be enough. Words were nothing. Actions were everything. She was pulling me in, and all I wanted to do in that moment was touch her and hold her and...kiss her.

So, that's what I did. I couldn't help it, and I couldn't stop myself even if I'd wanted to. I knew there was an excellent chance she would push me away or knock me out of my perch in the fucking tree, but I needed to show her, without words, what she meant to me. It was the only way.

I reached my hand up and gently stroked my fingers lightly down the side of her cheek and then back up, brushing her hair away from her startled face. God, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and everything inside of me needed her. Desperately. She looked at me with a variety of expressions, as if she were debating on whether to push me away or break my fingers one by one.

Ever so slowly, I wound my fingers into her silky, dark hair and watched her face as she closed her eyes. I brought my lips to hers, gently at first, and when they met, I knew I was home. There was no denying it ever again. I was meant for her, and she was meant for me. Completely. Unconditionally. Forever.

I deepened the kiss as Bella let out a whimper. I could tell she was torn, but there was no resisting this. It was impossible. I knew as well as she did that the pull between us was too strong and there wasn't a thing either one of us could do about it. There was a war raging inside of her head, and all the pain that I made her feel with my stupid actions was still on the surface. I knew we had to talk about it eventually, but I just needed to show her that... I loved her - God, I did... I fucking loved her.

I pulled her into my arms as I slowed the kiss down and held her against my body as tightly as I could without breaking my bones. She laid her head on my chest and grabbed onto my arms, holding them like they were her lifeline as she tried so hard to release the tears she so desperately needed to cry. I could feel the tears building up in my own eyes, and I let them fall easily, splashing onto Bella's cheeks as she clung to me tightly, her tiny body shaking with dry sobs. I had given her my own tears; they fell freely down my face and onto hers as we let out the raging emotions that had overtaken our minds and hearts.

This is what needed to happen. I had broken her, and in the process, I had broken myself. I was so dumb to believe that I didn't love her. I didn't give a shit if it was magical or if it wasn't. Because this...she and I...us - was magical. All on our own.

Minutes, hours, hell, possibly days had gone by before we moved from that spot. I never wanted to let her go, but I knew that we needed to talk, and maybe she could start to forgive me.

Bella released her death grip on me when she realized I had started to move away. As I watched her intensely to see where her head was in the moment, she didn't say a word, and just...vanished.

I don't fucking think so, I thought angrily as I struggled to get out of the damn tree. I jumped to the ground, pissed as all hell, and grabbed her around the waist before she could hightail it out of there.

"You're just going to leave?" I asked incredulously.

The pain in her eyes was still there, and it was deep. I hadn't fixed her, but I didn't intend to fix her just like fucking that. But I did expect to talk this through, and here she was, running.

I calmed myself down and took a step closer to her. Her eyes were shining with sadness. My anger immediately melted away.

"I am so sorry, Bella," I said, my voice cracking. I didn't know what else to say.

She just stared at me blankly, like that was exactly what I shouldn't have said.

"Tell me why, Edward."

When I didn't answer her right away, she let out a frustrated wail and pushed me against a tree. It fucking hurt, but I didn't give a shit at the moment.

"Why, Edward?" she screamed, smacking the tree behind me. "Why?"

Her glorious face was just inches from mine, and it was twisted into mask of pure rage and pain as she continued to sob and smack the damn tree. I wanted to take it away. I couldn't bear to see this, and in that moment, I wished it was me she was hitting.

"Bella!" I growled at her, taking hold of her wrists to stop the attack on the innocent tree; thankfully, she obliged.

She continued to sob, staring into my face. God, she was so damned beautiful, even at her worst - even as she was hitting rock bottom, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and it took everything inside me not to kiss her again.

"What do you want, Edward? Why are you here? To hurt me even more? Is this fun for you?" She pushed away from me at vampire speed and threw her hands in her hair, grabbing her long tresses in her fists in frustration, "You know how I feel about you; that won't change, because it can't change. But that is something I must deal with on my own, and I don't need your pity! So just leave me alone!"

My head snapped up in surprise. She thought I was here out of pity? What the fuck was wrong with this girl?

I started to take a step closer to her, but she put her hand out and threw me a look that said she meant business. "Stay away from me, Edward. Just go, please. I'm sure Tanya has been wondering where you are."

I snorted loudly, and she growled at me. I realized that I had to take a different approach or she was going to run, like usual, and that couldn't happen.

"Bella, please, listen to me," I said calmly, making no move to approach her. "There is nothing going on between Tanya and me...now. I swear to God there is nothing going on. What you saw that night was just a stupid lapse in judgment on my part. It didn't mean a thing. I kicked her out, and I told her I never wanted to see her again. That was it."

Bella threw her head back and let out loud laugh, scaring several blackbirds that abandoned their nest and flew away into the darkness. After she was done laughing, she looked at me in amazement. "I know what I saw, Edward. I have excellent vision, remember?" She paused, as if the next thing she wanted to say was painful. I was sure it was going to be."I saw her touching you," she whispered, looking down at her feet and not meeting my eyes. "I saw her kissing and licking and touching your body, and...you were enjoying it."

She looked up at me warily through her curtain of long dark hair, and I wanted so badly to touch her. But I held back, knowing it would just make everything worse in that moment. Instead, I sighed and ran my fingers through my own hair.

I needed to be honest, but it was so fucking hard.

"I didn't want her, Bella, and I didn't touch her," I said quietly.

"Bullshit, Edward!" she screeched as she lurched toward me. For a second, I thought she was going to hit me, but instead, she came within about two inches of my face and locked eyes with me. "Your. Cock. Was. Hard. For. Her." She pronounced each syllable through clenched teeth before she abruptly backed away.

"Of course it was! I am a fucking man, Bella!" I yelled at her, immediately regretting it. She had every right to be upset, and here I was, losing my temper. Calmly, I said, "There was a naked woman standing before me. It's not something I could control."

She barked out another laugh, but grew solemn. I watched her as she backed up against a tree and slid down it, sitting in the dirt with her head in her hands. My heart cracked a little more, and I, again, immediately felt bad for yelling at her...and God, for everything.

"Just tell me why, Edward. That's all I really need to know so I can move on."

"Can you?" I whispered. "Can you...move on?"

She lifted her head from her hands, and the expression on her face almost knocked me off my feet. The sadness in her beautiful eyes was too much for me, and I never, ever wanted to see it there again.

I took a chance and went to her, kneeling before her and lifting her chin so I could look into her eyes. And I repeated my question. "Can you move on, Bella?"

She looked so deeply into my eyes that I felt my heart flutter in my chest. She was racked with indecision. I could see it in her eyes and felt it emanating from her body.

"I don't know."

She had finally answered my question, and I blew out a breath. This was my chance. I grabbed her hands tightly in mine and placed soft kisses on them before releasing them.

I took another deep breath and lifted her chin again so I could see her eyes. "Bella, I was scared."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she tried to figure out what that meant.

I chuckled a little at her bewilderment and went on. "You asked me why, right? Why did I do what I did?"

She never took her eyes off of me but nodded her head.

I ran my thumb over her perfect cheek, feeling the smoothness of her hard, cold skin under my touch. "I was so scared, Bella. I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. All of a sudden, there was this woman in my life who became the object of my every desire - a woman who totally changed the person that I was in such an unbelievably short time. I constantly thought about you, I constantly yearned for you when you weren't with me, and I found myself happier than I had ever been when you were with me. I started feeling like it was too good to be true...it had to be. I had it ingrained into my brain that there was another reason for the changes I saw in myself. I thought it was something magical..."

Bella's head snapped up quickly, and she searched my eyes. "You...you really thought that I was using magic to force your feelings for me?"

When I nodded, she just looked away sadly. "I told you I'd never do something like that, Edward."

"Bella," I said, placing my hands on either side of her face and looking deeply into her eyes. "I know you said that, and I believe you...now. But I didn't then because I didn't understand. You know these feelings are all new to me. I never knew what this was like."

"You never knew what what was like, Edward?" she whispered softly.

I gave her a warm smile and pressed my lips to hers gently before answering her. "I never knew what love was like. And honestly, I don't give a shit if I am being forced to love you against my will, because I want to keep feeling this. I want to hold on to this - to you - for the rest of my life, because I am so completely in love with you. And it's not that I'm afraid because I am no longer the asshole that I was before; I am afraid that the woman I love will not give me the chance to show her what she means to me. We are soul mates, Bella, and I'm not scared anymore. You can count on me to be whatever you need, because I love you and I will never do anything to hurt you again."

I wasn't exactly sure how she would take my little speech because Bella was ridiculously unpredictable, so when her eyes closed and she pulled her hands away from me, I didn't know what to think. But it was when she got up and walked away that I knew I had failed.

She wasn't going to forgive me. I'd completely fucked up, and now I had to give up the only woman I had ever wanted.

I hung my head as I waited to her hear her footsteps leave the forest...walking away from me...away from us and our love. It hurt like hell; the pain burned through my heart, and I felt the annoying fucking tears well up in my eyes again. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to be weak - especially in front of her.

I never heard her steps leaving the forest, but then again, she was a vampire. I probably wouldn't, especially if she ran away at vampire speed like I figured she had.

I stood up slowly, defeated, and turned to go. The darkness complemented my mood as I put one foot in front of the other, my heart so fucking heavy, I could feel it in my gut. I would not give up on her. I had to keep fighting for her. It wasn't even a question in my mind. But now...right now, I needed to go home alone and think.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

"You know, Edward. I do believe you are running away again. Giving up so soon? Now that really doesn't help your case."

My heart jumped at the sound of her voice, and relief flooded through me knowing that she didn't leave after all. I turned to see her leaning casually with her back against a tree, arms crossed. The way the moonlight hit her, she looked like she was almost glowing. She was stunning.

My mood instantly lifted, and I realized that I had indeed been given yet another chance to turn things around. Unfortunately, an unfamiliar nervousness drifted over me, and I instantly felt like a young high school kid, unsure of himself and painfully shy.

"I- Uh, I thought you'd left," I stuttered, running my hand through my hair.

Even though it was dark, I noticed a faint smile cross her face, and I would have done anything in that moment to know what the hell was going through her mind.

"I've been standing right here...thinking," she replied.

"I think you should tell me what's on your mind, Bella," I countered anxiously. I thought my heart was about to pound out of my chest, and it took all I had not to run to her and beg her forgiveness, since it was obvious my words before had no effect.

She smiled again, brighter this time, and pushed off the tree. "Nah, I think I'll just show you what's on my mind."

And then she was in front of me, staring directly into my eyes with her sparkling ones. My body tingled at the closeness of her, and I ached to touch her. I needed to feel her. But before I could reach out, she was in my arms, pressing her beautiful body against me. Her lips found mine, and she attacked them hungrily. I eagerly responded and pulled her even closer, running my hand up the back off her neck and deepening the kiss.

It was heaven and it was completely right, and I swore in that moment that I would never fuck up again. She was everything I needed and all I that I wanted. She was my life now. Mine...she was mine, and I was completely hers.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered between kisses as her hands made their way into my hair, pulling me impossibly closer, "so much."

She pulled away momentarily to look into my eyes, which were again filled with tears. "I love you, too. More than you could ever possible understand."

Her lips found mine again, and my hand started to rove over her body as sparks of electricity traveled up and down my arms. I couldn't stop kissing her. I wanted more, but I didn't want to fuck her here in the park. It was time I made love to her and actually showed her what she meant to me.

But before I got the chance to tell her my intentions, she fell against me and would have fallen to the ground if I hadn't have caught her. Scooping her up in my arms, I yelled her name once...twice. Panic coursed through me as I looked into her beautiful eyes and watched the light in them go out.

Again.