So….. yeah…. Now I'm updating again! WOOHOO! I have a longer authors not on the bottom but I just want to say to my loyal readers you are truly amazing. Thank you!

E POV

I sighed and pushed the covers off me; my alarm clock blaring in my ear. I sat looking out the window for sometime before rubbing my eyes. I let out a yawn, got out of bed and stretched. I looked around my room to find the cloths I picked out last night on my chair. I quickly got dressed and began to head down stairs.

The house was eerily quite. I walked into the kitchen to grab my morning coffee when I heard the sound of my door bell bounce across my tile walls. Sighing I got up, ran my hand through my hair – unruly, untamable hair. I yawned as I unlocked the door. Grumbling under my breath I opened the door expecting to find Alice standing there. I mean, who else would be on my doorstep this early in the morning?

I opened the door to reveal a very tired looking father of mine.

"What Carslile?"

"I stayed up all night – never leaving the hospital."

I groaned. "Get to the point please."

"Edward, I don't think -"

"Just tell me."

"Bella and Ed were in a car crash late last night, they came in right as I was about to leave. I decided on an impulse decision to stay and watch them. Well, not impulse…. I would've stayed anyway. You should know that," he began to ramble.

"Wait… Wha… What's going on?"

"Oh! So, I have to go home and get ready for a charity benefit, could you go down and take care of them?"

"Yeah, I'll go there right now." I mumbled and walked into my house. None of this has really been clicking.

I slipped on my shoes and drove to the hospital.

Still half asleep and walking up to the desk I asked for Bella's room number. I walked down to see her sitting up in her bed with a book.

Typical Bella

I knocked on the door and she looked up and smiled. She placed the book down on her lap.

"Carslile told me he would send you." She smiled up at me.

I walked over to her white bed and sat down, feeling the bed sink inward as I sat down by her stomach. "Did he?"

"Yes. You know, Ed has been wondering about you." She scooted herself up to a more up right position so our faces were at a better level.

"I have really missed him," I admitted.

"We were actually on our way to see you." She looked me straight in the eyes as she said this. A sad smile came across her face as she lifted her hand to feel the stubble that, from my lack of shaving, has formed on my face. "You've grown up so much," she whispered. Mostly to herself I believe so I choose not to respond. As she kept looking over me she let her hand drop, sliding over my chest until it landed in her lap – on top of her book.

She began to run her hand through my hair. I have been meaning to cut it for sometime now but it just kept getting the back burner to everything. Now, though, it has grown out to be an uncontrollable mess. She continued to run her hand through my hair seeming to have gone deep into thought.

"Ed has been so excited to see you when I told him we were going to see you. He was bouncing up and down in his seat the whole ride to your house." A sad chuckle left her lips. "You wouldn't believe how much he – I…." She took a deep breath. "You wouldn't – couldn't, believe how much we have missed you." She took her eyes off from her lap and looked up at me.

We looked at each other for several minutes before I took a deep breath. As brown met green, as it had all those years ago, I couldn't stop the feeling of joy spread throughout my bones.

"I would never be able to explain how much I missed you."

I lifted myself off her bed and turned to look at her. "What caused all this Bella?"

"Edwa-"

"Do you need money?" I interrupted her.

"No-"

"What do you want Bella? Hmm? Can you answer that?"

"NO! Wait… Yes! Edward, you! I want you! Ed wants you! We want you!"

I blinked taking this in. "What do you expect to have happen Bella? For us to become some big, happy family? Get a picket white fence to surround our two story house and all the kids running around playing with our dog spot? Is that it?"

She was staring up at me.

"Or were you just going to show up and make everything seem okay and than go run off with some, some, some guy with all my money only so I can't see you for another couple of months? Never see my kid, my kid!"

"No Edward-"

"Bella, just, just…. Don't. Okay? Leave me alone. I can't have you coming in and destroying my life!"

"Edward-"

"Bella, I don't want to hear it!"

"EDWARD I LOVE YOU!"

I blinked. "Wha… Wai… Bu… Wh… Why… What?"

"I. Love. You," She looked me straight in the eyes.

"Well… Wha… What do you want me to say? That I love you back? I do. That I want you and Ed and I to become the perfect, American family? I do. That I can trust you? I can't. That we can go back to the way it was before? We can't. That I can forgive you? I… I just don't know."

"I want you to say you'll try to make this, make us better. I'm going to try."

I sighed. "I would love for us to work Bella-"

"Than try."

"Okay," I said looking straight at her.

"Great."

"Yeah…."

"So…."

"How are you?"

"Good, good." She looked at me. "Well, considering…."

"Of course."

"How are things with you and Ed?"

"Fine… Okay…"

"Bella…"

"Actually not so good…."

"What happen-"

"Really horrible now that I think about it."

"I'm sorry… What happened?"

"I left Mike, well Rose and I left Mike, so we have had to work more hours to pay for everything and had to leave college… And I might have to go back and work for Marcus. But it's not like I really want to. Besides, I'm too old to go all the way back in. You know? I mean I can't do drugs or anything. I could probably a waitress or a stripper…"

"So you were coming to find me for money."

"No, Edward. Sitting alone for a while, without the constant nagging from Mike has given me time to clear my mind. And I kept trying to think of a way to make me happy, so I went back to when I was truly happy and Emmett, Alice and Jasper continuously popped in my head. But, more often then not, you were there. I started imagining what it would've been like if I never ran away from you, what it would have been like if I never got into the drugs, never got into the line of work I was in, never got into any of it.

"I would sit there and imagine what our family would've been like. We would have the white picket fence, and the little two story house and the kids and Hell we would even have the dog! I pictured the kids and the grandkids! And I wanted it bad. I wanted it so bad!"

"I want it to Bella."

"But I need it! Crave it! I have no idea how I am going to survive without you! How I did in the first place!"

"Neither do I, Bella," was all I could say.

"I'm sorry Edward. So sorry. What else do you want me to say?"

"Why? Why didn't you come back?"

"After everything that went down with your mom I realized that I hurt you so badly that I could never be good enough for you. I could never take back the pain I caused, Edward. Maybe if you moved on, I thought you would forget about Ed and I. That way you could find a wife and have kids and the life you deserve. Not one with me."

"Bella." I sighed before walking over to the bed. I held her face in my hands. "Bella, you may have made some mistakes, you may have done things you regret but I still and always will love you."

"But I'm not worth it."

"You are. You are worth."

All she did is sighed and shake her head. I leaned down and kissed, or rather quickly pecked, her lips.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Not as much as I love you," she whispered back.

"I beg to differ." We smiled before kissing really quickly again.

She scooted over and patted the space next to her. I sat down and turned my body until I was in a laying position (over the covers I might add).

"How is Ed?" I asked as I played with a piece of her hair in between my fingers.

"Rose picked him up. He just had some bruises."

"Good."

"Mmhmm."

"Go to bed, sweetheart," I whispered smoothly in her ear.

"Will you still be here in the morning?"

I stopped and thought for a second.

Do I want to stay? Can I deal with letting Bella back into my life? Can I deal with the package of emotional baggage that comes along with her? Can I deal with putting my heart out there again? Can I deal with the possibly of loosing her again? Could I deal with the unbelievable pain she brings every time she leaves me, every time she does something stupid? Could I watch her take care of another man's child? Can I deal with the thought of her being able to leave to leave me again? Can I deal with getting attached to her again?

All just for her?

"Edward?"

What idiot wouldn't?

"Edward?"

"Where else would I want to be?"

She smiled and snuggled into me, leaning her head up and kissing my neck she whispered me a "goodnight" and cuddled closer to me.

"Goodnight, my love."

A/N:

Ummm… Well wow! It feels like FOREVER since I have written a chapter…. Longer since I have finished one.

You all know what this mean, don't you?

I AM OUT OF WRITERS BLOCK!

To those of my loyal readers who are still reading this, you make my world turn. I am now officially on summer break so I'm going to try and update every week. Also try to make my chapters longer. You just have to give me time, okay?

I have missed all you guys! I would LOVE critic (constructive. I don't like the bullying.)!

I've been reading my stories and realized they seem rushed so I'll try and slow them down. If you don't want me to you should tell me as soon as you can.

Love you!

Mackzie.

And as always:

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