Leaning against the simple brick structure across the street from the Linds building, James Vega focused on the ground at his feet. The lip of the building kept the rain from falling on him directly, but the drops were steady, gathering in a make-shift stream about a foot from where he stood. Dirt and ash collected in the water, swirling in their own versions of the clouds above his head. The soldier had to laugh at himself for a second. He was usually never so philosophical. That wasn't his thing.

His hair had grown during their travel back to Earth. The extra lengths of hair on his head, the tools to create his favorite hairstyle, felt heavy with water. Most of his hair was still short, causing stray droplets of water to run down his neck and face. It was definitely colder than he was used to, but he'd dealt with worse before. Smoke from the cigarette in his right hand drifted up to meet his nostrils, mixing with the damp smell of West End. Thankfully, he didn't have to wander too far to find a human with a pack of them. Even better, he was willing to share.

Collecting rainwater in his left hand was his task when he noticed Kaidan walking out of the Linds building. James was kind of surprised the major slipped out on his own, especially since he was one of the several who were so excited to see Shepard. Maybe he just stepped out to get some air … Or maybe he was looking for specifically for James, because he started heading his direction as soon as he saw the man. Damn it.

"Hey, Slick."

Kaidan scoffed and shook his head at the nickname, but he smiled nonetheless. "Slick" was the name the two of them managed to agree on during one of their poker nights. James was still a fan of "Elvis," but the major threatened to let Javik throw him out of the airlock if he heard that one on a regular basis. Hell, Buggy would throw him out of the airlock without much coaxing. It seemed like his favorite threat. Kaidan came to lean against the wall beside him, watching him put the cigarette to his lips.

"I thought you quit," he said with a slightly judgmental tone.

James shrugged as he exhaled. "I did. Haven't had one since I joined up."

"So why break the streak?"

The man shrugged again. "Don't know. Just … got too heavy, you know? I had to leave for a little bit."

Kaidan nodded. "I know what you mean. She's in pretty rough shape."

"By the sound of it. I would go see her, I mean I want to see her, make sure she's okay, but it's hard to imagine Lola different than how I remember her. Know what I mean?"

"I think so. But she's still Shepard. She might be down for the count for a while, and too damn stubborn to admit it, but she's still here."

"Kind of like everything around here, when you think about it." He wanted to look up at the sky, but instead focused on the outcropping of the building. "It's impressive they got some kind of system together, but who knows how long it will take to make anything normal again?"

"You can say that about anywhere. There's not a thing the Reapers didn't touch."

"Can say that again." James paused, taking another drag of the cigarette. "Part of me thinks it could've gone different if I stayed."

"Stayed?"

"Here. Well, not here, specifically, I guess, but on Earth. When the Reapers first attacked, maybe even stayed here in London before the Crucible fired … if I stayed, maybe I could've done something different."

Kaidan sighed and shook his head. "Believe me, Vega, don't do that to yourself. Otherwise, you question everything you've ever done. I wonder if I went to Vancouver, if I could have kept my dad from going back out to fight. Or if I knew where my biotics crew was, I could have gone to help them. Everything could be different, or nothing could change at all. What happened already happened; wishing we could go back and change things won't help. Even if I'm not the best example, I try to remember that."

"Yeah, I know. Still … just makes me think."

The major put on a hand on James's shoulder. "Look at it this way. Now that we're here, we have a chance to help put everything back together. That's something."

"I'd like to talk to Coats, see what they need help with. Shooting stuff has always been my thing, though."

Kaidan laughed. "Well, I'm sure they'll have something you can help with. Coats is over by the docking station, so you can go see him whenever you want."

James nodded. Looking up to the sky again, he noticed the rain had begun to ease up. Kaidan was right; there was nothing he could do about the past. He would never completely understand why he survived when so many died yet again. For whatever reason, he was still here. But maybe now that he was here, he could keep going to help the future. Maybe that would help everything make sense.

"Hello, Shepard," Miranda Lawson said in her smooth voice as she came in.

Shepard was having a hard time believing this was real. Tali's voice, Liara's smile, Kaidan's laugh, Javik's general scowl, Wrex and Grunt's surprisingly gentle head-butts, Garrus's touch … all of it felt so real, but she knew better than to immediately accept it all as truth. Maybe she was imagining all of it, still floating in that strange afterlife. Or maybe this is what she was to experience after the forest. Instead of the shadows, she would now see every person she failed to save one by one. At least they were happy …

Miranda gave her a weak smile as she stopped to stand beside the commander's cot. So it had been Miranda she heard. Shepard hoped once again that this was real and not just a trick her subconscious was playing on her. Her fellow biotic standing beside her meant that there was a strong chance she was indeed alive. After all, Miranda brought her back once. Had she done it again?

"How are you feeling?" Miranda asked.

"Extremely tired," Shepard answered honestly. "Stiff. Everything hurts."

"I think we let you wake up too soon. Perhaps I should sedate you for a few more days, just to make sure you've had time to recover. You're a damn stubborn patient, though."

Laughing hurt her throat, but Shepard couldn't help it. "Hey, I have a reputation to uphold."

Miranda grinned. "Indeed you do. The others have gone back to the Normandy to let you rest. But if you're up to it, Commander, I have some questions for you."

"I'm not going anywhere at this rate, Miranda. Whatever you need."

"We'll start simple, then. Do you know where you are?"

Shepard rolled her eye. "It's like the shuttle all over again … Tali said we were in London, in a building that's supposed to be a hospital. According to a salarian that has apparently been my doctor, I've been out for 20 days."

"That's true. And you remember all of your squad members?"

"Yes, and you. There are some who I haven't seen yet that I can list if you'd like."

"Go ahead."

"Jacob Taylor, James Vega, Jack, Samara, Kasumi Goto, and Zaeed Massani are the squad members I haven't seen. Crew members are Jeff Moreau, Samantha Traynor, Steve Cortez, Dr. Karin Chakwas, Greg Adams, Kenneth Donnelly—"

Miranda sighed and shook her head. "Obviously you remember your crew."

Shepard had to smile, despite the tightness of her facial skin. "You asked."

"I just had to make sure. Can you tell me what happened before the Crucible fired? What brought you to the Citadel?"

"Liara and Garrus were with me while we went through the city to get to the Conduit. We had to get to the Conduit in order to set off the Crucible … We almost made it, then Harbinger showed up and attacked us. Liara and Garrus were hurt, so Joker dropped in to get them. After that, almost everyone died, but I somehow made it to the Conduit. The Citadel—" Shepard broke off, feeling her throat constrict. "There were so many bodies. A Keeper was trying to move one of them, I think. Admiral Anderson made it through the Conduit, too, and we were going to launch the Crucible, but the Illusive Man stopped us."

Miranda's eyes widened. "The Illusive Man? He was there?"

"Yes, he was indoctrinated. The Reapers were using him to stop us from destroying them. He—he made me shoot Anderson. But he managed to see what he was doing at the end, what the Reapers were convincing him to do. He shot himself, just like Saren … I remember activating the console to open the arms of the Citadel, so the Crucible could dock. I was talking to Anderson before he—then Hackett was on my communications, telling me the Crucible wasn't firing. I went to go back to the console …"

"What happened?"

Shepard stopped, closing her eyes. She was quiet for a long moment as she remembered practically dragging herself to the console. But she couldn't make it. She dropped onto her stomach before she could reach the panel … What happened at that? A voice, pain, talking with … someone, then … what?

She shook her head, or at least attempted to before the pain in her neck made cut the motion short. "I don't—I can't remember. There's … something, but it's just a blur. I remember hearing you."

"You heard me?"

"You said I would wake up when I was ready …"

"Oh!" Miranda exclaimed. "You were coming out of your sedated state. That happened just a few days after I arrived here."

"Between that and going back to the console … I don't know. I can't remember what happened."

The woman placed a hand on her right arm. "It's all right, Commander. We'll try to recount it later. I think I've heard enough for now. Think you can rest?"

Shepard sighed. "Maybe. There's still a lot of pain. What happened to me?"

"I'll explain everything later, I promise. For now, I'll get you another dosage to help with the pain. It should help you sleep as well."

"All right. Thank you."

"Of course."

The commander was quiet as Miranda walked across the room. She returned quickly with a syringe, putting the needle in one of the several tubes stretching down Shepard's right arm. She watched as the plunger sent the liquid into the tube, soon to be into her veins. Just the thought of it seemed to ease some pain to a dull throb. Miranda straightened up and stepped away.

"Miranda?" Shepard said sluggishly as her tongue struggled to work.

"Yes?"

"I'm glad … you're here."

She caught the smile on the dark-haired woman's face before her eye closed. "Me, too, Commander."

As the sounds of the room faded away, Shepard felt the darkness slowly close around her consciousness. Before she finally slipped beneath it, she wondered once more what happened on the Citadel. It was so clear before she went back to the forest … why couldn't she remember?