Humming thoughtfully, Lucy looked over the missions posted on the request board. Her eyes settled on a promising looking paper. She lifted it off the board, bringing it closer to her face to study it.

"Natsu!" Lucy turned around, holding the flier up for him to see, "Look at this! It's a pretty easy job, and it pays really well! And guess what else? They're offering two silver keys as-"

"Nope," Natsu cut her off.

Lucy frowned, taken aback by the abrupt refusal, "No? But-"

"I agree with Natsu," Erza calmly stated, setting her fork full of strawberry cake down onto her plate, "That's a most foolish idea."

Gray nodded, resting his chin on his hand, "Erza's right."

Frowning, Lucy opened her mouth to ask how it could possibly be a bad idea.

"Stripper and Titania are right," Grumbled Gajeel around a mouth full of iron nails. Levy looked up from her book and nodded solemnly. Jet and Droy mimicked her.

"Oh dear..." Mirajane pressed her hand to her cheeks, "It's just not worth it."

The rest of the guild murmured in agreement.

"What are you guys talking about?" Lucy clutched the poster protectively to her stomach, "It's a great job! We'd just have to get rid of-"

Laxus cut her off this time, "Haven't you caught on yet?"

Pouting at the second interruption, Lucy crumpled the flier in one fist and crossed her arms, "Caught on to what?"

"There's a pattern to these things, cosplay queen," Bixlow said, his 'babies' parroting him, "Pattern, Pattern!"

"Pattern to what things?" Lucy frowned.

"Juvia knows that Love Rival is intelligent," Juvia materialized from behind the pillar she was using to watch Gray, "But Love Rival is also strangely oblivious?"

"Oblivious to what?" Lucy cried, frustrated how no one was giving her a straight answer.

"Being oblivious is not MAN!" Elfman cried.

"Shut up, you stupid oaf," Evergreen whacked him on the arm with her fan.

"Lucy," Lisanna turned to face her and spread her arms diplomatically, "We're just saying that you... well... you kind of attract trouble... and..."

"Well, we all attract trouble," Lucy protested, feeling everyone's eyes on her. She clutched the flier protectively to her chest once again, "We're Fairy Tail."

"Yeah, but you get kidnapped all the time," Happy mumbled around a mouth full of fish.

Everyone nodded, and Happy took that as a signal to continue, "If you go on this job, then you're probably going to get captured by people who want to summon Zeref by killing a Celestial mage..."

"Or trying to travel back in time... by sacrificing a Celestial mage..." Evergreen added.

"Or trying to collect all golden keys... by killing you and taking yours..." Freed trailed off.

"That's ridiculous!" Lucy protested, "What are you talking about?"

"The Zentopia incident," Gray huffed. His shirt disappeared, and Juvia fainted with hearts in her eyes. Gray looked down, yelped, and got up to find his missing shirt.

"The Grand Magic Games," Natsu added helpfully, sticking his foot out to trip Gray.

"And then there was the time that your spirits went all screwy," Bixlow piped up again.

"There was that elderly woman who continually tried to feed us pie," Erza mused, back to eating her strawberry cake happily. She swirled her fork around in the air, "That was strange."

"And then you get kidnapped for other things!" Happy smiled, "Like with that slave trader!"

"Lucy got kidnapped by a slave trader?" Jet asked Droy. Droy shrugged.

Cana put down her barrel of beer, "Or when your dad decided he wanted you to come home, and you got kidnapped twice!"

The guild began murmuring again, pointing out all the times that Lucy had been kidnapped for various reasons.

"I GET IT!" Lucy yelled. The noise in the guild cut off, and she pinned the flier back to the board, "Fine. I'll pick a different job."

"I knew you would make the right choice Lucy," Mirajane smiled pleasantly.

Lucy ended up picking a babysitting request. Of course, it didn't go quite as planned. After accidentally burning down the clients house, they were forced to walk home. On the road they were apprehended by a cult of Zeref who wanted to resurrect the dark lord by using all twelve golden keys.

It was, all-in-all, an unpleasant experience, but at least Lucy got a chance to talk to Yukino again.

A/N: If you can't tell, I'm really, really pressed for ideas at the moment, so any request would be appreciated. Like, any. That aren't M. If you request, I swear, I will love you forever and ever and ever.

Also, Constructive criticism is a gift from the gods of literature.