Chapter 25: Rollercoaster

Bella's POV

The Monday after the concert, I was walking past the biology building on my way to the MassComm Quad when a large neon green poster caught my eye. It was taped to the door of the bio entrance, and it said, in chunky black letters, "Blood Drive: Tuesday November 18. North Wing of Student Union." Underneath the large title were pictures of people who had been saved by blood transfusions and a logo for the Seattle hospital.

There is no way, I thought as I continued down the sidewalk. The sight of blood made me queasy to begin with, and if I didn't faint at the sight of it, I would throw up because of the smell. And I hated needles. The only reason I was glad to see that poster was that I knew where to avoid next Tuesday.

The rest of my morning and early afternoon was as uneventful as any Monday could be, and I couldn't wait to get back to the dorm, where I could spend time with Edward instead of listening to my professors drone on about things I already knew or didn't care about. As I walked past the biology building again, a flash of neon green made me shudder internally. Even the thought of it made me slightly ill.

When I reached the room, a note was taped to the door with my name written on it in Edward's flawless script. I pulled it off and read it as I entered.

Bella, why don't you come up to my room today? - EM

My first thought was, who plans a romantic date on a Monday afternoon? The thought immediately afterwards, though, was who cares? I flung my bag down and changed out of my gray tee shirt and into a blue blouse that hung low over my shoulders. I ran the straightener through my hair a couple of times trying to tame it, and though it wasn't gorgeous like Rosalie's hair, I thought it looked satisfactory. Shooting a quick text to Alice to tell her where I was going, I grabbed my purse and trotted up the stairs, fixing a wrinkle in my shirt before knocking on the door.

"Hey, Bells." To my surprise, Emmett opened the door, and all hopes of Edward and I doing something romantic washed down the drain.

"Emmett? Edward left a note…"

"Yeah, come on in." Emmett's lack of boyish happiness was my first clue that something wasn't exactly correct. His serious appearance startled me – it was so unusual for Emmett not to have laughter constantly etched in his face.

I followed him in, and immediately knew for sure something was wrong. Edward was lying on his bed, staring up, not even looking at me. "Edward, what's going on?" I sat next to him on the bed.

He still didn't look at me. "We need to talk," he answered in a flat voice.

I had been concerned at first, but now I was starting to panic. What if he wanted to terminate our relationship? I didn't know if I could stand that, and I also didn't know if I wanted to break down with Emmett watching. So the first coherent thing I was able to say was, "Should Emmett be here?"

A pathetic excuse for a smile came across Edward's face, and it was only a mockery of the crooked grin that should have been there. "Emmett's here to keep you off of me in case you decide to kill me," he said, though there was no humor in his voice.

I tried to remain calm. "What are you talking about?" I hated it when he was so cryptic. I was over here dying on the inside and panicking trying to figure out what I did wrong, but he only kept staring at the underside of Emmett's bed. "What did I do?" My attempt to stay calm was failing and I could hear my voice shake.

"Nothing, Bella!" He sat up quickly and pulled me into a hug, and I buried my face into his marble neck. "You could never…I'm so sorry I made you think…It's me. I'm the one who has done something wrong." He rubbed circles on my back and began muttering to himself, or to me, "I don't know how to say it…how to begin."

I pulled away, and he looked down before I could get a good look at his face. "Edward, please," I pleaded. "Just tell me."

I recognized his nervous habit immediately when he ran a hand though his hair and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look at my eyes, Bella," he finally choked out, and my heart broke hearing him. He was really depressed, I could tell, and I knew he would have been crying if he could.

Placing my fingers under his chin, I pulled his face toward mine, and before I did as he said, I kissed him gently; I wanted him to know I loved him no matter what. Then I bent my head down so I could see his eyes and I barely managed to contain a gasp. The irises were blacker than I had ever seen them before, about two shades darker than I thought black could be, and there were deep purple smudges under his eyes.

"Why haven't you…" I began, but he cut me off.

"I have." He looked away from me again. Taking a deep breath, he let go of me and I pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned against the wall. "I should have known something like this would happen, but now that it has, I don't know what to do."

"I don't understand, Edward. What happened?" I was becoming steadily more scared of what Edward wanted to tell me.

He didn't seem to hear me. "Especially after Mike. I should have realized it could happen…not the pink one – it's too flashy. Yes. Definitely the red."

"Edward!" What is wrong with him?

"Sorry," he mumbled and fell back against the pillow. "It's what happens when someone's thoughts start getting really strong. She's shopping right now, so I've been comparing dresses all afternoon." I gave him a puzzled look. "I don't exactly know how to explain this, so I'm going to be straightforward. But it will most likely be a pretty big shock."

He took a deep breath, and I was relieved that he didn't seem quite as depressed as before. Then he began, "You know Mike Newton?" I nodded slowly. "He was with me during the evacuation. At the time I didn't know he went to the same school as you. But later, I targeted him. I couldn't change it."

My eyes popped open, and I whispered in shock, "But he was one of my friends!" I wasn't expecting to hear news like that, and I covered my face with my hands, sobbing for a moment. "H-how c-c-could he b-be d-d-d-d…" I couldn't even say it. "I didn't even know! I m-missed the f-funeral! A-a-and Cindy…" The thought of Mike's mother only made me cry harder. Edward looked like he wanted to comfort me, but was afraid to. Then the next realization hit, and I sobbed even louder.

Edward killed him. I knew seeing me so upset was hurting him so badly, but I couldn't stop. Then a pair of huge arms picked me up off the couch and I cried into Emmett's shirt while he rubbed comforting circles on my back and rocked me back and forth. After a few minutes, I was able to control the gasps, though tears still streamed down my face. I don't know what Cindy and Thomas will do, and Mike's little sister Kara, he was so protective of her, and does Jessica know?

Emmett placed me on a chair, and I was very glad for the chance to sit, though I felt like collapsing. I hadn't even been able to say goodbye to him. The last thing I said to him was over the summer, when I had told him very firmly that I was not interested in him as anything but a friend. The thought of not being there to comfort Cindy and Kara made me want to start crying all over again, but I kept inside because I had the feeling that things were about to get worse – I didn't know if it was the look on Edward's face, or if it was the knot twisted into my stomach, but it felt like something was about to go terribly wrong, even more than it just had.

My head was in my hands as I slouched in the chair, and I finally looked up at Edward, who was looking back at me with so much pain in his eyes that I didn't know if I could take what he was going to say next. But I couldn't stand not knowing, so I asked him in a cracked voice, "What else?"

"At the concert, I started hearing…" he winced as if bracing himself against my reaction. "Alice," he finished.

And I whispered, "No." The only thing that comforted me now was the black in his eyes, which meant Alice was still alive. "Can't you do something? Anything!" I flew out of the chair and launched myself on the bed, clenching the collar of his shirt in my fists. "How!? You have to do something! You can't…you won't…" Tears started streaming down my face again in full force.

"No, Bella, I can't. I'm sorry, but I told you about the girl in Italy," he said, his voice dropping continually. "It's the same thing. I can't stop it. That's why I asked you to come to my room. I wouldn't have been able to stand the smell of her in there. I would have started the hunt immediately."

"Won't it go away eventually? Her voice?" I pleaded, still clutching Edward's shirt. "Can't you lock yourself away in a bunker somewhere and stay there 'til it leaves? You could survive off of animal blood or – or – or…" I racked my brain for a solution, but none came.

"No, it has to be her blood," he said in a voice so strained it there was almost no emotion at all.

Despair flooded over me, and I started beating against Edward's chest, screaming "No! Why her! Edward, it has to be someone else!" My hands started bruising from hitting Edward's granite skin, and Emmett pulled me away again, locking his burly arms around me so I wouldn't hurt myself any more. I couldn't move, but I managed to moan, "Why did you have to be a vampire?" before breaking down into tears and silent sobs. I stood limp in Emmett's arms, and Edward remained silent. Never before had it been so true than now – my boyfriend, though he was really so much more than that, was a vampire. Not human.

Edward finally spoke again. "Bella, I would understand if you didn't…"

My head popped back up, and though I was still restrained by Emmett, I gave Edward my fiercest look. "NO! Do not even suggest it." I was suddenly very sure that I would not let my relationship with Edward fall apart. "I've had enough bad news for one day, thank you; so don't even go there. I've lived with you being a vampire and all that comes with it, and I'm still here, so don't you even think that."

"But it's never been personal before," he tried to argue, but I wouldn't hear him.

"We will find a way out of this, Edward, so just get the thought out of your head. I don't want to hear anything about us separating."

He seemed taken aback by my sudden anger. "But what about Mike?" he said.

"Yes, Edward, you killed Mike, and believe me it hurts, it hurts like crazy, but he had a dangerous profession. He could have easily drowned. For all you know, it could have been something else, if it wasn't you. A storm, faulty diving equipment, something." I was talking so fast my breaths came in gasps. "And you may be ready to give in, but I'm going to do everything I can to help you fight it. Even if I have to use my bare hands, I will keep you from hurting her, and me, and Jasper, and Rosalie, and Emmett, and yourself." After this speech, I had to take several deep breaths, then I tilted my head back and commanded Emmett, "Let me go."

He complied, and I briefly glimpsed a look of pride on his face before I took two long steps over to the bed where Edward was lying down. "Fight it, Edward," I hissed. "Fight back." Then, not caring that Emmett was standing five feet away, I flung myself on top of Edward and kissed him as hard as I could. At first he did nothing, but I kissed him anyway, wrapping my arms behind his neck and twining my legs between his. We had never been this physical before, but then, desperate times called for drastic measures. I lost all thought of my own safety, thinking only of getting Edward and Alice out of this situation as I started kissing Edward all over.

I knew how his head worked. If I could get him so emotionally involved with me that he didn't have room to feel his thirst, I could distract him from it. This was my way of retaliating against whatever it was in Edward that drowned him in misery.

And I retaliated hard. Edward finally started responding to me when I moved my fingers over the planes of his chest and stomach. He began to kiss me back then, and I knew I had him. The sense of victory, however temporary it may have been, made me smile into his mouth, and he rolled over me so he was hovering above my body and I was lying on the bed. I clung to him wherever I could, slipping my tongue into his mouth more often than not. I ran out of breath and had to pull away, but he continued to kiss my face, my neck, and my collarbone. I began to wonder how far this would go when he began sucking at the skin of my shoulder, but at the moment I didn't particularly care.

Then I heard laughter, and I looked over to see Emmett sitting on the floor with his token grin plastered on his face. "Man!" he said, "I like this girl's style. Although I must say I do feel a wee bit awkward, watching my little brother make out with his girlfriend."

Edward laid back down beside me, and I heard him groan, "Go away, Emmett." I couldn't help but giggle. My plan was working, for now at least.

"Hey," Emmett said, raising his hands in defeat, "consider me gone." And I heard the door open and close.

Edward turned to face me. "Where were we?" he asked with my favorite smile.

"Wait a minute," I said, holding up a finger. "Aren't you going to tell me it's too dangerous, that you could lose control with me and hurt me?" That was Edward's normal reaction whenever things started to get physical between us.

"No," he replied with an even larger smirk. "I believe I've had enough practice with controlling myself around you. And I know I could never stand it if I killed you, so I'm not going to say anything. Except…" and he trailed a finger down the inside of my arm, "that when I'm with you, like this, I don't think Alice's thoughts at all. It's like your sheer presence blocks her mind away, so in all actuality, you're shielding me from her. After three long days of thinking of clothes and Jasper, the freedom from her is incredibly refreshing."

"Oh, really?" I asked peevishly, snuggling into him.

"Really." He wrapped his arms around me and rolled over me again, picking up exactly where he left off. As I weaved my fingers through his hair, it occurred to me how incredibly weird this day had been. I never would have thought while I was walking to class that I would later be alternating between sobbing and making out with Edward.

I whispered something in Edward's ear, maybe "I love you" or maybe something else, I wasn't entirely sure. When my fingers traced down his spine, he shuddered and pulled me over so I was lying on top of him. The movement shook the bed slightly and a neon green piece of paper fluttered down from Emmett's bed.

I wasn't sure why, but the card seemed oddly important, so I pulled away from Edward and reached over the edge of the bed to pick it up off of the floor. It was a business card for Port Angeles Auto Repair and Body Shop. Still on top of Edward, I held the card at arm's length and stared at it for a few seconds.

"Love?" Edward said, making me look down at his confused face.

"Just a second," I said, and I could feel my forehead crinkle in puzzlement. I couldn't figure out why I thought a car repair place would be so important, but something nagged at the back of my head, telling me to remember something. As I puzzled over the card, Edward sat up and put me in his lap.

"Bella?" He sounded just as confused as I felt. "What's going on?"

"This card…it's important," I tried to explain, but I didn't even know the reason myself.

"Why? The only thing particularly notable about it is the color."

The color? Neon green?

"Bella?"

Where have I seen this before?

"What is it, love?" He asked again.

Neon green…neon green…the poster? For blood dona… I didn't even finish the thought before I leaped out of Edward's lap and started yanking his hand for him to follow. "Edward! I've got something!" He only stared at me in confusion. "Come with me. I have to show you something. Now."

Silently he did as I said, following me as I pulled him out of the door and down to the lobby of the dorm. No one was in sight. "Edward," I asked, slightly out of breath from running down the stairs, "can you run fast enough with me on your back that people can't see you?"

"Sure," he agreed hesitantly. "But I thought you didn't like…"

"No time for that. Just take me to the south entrance of the biology building."

I was already trying to hoist myself onto his back, and after he helped me get settled, he said, "Close your eyes." Then he took off. I did as he said, counting off the seconds until we reached the door. Twenty-one "Mississippi's" later, we were standing outside of the south door of the bio building.

"Look," I told him and pointed at the poster. In a split second, Edward had read the information, and his face lifted almost immediately. There, written in chunky black letters on a neon green background, was what I hoped would be the solution to the entire problem.

"Blood Drive: Tuesday November 18. North Wing of Student Union."