Chapter 25: Questions

"Wait, who?" - Kaidan Alenko

In which Shepard tries to help with Kaidan's migraine (and is really bad at it.)

Sleeping on his abdomen, his arm clasped between the two pillows, Kaidan was only able to pry one eye open before blinking to get used to the faint light around him as the other was yet buried in the soft cotton fabric.

He had already started getting used to sleeping in John's cabin, so used to it that it felt strange to sleep anywhere else. John had on several occasions told him to, 'get his damn things and move his ass in already,' but he had refused. The Normandy have already had her annual inspection, so it wasn't like the Alliance could get a hang of what was going on in there, but he didn't want to take any chances. After last night, though - which meant the world to him - it was difficult to say 'no.'

Kaidan felt a faint throbbing in his head.

He reached out to his side only to find it empty and rubbed his eyes before his glance traversed the same way. He had made it pretty damn clear that he wanted John to wake him up. Should've known he wouldn't keep his promise.

Bastard.

John still had problems sleeping restlessly thanks to that nightmare he spoke of. Kaidan had heard him talk in his sleep that night. His muscles had been tense, and the skin around his eyes had drawn tight. There was tension in his neck.

Nuzzling up against him helped, so at least he didn't feel completely useless where he lay. If there was one thing he had learned about John and his bedside manners is that when he first slept - he slept like a rock - and not even a thresher maw blundering up from the floor, possibly spewing acid, could wake him up. After Akuze, though, he was amazed that John hadn't developed PTSD. Especially as young as he was. His willpower was strong and it was admirable to the fullest.

Stifling yawn with his palm, he pulled himself up, his other hand taking after the back of his neck as feet dropped to the floor.

Kaidan reached for the nightstand until his hand exposed to his omni-tool before turning on the display to look at the time. He proceeded to blink rapidly when realizing it was 1116 am. Hell, he had slept for a little over twelve hours, but it felt like two. He needed nourishment or things would end badly. Coffee was a good start. He hadn't really had the time to reflect on everything that had been happening lately. Khalisah wasn't stupid, so it was odd how she was willing to go to such extreme lengths to put John in a bad light - risking to lose her job - by writing that article.

She had no hard evidence. The whole thing was curious and it felt like there was more to it. Not only that, but he was a lot more involved this time, and he kept running into brick walls. He wanted to find out her reasons.

Liara, he thought. Hell, she probably knows. She's the Shadow Broker, after all.

They had spoken after Kaidan returned from Huerta Memorial. Debriefed about the old days. Kaidan have always liked Liara, and they got along nicely, but he had to admit that he was somewhat taken aback by her change of personality. She was no longer that young, inexperienced asari that was fascinated by everyone and everything, eager to learn more. Kaidan wasn't shy to the fact that she once had a crush on John so he couldn't help but feel guilty, but she genuinely seemed happy for them.

After getting dressed, a drink and some food, he proceeded to the crew deck.

Not looking ahead of himself as he walked, he nearly bumped into the commander himself when exiting the elevator - his nose deep in a report - before looking up at the near collision and into Kaidan's eyes with a startled look on his face. John's features lit up as a small smile appeared on the corners of his lips. Kaidan didn't even have the time to return one before it faltered again.

Averting his eyes, he cleared his throat. "Major."

He was about to move past him without as much as a 'hi,' so Kaidan splayed a hand between his pecs, feeling him stiffening up at the touch before he gently shoved him back. John's eyes didn't meet his, but as Kaidan watched him, he looked like he'd seen a ghost. To Kaidan, it almost felt like he was a participant in a one-night-stand and accidentally ran into the other participant on the streets. His eyes fell down to his hand still on John's chest, but when dropping it, he couldn't help but notice how John relaxed some more.

"Hey... you okay?"

John gave him a plastered-on fake smile. "Of course," he replied, curled an arm around Kaidan's waist before pressing a chaste kiss upon his lips. He turned them so they swapped places. "Hey, I've got to take care of this. We'll talk later, yeah?"

The elevator door shut after him, leaving Kaidan standing there, bewildered. After just existing for a bit, he blinked, coming back to himself. After getting to deck three, in hope to have his questions answered, he only ended up with a dozen more. Kaidan's eyes slammed tightly shut, hoping it was nothing, and flagged it off. He proceeded to head for Liara's office. When the door slid open, he saw her standing by the terminal.

"Liara. Good morning. Already working, huh?"

"Good morning to you too, major," she replied, and returned a kind smile. "Being the Shadow Broker, I am bound to take a few precautions. After all, I do have clients all over the galaxy. I cannot miss an opportunity, now can I?"

That earned her a chuckle.

Liara had gone to extreme lengths to find the previous Broker, but after their conversation before Horizon - about John being alive after the SR-1 had gone down - it was obvious why. The Shadow Broker had taken a friend of her, being reason enough to go after him, but that wasn't all. The Broker had actually been hired by the collectors themselves to find John's body. He attempted to stop her from getting to him first, sending Blue Suns mercenaries after her. Liara was fortunate to get to John first.

"Hey, ah... do you have a moment?"

"Of course, Kaidan. I always have the time to speak with a friend. Please, do come in," she replied, and he stepped inside. He was surprised to see that her personal assistant - a sphere named Glyph - was no longer there. "Ah, Glyph. Yes. I incorporated the VI into time capsules that I have placed on multiple planets in case we lose to the reapers."

"Like a, uh... information guide? Like Vigil on Ilos?"

Liara smiled. "Yes. Shepard said the very same thing," she said, pushing herself away from the tech. "I do have hope that we will see this through, but as it is, there is a chance we will not. It never hurts to be prepared. After everything we have learned, it would be a shame to see it go to waste for the ones that traverses the galaxy 50,000 years in the future. It could help them, and maybe they will succeed where we did not. But enough about that. What is it you wanted to speak to me about?"

More than I'm going to.

"I've just been thinking of what's been happening, lately..." he muttered, folding his arms across his chest. "I -I guess something just really doesn't make any sense to me, and I was hoping you could help. Clear things up."

She gave him a fixated look. "Ah, this must be about Miss al-Jilani," she said confidently, turning back to her terminal. "Believe me, Kaidan. She did not take any risks. It is not her style. Westerlund News are rather particular and cautious when it comes to coverage in the media and would most likely fire her if she produced false claims. She had undeniable evidence with the vid."

Had?

"Wait, did you... did you cut the feed?"

The only reply he received was a turn of her head his way and a somewhat smug smirk before the terminal regained her attention. She cut the feed. Kaidan let out a relieved breath realizing that Liara had done them one hell of a favor.

"Of course, there are a few that has seen the full length of it, but nowhere near as many as the hits on the extranet. I cut the feed seconds after it was published but I did save a copy if something would go wrong," she said, and smiled coy. "I must say, thanks to my curiosity, I could not restrain myself from watching it. It was sweet. I believe you two are perfect for each other. It is good for you both."

He cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks flush. "Thanks, Liara."

"Anytime, Kaidan." Not before long, he glimpsed concern in her blue eyes. "I cannot help but think that there is something else that is bothering you. Kaidan, are you all right?"

Kaidan looked away. "Yeah, I'm good. I've just had a lot on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about."

"Is this about Shepard?"

She was an amazing information broker, no doubt. It was impressive. He had a lot he wanted to get off his chest, but it felt wrong to talk about John behind his back. It was obvious that something was bothering the commander.

Kaidan wasn't going to pry, but he might as well voice his suspicion.

Exhaling slowly, he said, "Okay. Yeah, it -it's about Shepard. Hell, he just... He's been kinda off lately, you know? Maybe it's just me."

"Lately as in, 'the last couple days,' or as in, 'after the reapers attacked Earth'?"

He took a moment to consider her question, the thought bringing him back to John's then pronounced cybernetics. John's scars and eyes had taken a red-ish glow when he ran into him in Vancouver. Kaidan could see that his scars had been healing back on Horizon, so it didn't make sense that they would get even worse by time. However, they had healed again. Almost entirely. Even John was a closed book around his scars, so he couldn't really get much out of him. Maybe it wasn't simply the appearance of the scars that bothered John. It could be how he got them.

Kaidan hated being kept out of the loop that was possibly involving John. Especially now, considering how close they had become. He felt like he distrusted him. If John didn't want to talk, he would respect that, but that didn't ease up his curiosity or concerns. Either way, something wasn't right and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"I -I guess, both," Kaidan said, shaking his head. "Just... especially the past couple days. I ran into him before I got here. It almost seemed like he, I don't know... felt guilt, or something. Hell, I'm probably just reading into things."

A sad smile appeared on her lips.

"You are not reading into things, Kaidan. It is not exactly a secret," she replied, which in returned had her earn a puzzled look. "Shepard has been attempting to get in contact with Miranda lately, but has turned up empty handed."

Kaidan blinked. "Wait, who?"

"You... have not heard of Miranda?" she asked, and began fidgeting with her hands. "Oh, I see. Well, Dr. Miranda Lawson was in charge of the Lazarus Project. She operated with Shepard during our mission to track down the collectors. Miranda was his XO. In fact, she led a group of Cerberus soldiers that took down those mercenaries that were after me."

He couldn't blame John for forgetting to mention her with everything that had been going on, but why would he need to contact her? It could be related to his cybernetics and she knew more about his reconstruction than anyone.

Kaidan immediately got concerned.

"You said she was in charge of the Lazarus Project... Is he -is he hurting or something?"

She shook her head. "Goddess, no. Nothing like that," she said. "Or, well... maybe hurting emotionally. He is simply concerned about her. Last time they spoke was after the attempted Cerberus coup. She mentioned that she was being hunted by Cerberus assassins after finding out that her father was working for the Illusive Man. Her sister has recently gone missing. Miranda informed Shepard that she had found out what happened to her, and that her father was responsible, but was vague away from that.

"She has refused the Commander's help. Shepard informed me of this so I could dig up some information to her whereabouts, but I am afraid that I, too, have turned up empty handed. Perhaps you should speak to him as well about it?"

Nodding slowly, he said, "Yeah, I... I'll do that. Thanks again. That -that helped."

Liara smiled. "It was my pleasure. Do not hesitate to call upon me if you wish to talk. I will be here."

Kaidan began to notice that the throbbing in his head was becoming more intense, so he chose to take it easy, hoping that the pain would mend up until they found out what happened at Utukku. Fighting with a headache during a mission wasn't exactly something he was looking forward to.

All this would explain the way John had been acting, but it still didn't explain his scars.

Rachni. The fucking rachni. Shepard was hoping that their sightings on Utukku was simply a misunderstanding.

He stood by the galaxy map, having gotten word from Wrex that a krogan team - the Aralakh Company - had gone missing there. They suspected that there were rachni on the planet, being news that concerned him a great deal, seeing that he had freed their queen on Noveria three years back. The queen had promised to vanish but it appears that things had changed. There was more to all this.

"Shepard," EDI said over the comm, causing Shepard to peek up. "Major Alenko is currently in Starboard Observation and has requested the lighting to be lowered to 16 percent as he is most likely suffering from an incoming migraine." The concentrated lines on his forehead were replaced by concern. "According to extranet sites, there is a roughly 48.3 percent chance that he is exceedingly sensitive to light and a 31.4 percent chance that he is sensitive to sound - the numbers constantly increasing - so I would suggest the use of caution in his presence."

"Thanks, EDI."

Shepard cocked a brow when the Starboard Observation door fell open. Kaidan was nowhere to be seen when he let his eyes search the room. That was until he heard a vague groan coming from the couch in the same room, sounding like a muffled, "The door... 's not so loud." When he turned his head, he saw Kaidan lying on his back, one arm covering both his eyes.

"Mm... hey, Shepard. That you? Just... I'll get back to work in a minute. Or 15... or maybe 2 hours."

Even his speech was slightly slurred as if he had just woken up after a night of heavy drinking. He had never expected to see Kaidan all laid back like that as he was used to his usual straightened posture. Always ready for orders and various assignments. Hell, Shepard didn't know shit about dealing with migraines.

He's had headaches, sure, but never migraines.

"Migraine?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

Sighing, Kaidan said, "That obvious, huh? Probably the weather patterns, or... something. Utukku. We're on Utukku, right? That's pretty hot. Temperature. I mean, if it gets too hot too quickly. It just... yeah. Stuff happens. It hasn't kicked in entirely yet, though. We can talk. Just... silently."

"So heat affects migraines. Last night was that good, huh?" Kaidan let out a strangled chuckle, only to stop himself halfway, sucking in a breath through bared teeth. That reaction was more than enough for Shepard to realize how serious this was.

Shepard cringed. "Sorry."

"It... 's fine. Really," he replied, and could a small smirk showing in Kaidan's features "...but yeah. Yeah, it was that good. You're half responsible. Hell... I don't think I'd be much use to you on this mission, but I'm willing to try."

He shook his head. "Stop. I'll bring Liara. It's no big deal. I guess a massage won't help?"

Slumping over the side of the couch, he dropped to one knee before him. He reached out only to take his hand back, not entirely knowing what to do with it, unsure what Kaidan would react badly to. He felt pretty damn helpless. Shepard figured that he should probably read himself up on migraines to make it easier for Kaidan. Find out how to mend the pain, if possible.

"Nah... no. Not by much. That only works for headaches. Same with painkillers, 's only working for... yeah. Thanks, though," he replied, before a frown breached his brows. "I can feel your tension... 's not like I'm going to disintegrate on your touch, so hey, relax."

Shepard cleared his throat. "How... do you feel?"

"Like hell, to put it mildly," he replied. "Feels like someone's trying to bore into my brain... pounding and throbbing like crazy. My right eye is twitching... and there's this nagging pain in my temple at the same side... and that's just the first stages. It also feels like the damn engine is right by my ear, and I can't... I can't exactly shut that off. If... if I was at a Flotilla vessel I'd probably put a bullet in my head."

"K," he warned.

"Sorry, that... I didn't mean that. Sorry," he mumbled, genuinely seeming sorry. "This... I'm convinced this is gonna be a bad one. Similar to when I was under stress at BAaT, and that... that's saying something. It... it was really bad."

"Okay, the captain's cabin is further from the engine. You should try to get some sleep there."

"John... 'm fine."

"Bullshit. I'll carry you if I have to." Shepard trapped his wrist before he forcefully moved his arm away. Kaidan immediately winced, tightly closing his eyes. "Sorry. C'mon, keep your eyes closed and I'll support you."

"Sir," he said, his tone defensive. Kaidan only called him 'sir' when he was upset. Or had sex. "Hell, I've dealt with this a million times before. Go... go prepare for the mission. I don't... I don't need a damn babysitter -"

"Cabin. Now. That's an order, major."

He had lost his patience.

Kaidan released a defeated breath as he was probably too tired to respond. Too tired to come up with another excuse. Too tired to argue. Shepard was finally allowed to throw his arm over his shoulder and help him onto his feet. Kaidan took after the bridge of his nose, the vertigo apparent, seeing that he had pulled him up too quickly. The blood had probably not been able to get to his head fast enough.

Fuck, I'm only making it worse. Dammit.

His skin was boiling and he was cold sweating. Kaidan mumbled something under his breath, the words unrecognizable, as he was obviously in great pain. Shepard hadn't felt this angry in a long time.

Stubborn son-of-a bitch and his stupid integrity.

That pissed him off about Kaidan. How he always tried to push people aside when they offered to help. He was amazed it hadn't killed him yet. Shepard found the whole damn situation stressful.

Fucking L2 implant...

"Still not considering a damn upgrade?" Shepard's voice was harsher than intended. Also louder, seeing that Kaidan grimaced and gritted his teeth. "EDI, lower the lights in my cabin to five percent."

Aware of Kaidan's migraine, EDI didn't reply, and simply turned down the lights.

The elevator door hissed shut. Kaidan seemed sensitive to almost all and everything, nearly losing his balance when the elevator began to move, his eyes yet tightly shut. Dropping his arm, hands were soon at his N7 hoodie to tug him in before burying his his face in Shepard's shoulder.

"'Shprd... 'r stnd n mh fht."

"What? I didn't get that."

"'Mh... fht!"

He frowned. "Hell, if you weren't talking into my damn shoulder, I might've heard -" He abruptly felt a pain in his abdomen causing him to suck in a breath as he took after it. Kaidan grasped the cloth again and pulled him closer, cursing under his breath.

"Shepard, you are standing on the major's foot."

Shepard immediately snapped his attention down, only to see that EDI was completely right. He could feel the flush creeping up in his cheeks and changed his position. Kaidan sighed into his hoodie as his muscles relaxed again into the touch. It didn't take long before Kaidan was vibrating as a low rumbling sound was heard, closely resembling a chuckle. Kaidan was laughing at him.

The corners of Shepard's lips drew upwards without warning. The elevator finally reached deck one and the door slid open. He carefully backed Kaidan into the room, feeling a hand moving to the nape of his neck, arms enveloping tighter around him.

"Sorry," he muttered, nuzzling into his jaw.

Shepard pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I swear to god... if you say 'sorry' one more damn time, I'll might take Javik's advice about throwing you out," he said with a small smile, before he pulled away again. He gently pushed Kaidan to sitting position in the bed and heard a displeased sound emitting from his mouth. "I'll be back after I've taken care of the situation on Utukku, and hell, you better stay put."

He honestly considered contacting the Council about removing Kaidan's Spectre status until he was back from the mission, only to make sure that he wouldn't break out if he chose to lock the door, but Kaidan knew better than to wander around the ship with a migraine.

"Debrief me later, okay? Hell, just... be careful."

Ever the worrier.

"I'll try. Take it easy, major."

He then brought his team to meet up with Aralakh Company.