Hawke had walked around that stupid tree thirteen times now. Why was facing her so hard? "Because she makes you tremble by the mere thought of her. Because she makes your palms sweaty and your sharp tongue becomes blunt in her presence. Oh and she chose a twelve feet tall demon with horns over you." He sighed to himself in his mind. The elves in the alienage were looking strangely at him. No wonder. How often did you see a human noble walk around the same tree in the alinage for half an hour? He almost laughed at himself, when he realised what he was doing. He was afraid of Merrill! He walked too her door and took a deep breath before knocking on it. Merrill opened the door and instantly turned as white a sheet. At the sight of her Hawke felt a desire to bend forward and claim her soft lips.
"Hawke... I wasn't expecting you." Merrill said softly as she had trouble meeting his eyes.
"Hello Merrill. May I come in? I would like to talk to you." He said with a smile in the hopes of calming her.
"Yes, of course." She replied opening the door fully and letting him enter.
She looked even smaller today than usual. Timid and submissive even. In addition she looked tired. Perhaps she had gotten as little sleep as he had. He had been tossing and turning the entire night, thinking about both her and Anders. His heart and his right hand and for almost a day it felt as if he had lost both. Merrill looked around almost franticly afraid to speak and still desperately wanting the silence to end. He wanted it as well but where would he start? "Hello Merrill. Why do you love a demon more than me?" didn't seem like the right conversation opener. He felt nervous and he was never nervous. Why was it that this little creature, with her seemingly innocent nature, had this effect on him? She suddenly turned and looked at him with those big green eyes, full of tears and a pleading expression.
"I-I can't believe I turned on you... with the demon... in the fade... I'm so sorry... Ma serranass. I'll understand if you can't forgive me." She said pleadingly looking at him. His heart was beating faster than he had ever thought possible. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he was no good at expressing his emotions, so he did as always.
"If I held a grudge on everyone who betrayed me in a dream, I would have no friends left." He chuckled and to his relief so did she.
"How do you do that? Make everything better with a smile. It's like magic that doesn't get you in trouble." She giggled, but then her face turned serious and she walked into her bedroom. She starred at the mirror for a while before sitting down on her bed.
"I have been so careful in my dealings with spirits until now. To make such an obvious mistake... it frightens me. It takes so little for a mage to fall." She said in sad voice that had a hint of self loathing. Hawke sat down next to her and took her hand, giving her a tender smile.
"Merrill, what made you give in?" He asked just as softly. She looked at him for a moment in consideration.
"It felt like every word the demon spoke reached out and pulled at my heart. I didn't want to believe it, but I just... had too." She said softly like she didn't quite understand it herself.
"You are already in a lot more danger than most mages... we both are." Hawke replied squeezing her hand fondly. She smiled at him and stood up.
"Because of... the bloodmagic. I know. I'll be more guarded from now on. Thank the creators you where there. It won't happen again. I'll make sure of that." She said with determination.
Hawke stood up and walked towards her placing both his hands on her shoulders. She seemed so tiny in his large hands and that made him want to protect her even more.
"I will always be here for you. I was never angry with you. I was... afraid... Besides the demons can't have you. You are far too pretty to become an abomination." He smiled at the last part, concealing the seriousness behind the words he had spoken. The once that made him vulnerable.
"You are too kind... Did you hear a noise? I think I heard something." She replied and walked away looking for the imaginary sound. And there it was. The reason why the ever charming Hawke just couldn't get this relationship past flirting. He would push his feelings aside with humour and she would get shy and retreat. No wonder Carver had such trouble. Hawke almost felt bad for what he put Aveline through with Donnic. Or Anders and Leila. "Oh, damn! Anders!" His second hurtle this morning.
-OOO-
Anders was sitting alone in his clinic. He was absolutely furious! He had hardly gotten any sleep. The thought of that poor boy as an abomination was haunting him. To think that Hawke had turned that boy over to a demon! "What did you expect from a bloodmage?" He and Justice scoffed in unison. Still he had trusted Hawke. Never seen Hawke give into one, even if he was a little careless with them. There was Death, but that was different. Anders had lain awake that entire night, thinking about what made him do it. What made someone he considered his best friend risk an innocent, betray him and murder him? Had he even known he would come out unharmed? He could have died or been made tranquil! Was all Hawke's talking of supporting mages just a front to make him shut up? He had a hard time believing that, but after yesterday he wasn't so sure anymore. He heard someone knock on the door, but since it wasn't frantic he ignored it. He was too angry to heal anyone right now. If it was serious the person would probably be more insistent. If not, they could come back another day.
"Anders? Open up love. Please?"
He heard Leila's sweet voice call and instantly his heart calmed. He walked over, unlocked the door and opened it to see Leila's sweet face looking up at him. He instantly pulled her close for a kiss. This was what he needed. The only person who could calm the storm of fire brewing inside him.
"I need to talk to you." She said sweetly as she pulled away. He frowned.
"Did Hawke send you? If he has something to say to me, he can come himself!" Anders stated aggressively and walked into the clinic. Leila followed him and closed the door behind them.
"Hawke didn't send me. Do you find it so strange that I'm here?" She asked looking at him with a small frown. Hs expression softened and he pulled her towards him resting his hands in her hips.
"Of course not. I'm sorry. I'm just upset about what happened yesterday. Do you know?" He asked looking down at her.
"Yes, Garrett told me. He didn't sacrifice the boy. He was trying to trick the demon, when Justice got afraid for Feynriel's life." She said softly.
"You mean?" He asked with widened eyes.
"He isn't possessed. Hawke and I collected him at the Dalish this morning and put him on a ship to Tevinter." She explained with a smile. Anders let out a loud laugh and lifted her twirling her around.
"I guess I owe Hawke an apology." Anders stated after placing her back on the ground.
"It was a misunderstanding. Neither of you were to blame. You should have seen his face last night. He thought you would never speak to him again." She replied with a small smile.
"I better go find him then." He stated.
"No, wait. He is with Merrill now. It was quite a blow to his heart that she turned on him." She said sadly and Anders sighed.
"That will always be a problem. I know she seems innocent, but she will never choose him over her demon." He stated with a frown.
"Like you will never choose me over the cause of mages." She replied and Anders was about to reply, when she kissed him.
"It's alright. I will never expect that. Besides without the cause of mages the chance of a future, any future, between us is fairly limited. Unless we find a deserted tropical island somewhere." She smiled.
"That would be wonderful love. I wish things were different." He sighed.
"Hey, no gloomy thoughts. At least we have each other." She smiled and kissed him.
He pulled her flush against him and deepened the kiss. Suddenly she started opening the buckles of his tunic and began pushing him back towards the bedroom, while smiling against his lips. He tried to unlace her corset, but she was far too busy undressing him, for him to get the opportunity to complete the task. She pushed of his coat and let it fall to the ground. After a few steps closer to the bedroom his tunic followed. At the bedroom curtain his shirt was removed. She pushed him playfully onto the bed and he couldn't help but chuckle. Normally he was the one who was instigating these things, but their relationship was still new, so perhaps she just needed time to adjust. She kissed his lips, chin, throat, chest, stomach and placed the last one between his still clothed legs. She pulled off his boots and he had to laugh at the mischievous sparkle in her eye. She opened his trousers and dragged them off him. He was aching to pull her close, but also eager to see were this was heading. She began stroking him and he closed his eyes from the pleasure of it. Then suddenly she stopped and walked backwards with a teasing smile. Still fully clothed, she waved with her fingers and ran out the bedroom.
"Oh no you don't!" He cried with a laugh and ran after her.
He ran up behind her and managed to catch her in the middle of the clinic. His arms were wrapped around her waist from behind and kissing her neck, as she giggled in delight. That was when he heard someone clear their throat. Anders and Leila looked up and saw Hawke, Varric, Merrill and Isabella looking at them. Leila turned around in his arms and hid her face in his chest, laughing loudly from embarrassment.
"Is this a bad time?" Hawke asked with a huge grin.
"Ma vehnan!" Merrill gasped as her cheeks became red.
"OH! Look for handcuffs and whipped cream!" Isabella smiled brightly.
Varric was about to reach for his notebook.
"Bring that out and I will burn it!" Anders warned lifting one of his hands holding a small ball of fire in it.
"Oh, come on! I have wanted good stuff for this romance for months!" Varric complained.
"Perhaps, we should give Anders some privacy… to get dressed I mean." Merrill giggled.
"Oh hush Kitten." Isabella corrected.
"Alright everyone out now. This show is over and was private to begin with." Leila's said turning around still hiding Anders behind her.
"Spoil sport. Have you ever heard of sharing?" Isabella remarked.
"Nope, I'm selfish. Now out!" Leila said coldly.
"I am not going to forgive you for this." Anders growled teasingly against her ear as they left.
"Are you sure?" She purred letting her hand slide to her back and caressing him, managing to get him instantly aroused again. He swallowed and backed away from her and started picking up his clothes, as she was laughing heartily. When Anders was dressed, Hawke and Anders talked for a little while, as the other kept their distance. Isabella walked up to Leila and leaned her arm on her shoulder and grinned at her.
"So, did he Grey your Warden?"
"Sorry?" Leila looked confused for a moment.
"Explore your Deep Roads? Or master your taint? That's an old one."
"I do believe I was the one to master his." Leila replied with a smirk.
"That's my girl!" Isabella laughed.
"What are you all doing here anyway? I thought Garrett was coming alone?" Leila asked.
"Some Qunari patrol had gone missing. Hawke thought we should look into it." Varric replied.
Suddenly one of the refugee boys came running into the clinic.
"Healer! Healer! The templars are on their way!" The boy said quickly running towards Anders.
Fear touched Leila's heart as she ran to the door to see how close they were. They were at the camps just opposite.
"The basement." Hawke said and ran the door. Anders ruffled the boy hair kindly and followed. Hawke looked out the door.
"We have to walk away naturally. Perhaps they won't notice." Hawke said.
"They are too close. We will never make it." Varric stated and Leila looked at Anders her heart pounding awfully.
"Isabella, come with me. You three get to the basement. Make sure they do, Varric." Leila ordered and Anders grabbed her wrist.
"Sure thing, Sunshine." Varric nodded with understanding.
"Love, what are you doing?" He asked almost franticly.
"Creating a distraction. Let's go Isabella." Leila replied before taking Isabella's hand and walking over to the templars. Anders was about to pursue, but Hawke and Varric stopped him.
"Easy Blondie, think of what will happen if you storm after her." Varric cautioned.
Anders looked at Varric and knew that he was right. He just hoped that she didn't do anything reckless. So he was forced to see her walk straight towards the templars. Justice was raging inside him and staying in control was trying. He closed his eyes and thought of what Leila said. She told him that he could control his emotions by redirecting his thoughts. So he thought of her. He thought of when he met her. This little woman, no taller than an elf, in strange clothes and an unusual hair colour. The first time she had seen him heal, how she had carefully touched his hand and her eyes had been full of amazement. He thought of when she had first told him what she thought of his manifesto. He should have realised then that she had already snuck her way into his heart. He had been upset, because he wanted her to like it. He wanted her to think well of him and his accomplishments.
Leila and Isabella walked towards the templars and Leila tried to keep her cool. She knew they would have to distract them. The others were depending on it. Why couldn't those damn templars just have waited another half hour? Then they would have been long gone. For the first time she really appreciated, what it meant to be with an apostate. What it meant to be a mage. The templars hovering over you, making just surviving seem impossible. They said they did it to protect people, but Leila no longer believed that. It might have started that way and it might be why a lot of people joined the order, but now it had turned into a political power play. Whoever controlled the mages and the templars controlled the world. For this reason Leila respected Elthina's efforts to remain neutral, but then she had to relinquish that power completely, so that people would not fight over it. The same thing could be said for the Viscount. Though Leila was very fond of him and understood what a tremendous pressure he was under, he too was scared and reluctant. Timid and unable to lead his people. All because the two strongest forces were out of his hands. They were almost at the templars, when Isabella spoke.
"So, what are we doing?" Isabella asked, with a twinkle in her eye.
"I was thinking something along a catfight. Though, I have never been in one." Leila replied hesitantly.
Isabella suddenly pulled in Leila's hair and made her scream.
"Did you really think I wouldn't find out that you were sleeping with him?!" Isabella accused and Leila immediately picked up on it.
"Well, obviously he knows a good thing, when he sees it. You can't blame him for having good taste." Leila remarked snidely.
"You backstabbing little bitch!" Isabella sneered and slapped Leila.
"You pathetic whore!" Leila yelled and slapped Isabella. As they continued this charade the templars tried to break them apart giving their friends and opportunity to run.
-OOO-
Isabella and Leila was walking arm in arm through Hightown laughing loudly. Their clothes ripped, torn and dirty and their bodies had cuts and bruises. The definitely looked a sight and was attracting a lot of stares as the passed the merchants and nobles. Leila had not been in a fight since she was a child and had never thrash talked anyone in her life. It was surprising how easily it had come to her and her and Isabella would have this story to talk about for years to come. Years... realisation dawned on Leila that she would possibly have to stay here forever and right now, that didn't seem so bad. They got to the Hawke estate and walked inside. Hardly inside, Leila was already wrapped in Anders' arms, who was kissing her fiercely. Her jaw hurt a little, but she couldn't make herself push him away. He finally pulled away.
"What were you thinking woman?" He scolded.
"I was thinking about getting you away safely." She smiled stroking his cheek. He studied her face for a little. Her right cheek had a handprint, her jaw blue and yellow and a scrape on her left shoulder.
"Isabella, what did you do to her?" He scolded even harder.
"Nothing more than she did to me." Isabella laughed and pointed at her black eye.
"Yes, I'm so sorry for that. It was an accident, truly." Leila said mortified and Isabella just laughed.
Leandra came through the door and walked with quick steps towards Leila. Anders moved aside and Leandra hugged her tightly.
"My sweet girl... Garret told me you would distract the templars so they could get away. Are you alright?" She asked pulling away looking at her face. She took Leila's cheek and turned it as she made a clucking sound.
"I'll take care of her, Leandra." Anders replied with a smile and reached for Leila's hand. Leandra gave him a fond smile and Anders led Leila away.
"What about me?" Isabella whined.
"Just take a shot of whisky for the pain." Anders called back with a chuckle, as they walked towards Leila's bedroom. Leila sat down on the bed and he began healing her. He seemed sad and worried. No wonder since the templars had nearly caught him. She reached forward stroked his cheek and he leaned into her touch.
"He is getting more difficult to control isn't he?" She asked softly and he looked at her with pain in his eyes.
"In the fade, there is no time. Emotion rules everything. Justice doesn't know how to sit idle and wait for the right moment to strike. And I can't say I have any greater patience... I fear what my anger has made of my friend." He replied sadly.
"You said it yourself, emotion rules him. Perhaps, if you learned to monitor your thoughts more closely, your emotions would be easier to control." She said softly still caressing his cheek.
"I don't know how." He admitted with a sigh.
"Let me teach you. Try to think of something that makes you feel calm." She replied with a small smile.
"I love you." He said in a low voice, before claiming her lips.
Downstairs Merill, Hawke, Isabella and Varric were sitting around the table getting a drink.
"That was exiting, but I'm glad it's over." Merrill said with a sigh.
"Here's to that!" Hawke agreed lifting his glass.
"Well, I think I'm going back to the Hanged Man. With any luck I'll find something or someone to entertain me." Isabella smiled getting up.
"Don't you want Anders to heal you?" Merrill asked.
"I don't think he will be coming down any time soon Kitten." Isabella smirked.
"Why not? She was that badly hurt? Was she?... oh..."Merrill giggled finally understanding and Hawke grumbled to himself. For once she got it and it wasn't one of his remarks.
"I'm going to join you Rivani. You better come with us, Daisy. Just in case, there are more templars snooping around." Varric asked getting up and Merrill nodded.
"Keep me notified if you find out anything unusual, will you Varric?" Hawke asked and Varric nodded before the three friends left.
Hawke looked into the fire. It had been a close call today. Too close. If any of them had been captured they would have been hanged or made tranquil. Two bloodmages and an abomination, would not survive long in the Gallows. He was the only one who might get out of it, because of his status as nobility. But Anders and Merrill had nothing. Grey Warden or not, they would not tolerate him now that he had left the order. Especially not if they found out about Justice. Anders had told him that he and Leila intended to keep their relationship a secret and Hawke didn't blame them. He saw what was done to Karl and the thought of how they would use Leila made his skin crawl. Hawke dearly hoped that bastard who did that to Karl, would one day pay. But right now his concern was for Anders and Merrill. Mostly Anders, since Merrill almost got unnoticed by everyone. He smirked to himself as he got an idea. He just had to wait for the right moment. Leave it to Hawke to find a way to save the day!
-OOO- Authors Note -OOO- Thank all of you who have been following this story. It means a lot. Your comments inspire me and I get so exited about writing this story. Please review so I know if I am continuing to make this interresting. Thank you