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Chapter 25 Never again
Seth POV
Jake didn't speak to me throughout the rest of the movie, our only interaction was the few occasions he got scared and sought my hand for comfort. I felt truly evil for what I did but was very pleased with myself for resisting when my body, not to mention my wolf, was begging me to continue. Even though I constantly pushed her to the back of my mind, my wolf needed to please Jake's wolf and kept pestering me about it. When the movie ended we stood up as soon as they turned on the lights, Jake held my hand as we made our way to the exit. The parking lot was pretty much deserted, with less than ten cars left. The truck roared to life and we were on our way. After a few minutes into the drive I noticed Jake was driving away from La Push.
"Where are we going?" I was confused and somewhat worried, it was after midnight and even though I didn't have a curfew, I was well aware that there were not many places open after midnight in Forks.
"You'll see." Jake broke the silence just to give an answer that didn't shed any light into my question.
We got off the highway into a dirt road on our right; it was pitch black, the only source of light coming from the trucks' headlights. I could see that each side of the road was bordered by tall trees, the briny smell in the air made it clear we were driving toward the seashore. Jake parked the truck on the side of the road getting off the car hastily and went around to open my door. Ok, here is where I drew the line; I'm not a chick, I didn't need anybody to open doors for me, some girls even felt insulted if you tried. Opening the door myself before he could reach it, I got off the truck, gently pushing him aside.
Looking around, I was able to focus on the oddly familiar place. I knew where we were! The cliffs where he brought me in our first date, the one that ended in a total disaster. What was he thinking? Were we going to cliff dive at night? Was he planning to finish what he started that day?
"Jake, what are we doing here?" I asked nervously, while at the same time debating if I should make a run for it or give him the benefit of the doubt and stick around.
"I love these cliffs and the first time I brought you here, ended badly. I felt I owed it to myself and to you to vindicate myself by creating a good memory from this place."
Jake started walking towards the edge of the cliffs and I couldn't help but worry that he would miscalculate and fall down, hurting himself. I breathed in relief when he stopped a safe distance from the edge, I situated myself next to him and when I lifted my eyes to look at him, I was taken aback by the person standing beside me.
In this place unspoiled by artificial illumination the moon and the stars were the only source of light, giving everything around us an air of mysticism. The moonlight was making Jakes whole body shimmer with a mysterious glow that made him look both dangerous and beautiful. The effect of the moonlight on him had a hypnotic effect on me, his bewitching features playing games with my mind. His profile was perfectly defined with a strong jaw, high cheekbones and long eyelashes. The shape of his lips was perfectly clear, the slight curvature of his bottom lip inviting me to nibble on it. My Jake was truly a beautiful creature, my mate was breathtaking.
His gaze was fixated in the horizon, I observed him, silently wishing I could read his mind. Looking into the dark expanse in front of us, I tried to figure out what was so fascinating about the barely visible view. I was humbled when I realized I failed to see the beauty of what was in front of me, the ocean was dark, scary and dangerous, but at the same time its grandiosity was only surpassed by all the emotions it was capable of stirring in the human soul. This ocean was… my Jake.
Without saying a word, Jake sat down on the sandy cliff, his long legs stretched before him, leaning back and holding himself up with his hands, his head slightly tilted to the side. He looked deep in thought and I couldn't help but wonder why he was so quiet, but wouldn't dare break the silence. I sat down next to him making sure to be close enough to be able to rest my head on his shoulder, he inhaled deeply kissing the top of my head lovingly.
Together we observed the shadows on the ocean, produced by the clouds moving in front of the moon in their unstoppable journey around the earth. The crisp ocean air carried Jake intoxicating scent surrounding me with it, making me yearn for his touch. Jake repositioned himself on his spot placing one of his long arms around my shoulders. I took the chance to snuggle to his side, nuzzling his neck and surrounding his torso with my arms.
This had to be the most perfect moment of my entire life, sitting on the most romantic place I had ever been to, with the most amazing man and life partner anybody could wish for. Jake grabbed one of my hands, interlacing our fingers together only to bring both hands to his lips and kiss mine tenderly.
I moved myself so I was sitting between his legs, action that made Jake purr in delight. Leaning against his chest I could feel the strength with which his heart beats, knowing that it only beats for me. I placed a trail of kisses starting on his chest, slowly getting up so I was kneeling between his legs; I continued my journey towards his lips, only stopping to nibble on his delicious neck.
Jake hugged me close to his body, pulling me by the waist so my body was effectively shaping itself to his. I sought his lips capturing them in a heated kiss, this time neither one of us had to request access; it was automatic, like we had been born to love each other.
The kiss went on for what seemed like hours but was not long enough. The kiss turned my blood to lava, hot and unforgiving; filling me to the brim with desire and need. He established his dominance making love to me with his lips; the memory of how able his lips really were sending a spastic shiver that started on my lips and ended in my toes. Running my hands down his neck towards his chest I was disconcerted when he moaned loudly, Jake grabbed my ass, making me grind myself against his stomach.
I had an idea but needed to test my theory, nibbling slowly and ever so gentle, I found the same area where my hands elicited the moan out of him. Just as I expected he gasped and continued moaning more with every passing second. His hands massaged my ass greedily with steady and determined movements.
"I found your sweet spot, didn't I?" I whispered on his ear and felt his whole body shiver in delight when my hot breath reached him.
"Yes, my love. If you keep kissing me like that you're going to make me cum without even touching me." His voice was low and filled with sensuality. I put myself to work, that was, if it could be called work, to me it was an exhilarating experience, it was the first time I took charge of pleasuring him and I was enjoying every second of it. My lips worked overtime kissing, licking and nibbling the sides of his neck, I could even feel the veins pulsing against my lips. It didn't take long for Jake to start shaking while screaming my name and some other obscenities. When he calmed down I pulled his sweaty forehead towards me, he snuggled against my chest sighing deeply.
"Thank you Seth, I love you"
"You're welcome Jake." He pulled away from me, looking intently into my eyes; I knew he was waiting for me to say I loved him too, but in all honesty I couldn't. I found him incredibly handsome and when he was not acting like a dick, he was really nice. But I didn't love him, at least not yet.
Even though disappointment twisted his beautiful features he smiled and nuzzled his face against my chest, making me giggle.
"I know that one day you'll love me Seth." If anybody asked me a month ago I would've immediately answered hell no! But right now under the starry sky, confusion and self-doubt dominated my thoughts.
The whole way back Jake wouldn't stop smiling, I felt self-conscious enough as it was and he was pissing me off. I let down all my defenses and gave in to the imminent need to please him. This stupid imprint was playing games with my head and the worst part was that I wasn't sure anymore where I stood with the whole thing.
"Thank you for bringing me to the cliffs tonight and I'm sorry for the way I acted in the movie theater." I felt guilty for the way I acted, first acting like a jealous idiot in front of those girls and then teasing Jake, just to leave him all hot and bothered, well that one he kind of deserved.
"Don't apologize my Seth, do you have any idea what your actions meant for me? For the first time you showed me that you have feelings for me." I began to refute but he stopped me. "Don't even try to deny it, I know you are not ready to accept the fact that your feelings toward me are changing, but I know. So many things about you are different, the way you look at me, how tender and loving you are, the way you respond to my kisses." We were in our bedroom, standing in front of each other, my arms loosely wrapped around his waist with him caressing my face and my hair.
"So you are not angry because I left you hanging?" I would've been livid if Jake did something like that to me.
"I'm not going to lie, Seth. At first I was really pissed off and almost dragged you out of the theater to make you finish what you started, even if I had to command you to do it. But I took a deep breath and remembered how hard we have been working to build our relationship and decided to be the bigger man and just let it go." Wow and again wow, he was really changing, the old Jake wouldn't have thought twice about ordering me to please him. I was so happy he decided to act the way he did, his restrain was determining for everything that transpired in this magical night.
"Thank you for controlling your wolf Jake; I can only guess how hard it must be."
"I do it for us baby, you are worth it." He leaned forward and kissed me slowly, lovingly, with the certainty that his feelings were being reciprocated. I'm glad he was so sure, because I had no idea what I was feeling.
"Its late love, give me your clothes so we can both get to sleep"
"Jake when are you going to give up on this shit? I know it's a way to make me submit, but is it necessary? Especially now?" All the warm good feeling I had on my chest was chased away by Jake's request, why did he have to be such a douche bag?
"Soon baby, please don't be angry, this has been the best night of my life so far. Please don't let my insecurities spoil it." He understood he was acting like an idiot, then why in the name of everything good and decent, did he keep doing it?
"Whatever." I took off my clothes and flung them to him before I got under the covers with my back towards him. I felt the bed dip and warm arms surrounding me, while he hesitantly kissed my neck and cheek.
"Please baby don't do this, I promise you that things are going to change very soon."
"I get it; things will change after you fuck me right? And since you think I'm falling in love, you're sure it will happen very soon."
"You couldn't be more wrong Seth, you misjudge me entirely. I hope you accept us and give yourself to me fully, but that will not determine or change any of my decisions regarding the way I treat you. Really Seth, I thought you knew me better." I could see in his eyes how much my accusation hurt him making me feel like the lowest worm to ever crawl out of the ground.
"I'm sorry Jake, I trust you a lot more now, but I still have that nagging feeling that after we have sex everything will go to shit. It hurts to think that's all you want from me but I can't help it." In the back of my mind I still thought all he wanted from me was my ass and it was painful to accept that as a possibility.
"I guess you will see for yourself when after we make love, I'm even more loving and considerate with you." I placed my arms around his neck and pulled him towards me kissing him softly at first, only to deepen the kiss a second later. Jake responded by placing himself on top of me with only fabric separating us, he held himself up with his forearms so all his weight wouldn't be on me, while he kissed my whole face starting with my forehead, them my eyelids, my nose and ending on my lips, which he claimed in a heated kiss. I had to admit to myself, that I loved feeling his weight on me, being dominated like that made my heart beat faster and my body feel all tingly.
"Shit Seth you have no idea the power you have over me, with one gesture you can lift me up to the heavens or send me down to the pits of hell." I smirked at his admission and whimpered lightly when he pulled away from me, Jake stood next to the bed looking like he was debating whether or not to leave. Almost like he was reading my mind he answered my wordless plea, "Baby there is only one thing I would love more than to stay here and sleep with you, but I almost lost control once today and can't risk it."
"I know what that thing is, to make love to me, right?" I said in a sing-song voice without a hint on recrimination.
"Wrong again Seth, it's to hear you say… you love me." His words disarmed me completely, would I ever be able to say those words to him?
Jake left the room and I allowed sleep to take me to a dreamland in which Jake and I were uninhibited lovers, partners and friends.
"No Seth, please no!" disconcerted after being awoken so sudden I couldn't organize my thoughts. What the hell? Looking at the clock I read it was 3:40am. Who could Jake be talking to in the middle of the night?
"No no no, not my Seth!" There he is again, he sounds panicky and it's related to me. Widely awake now I needed to see what was going on with Jake. His room was next to mine and since Billy slept in the main floor I was free to walk around regardless of the fact I almost never wore clothes. Opening the door slowly I peeked in his room only to see him sprawled on the bed naked as the day he was born, sweat covering his body, his pillow on the floor as evidence of his restless sleep.
"Seth, not my Seth, Seth!" He kept repeating my name while his whole body shook and twitched. He kept crying out my name, it was sad and painful to watch. Walking in the room I sat on the bed next to him, I felt a very strong need to hold him and to protect him, to chase the bad dreams away.
"Jake, wake up, Jake" placing my hand on his shoulder I shook him carefully, staying alert because I've heard of people being aggressive if they are startled while having a nightmare. It took me a minute but he woke up, unfortunately he was completely disoriented and scared.
"Where is Seth? Seth?" Jake was terrified and kept calling my name even though I was right in front of him.
"Jake, is me Seth, I'm right here, it was just a nightmare." I didn't know what to do; the pain I was feeling watching him go through this trampled any fear I had and any concerns for my own safety. Grabbing his face between my hands I made him look directly at me and kissed him softly on the lips, Jake needed me right now.
Jake whole form was shaking and he held on to me like I was a life preserver and he was drowning. It was unbelievable to see, how a dream could transform a man as strong and dominating as Jake, into a scared little kid.
"My Seth, you're here, you're ok." he kept repeating over and over again the same words, while holding on to me and burying his head in the crook of my neck. I just kept my arms around him, rubbing his back in a calming matter.
We stayed in our embrace until he calmed down, when his breathing slowed down and his heart was beating in its normal rhythm again, I pulled back to look at him. Cleaning with my thumbs the few tears that were still escaping from his eyes I pressed my forehead against his and felt him inhale deeply.
"I'm fine Jake; you were just having a bad dream, you want to talk about it?"
"I don't remember exactly, it was more like flashes of faces and the feeling that we were being separated. It was so scary I kept calling your name but couldn't see you. Seth, if I lose you, I would die, I wouldn't have the strength to keep going if you were not by my side." Jake was truly scared and I felt so helpless with the whole situation, there was not much I could do but reassure him that I was here with him.
"Jake, if you want me to, I can stay here with you, it wouldn't be the first time I shared this bed with you." I chuckled at the memory of the day I stayed in this room with him, everything that happened the next morning making me blush in confusion and anger.
"I would like that Seth thank you, will you hold me? Please." Lying down next to him I placed my arms around him and held him, trying to protect him from his own dreams. He cuddled next to me and even though he was so much bigger than I was; he still fit curled into my body, like two pieces of a puzzle.
The next morning found us together in bed, naked and curled into each other's body like two lovers. When the first morning rays hit me I groggily tried to shake the sleep away from my eyes. When I was able to focus the first thing I saw was Jake's loving gaze.
"Good morning beautiful."
"Jake, who the heck are you talking to, because one thing I'm not, is beautiful first thing in the morning." Jake's amused chuckle was a clear sign that he was in a good mood, very different from the night before.
"I'm talking to you silly, you have no idea how it feels to wake up and see you next to me. This is how I want it to be, to wake up next to you every morning, for the rest of our lives." He kept stroking my hair, while looking at me with a mixture of love and emotion that was almost palpable.
At that moment I realized that we must have shifted during our sleep and I was burrowed into his body with my head resting on his chest and our legs intertwined. With one arm he was rubbing lazy circles on my back while running the other through my hair; it didn't even bother me that our sexes were only inches from each other.
"Thank you for coming to my room last night and helping me get over that nightmare. It was hard to shake off the feeling that it was real, it was so scary my angel." why did he have to be so sweet to me? He disarmed me completely. When he was acting like an obnoxious bastard, it was easy, that Jake I understood and could defend myself against. The sweet innocent Jake was very hard to understand and even harder to resist.
"You're going down, wolf girl!"
"That's what you think squirt, I still have a few aces under my sleeve" Leah frantically manipulated the controls of my game console.
"You're dead meat Leah, accept your defeat!" I knew this game like the back of my hand and was just giving her some rope so she could hang herself.
"Never, when did you get so good in this fucking game?"
"Shit, Leah look around you, what do you think I do all day? Since Jake brought my X-box from the house that's all I do. He even got me a new game."
"Damn it Seth, you must be so bored."
"Yeah, but what can I do?"
"You never leave the house?"
"Yes I do, I'm not allowed to go in the woods but I can take short walks as long as Jake is home and I don't leave the property." To anybody the idea of walking in circles may seem trivial, but to me it was a big step in the right direction.
"I don't know how you do it Seth; I would've slashed my wrists by now."
"And what good would that do? I would heal and Jake would be pissed"
"So what? If he gets pissed, tough."
"You don't understand Leah, Jake does everything for me without complaining, quite the contrary, he seems to enjoy cooking for me, cleaning our room and all the little things he does for me." I could feel the blush that was probably making my face look maroon, hopefully Leah wouldn't notice.
"Why are you blushing Seth?" Shit, why did she have to be so observant?
There was no way I was giving her details of my life with Jake. The fact that he was the closest thing I ever had to a friend. The way we made each other laugh, how he listened to every stupid thing I had to say. How we craved each other's company and how my heart leapt for joy every time I heard him come in the house after a long day apart.
The baths he would give me, which always ended up with me having mind blowing orgasms. He even gave me massages, according to him, to help me relax. The only problem was that I always ended up tensing even more, but in a good way. Each time he got more daring, exploring my body like it was his own personal treasure map. He had gone as far as inserting a finger in my ass, after several times it didn't even hurt anymore, it actually felt good.
He was very gentle with me, always trying to find ways to show me how much he loved me, Whether he was just keeping me company or making me blush furiously by touching me in the most intimate way possible, it was all about me, he never asked me to touch him, but expected to be allowed to touch me, without fear of rejection.
I especially needed to maintain what transpired on the cliffs under the strictest secrecy. That had been by far the best night of my life and Jake's life too, it was the most intimate moment we had shared so far. We felt so close to each other, so happy to be part of each other's life; we couldn't stop smiling for days. I still felt embarrassed and self-conscious about it, but couldn't help smiling every time I looked at him, especially when I caught a sight of the two bluish lines on each side of his neck.
"Planet earth calling Seth, hello!" Leah was waving her hand in front of my face in an attempt to make me pay attention.
"Why were you blushing a few minutes ago? What were you thinking just now? You looked like your mind was a thousand miles from here." She was very amused and genuinely curious.
"None of your business Leah." That reply earned me a round of tickles, Leah attacked me without mercy. That was until the bed sheet I had covering my naked lower half slid off, exposing me.
"Shit Seth, can you do me a big favor and put some clothes on. I'm sick and tired of looking at your dick every time this damn thing falls off." She was a picture of embarrassment and looked really annoyed, covering her eyes with her forearm, while holding the bed sheet up with her other hand.
I felt my face fall; grabbing the sheet I wrapped it for the umpteenth time around my waist. I knew there was nothing I could do about it; I didn't have access to any of my clothes and Jake didn't leave anything out for me before leaving.
"Sorry Leah, I don't have any clothes, Jake is keeping them and of course he hasn't told me where he is storing them. Anyway, even if I had clothes I'm not allowed to wear anything to our bed." I saw Leah cringe when I said our bed. She had not forgiven Jake for everything that happened in Sam's house the night of my birthday and detested the fact that I was living with him.
"Lee Lee, don't be sad, I'm happy. Jake is taking really good care of me; his main purpose in life is to make me happy. I know he loves me, he shows me every day with little things, like making my favorite meals, watching my favorite shows and even bringing me flowers." I directed my gaze to the simple vase that contained a beautiful bunch of wildflowers Jake brought me the day before and couldn't help but smile.
"Since mom and dad passed away I have not felt the kind of unconditional love he gives me, I know that if it came to it, he would give his life for me. Please don't feel bad, I know you and Sam love me unconditionally, the same way I love you guys, but with Jake it's just different."
"Do you realize that you are speaking about Jake with such pride and adoration that it sounds almost like you are in love with him? Seth, do you love him?" Leah's voice was barely a whisper; she held my hands while leaning over trying to find my eyes, which I've fixated on an undetermined spot on my lap.
"I don't know Leah, I don't think so. I'm grateful that he treats me well and doesn't hurt me, but I'm still a prisoner. He has taken away what I cherished the most, my freedom." With this admission I felt a few tears escape my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and ending on my lap.
"Ok, please Seth, don't cry, I came here to be with you and have fun, not to get you upset. I have an idea; you can't wear clothes while on this bed right? Why don't you sit on that chair?" She pointed to the old chair by the desk.
"Sure, but that doesn't make clothes magically appear"
"Stupid, borrow some of Jake's clothes, there must be something in his room that'll fit you"
I had to admit the idea was very appealing, it would feel good to not be naked in front of my sister. Holding the bed sheet around me, I ran to Jake's room. His room was surprisingly tidy considering he worked a lot and all his free time he spent with me. Looking through his drawers I found a pair of basketball shorts and a grey t-shirt. The clothes fit me kind of funny, like a small kid wearing his father's clothes; thank goodness he always wears his shirts two sizes too small, making at least the shirt just ok for me, just a little long.
His scent permeated in the room, I sat on his bed grabbing his pillow and inhaling his scent. I missed him, he had been gone since early in the morning, I just saw him briefly when he came in the room to kiss me goodbye. He had patrol this afternoon so I knew he was coming home late. Home, more than once I caught myself calling my old home, Sam's house and this one my home. I guessed my home was wherever Jake was.
Walking toward my room I stood by the door, modeling for Leah the latest fashions. She cheered enthusiastically clapping her hands in delight.
"That's more like it, now I can concentrate on the game. You are going down... submissive."
"Don't fucking call me that! I hate it, it's humiliating!" didn't she know I hated that word with passion? It implied that I was a defenseless little freak that needed to be protected and controlled.
"Sorry Seth, I was just trying to throw you off your game, you know how competitive I am."
"Ok but don't say it again!" I sat down huffing.
We played for a while before Billy's voice echoed in the house.
"Leah, Seth can you come down?" Strange, Billy only talked to me when it was absolutely necessary.
After putting down the controls we went downstairs, only to find Billy at the bottom of the stairs waiting for us.
"Emily called and asked me to let Leah know that dinner was ready and she needs to get home. She also offered to send home some stew if somebody goes and gets it because she can't bring it."
"I can't bring it, I have patrol in an hour and if I'm late again Jake is going to have me doing doubles. Seth, why don't you walk over with me and bring it back?"
"I'm sorry Leah but I'm not allowed to walk that far. Jake will flip if he comes home and doesn't find me here." I looked pleadingly at my sister, I was hungry and Emily's stew was legendary.
"Seth, I'm sure Jake would appreciate a nice meal after a long day of work and patrol, right now we are probably going to have sandwiches for dinner. If Jake gets here before you come back, I'll tell him I asked you to go get some food at Sam's. He trusts you a lot more now, it'll be ok." Billy looked sincere and I decided to trust him.
"Ok I'll go." I didn't need much convincing, I was ecstatic, it was the first time in over a month I was going to leave the Black's property.
Leah and I took off, walking in amicable companionship all the way to Sam's house, every once in a while a light ruffling of leaves or a small critter would startle me. I kept looking over my shoulder expecting Jake to jump out of the forest at any moment.
When we got there I ran to Emily's arms and embraced her in a bear hug.
"Seth, it's so good to see you! I couldn't believe it when Billy called saying you were coming over." She was beaming, her brown eyes shining with the emotion we both felt; I've missed her so much.
"But I'm not going to keep you long; Billy asked me to have everything ready so you could go back immediately, we don't want to tempt fate." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, I understood it was not that she didn't want me to visit; she wanted to keep me safe.
I headed back walking hastily, I would run but was afraid of spilling the food and it would've been for nothing. The short walk to Sam's house infused me with a lot of energy, I felt happy and free for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Jake's house, my home, was not that far ahead, my heart fluttered for reasons I didn't understand or failed to acknowledge. A small chuckle escaped my lips at the realization that I was going to see Jake in less than an hour. What's wrong with me? I hate him, no, I don't hate him anymore. Do I love him? No way! I had to stop when I bumped into a wall, wait what? Who the hell built a wall in the middle of…?
"WHERE WERE YOU?" Jake bellowed at me.
I took a step back lifting my hands in a classic surrender pose.
"Jake...I ...Emily..." I couldn't construct a coherent thought much less a sentence. My reflex was to shrink into myself and try to hide, but it was useless.
"Who gave you permission to leave the house and go see Emily? It was Leah, wasn't it? I knew it was a bad idea to allow her to visit you. That's one mistake I'm never making again." I felt part of me die when I looked into Jake's eyes, they were completely black, he was allowing the wolf to take over.
"Seth, this is it, your third strike, let's go home, today you will submit once and for all. I'll pound you into submission like I should've done months ago. I warned you, let's get home fast; I need to get you in bed and under me as soon as possible." He grabbed me roughly by the arm, digging his fingers in my flesh; I could almost feel the bruises forming. I couldn't find my voice, the pain in my chest was only overpowered by the insane amount of fear I was feeling.
He was dragging me toward the house when we spotted Billy wheeling himself as fast as he could towards us.
"Billy, whatever it is needs to wait, Seth and I have something to settle, call Sam and ask him to cover my patrols for the rest of the week, I won't be able to leave Seth's side after I'm done with him." Jake said everything in one breath. I glared at Billy; did he do it on purpose?
"Son, stop and listen." Billy's voice carried with it an authority much bigger that any alpha command I had ever heard. Jake stopped walking to listen to his father, his grip tighter with every passing minute.
"I gave Seth permission to go to Sam's house to get some food for us. I was in the bathroom when you came in the house and you didn't hear me when I called you, I guess you were already outside." At least he kept his word; I knew he hated me, but you don't get to be a tribal elder by being dishonest and unfair.
"And who are you, to grant any permission to my submissive?"
"I'm your father and you will watch your tone, I don't care how big you are, you will not disrespect me, understood?" Billy might be stuck in a wheelchair, but he was still Jake's father and he demanded respect.
Jacob was flabbergasted moving his head from side to side, alternating between looking at Billy and at me. He slumped his shoulders in defeat and eased the grip he had on my arm, without letting go.
"Let's go home, we have to talk about this and set clear limits to Seth's restrictions."
I couldn't take it any longer, how dare he?
"I'm not your fucking pet Jacob" I was beyond furious, he felt entitled to make decisions about everything in my life. I accepted everything so far, we were doing so well and he had to go and screw it up.
"Seth, I suggest you keep your mouth shut, regardless of what my father said, you knew very well you were not allowed to leave the property. It was clear defiance on your part; consider yourself lucky if I don't punish you. Any dominant would at least give his submissive a spanking for doing what you did, that is of course, after pounding them deep and hard to make them remember who they belong to."
"Fuck you Jacob!" I didn't care anymore; this was going to end today.
"What did you say?" Jacob's massive form moved menacingly toward me.
"What you heard asshole, fuck you Jacob Black! I HATE YOU!" With these words I slammed the food on Billy's lap before taking off running toward the house, barely avoiding Jacob's hand when he tried to grab me.
I ran inside the house and upstairs as fast as my legs would take me. I knew it didn't make any sense to run towards the house, when I could've tried to escape. In my heart I knew that any escape attempt was futile, Jacob would find me and I would wish to never been born. I was shaking violently while removing my clothes; I knew what I needed to do. I didn't want to do this and for sure was not ready, but he left me no other choice. I sat on the bed waiting for him.
The noises coming from the first floor alerted me that Jacob was back inside the house, he probably had to wheel his father back in the house and that slowed him down. I heard his heavy footsteps as he approached the bedroom.
Taking a calming breath I braced for impact, at that same moment the bedroom door flew open and he walked in locking it behind him.
"Seth Clearwater you will never, listed to me, NEVER going to speak to me like that again."
"It's not going to happen again Jacob." I answered calmly, accepting my fate gave me the peace I needed to go through with this.
"Jacob, I'm done I don't have the strength or the desire to fight anymore." He started talking, but I stopped him. "Fuck me and get it over with."
"What? You are going to submit to me willingly?" A shimmer of hope appeared in his eyes but it was short lived.
"I'm not submitting and before you ask I don't love you and never will. All you wanted from me since you imprinted was my ass and that's all you will have. I'm not living in fear anymore, constantly walking on eggshells around you, is not fair. I never asked for an imprint, shit I never asked to be a wolf; Mother Nature has a twisted sense of humor and imposed on me this punishment. In the last few weeks I deluded myself into thinking you really cared for me and that I cared for you too, but I'm not wasting my time dreaming about happy endings." I had to stop to clear my throat that was becoming so tight it was almost unbearable.
"Today you will claim me; I'll stay here and be your sex toy for the rest of my life, as short or as long as it may be. I put the tube of lubricant on the table in case you want to use it, if you want to go at it dry, I don't care, do whatever you want. Just get it over with and stop torturing me."
I stood up from the bed, walking toward Jacob like I was in autopilot. He remained on the same spot he was when I started talking, watching me, probably trying to decipher if this was a bluff. Unfortunately this was not a bluff; I was not going to start laughing saying tricked you. When I reached him I unbuttoned his cutoffs and opened the zipper. He grabbed both my hands with one of his and with the other the tilted my chin up trying to make me look at him. I couldn't look him in the eye; I was in too much pain.
"What are you doing baby?" His words were hesitant, leaving his lips slowly and almost scared.
"I'm taking your pants off." I answered flatly; I bowed my head diverting my gaze back to his pants.
"But ... why are you doing that now?"
"To hurry things along, you have waited long enough, haven't you? Come to the bed and fuck me Jacob." I lifted my gaze to look at him, something in my appearance made him gasp, but I wasn't going to ask and I really didn't care.
Turning around and walking back to the bed I climbed up, getting on all fours I rested my head on my forearms before muttering. "Jacob, come to bed now." It was not a command or a question, just five random words.
I closed my eyes and felt a few tears escape my eyes. The bed dipped on my right side and I prepared myself for what was coming, Jacob mounting me. Instead I felt his hands on my waist pulling me towards him placing me on his lap.
"You want me to ride you, is that it?" I tried to get my hands in his pants to bring out his cock, he grabbed my hands again and tried to make me look at him, but I just shook my head.
"Seth, we need to talk." He sounded alarmed.
"No we don't, that's not what I'm here for. You brought me here to be your bitch, that's all I'm going to be." It was extremely painful to accept and admit my destiny. Since Jake and I started getting closer I've felt like I was an important part of his life, but I was mistaken, I was nothing to him.
"Stop saying that, I love you Seth, it's killing me to see you like this, please snap out of it, you're scaring me!"
I threw my head back laughing like I was demented "I'm scaring you? Me, a worthless submissive is scaring the all mighty alpha?"
"You are not worthless Seth, you mean to me more than my own life."
"Whatever you say" I crawled back to my previous spot in the middle of the bed, this time I laid down on my back and opened my legs exposing myself to him.
He jumped towards me and pushed my legs together, pulling me towards him and encasing me in a tight hug.
"Please Seth, snap out of it." I couldn't respond; I was on the verge of sanity. Jacob should be happy; he was able to break me. I felt myself starting to get dizzy, my breathing was coming out in shallow pants and blackness engulfed me before losing touch with all my senses.
"SETH, SETH please baby wake up!" I heard Jacob's panicked voice through the dark and unrelenting fog that was my mind.
Slowly I was regaining consciousness, but that made all the pain take hold of me once again. I didn't want to wake up, I would rather stay asleep, at least that way I wouldn't feel this crushing pain that was killing me. Struggling against consciousness and refusing to listen to Jacob's voice I kept my eyes closed hoping that the comforting darkness would envelop me again.
"My Seth please baby, I'm so sorry, never again. I swear I'll never do this again" his cries were heartbreaking.
I felt the darkness leave me and slowly opened my eyes, my lids felt heavy and my sight was out of focus, I was concerned until I realized I was crying. Jacob held me in a tight embrace cradling me on his lap.
"Thank goodness, Seth I'm so sorry, this will never happen again. I swear to you right now that things are going to change. From this moment everything is going to be different, I'm giving you your clothes, your phone, your freedom and all the other things I've taken away from you." His voice sounded strained and desperate, talking so fast I was having a hard time understanding him.
"I love you so much, please never doubt it. I've made so many mistakes and bad decisions but I'm not a bad person, just stupid sometimes. If I ever see you broken like that again, especially knowing I was the cause of all your sorrow, I won't be able to live with myself."
I struggled to find my voice, it was important to ask him the question that's been plaguing me since I regained consciousness.
"Jake you're ... letting me go? You are giving me back my freedom?"
"If that's what would make you happy, you got it baby." A chocked sob escaped Jacob's lips at this admission. He was giving me my freedom, I was free to go, no more jail, no more limits, nobody controlling my every move. No more Jacob, no more friendship... no more love.
Sitting up on his lap I looked for his eyes but he avoided my gaze, his eyes locked in an undetermined point on the floor. He was hurting, the pain in his soul was so abundant it felt like it was spilling out through his pores and becoming a living breathing being. I felt so fucking confused, but why? He was offering exactly what I wanted, to be freed from this prison. A part of me, one bigger than I cared to admit, wanted to stay, to share my life with him for the rest of our lives.
With my index finger I lifted his chin to make him look at me, he resisted at first but eventually complied. The pain and sadness in his eyes made me feel like somebody rammed their fists into my chest and was squeezing the life out of my heart. I wanted to make that sadness go away, but at what cost? My own happiness was on the line, I've always been a selfish bastard, why change now?
"I want my freedom Jake, I'm tired of you controlling everything, what I eat, who I talk to, even my clothes or lack thereof."
"I understand my love, but… could you please give me another chance." Jake's voice was barely a whisper.
"You messed up Jake; we have been doing so much better. I felt we were friends, maybe even more than friends, but you had to go ahead and turn all our progress to shit. You have been deceiving me, earning my trust and for what? So you could just trick me into submitting to you." It felt amazingly good to speak without fear. I was not afraid of him anymore, if it came to it and he changed his mind and raped me, well so be it, to hell with it. Today it ends for us, he took everything away from me, he had been my warden; he kept me as his prisoner, torturing me every day.
Standing up I grabbed the clothes I had been wearing and got dressed again and started walking toward the door.
"Seth you can't go, STOP." the double timbre of the alpha command resonated in the whole room, making me go blind with fury.
"Don't you dare pull that alpha crap now Jake! This is your fault; you messed up, not me. I can't take it anymore, don't you understand? I thought you were a man of your word not a charlatan, you said you were going to give me my freedom and I want it, now."
"You're right Seth… you can go." Feeling lighter after he lifted the alpha command I stood a few steps from the bedroom door, this time it was me who looked over my shoulder.
"Bye Jacob, like I said, this is all your fault; it could have been different, if you just had a little bit of restraint and common sense." His bitter sob was painful to hear, I was rubbing salt on the wound, I was being cruel, but he deserved it, right?
"I know... I'm sorry and hopefully you will find it in your heart to one day forgive me. I will always love you Sethy." I couldn't look at him; I was too angry and disappointed.
Stepping out into the hallway I had my first taste at freedom in a long time, but it was bittersweet. On one hand I got what I had been dreaming of since the night he brought me here, the opportunity to go back home, to my old life with my family. On the other hand I was losing what I had been dreaming of for a long time, somebody who loved me, for who I was, with all my virtues and defects.
Stopping every two steps I couldn't get my body to move away from the door. I could hear Jacob's muffled sobs, bitter and laced with pain. I didn't want to go back, I couldn't go back, he abused me, tried to rape me, kept me as a prisoner controlling everything about my life.
I had to make a decision and it would be final. If I decided to stay I was going to let down all my defenses, I was going to be whatever he wanted me to be. This scared the shit out of me, the idea of having sex with Jake was terrifying and exciting at the same time.
If I decided to leave I would probably finish high school and leave La Push forever. I would leave the pack and make a life for myself, trying to forget everything that happened in the last weeks.
It dawned on me what I needed to do; sure of my decision I took the first steps to the rest of my life.
Here it is, in what direction do you think Seth is going? Back to Jake or away from him?
If you can, leave me a review and tell me what you think.