Terribly short chapter today but healthy amounts of fluff! Remember to leave a review!

A Change of Heart

James' entire world came crashing down on him in one instant and he suddenly very much wished for the ground beneath his feet to open up and swallow him because at least then he would know it was all just a bad dream. What did he do wrong? From where did he go wrong? He gave her space, he gave her time. He did exactly as she wished. So why? His heart jolted back to life when Lily pulled herself from his arms, he locked his hands together around her, stopping her from gaining anymore distance from him.

"Why?" he asked, his voice hard and his expression dark. He was frustrated, scared and insecure all wrapped into one chaotic mood. He wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her, demand an explanation. "What did I do wrong?" He snarled, his frustration threatened to claw out of his chest.

"Nothing!" she insisted as she continued try and fight her way out of his hold, both figuratively and literally. James held fast, refusing to back down without a fight—or a proper explanation.

"Then why are you doing this?" he snapped angrily. "How can I fix anything if you won't tell me what went wrong? Was it Sirius? He said something to you, didn't he? What did he say?" He held fast to her upper arms and forced their eyes to meet, the fury and frustration burned unbridled in his hazy eyes.

Anger flashed in her eyes and suddenly she was shoving him away but he was merely inched a step back while Lily was stumbled away from him at her own force "Don't pin this on him! Sirius has been nothing but loyal to you!" her sudden defensiveness stirred the envious green monster in him and suddenly it consumed him.

"Is that so? And since when have you ever got on with him?" his tone was accusatory and from the way Lily suddenly looked up to meet his eyes, she didn't miss it.

"Since just now! And I wouldn't have to if you hadn't neglected him!" she was yelling now, her body warm with anger instead of the alcohol.

"Neglected him? He's not bleeding twelve, Lily. He's eighteen, he's old enough to make his own fucking decisions! Why the bloody hell are you suddenly acting like his mother?"

"Because no one would!" the tears filled her eyes as she shouted, the anguish and sympathy glistened in the brilliance of her emerald gaze "Because he's all alone, James! While we're busy trying to fix some stupid non-existent problem, he's been fighting all on his own!"

"What does Sirius have anything to do with us? You can barely tolerate him. What is this about?" James frowned, confused and slightly panicked at the possibility that Lily might have developed affections for his best friend.

"Can't you see what we've become? What I've warped you into? We've become so wrapped up in ourselves, we're ignorant to everything else. Voldemort is recruiting members, students like Mulciber and Snape. Now he's gone after Sirius, trying to get to you and it's all Sirius can do to keep the death eaters at bay. Yaxley is torturing the students and Hogwarts has become some sort of military school. Everyone is afraid, James. And here we are, arguing about our bloody relationship! We haven't got time for this!"

James was holding his breath as Lily dispelled the last of hers, her chest rose and fell with each breath, her anger rolling off in waves and saturating the air around them. "What do you want me to do?" he said quietly, his voice hoarse with fear. There was nothing else on his mind but the sheer panic and danger of their—his situation. If he could just win her back, he would worry about everything else later. You're going to lose her. His helpless sub-conscious told him."Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this, Lily."

Lily looked at him, her eyes wide and broken. "There is nothing you can do James. We need to end this before more people get hurt. I can't keep telling you what to do; I can't keep… keep changing you like this. We need to just… stop, okay?" she breathed out heavily "Before I turn you into someone you'll come to hate." she murmured.

James intervened "And I'm not unwilling, Lily. I would do anything for you, you have to know that" his voice wavered.

Lily took a shuddering breath and downcast her eyes "Who's to say in a few years' time, you won't hate me for how things turned out? You'll be unhappy and I'll only have myself to blame."

That was the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "How could I ever hate you? You make me so happy. I wouldn't be doing any of this if that wasn't the case."

Her glistening emerald eyes lifted to meet his and he could see his own anguish reflected in her eyes "Sirius makes you happy too-" James' expression grew dark but Lily pressed on "-and Remus and Peter. Fooling around with them, annoying teachers, stuffing dungbombs into unsuspecting people's bags— those things make you happy too. And ever since we got together you've been trying to keep all that away from me. I make you happy and I know better than to doubt that. But it's not the same, I'm not enough for the other part of you— the cheeky, troublemaking, reckless marauder side of you."

"I love you, Lily." His voice was quiet and helpless.

Lily gasped as if the words at sliced her open and fought to keep the anguish at bay. "I know" her voice a feather-light whispered as her bottom lip trembled. "I know, but sometimes it's just not enough" she inched herself away from him and James found himself taking a step toward her on instinct. How could she say that when she could feel what he did? Their bonds have already set. How could she just ignore that?

"How will we function?" James groused and he reached for her before he could stop himself, feeling lighter after he'd wrapped himself around her "We see each other every day."

Lily looked up to gaze at him, an affectionate smile on her lips as she reached up to stroke his cheek. "It's our last year in Hogwarts, we'll graduate in a few months and we might never see each other again" James winced and tightened his hold on her. She reached up with both hands to cup his face and he leaned down to press his forehead against hers. "We're young, James. We'll fall in love again." He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head in the smallest motion of protest. Lily sniffled and pressed on, "In a few years' times, I'll become an old obsession. A passing thought when you hug your wife or when you're bouncing a little Potter on your knee." She smiled fondly at the idea of a little James to hold but the tears seared her skin as they fell.

Lily's sobs now came in short gasps, her eyes squeezed shut as she wrapped her arms around James and clung to him despite her words. The fleeting image of a messy haired child with emerald eyes left a mental scar in her mind and Lily realized just how much she ached for a life with James. To start a family and mother the child, a manifestation of their love. It hurt to think he would have all that with another woman. A faceless, shapeless woman.

She wanted to be the one to bring their child into the world. She wanted him to dote on her while she swung from mood to mood. She wanted to curl up next to him every night for as long as she lived. She wanted to hold their firstborn and be the first to greet them to the world. She wanted to watch James teach their baby how to be a fantastic quidditch player just like their father. She wanted to struggle with parenthood with him. She wanted to be selfish and walk the path of destruction if it meant she could do it with him. Her heart edged closer and closer to a clean break with every rational thought as Lily forced herself to speak the words that felt like shattered glass on her tongue "You will find happiness again, James. I promise." Lily's voice cracked and James could feel the dampness spreading on his chest.

"I don't want to." James said simply, his tone clipped with no other elaboration. Lily struggled to put distance between them but he held on, squeezing her so tightly against him, the cracked pieces of her heart began to mend itself. She could feel his heart beating strongly against her chest, in perfect sync with her own heartbeats.

"James!" she gasped, mainly to try and break their moment but partially because she needed air.

"Shut up, Lily." he growled and Lily stilled at his tone. "Shut up and listen" To what? Lily stayed completely still, waiting for him to speak again but he didn't. All she could hear was the rapid beating of their heartbeats, there was only one beat because they were both in sync. The sound soothed her, placating her rampaging thoughts. "Listen to that and tell me that we're not meant to be." Lily smiled at the clichéd words. It sounded so weird to be hearing them from a real person rather than reading it from a novel or seeing it play out on the telly but it made her feel warm and fuzzy on the inside despite it all.

"I'm not good for you, James" her words were half-hearted at best when pressed fully against his warmth but it didn't make it any less true. Ever since they had gotten together, Lily had been nothing but push her expectations onto him, occasionally disapproving of his traditions with his mates. No fighting. Don't be late for meetings. Don't play pranks on others.

He pulled away from her and grabbed her face. "Why would you even think that?"

"Hogwarts needs you, James. Now more than ever. With Voldemort on the rise and Dumbledore gone. I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen to us if Dumbledore doesn't come back. What's going to happen to the school? The students? What if- what if Voldemort already has control of the Ministry? Someone needs to stand up to the ministry's rules and you won't do that because I'm holding you back. James, I'm not brave, confident or spontaneous but you are! You've always known what to do in these situations, you're brave enough to go through with your plans and clever enough to pull it off. You know who are you—what you are. You're James Potter." she sniffled and cupped her hands over his, holding them in place. "Gryffindor's Golden Boy and Quidditch hero and I'm Lily—just Lily. The awkward muggle-born too eager to prove she belongs because she has nowhere else to go"

Her insecurities, her deepest vulnerabilities came rushing out of her "You're holding yourself back for me when the truth is, you shouldn't have to second guess yourself just because I don't agree with you. You're much better than that. You shouldn't have to compromise for me at all."

"You're right" James agreed abruptly and Lily's heart sank hypocritically, she watched as the grin split slowly across his face and he leaned forward all of the sudden, pressing his warm lips onto hers with renewed urgency but before Lily could even respond, he was pulling away, her face still trapped in his grasp. "I shouldn't have to compromise for you. So I'm not going to. We're not over."

Lily's face fell but her heart restarted "James, you're not making this any easier!" she snapped.

"It's not supposed to be easy!" he raised his voice and Lily jumped and dropped her hand away from his, there was a new fire in his eyes that Lily couldn't recognize. The anguish and desperation now completely engulfed in the intensity of the flames. "If you want to break up, fine. But if you think for a second that what we have together can be simplified into a bloody label, think again, Lily" he grasped her hand and pressed it flat against his chest. She could feel it rapidly thumping against her palm. "Feel that?" he asked, breathless "It's yours." Lily's breath hitched. "This isn't some high school flame, Lily. There are no labels for what we have together but if you want one—" he paused, his eyes wide and serious before he grinned cockily. "Marry me."

Lily's heart skipped a beat and she could feel his do the same before speeding up double time "Did you just-"

"Propose?" he cut her off, his hazel eyes wide with surprise, mirroring her own. "Yeah, I did." his tone was challenging and his eyes brightened with exhilaration.

"You're being ridiculous" Lily stepped back to clear her head but her hand was trapped against his heart, holding her to him. She looked up to see a pair of wounded hazels and her chest constricted.

"I'm not bluffing, Lily. You will marry me or I'm going to jump off Gryffindor tower the moment you turn your back on me" he was grinning, the mirth and joy so evident on his face, it was contagious. Lily's heart leapt with every beat, the thumping grew stronger and stronger as she realized just how much she wanted to say yes. But the niggling voice in the back of her head forbid it. They hadn't resolved anything. As if he had read her mind, James answered for her "No more holding back, right? I can do that, but I need you with me. We'll figure things out along the way."

Lily found hope in his words and sought solace by his side but they were falling back into the pattern again, if they kiss and make up with lacey words every time, they would never learn. "James" she uttered his name as if it physically wounded her to speak "You don't understand, we-"

"No, Lily. You don't understand, if you keep trying to predict the future, we're going to get nowhere. You're overthinking— you're always overthinking and now you're just coming up with reasons why we can't be together when all you have to do now is just answer my bloody proposal!" he gripped both her wrist and held them against him. Lily blinked, genuinely surprised as he grinned at her. "Confident and spontaneous, remember?"

Mesmerized and too happy to be pessimistic, Lily could no longer shackle herself to righteousness "Yes" she uttered breathlessly as she mirrored James' grin. "Yes, yes! I'll marry you." she gripped his shirt and pulled him down for a hard, searing kiss devoid of barriers and anguish, freed of shackles of insecurity as Lily allowed herself to hope—to believe that— Yes, perhaps they were truly meant to be.

TBC

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