Just a reminder, my Cutler in this fic is based upon a name and a physical description of the actor playing the role. He was created in my mind before season four began and all we had was his name so many liberties have been taken. All other errors are my own. Thoughts appreciated.

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Cutler is sitting at the kitchen table when Mitchell and Shannon reappear. Slowly he rises to his feet and his expression is sombre. Mitchell notices his pallor, the wariness in his eyes.

"How are you?" he asks Shannon, watching as she moves closer to the table but keeping Mitchell within sight at all times.

"Better." she answers warily. Cutler sighs and he sinks back down on his seat. He watches as they sit down opposite him.

"First of all I want to apologise. I behaved appallingly badly last night; I assure you that it doesn't happen very often. It's been a very…bad…few days." His words peter away as he looks to them both before fixing upon Shannon.

"You got the most awful shock and I feel like I have to explain things to you." He takes a breath.

"Yes, I was having a…relationship with Jessie. Those were sketches of her that you saw. When I say that she's no longer around then I'm telling you the truth, she's dead, ended. She won't…be back. She's gone." His expression turns bleak and he looks away. After a second he takes another breath before he looks back at her.

"I understand you were trying to do something…nice by tidying up the mess that I made. I appreciate the thought and I should've taken more care but like I said…bad few days." Shannon regards him.

"You cared for her." He lifts his head and his expression is startled to say the least. He nods.

"And I'm here and she's not." He shrugs restlessly.

"There's nothing anyone can do about that I'm afraid." He glances at Mitchell.

"I'd like for us to start afresh. I'd like for you both to stay for as long as you feel comfortable and if there's anything I can do to help with your…transition Shannon, then I will." His words are slow and halting and Shannon sees the pain in his blue eyes.

"How can you help me?" Shannon asks, genuinely curious. She feels Mitchell's eyes on her but she doesn't look at him. Cutler's gaze is steady upon her face.

"I'm considered an Old One. I'm over six hundred years old and there aren't many of us of that age around." he answers levelly and Shannon slowly nods. She looks at Mitchell.

"I'm scared." she admits in a low voice.

"I know." Mitchell replies.

"You'll help me…you'll both help me? I didn't like what I became back then…that poor man…" her voice fades as she looks back to Cutler. He has such sad eyes. She watches him slowly nod.

"We'll help you." he promises.

"Mitchell has explained some of it to me…about how I can't go back to my job because of the blood involved…but I need to feel useful. I've always looked after myself; I just can't be comfortable relying on you both to take care of me."

"I understand and maybe in a while we'll figure out where you fit in but for now we need to get you…stable." Shannon regards him and slowly she nods. She gets to her feet and Mitchell and Cutler watch as she goes to the sink. There's an upturned glass on the draining board and they watch her rinse it and fill it with water. She returns to the table and she places the glass in front of Cutler. He looks at it and then back at her.

"What's this?"

"You're hung over. I can smell the whisky fumes from here. You need to drink that…probably more and take some painkillers because vampire or not you must have one hell of a hangover." she answers mildly. She sees the surprised look he sends to Mitchell and she looks at him over her shoulder to see him just shrug.

"She's a nurse." he mumbles. Cutler sighs and reaches for the glass and Shannon watches him take a sip of water. He looks a little green around the gills still.

Mitchell brings her tea and he smiles into her eyes as she accepts the cup from him. It's been a couple of days since her escape and everyone is on tenterhooks. Mitchell watches her almost constantly. She's coming down from her first kill, he recognises the symptoms, she's pale and she's twitchy. Oh she tries to hide it but he's been around far too long not to recognise it. She'll start to get achy and crampy and that's when the moods will begin to swing and that's the part he's dreading. Things are just beginning to settle down between them and soon everything will be upset again.

He has to go back to work shortly. After Shannon was first turned he called in and faked an illness for a few days but he has to go back. He needs the money and also he needs information. He also has to entrust Shannon to Cutler. Prior to their falling out then he wouldn't think twice about it but now…Cutler is contrite and accommodating at the moment but Mitchell worries all the same.

Shannon can't sleep. She's fidgety and restless. Mitchell is trying not to hover and she's trying to understand why he is but it annoys her all the same. All she can think about is blood, the warmth of it, the coppery salty taste of it flowing down her throat and filling her. She closes her eyes and she remembers it all, how it felt, how easy it had been and it's all she can do to stay in control. The only thing that stops her right now is remembering the expression on her victim's face, the sheer terror. He'd been taller than her and easily outweighed her but against her raging bloodlust he stood no chance. That knowledge alone keeps her in check.

She lies in bed and she trembles. She's so cold, stone cold. She wraps her arms around her body and tries to stop the shaking that racks her bones but it's useless. Her eyes open when she feels the mattress give slightly and she turns her head and she sees Mitchell climb into bed beside her.

"Hey." he murmurs in a low voice. She rolls towards him and his arms encircle her and he draws her up against him.

"Try and relax." he tells her.

"I can't…I hurt Mitchell, everything itches and hurts. Nothing helps."

"It's withdrawal, like drug addiction when you come off it you go through this. The longer you've been on it the more unpleasant it is. For you it should be like a mild cold." His voice is low and strangely comforting.

"What was it like for you?"

"I was like a rabid animal, the worst dose of flu ever times ten thousand. Right now it's the thought of going through that again that keeps me sober." he answers.

"It's hard."

"I know." She feels him slowly rub her back. She unfurls her arms and slips one of them around him.

"Where's Cutler?"

"In his conservatory. He'll be okay in time." She lifts her head slightly and looks into his eyes.

"He had feelings for her Mitchell, deep feelings if my impressions are correct."

"I know…he wants revenge and I'm trying to make him realise that it's a really bad idea."

"It would be, it wouldn't solve anything, won't bring her back." She begins to shake again. She can't help it, she can't stop it. Her teeth chatter.

"That's what I've told him. Come on, lie down. We can talk til you feel sleepy."

"I don't feel sleepy Mitchell. The only thing stopping me from leaving this room right now is you. The need for blood is getting to be too much…it's doing my head in." he hears how her voice tightens with frustration.

"If you're serious about not feeding then you can overcome this," he tells her "and you will feel sleepy eventually."

"I know a way…" she sits up and looks down at him, at his faint frown. She slowly smiles. His expression clears in understanding.

"Oh God Shannon…no…"

"Why not…"

"Because you're not in your right mind that's why…sex won't take away the craving."

"But it'll give me something else to think about…Mitchell…." she draws his name out in a long whine. He stiffens as she straddles him. His hands shoot up to grab hold of her forearms.

"Shannon. No." he flinches as she wriggles. He lets go of her arms and instead his hands clasp at her hips. She grins at him.

"Oh you like that idea…you really do…" she purrs and she leans down. Mitchell takes a breath and he twists her and flips her onto her back.

"Please…there's nothing I'd like more but believe me, it's really not the right time." He stares into her eyes and he sees how they widen in genuine surprise. He watches them fill with tears. She hits out at him and then rolls onto her side, putting her back to him. He looks at her for another moment before he quietly sighs and lies down. He stares at the back of her head and then slowly slips an arm around her waist. She stiffens up but she doesn't pull away. He has to be grateful for that.

She doesn't sleep. Mitchell doesn't sleep either but he watches her as she paces around her room. She's pale and dishevelled, dark shadows beneath her eyes. He recognises the hunger in her expression, the need. He climbs out of bed and he goes to her.

"Come on, you need to rest." he murmurs. She pauses as he wraps his arms around her. She's stiff, her arms folded tightly around her body, her shoulders hunched. Unresponsive.

"I can't."

"You don't know unless you try."

"Haven't you been listening? I said that I can't." she replies, her voice a low snarl. Mitchell sighs. She turns in a swift sudden movement that makes him take a step back.

"I can't do this, I have to go." She heads for the door. Mitchell strides after her and his hand reaches the door a millisecond before hers does. He slips in between them and presses his back against the wood. He looks at her.

"Mitchell, get out of my way." she instructs. She lifts her head and she looks at him. Her gaze is steady and unflinching.

"And where would you go?" he asks. She takes a half step back and at the same time she shrugs.

"I don't know. Away from here. This is hell Mitchell; I don't know how you can do it day in and day out!"

"I just do."

"Well I can't." she takes a step towards him and she frowns when he doesn't move out of the way.

"Mitchell…"

"So that's it, you're just going to give up? You told me and Cutler that you didn't want to be what you became in that alley."

"I can't do this, it's too hard."

"And now you're being pathetic. Do you think that leaving here and going out there and killing is going to make it all go away? It's just a quick fix Shannon, in a couple of days you'll hate yourself all over again and be back in the same situation as you're in now."

"I don't care." she retorts and a knowing half smile forms on Mitchell's face.

"Liar." he whispers to her. He watches her eyes slowly widen.

"Who do you think your next victim will be? Because that's who he or she will be. Someone like the fella you took down in that alley perhaps? A woman this time, a shop worker, a receptionist or someone's mam hurrying home to her husband and kids….or here's one for you….how about a kid on the way to his mate's house for tea, how about that, a bit little mind you but it's food, am I right?" Mitchell retorts, his voice becoming harder with each word thrown at her. She flinches under the assault.

"How can you say that to me? How can you be so hypocritical?" she demands hotly.

"Because time and time again I've stood where you are and done the exact same thing. I've tried to justify reasons not to stay clean and at the end of the day it was because I was a coward. You told Cutler and me that you didn't want to be like that, you wanted us to help you so let us!" he watches tears flow and she lunges at him. He grabs her by her shoulders and holds on tightly.

"This is all your fault…I wouldn't be like this…."

"If it weren't for me…yeah I get that and here's a newsflash for you darlin' it doesn't work anymore. Think about how you were before all of this, how…dedicated you were…that little girl you ran into A and E with. Think about her, that was down to vampires Shannon." He stares into her eyes, a frown marring his brow.

"You can fight me all you want, you can call me every name you can think of but I'm not letting you through that door." He exhales roughly.

"I may have recruited you but you have a chance. I won't let you become like me. I won't put you through that version of hell." he grinds out. He sees the anger in her eyes but he holds her gaze with new determination and eventually her shoulders slump in defeat. He straightens up and he draws her into his arms again.

Finally Shannon sleeps. He lies beside her on the bed and he holds her. His eyes close for a brief moment. He's weary, absolutely worn out and fear crawls inside of his skull. He doesn't know if he's strong enough to do this, if he can be the support that she needs.

Well he's made his bed and now he has to lie in it. It's something his mam used to say.

He swallows.

Shannon walks slowly into the kitchen. She can hear music playing quietly somewhere and it compels her. The house is still and hushed; it always seems to be like that.

She doesn't know how long she's been here as one day seems to bleed into the next. Mitchell has gone back to work and at the moment she sees him late in the evening. He's courteous and attentive but she gets the impression that he's beginning to disconnect. It puzzles her.

She feels so tired and so very weak, like the strength has been sapped from her bones. She walks slowly and carefully, every moment considered and thought out. She accepts that it's part of the process. She accepts that she must be patient but it isn't easy.

She follows the sound of the music and stops when she reaches the threshold of the conservatory. The patio doors are open in front of her and for a moment she contemplates making a run for them but she knows that she won't get all that far. A radio is playing and after a moment it stops.

"Oh. Hello." She slowly turns her head when she hears Cutler's voice. He's seated at one of the ornate wrought iron tables that are dotted around the interior. She watches him put a sketchpad and pencil down. Slowly he rises to his feet. She watches him approach her. He seems a bit more put together since the last time she set eyes on him.

"How are you feeling?" he enquires quietly and she shrugs.

"Ah. You will feel all over the place for the first few weeks. You shouldn't expect to feel fantastic straight away. Took me months, I still don't think Mitchell is completely together but that's another story entirely. Let's have some tea and we can talk if you like?" he holds out an arm and she turns and heads back into the kitchen.

She sits at the table as he makes tea. He's being solicitous and careful and she has to admit that it's a balm to her scratched soul.

"How are you?" she asks him as he places the mug in front of her. She watches as he turns and then the question seems to register with him because he pauses and then slowly turns back around to regard her. He pauses. Shannon takes a sip of her tea and as she replaces the mug she lifts her eyes to his.

"You don't have to tiptoe around me Cutler; I'm not fragile despite what I must look like. You can say her name, you can talk about her if it will help you." She watches him as he slowly sits on the chair beside her. His blue eyes are sad and bleak.

"She…almost killed you, it doesn't seem right somehow." he confesses.

"You cared for her, that much I can tell so she can't have been all that terrible."

"Apart from attacking you…"

"It was bloodlust. It sounds strange but given what I now am, I kind of…understand. It wasn't anything personal. I was the only human in the room at the time."

"And look where you are now. I can't help but feel responsible somehow." He glances away.

"How are you responsible? You had no way of knowing what would happen." She sees a whisper of emotion flit across his face.

"She wanted to become forsaken, she'd made that choice and it was going to be all sorts of wonderful one day. She returned to the house to get some personal belongings and it went badly wrong from there."

"Eleanor Brennan, Jessie's sire. Mitchell told me about her." she explains at his look of surprise. Cutler regards her curiously.

"What else did he tell you?"

"Just that he and Eleanor had a history over another vampire, someone by the name of Lily and Mitchell killed her."

"Yeah, he impaled her with a poker by all accounts. He stuck her to a door with a poker and then staked her. Apparently it wasn't pleasant but that's what you get when you mess with Big Bad John, a relatively new recruit and in love with a slut." He watches how her eyes widen.

"Big Bad John?" she whispers.

"It's what he was known as. Mitchell was especially heinous during his prime, attracted a lot of attention."

"From who?"

"Has Mitchell mentioned Edgar Wyndam to you?" he watches as she shakes her head.

"He was at the house, I don't know if you remember him, he wore a black suit." He watches how she searches her memory and then she shakes her head.

"I don't remember. I don't remember very much about that night." she admits.

"You need to be careful when you hear his name Shannon, he's also an Old One and he's the worst one of all." Shannon tilts her head to one side.

"He killed Jessie didn't he?" she guesses and he seems to freeze. After a moment he nods in confirmation.

"He did."

"Why?" she whispers. She sees the raw naked pain in his eyes then.

"Because he could. He knew I couldn't defend her so why not. If he ever finds out about you then there's a chance that he could come after you. If he finds out you're a vampire and that I'm helping you he may decide that he wants to take you off to Bolivia for a while." He sees how her eyes widen with outrage.

"There's no way I'd agree to that!" a chilly smile plays around his mouth.

"Oh you wouldn't get a choice in the matter, what Edgar Wyndam wants, Edgar Wyndam gets. I think once you're strong enough it might be a good idea to get out of the country for a while."

"I thought you were looking for revenge…" she closes her mouth and looks away.

"Mitchell has been talking hasn't he? Well he has a right to, he witnessed my little temper tantrum the other night, I told him my motives and I didn't exactly ask him to keep it to himself. He made a valid point about you and also himself. You both need me and I realise that now." he confesses.

"That's if you want my help, I didn't exactly cover myself in glory the other day." he tacks on and his eyes begin to warm at her answering smile.

Mitchell sees the patio doors open and his stomach clenches. He's exhausted after a long and extremely busy shift and seeing those doors wide open is just a little bit too much. Brief panic flutters inside of him and his thoughts go to Shannon. Then he hears laughter and he pauses. He looks around the conservatory and finds it empty. The laughter sounds like its coming from outside and he heads towards it.

He pauses in the entry to the garden and he sees Cutler and Shannon sitting on the narrow patio. It's obvious that they've dragged one of the tables and a couple of chairs out of the conservatory for this reason and why not, it's a nice evening. There's a bottle of wine and two glasses on the table surface and he slowly walks towards it. Both of them look at him and he sees how Cutler smiles. He looks enquiringly at Shannon, more surprised at seeing her out of the house than at anything else. She looks almost…happy.

"Hey…what's going on here?" he asks in a low voice and her answering smile is sweet. It takes him momentarily by surprise. He turns his head slightly as Cutler gets to his feet.

"Have a seat and have some wine; I'll get you a glass. Busy day?" he doesn't give him the opportunity to answer as he heads back into the house. Mitchell turns his head and watches him walk away. Then he returns his attention to Shannon.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks as he lowers himself down onto Cutler's recently vacated seat.

"I fancied a little fresh air after dinner. Jude suggested opening a bottle of wine in the garden and I'm glad he did, it was nice." she replies in a soft voice. She watches him in the dusky light. The sun hasn't long begun to set. It throws long interesting shadows across the garden.

"Don't worry Mitchell, I didn't feel the urge to race off and drain the nearest thing with a heartbeat." she adds on and her smile fades when he doesn't respond.

"It's okay, really. We've been talking and for the first time things feel like they might be okay." she tells him. She moves closer to him. She reaches for his hands and holds them in hers.

"Really?" she hears the doubt in his voice but she slowly nods.

"It won't be easy I know but yeah." she whispers. She leans towards him and she kisses him. She lets go of his hands as he reaches for her, gently grasping her arms and drawing her closer to him. There's a glint in her eyes when she draws back from him.

"There's something I have to talk to you about." He turns his head when he hears Cutler return. He's carrying a glass and another bottle of wine. He looks back to Shannon and he takes a breath.

"Abby's funeral is tomorrow. The service is at the hospital chapel." He sees how her eyes go round.

"What time?" she asks in a tight voice.

"It doesn't matter, you can't go. You can't enter holy ground of any description, churches, synagogues, places of worship. You won't be able to go." He sees the determination and sighs quietly.

"Shannon… please you just can't." he continues. He glances up as he hears Cutler pour dark red wine into three glasses. He pushes one of the glasses to Mitchell and fills his own and then Shannon's.

"I have to be there, she was my best friend!" she hisses. She glances up at Cutler and she sees his regretful expression.

"Mitchell's right I'm afraid, you can't attend. While it's not a physical impossibility, it's a particularly uncomfortable experience for someone like us to venture onto holy ground. It can be extremely painful."

"Would you do it, have you done it?" she asks him.

"Just the once and a very long time ago. I paid for it later and I've never repeated the experience." he answers. He then looks at Mitchell.

"Do you know whether Abby is to be buried or cremated?" he asks.

"It's a burial." Mitchell replies. Cutler returns his attention to Shannon and he regards her. Then he sighs.

"I could take you to the burial but it won't be pleasant, you can't stay for long and the moment I say it's time to leave you do not argue with me do you understand?" his voice is level and allows for no compromises. After a moment Shannon nods.

"Yes and thank you." she whispers. Cutler takes a sip of his wine.