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Chapter twenty five- Life is Everything.
"Oh hello, Miss. Raes! I'm so glad I do not need to introduce myself. And ah Professor Dumbledore! How lovely to see you!" Voldemort exclaimed in a mock pleasant voice.
"Hello Tom." Dumbledore said shortly.
"It seems Regulus had you well informed." He said his cold glare turning towards me. My eyes locked on his, and we both continued staring at each other. The connection broke when I heard a strangled cry. The house elf had dropped to his knees sobbing loudly into his hands.
"Master Regulus! Master Regulus!" He said again and again.
"Get up! You silly creature!" Voldemort yelled. "He is gone and you shall never see your dear Master Regulus again!" I gasped.
"You liar!" I screamed at him. My hand clasped my wand tightly.
"You dare call me, Lord Voldemort a liar? I do not lie you insolent little girl. Isn't this pathetic creature prove enough for you?" He said pointing down the kreacher rolling around on the ground wailing loudly. "That," He said pointing now to lake filled with the inferi. "Is what you get when you betray me! That silly little child, dying for something that wasn't even real." My eyes widened in shock. Regulus was in there? He couldn't be dead yet. He just couldn't be. And fighting for something not real? Then the horcruxes were there? "And such a brave little girl you are. Helping him, you were almost, almost successful. We could use you. I've heard of your powers since your birth and I want you. Join my side Xeomara."
I stared at him unable to move. But I was screaming NO! over and over again in my head. Regulus. Regulus! He can't be dead, it wasn't right. Not after all we've been through. I had to get him out. He couldn't stay in there. What did inferi hate? Fire, that's right fire. I raised my wand.
"Incendio maxima!" Large flames erupted out of my wand flying towards the lake. With a flick of his wand Voldemort stopped my flames in mid air. They hung between us like a curtain.
"Don't be silly, girl. He is dead. Nothing will bring him back now! Tell me, will you join me?"
"NO!" I screamed. He laughed.
"Fine, have it your way." With another flick of his wand my own flames began flying at me, I saw Dumbledore attempt to get to me faster. I had no hope of avoiding them, on reflex my hands raised and covered my face. The flames burning my hands, and robes covering my body in burns. My whole body was on fire, but I didn't scream. Dumbledore who knew the countercurse, said it loudly and suddenly the flames were gone.
"You're strong aren't you? That is why you will belong to me!"
"That's likely!" I yelled. I then sent another curse towards Voldemort, no sooner than I did I felt a cold hand gripping my burnt hand pulling me into nothingness.
Before I knew it I was back in Dumbledore's office in the corner where I knew you could apparate and disapparate from. What was he doing? We needed to get Regulus!
"Regulus was in there sir, we have to go back!"
"Xeomara." He said putting his cool hands on my shoulders. "He is gone, there is nothing you can do for him."
"NO!" I screamed. "No! He can't be. I love him! I love him! He can't be gone. Not after all this work, all this struggle. It was all for him! For Sirius!" I turned on the spot with every intention of returning to the cave beside the shore. When I hit a blank wall I looked at the headmaster who had just casted a anti-disappartion jinx.
"There is nothing you can do for him." He repeated.
"But we can't just leave him there!"
"You can and you must. I will not allow you to go back there. You need some rest why don't you-"
"No! I don't want any rest. I want Regulus!" I said break free of his grip and running out of his office. My feet seemed to know where I wanted to go because I was sprinting at full speed towards the Gryffindor Tower. I didn't stop until I reached the 7th year boys' dormitory. I flew open the door, not able to hold the tears back anymore I dropped to my knee, sobbing loudly.
"Zee?" Lily asked. At the same time James said "Maurie? What happened to you?!" I didn't answer I just continued crying. He's gone, He's gone. I thought. That was the only thing I thought. I couldn't process anything else. I just knew I wouldn't see him again. He was really gone.
"Who's gone Zee?" Lily asked. I looked up, ignoring her and sought Sirius' grey eyes. When I found them I said,
"Reggie."
"What? Regulus?" He asked his voice sounded choked.
"Y-yes."
"What happened?!" Remus asked. "Zee?"
"H-h-he g-g-one." I couldn't even finish a sentence. When James pointed his wand at me I cringed back. His eyes widened.
"Maurie? It's me James. I won't hurt you. I want to help you. Will you let me?" Breathing heavy I looked in his eyes and nodded. Instantly a calming sensation came over me and I felt myself able to stop crying.
"Sirius." He looked towards me.
"How?"
"Well, you were right in a way. We were meeting secretly. Just not in the way you think. We had been meeting since the first day back. You remember when he asked for me after we left Dumbledore's office and I broke his nose? Well he wanted to talk to me. So later that night he sent me a message and I met him outside near the forest."
"That was a little stupid." James muttered.
"He came to me, crying. Crying, Sirius. He told me about how much he hated Voldemort and how much he regretted becoming a death eater. He told me about all the horrible things he had to do. I didn't understand what he wanted me to do until he reminded that I told him I could help him."
"How do you know he wasn't lying?" Sirius asked rudely.
"We used Dumbledore's strongest truth serum. He then became a spy for Dumbledore. For our side. It was tough to do. He went to the meeting still and still had to do as Voldemort asked to hide his tracks, but he reported everything back to me and Dumbledore. We met up every month and well more because we got really close. Sirius, your brother was such a great person. I just wish you could have known who he was now." He cut me off.
"I don't care about that. Tell me how he died dammit!"
"One night before break he came up to Dumbledore and I with that idea that Voldemort had created a horcrux." When I saw Lily's questioning glaze I said, "A horcrux is very dark advanced magic. You hid a piece of your soul inside an object outside of your body, so even if the body is damaged you cannot be killed until both pieces are. You become immortal. Dumbledore naturally didn't believe him, saying he didn't have enough proof. I believed him but now I'm not so sure." I broke off my voice trembling. "He wanted to go and kill it. He told us about the cave by the shore where it was supposedly hidden because Voldemort used your family house elf, Sirius. Dumbledore forbad him to leave the school to go look for it. I begged him and he promised me he wouldn't go look for it." I started crying again. "He promised me he wouldn't go! I checked every day making sure that he didn't leave. I kept a close eye on him and when Dumbledore came up to me and said he hadn't seen him, I knew that he went. I checked first, and Dumbledore than took me with him to the cave. When I got there Voldemort was there." Peter cringed at his name.
"Voldemort?" Lily asked shocked.
I nodded, "He had kreacher with him. Kreacher was crying and Voldemort was taunting me. Telling me that he was dead, but I didn't believe him. I tried to get rid of the inferi where he told me that Regulus was. I created a large amount of flames but he stopped them in mid air. He asked me to join him and when I told him no he sent my flames back at me and I couldn't get them off. When Dumbledore said the countercurse, I sent another curse at Voldemort but before I could see if I hit him, Dumbledore took my hand and disapparated." I finished the story, and everyone had the same wide eyed look. "Sirius, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."
"You're right." He told me. He stood up looking down on me. "It's is your damn fault! You didn't give a damn about my brother!"
"I did!" I protested. "I loved him!"
"Yeah right. You are just like your family. How could I ever have thought you to be different. You're manipulating, uncaring, and selfish. You don't care about anyone but yourself!"
"Sirius!" James screamed. His words hit me like ice. Maybe he was right. It was all my fault. If I had just minded my own business, he would still be alive right now. Alive and safe. I stood up backing towards the door.
"You're right." I croaked out. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all of you." I said before turning around and running from the room. I heard Lily scream after me, but I kept going. Aubrey, I thought. Regulus would want Aubrey to know. I ran to the Ravenclaw common room. I approached the eagle knocker.
"Is death the end?" it asked me.
"Yes, life is everything." I answered. The door swung open and I entered the dome common and to my luck sitting by the fire reading was Aubrey.
"Xeomara?" She asked. Then after looking closely exclaimed, "What happened?"
"Nevermind that! I need to ask you something." She nodded. "Did you love Regulus?" She blushed slightly before looking down. "Answer me!"
"I-Yes. I do. He kissed me yesterday and ran, then I only saw him once today at it was late around 10. He kissed me, and I didn't like it he looked like he was saying good bye. And he told me he loved me, and before I could answer back he ran off on me!" She finished in a huff.
"I heard about that. Well about yesterday." I told her.
"You said did you love Regulus. What is that supposed to mean?" I looked at her pointedly. She put her hand over her mouth and shook it slightly. Tears filling her eyes, and rolling down her cheeks.
"No." she muttered. "No!" she said slightly louder. I just grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug where she sobbed onto my singed robes. After a few minutes or maybe hours she pulled back.
"W-what happened?" I figured he would want her to know, so after she swore to secrecy I told her the whole story. She cried through most of it.
"I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I'm so sorry that you guys can't be together. He really did love you." I said regretfully.
"It's not your fault. He wanted to do it." I shook it off. "Thank you for telling me. I think I need some sleep now." She said before turning around and walking up the stairs.
I think I also needed sleep. Slowly I started the walk to the Gryffindor tower. My brain getting foggier with each step. Soon I was stumbling to take one step. Regulus I thought before I fell forward into blackness.
I woke up to a cold rag gently wiping at my face. I popped open my eyes to see Lily wiping my face, and Madam Pomfrey putting lotion and bandages over my burns.
"Oh, your awake. Remus and James found you. They carried you back here." I looked around noticing I was in my dorm. I moaned and closed my eyes tightly. Trying to block out what happened earlier. My burns stinging, and my head spinning.
"Miss. Raes, you are to stay put until and get some sleep. You will be excused from classes tomorrow. Come now, Miss Evans let's let her get some rest." She said. Lily leaving the cold rag on my forehead slowly bent down and kissed my cheek.
"Get some rest okay Zee. I'll be here if you need me." It was then that I started crying again. "Don't cry Zee. It will be okay." But I didn't stop.
"Come now, Miss Evans." Lily slowly backed up pulling the curtains around my bed shut. I searched for my wand, and grabbed it in my hand. I performed a silencing charm around my bed, before rolling over into a ball. I wrapped my arms around myself shaking with sobs. Why? Why Regulus? He saved so many lives, he wanted to change. He got a second chance. Why did that get taken from him? Why did he get taken from me? I needed him? My crying got harder and louder. Making it hard for me to breathe, sounds like waves crashing in my ears. I clutched my chest which felt like I had a large gaping hole. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly waiting for unconsciousness. The waves in my ears crashed around me, and I did not resurface.
-Sirius' POV-
The door opened, "Sirius?" I heard James asked. I tore my eyes from the ceiling and looked into his face.
"Yes?" I asked him.
"We found Zee, she was unconscious in the Ravenclaw corridor." He told me.
"I don't care."
"But Sirius-"
"No James! She killed my brother!" I yelled. Peter flinched.
"She didn't! Voldemort did! She did this for you Sirius!" I shook my head at him.
"Sirius, she already blames herself don't make it worse for her!" Remus said.
"Who's side are you on, Remus, James?" I asked them.
"I'm not on anyone's side Sirius!" Remus screamed. I raised my eye brow at James.
"You know I wouldn't pick sides."
"I think it was her fault too." I heard Peter say quietly. James rounded on him.
"You what?!" He yelled. "How could you think that?!" Peter just shrank back.
"Oh leave him alone James." I yelled. He opened his mouth. "Just let it go James!" I said rolling over pulling the pillow over my head.
My little brother. Little Reggie, who would come in my bed during thunderstorms because he was afraid, who would cry when mum yelled or when dad hit me, who repeatedly played pranks with me during our large family party's. He's gone, I may not have known him now but I he was still my brother. And he died doing the right thing. He was like me. He wanted to leave the family just like I did, and I left him. I should have tried harder earlier. I should have taken him with me. But I over looked him because he was a Slytherin. Was I any better than my family? Than what Xeomara did? I left my brother, deserted him because assumed the worst. I should have taken the time to look at the full picture. I've been so stupid and now he's gone. I rubbed a tear that fell down my cheek. He's gone.
I rolled over, finding it light out. Realizing I fell asleep I quickly looked at the clock. It said 12. I sat up. I missed my morning classes! The room was empty. The sound of the door opening brought my glaze to it. Dumbledore strode into the room.
"Good Afternoon Mr. Black." He said, he blue eyes piercing me.
"Sir." I nodded.
"I excused you from all of your classes today." He told me.
"Okay."
"Mr. Black? Would you like to talk about it?" I shrugged.
"What is there to talk about?"
"Sirius, your brother was murdered by Voldemort. There is a lot to talk about!"
"What's done is done."
"You can't hide from your feeling Mr. Black. Xeomara is already hiding." My blood boiled.
"I don't give a damn about her." I snarled. He looked taken aback. "She is the reason he's where he is now. And if I think about it, you are too." I said glaring at me.
"Believe what you want Mr. Black. Hate me if you want. But don't hate Xeomara. You need her." I scuffed. "And remember Sirius, this is what your brother wanted." He said before walking out of the room.
What my brother wanted huh? I thought.
James, Remus and Lily were avoiding me. They didn't believe that Xeomara was the reason he was dead, but I knew she was and I was holding my ground. Lily told us that she won't come down and she won't eat. She locked herself in her bed and won't answer anyone. This made James glare harder at me. I went to classes the next day and the news still hadn't gotten around yet, though a large amount of people noticed his absence. That night at dinner thought, everyone knew. It was announced to the students, everyone was shooting glances in my directions for the rest of the night but not bothering to avoid me seeing as I was supposed to hate him. My cousins or anyone else for that matter weren't aware of the circumstance.
I was walking back to the common room with my mates when a cute ravenclaw sixth year stopped me. Her violet eyes watery.
"Excuse me? Sirius?" She asked. Upon looking in my eyes, her tears spilled down her cheeks.
"I'm s-sorry about your brother." I raised my eye brow at her. "I know." She whispered to me. We all looked at her in shock. "Your brother and I had, well I guess a secret friendship. Our friends hated each other, but we didn't. We got on well actually and well, I was in love with him."
"You were?" She smiled sadly and nodded.
"We met up every free chance we got in the library, and well one day you girlfriend I mean ex girlfriend came with him. I was confused but it was all explained to me last night. Before h-he went to the cave, he told me he loved me." She said, sobbing now. I grabbed her hand tightly. "And when Zee came to me last night, I couldn't believe it, but she swore it was true and now that Dumbledore's said it. I guess it's true. I know you didn't see eye to eye, but he was such a great person, Sirius. I hope you know that." She said before dropping my hand and walking away.
"Wait!" I called after her. She turned around, "What's your name?"
"Aubrey Williams." She said again, then walked off without looking back. I heard a sniffle and turned around to see Lily sobbing into James' chest.
"H-how horrible. They can't even be together! And they loved each other. Imagine not being able to be with someone you love! I just-" She couldn't finish for her sobbing got worse.
"Shhh Lily, it's okay." James said trying to soothe her, but was looking pointedly at me. I looked quickly away.
Soon, one day turned to two and two turned to three. Next thing I knew a whole week flew by, and Xeomara had still yet to come to class. Lily said she was worse than ever. Every day she would leave a tray of food and some water by the bed, and every day only the water would be missing. She didn't leave her bed, she didn't talk to anyone, and she wouldn't go to class.
We walked down into the common room on the seventh day, and saw Lily huffing and puffing as she walked down the stairs.
"She still refuses to get up!" She yelled upon seeing us. "I can't believe she'd act this way. It's been seven days! She hasn't eaten or talked to anyone!" I opened my mouth to make a smart arse remark when the portrait swung open revealing Professor McGonagall.
"Miss Xeomara still not up?" She asked sternly.
"No Professor."
"She has been in bed long enough!" she said stalking past us up the stairs. We all crowded around the bottom to listen.
"Raes! Raes! Wake up!" She yelled. When she didn't hear an answer she said, "I know you can hear me!"
"Merlin, what could you possibly want?!" I heard Zee scream loudly. Lily gasped.
"I will not be spoken to that way! You have missed four days of classes! I will not tolerate you missing anymore. Enough sulking-" Xeomara cut her off.
"SULKING?! I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT IN THIS DAMNED WORLD TO SULK. REGULUS IS DEAD! DEAD! AND IT IS ALL MY FAULT. AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I WAS DOING THIS FOR MY BOYFRIEND WHO BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS CHEATING AND NOW BLAMES ME FOR HIS BROTHER'S DEATH! AND YOU THINK THAT ISN'T REASON ENOUGH TO SULK?!" My jaw hit the floor.
"Damn, I've never heard her this angry. She's yelling at McGonagall!" Remus stated.
"Poor Zee." She Lily looking down. A scream brought me out of my thoughts.
"MISS RAES! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!" McGonagall screamed.
"Getting dressed what's it looked like?" it was silent for a few more moments before she exclaimed "HAPPY?!" I then heard the door slam open, and watched as she bounded down the steps. Her hair was pulled into a sloppy bun, he tie was undone and her shirt just barely buttoned. Her blue eyes were dull, and were red and puffy showing that she been crying, and also the rings of purple underneath shown her lack of sleep. When she saw us she started for a second but continued on anyway.
"Maurie?! What the hell!" James said loudly grabbing her wrist.
"Get of me James." She said in a quiet even voice. She pulled her wrist back and tried to walk around him when he got in her way.
"Maurie listen I-"
"Move Potter!" she snarled. I hurt flash through his eyes as he slowly moved aside, she didn't look back as she walked out of the common room.
"James?" I asked touching his shoulder. He looked quiet dazed.
"She called me Potter! Potter?!" He then turned on me, his usual warm hazel eyes were hard. "This is your fault! The reason she's like this is because of you! If you didn't blame her for something she didn't do!"
"My fault?! It is her own fault Prongs." James head snapped up.
"Don't call me that!" He said walking away and back up the stairs to the dorm.
"You're wrong Pads." Remus said before walking away. "I'm going after Zee, Lily you get James." She nodded and walked off. When I opened my mouth to say something he snarled, "Shut your mouth Padfoot." Before walking out. I turned to Peter unsure of what just happened.
"I know I'm right." I muttered to myself. "I have to be right."