"Shizu-chan, welcome home!"
Izaya skipped around in a pink frilly apron. And nothing else. Shizuo watched him with his jaw ajar.
"Izaya…?"
"Shizu-chan, do you want dinner, a bath or…me?"
Shizuo had no idea what was going on but Izaya was playing the frills and there was no way Shizuo could possibly not take advantage.
"You. Without a doubt, you."
"Oh, Shizu-chan! And guess what I made for dinner?"
"What?"
Not that Shizuo cared one way or another.
"Koi fish!"
Shizuo snapped wide awake at this. He turned around only to find Shinra shaking his head.
"It was a dream…? Why! Why must it be a dream! I'd eat a thousand carps for Izaya's sake!"
"That's really impressive…I suppose. But this is why you should not drink too much. And before you ask, Izaya left with his date."
"Why, Shinra. Why must it always be like this? All I want is Izaya's undying affection forever and his love for all eternity! Is that too much to ask?"
Shinra sighed.
"Yes it is. But don't just stay there complaining, if you hurry up, you can still catch them."
Shizuo shook his head and did not budge.
"Why bother."
"Unless you want him to do this and that with girls…"
And with this Shizuo was on his feet right away.
"Why can't he just be gay? Can't compete with girls on top of everything!"
Shizuo took off and carried on ranting because clearly having an interlocutor was irrelevant.
"Have to kill every girl in 'bukuro now! That's a lot of people and if you add the guys that already want him- damn you, Izaya! Why do you have to be so hot. Can't think properly when you're around."
Alcohol was still in his system so when he passed by a store he bought a pretty pink apron and ran to catch up. Izaya leisurely strolled with his date, slowly enough.
"Izaya!"
"Hello Shizu-chan, glad to see you're feeling better!"
Shizuo waved the apron around.
"You girl, get lost! You're not good enough for Izaya!"
A growl was enough to send her fleeing.
"So mean, Shizu-chan! What if she was actually the love of my life and you just scared her away!"
A few tears filled his eyes. Shizuo coughed a few times.
"Well, she wasn't!"
"How do you know? I thought you liked me, that we were friends."
Shizuo had come too far and was still half drunk so backing off at this point was simply not an option.
"I know because the love of your life is me! That's right! But it's- not I like you or anything! Oh no, I don't just like you! I love you! Since kindergarten!"
Just as he began this jumbled tirade the surrounding larger than life screen became alive and broadcasted Shizuo rambling. For the entire Ikebukuro to see. Izaya knew that hijacking them was worth all the trouble. And of streaming it online, too.
"Shizu-chan, that's so romantic of you! Making such a public confession. I am so touched."
Only now did Shizuo realize the screens. He flailed wildly.
"Wait, I'm on TV now?"
"Yes!"
Shizuo literally eeked. He struggled for words.
"Izaya, what I wanted to say is that, you see, my love for you is deeper than Tokyo Bay! And Tokyo Bay is pretty deep, you know!"
In the background Shinra shook his head.
"Aw!"
"So, I think you should wear this."
Shizuo waved the apron some more.
"But Shizu-chan, we're in public…"
"Just put it over your clothes!"
Izaya complied and turned around frisky as could be. Shizuo was floored.
"Want to use that coupon, Shizu-chan?"
"Yeah!"
Somewhere along the way Shizuo had forgotten that he was still being broadcasted to the entire nation. And the world, actually. Izaya was going to subtitle all this when he got around to it. Because the deaf and foreign populations deserved to see Shizuo making an idiot out of himself.
"Shizu-chan, does that mean you want to do this and that with me? I'm so happy."
"Sure, I mean I love you after all."
Ikebukuro as a whole face palmed. At a nearby restaurant Kadota sighed. Erika and Walker ran around wildly. Kida and Mikado were stupefied into silence. And at that exact time Tom just happened to be passing by.
"Shizuo…? What are you doing?"