22 – A Voice From the Past – May 1, 2012

"I'm on my way to find someone. Fury's gathering some people," Natasha continued. "Just sit tight. We're going to get him back."

"I can't just sit there. I need to help."

"Fury's headed back to the New York headquarters tomorrow," Natasha said. "Don't do anything rash, Aspen."

"Like get to Santa Fe as soon as possible?" she asked, voice practically a growl. Her initial shock over Loki having returned had turned into an anger that was about to turn nasty.

"They're not there anymore. We're not sure where they are," Natasha told her. "I've got to go, Aspen. Just promise me you won't do anything rash."

"I promise," Aspen said after a pause. "Be safe, Natasha."

"You too." The assassin hung up and Aspen turned to Steve who had been listening to the one-side of the conversation he could hear with confusion and worry on his face.

"What's happening?" he asked.

Aspen took a deep breath. "Someone from my past has turned up again. He's taken over Clint's mind - my friend - and he's taken out the Santa Fe, New Mexico headquarters."

"Who is this guy?"

"He's a trickster," Aspen said. "And a liar." Her mind was reeling. "Fury will be back tomorrow. I need to talk to him. Right now I just want to go home."

Steve nodded, and they walked down to his motorcycle in silence. He dropped her off at her apartment, but as soon as Aspen got off the bike, she felt the weight of what she had just learned crash over her. "Wait," she said though he hadn't made any move to leave. His brow was furrowed in worry. "I don't want to be alone right now," she said.

"I could come in for awhile."

"Could I stay at your place tonight?" she asked in a rush. "My apartment just…it holds too many memories right now. I don't think I could sleep there. I'm sorry." She felt like a child asking this, but Steve's eyes were filled with concern and he nodded.

"Of course," he said. "You're more than welcome to."

"I'll just grab some things." Aspen ran upstairs, packing an overnight bag with all possible speed. She couldn't stand being in her apartment right now. The memories were taunting her. She locked the door behind her and got back on the motorcycle. Steve drove them to his apartment, unlocking the door and flicking on the lights. Aspen set her bag down on his couch before flopping down next to it. Steve hovered for a moment, looking unsure of what to do.

"Is there anything I can do?" he finally asked.

"A cup of tea would be soothing," Aspen said, suddenly feeling shy. "I'm sorry for imposing."

"It's no trouble, really," he told her. "You take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

"I couldn't."

"It's fine. I insist." He smiled at her, filling the kettle with water and turning on the stove. "Are you going to be alright?" he asked, sitting beside her.

"I don't know," Aspen replied truthfully. "Clint means everything to me and Loki…" She stopped there. "Let's just say we have some history…bad history. He betrayed my trust. Let's leave it at that." She knew the truth would come out eventually, but she wasn't ready to tell him everything just yet.

"Do you have any idea what he's after?" Steve asked.

"He wants somewhere to rule," Aspen said. "His own father practically disowned him and his brother took over the throne. Deep inside he just wants acceptance, but it comes out in anger and jealousy." She sighed. "I'm not sure how far he's willing to go, and that's what scares me the most."

"Sometimes the greatest villains in history started out as people desperate for acceptance," Steve said. "I saw first hand the destruction it could cause."

"Of course." Aspen looked over at him. Sometimes she forgot that he was from another era. She was so used to his company by now, but there was no mistaking the little insecurities that still lingered as he tried to settle in a world that had run away without him. "You've lived through so much. I've only read about the war in history books, but you lived it."

"Waking up and finding out that the war was over was like a ceasefire, not a victory for me. I keep waiting for it to start again."

"I'm afraid," Aspen admitted. "Somehow I feel like this is my fault."

"How could it possibly be your fault?" Steve said, looking at her sharply. "You didn't start this."

"No, but I could have ended it. I didn't tell SHIELD about Loki – the trickster – when he first came to Earth. I see now what a huge mistake that was."

"You didn't know that this would happen."

The kettle started to whistle, and Steve rose, pulling two mugs out of the cupboard and dropping tea bags in both. He poured the steaming water over them and then came back to sit by her.

"This isn't your fault," he insisted again.

"I hope you're right," Aspen said, pulling her knees up to her chest.

…

It was strange sleeping in the unfamiliar bed. She felt bad that Steve was sleeping on the couch, but she couldn't deny that she felt much safer with him in the other room. Aspen tossed and turned for about an hour before she finally sat up and noticed the light under the door. Steve was still up too. She got out of bed and crept over to the door, opening it and peering out. Steve was sitting at the kitchen table, head rested in his hand while he looked over a file. Aspen crept forward, not wanting to startle him. The SHIELD insignia was stamped on the folder. Aspen caught sight of a file with a black and white picture of a beautiful and familiar looking woman. She realized it was the woman Steve had been drawing, the one he'd known during his time. He was holding a piece of paper in his other hand with the name Peggy Carter and a phone number written on it.

He became aware of her and turned his head around. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep," Aspen said, hovering in the hall.

"Come sit," Steve offered, pushing out the chair for her. She padded over and took a seat, drawing her pajama-clad legs up to her chest.

"Are you going to call her?" Aspen asked.

"I don't know." Steve set the paper down.

"She's beautiful," Aspen said. "Were you in love with her?"

"I don't know." Steve ran a hand through his already tousled hair. "I didn't really get the chance to find out."

"I'm sorry." Aspen reached out a hand and touched his. When she moved to pull it away, he grabbed it gently, holding it in his big hand.

"It just seems so surreal. She would be in her nineties now. I was told she married and has children. She's lived her life. Mine was taken from me." His tone was bitter.

"What happened to you is unfair – at least the bit where you lost the life you had – but you still have a life. You could have died then and there and missed everything, but now you're here and you have a second chance. It might not be the chance you wanted, but she would want you to be happy. I don't know her, but I know that's what she'd want."

"She'd like you," Steve said, his eyes meeting hers. "You're a lot alike, you know."

"Oh?"

"Spunky, stubborn, always fighting for what you believe in."

Aspen couldn't help but smile at this. "She sounds amazing," she said. "I doubt I'm half that incredible."

"You are," Steve told her. Aspen searched his eyes. They were wide and honest, even bluer it seemed as he looked at her tonight.

"Thanks," she said with a smile. "You're pretty incredible yourself." She withdrew her hand from his. "I'm going to try to get some sleep. You should call her. If not right now, soon. She'd want to hear from you."

"I'll think about it."

"Your life is going to have meaning again, trust me. It might not seem like it now, but you're going to find something in this lifetime that makes you happy." She stood and started back to the bedroom.

"I think I already have," Steve said, his words soft behind her.

…

When Aspen awoke, the day before came thundering back into her mind before she even got the chance to stretch. She dressed quickly, running her fingers through her messy hair. Steve was already up, standing at the window. He looked up when she entered the room. "Breakfast?" he asked.

"No time. We need to meet Fury at SHIELD headquarters."

"You need to eat something, Aspen," Steve reminded her. "Besides, he might not even be there yet."

Aspen realized how famished she was. "Alright. One bowl of cereal," she conceded.

When they arrived at SHIELD, Aspen was frustrated to learn that Fury had not yet arrived. He was expected 'soon' was all anyone would tell her. Her frustration was growing. It had been a whole day since Clint had been taken by Loki. She needed answers now.

"I need to shoot something, or I'm going to explode." She told Steve after waiting twenty minutes in Fury's office. She got to her feet and headed down to the shooting range. Steve followed, keeping his distance. She could feel the worry rolling off of him, but she was too upset to speak. She grabbed a gun from the lockup and started shooting at the target. Steve left her alone, shrugging off his jacket and hooking up one of the punching bags. Aspen kept shooting until she'd used up all the bullets in the gun. She felt like crying to be honest, but she hardened herself, settling for reloading her gun and taking aim again. Before she could shoot, she heard someone's voice outside the shooting range. Fury. He spoke to Steve, and she listened to the soldier's stilted conversation back.

"Trying to get me back in the world?" Steve asked between punches.

"Trying to save it," Fury replied. There was a pause and then he said, "Hydra's secret weapon. Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you. He thought what we think, the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That's something the world sorely needs." He must have been showing Steve a file. Aspen frowned. She'd never heard of the Tesseract before.

"Who took it from you?"

Aspen tensed as Fury replied. "He's called Loki. He's not from around here. There's a lot we'll have to bring you up to speed on if you're in. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know."

"At this point, I doubt anything would surprise me," Steve said.

"Ten bucks says you're wrong. There's a debriefing package waiting for you back at your apartment. We leave first thing tomorrow. Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?" Fury asked.

"You should have left it in the ocean," Steve said stiffly.

Aspen took that moment to enter the room. Fury glanced at her. "Tolvar," he said.

"I want in too," she said.

"This is a mission I think you should sit out," Fury told her sternly.

"Clint's been compromised. I'm not sitting this one out."

"You're too personally attached to this one, and frankly, I'm not sure I trust you where Loki is concerned."

Aspen flushed at his words, and Steve looked between them, brow furrowed in consternation. "With all due respect, sir, that's exactly what makes me perfect for this mission. I know more about him than anyone in SHIELD. I know how his mind works."

"This is not a discussion, Tolvar. I have made my decision, and you're going to stay here."

"You can't keep me-"

"Do you really want to tell me what I can and cannot do?" Fury asked, tone deadly. "I don't have the time to argue with you. This conversation is over."

He turned to leave. Aspen wanted to argue, but she knew it would do no good. "Hey," Steve said, coming up beside her. "I'm sorry. I'll do everything I can to help your friend. I guess I should go look at the debriefing packet," he said awkwardly, eyeing her as if he didn't quite know how to handle her at the moment. She didn't blame him. She wouldn't want to deal with her right now.

"I should get home," she said stiffly.

"When I'm done with this mission, I'll still come with you to get your formula back," he promised. Aspen looked up at him, surprised. She had forgotten all about her formula until then. She was tempted to highjack a jet right then and there. "Don't do anything rash," he told her, repeating Natasha's words. "I don't want to see you get hurt. Right now you're upset. That's not a good time to be making decisions. Go home and get some rest. You've had a long day."

Aspen felt herself deflate a little at his words. "You're right," she said. "I need to calm down."

"I'll see you when I get back, alright?" he said, catching her eye. His own blue ones were filled with worry. Aspen felt a little less panicked under his gaze. If anyone could get Clint back and take down Loki, it was Steve.

"Alright," she said.

"I'll take you home." Aspen realized her car was parked back on campus. She followed Steve out of SHIELD, climbing up behind him on the motorcycle. He walked her to her door where she turned to wish him luck. Instead of speaking, she pulled him into a hug.

"Stay safe," she whispered. "I couldn't stand it if I lost another friend."

"You're not going to lose any friends," he told her, holding her tightly. "I promise."

Aspen shut her eyes, trying to push back the panic she felt. Clint was like a brother to her. If anything happened to him...or Steve. She couldn't handle it. And that Loki was behind it all… This was so complicated that she didn't know how to feel.

"Is there anything I should know about this Loki before going into this?" Steve asked when they finally pulled apart.

Aspen took a deep breath. "Don't trust him no matter what," she said. "Because whatever comes out of his mouth is going to be a lie."

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it," Steve said, "but what did he do to you?"

Aspen shut her eyes against the pain and anger and embarrassment that welled up. "We spent some time together this winter," she told him after taking a deep breath. "I sort of...took him in when he somehow got tossed onto Earth from wherever he came from. I had this cuff that cut off his powers – he's a trickster, a demi-god, don't underestimate him because he doesn't look like a warrior. He's cunning and manipulative. I never really trusted him, but I let my guard down. He pretended that he cared about me." She stopped there, feeling ashamed. "But it was a lie. He betrayed me in the end. He was working with these creatures that came from another planet, well, at least he joined them before he left. They infiltrated SHIELD. I don't think he was behind that, but he doesn't have good intentions whatever they are." She didn't dare look at Steve. "You must think me so naive. I put my trust in the wrong person. I did trust him to an extent no matter how much I try to deny it."

"I think that you have a good heart, Aspen," Steve told her. "And there's nothing wrong with that."

Aspen looked up at him in surprise. "But if I had turned him in to SHIELD like I was supposed to, this wouldn't be happening."

"Maybe, or maybe he would have taken down the New York headquarters. Don't you think he'd be able to if he did that in New Mexico?"

"Perhaps."

"I think you need to stop blaming yourself and find a little forgiveness. We all make mistakes, but having too much heart isn't one."

Aspen didn't know what to say. Tears were welling up in her eyes to her embarrassment. "Thank you," she said. "I've spent so long hurting over this, hating myself for being so weak..."

"You're anything but weak," he said. "You managed to trick him after all," he added. "With the cuff. I don't suppose you have it still?" he asked with a frown.

"I do actually."

"That might come in handy."

"I'll get it." Aspen unlocked her door and led him to the drawer she'd been keeping it in. She pulled it out and handed it over. "Good luck," she said.

"I'll see you when this is over," he promised.

"You'd better." Aspen hesitated and then reached up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. His skin flushed at her touch, and he stammered a goodbye.

Aspen watched him drive away from her window. She felt helpless, pacing around the floor for an hour before finally sitting down on her loveseat. Her phone suddenly buzzed to life from where it sat on the coffee table, startling her. She picked it up and looked down at the screen. Her heart skipped a beat when she read the name.

'Clint calling.'

She answered with a shaking hand. "Clint?"

"Loki has a message for you," Clint's voice came on over the line. There was something off about it. There was no emotion in his words. When another voice spoke into the phone, Aspen nearly dropped it.

"Did you miss me?" came a silky voice that Aspen had never wanted to hear again.

"Loki..."

"I do hope so," he continued, "because we'll be seeing each other very soon."

"Where are you? What did you do to Clint? If you hurt him, I swear to God-"

"I am a god," Loki said fiercely. "And I'll do as I please to your friend. He's been quite useful so far."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because your pathetic little world needs someone to lead it."

"And you think that's you?"

"I know it's me. I was denied my right to the throne of Asgard, so now I'm taking my place here."

"The people won't follow you," Aspen said with a dry laugh.

"Won't they?"

"No."

"Then I will offer a persuasion," he said. "I have an army at my call. No one will resist me one they see my might."

"Your overconfidence will be your undoing, Loki."

"And your sentiment will be yours."

"I wasn't the only one who felt something, and you know it," she said.

Loki's laughter filled the line. "You actually believed that I had feelings for you? For a mortal human? I thought you were smarter than that."

"I saw the sentiment in your eyes when you spoke about your family. Your mother..."

"I have no family," Loki hissed.

"Only because you push them away."

"I'm not going to discuss family troubles with you," he told her. "I have better things to do."

"If you harm Clint..."

"Don't worry. I won't harm him. Yet. His usefulness hasn't run its course yet."

"Put him back on."

"He can't hear you. He's in another world right now. A better world."

"Put him on," Aspen growled.

"Fine, try to persuade him. I hope to see you soon."

"Clint?" Aspen asked after the line went quiet for a moment. "Clint?" She heard breathing on the other end and then a click as he hung up. Aspen screamed in frustration, throwing her phone across the room. It crashed against the wall, the screen cracking and fading out. Then she realized her phone had been her only chance at tracking her serum. Not that that mattered right now. She sat down on the floor, her emotions overwhelming her. After a few minutes of sitting there, she rubbed her tears away, standing. She was not going to just sit here and do nothing while Clint was out there in danger. While the world was in danger. She didn't know where Fury was sending Steve, but there was one way to find out. Aspen quickly showered and changed into a set of dark clothes, strapping herself into a thin bullet-proof vest and donning her black cap. She strapped her belt around her waist, filling it with every weapon she could fit.

She walked to Steve's apartment, seeing that the lights were still on in his living room. She sat down in the shadows and waited. It was only two hours after the lights went out that she moved from her position and picked the front door lock on the apartment building. She took the stairs up to his floor and carefully inserted her lock picks. She would have simply asked to see the plans, but she knew he would try to stop her from going. She was emotionally charged right now and that wasn't the safest way to be when she was going into something dangerous like this. She didn't care though. She wasn't sitting this one out. It was time she got back into the field and stopped acting like a coward. Lives were at stake.

The lock clicked ever so slightly, and she held her breath, waiting for any sign of movement in the apartment. Everything was quiet. She slipped in, shutting the door silently behind her. The debriefing packet lay open on the kitchen table. Aspen read through the papers quickly by the light of the moon, taking note of the Quinjet that would take Steve Rogers and Agent Phil Coulson to the SHIELD Helicarrier. Aspen needed to get on that jet. She memorized the jet's number. She flipped the page over and saw a photograph of a square object that glowed blue. Tesseract it was labeled. She stared down at the familiar blue light that it emitted and everything began to click into place. The Hydra weapons had derived their power from this object. The Chitauri's staffs as well. This was the unknown element that had given her so much grief. And she had been right; it didn't come from this planet, from this universe. And now Loki had it.

The words 'Avengers Initiative' caught Aspen's attention, and she frowned down at the file. It looked as if Fury was trying to get together a group of people including Steve, Clint, and Natasha, but right now that wasn't her concern. She replaced the papers the way they had been before. All was still silent when she crept out, relocking the door as she went. She took a cab to SHIELD headquarters, getting out several blocks away and walking. She found her way to the plane hangars. Her ID card gave her access, and she slipped into the hangar, finding the right Quinjet and surveying it. She found that some of the heavy plastic containers storing gear were large enough for her to fit in. She hated tight spaces, but there was no other way she was going to make it to the Helicarrier. The location of that had not been revealed in the debriefing. The flight was due to leave at 7am sharp, so she had a long wait. It was 1:15am according to her watch. She settled down next to the plastic container she'd made room in and waited.

She heard the first signs of life at 6:15am. She had drifted off, head lolling back against the side of the jet. She quickly scrambled into the container. It was going to be a very long ride. She shut her eyes and tried to pretend she wasn't shut in a container that was too small for her to stretch her legs out.

She heard familiar voices and assumed it must be close to seven. She could make out Agent Coulson's voice, sounding a little more excited than usual. The heavy footfalls must belong to Steve. Aspen could hardly breathe. She'd left the tiniest crack in the lid, inserting one of her lock picks. It was risky, but she didn't want to suffocate. The engine kicked in a few minutes later and the jet moved into action. It picked up speed until Aspen could feel them leave the ground.

She had done it. She was in.