Thanks to my friend for all your help with this chapter. Flashback warning.
No Chains Holding Me
Chapter 25: Christmas Chaos
At some point Gibbs dozed off. When he woke, several hours later, he was alone in bed. He sat up and looked at the clock. Nearly nineteen hundred hours. He got up and headed for the bathroom. Once he was finished there he headed down the stairs in search of Tony. He could smell something, and it smelled delicious. His stomach rumbled in excitement and he headed for the kitchen.
Tony was standing over the stove and he was stirring something. He was completely focused on what he was doing, and didn't hear Gibbs coming in behind him.
Gibbs realized that Tony hadn't heard him so he walked a little louder and headed for the coffee pot—to Tony's left—so he didn't come up behind his partner. He smiled when he saw that Tony had made him a fresh pot of coffee. He looked over and saw Tony studying the contents of his cupboard.
"Hey," he said softly.
Tony turned around and smiled. "Jethro. Hey," he said softly. "I just was um. Cooking dinner," he said. He went back to stirring the contents in the pot on the stove.
"Smells good," Gibbs commented. "Whatcha making?" He loved it when Tony cooked. The man could make something out of nothing and it always, always tasted amazing.
Tony stopped stirring and looked at him. "Soup," he said softly.
Gibbs' gut tingled. Something was up. He took a step closer and put a hand on Tony's arm. "You ok?" he asked when Tony flinched away.
"Fine. Fine. I'm fine," Tony said softly, ducking out of Gibbs' reach and moving to the refrigerator.
Gibbs stepped in behind him and stopped without touching him. "Talk to me," he said softly.
Tony turned and gasped when he saw how close Gibbs was standing. "Jesus," he breathed. Anger crossed his features, but only for a moment. Then he stopped and his head bowed low. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just…I had a dream…just…please don't touch me right now," he begged.
Gibbs took a step back. "No problem," he said. "Wanna talk about it?"
Tony moved to the cutting board and began cutting carrots. "Um…Not much to say, ya know? Was just a dream." Tony shrugged.
Gibbs picked up the onion Tony had gotten out and grabbed a knife. "Want this diced up?" he asked. When Tony nodded, he began to cut. "If it's just a dream then why can't I touch you," he asked pointedly, but his voice was soft and not judging.
Tony put the knife down. "I dreamed I got raped again," he snapped, frustrated with himself. "And then I woke up and my hand was on your dick! And I know it was just a fucking dream but it still freaks me the hell out, ok?"
Gibbs nodded. "Thanks for being honest," he said softly. "I thought maybe I'd done something."
Tony stopped, and looked at Gibbs, his face filled with pain. "I'm sorry," he said. He dropped his chin to his chest. "I'm sorry."
Gibbs bumped Tony's elbow with his own. "It's alright," he said. "But we gotta keep talking to each other or we're gonna keep having problems," he said softly.
Tony nodded and snorted, a half smile crossing his features. "You're starting to sound like Cheryl," he said.
Gibbs shrugged innocently. "There's worse people I could sound like," he said, putting the knife down. "You want me to go call Ducky?"
Tony looked at him. "Do you mind?" he asked.
"I don't mind," Gibbs said. "Do you want to go tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Tony said. "I really do want to go." He shrugged. "It's Christmas, Jethro. Want to be with my family."
"Then we'll make it work," Gibbs promised. He pulled out his phone and left the room.
xxx
Tony could hear Gibbs speaking on the phone to Ducky. He wondered at letting his partner handle that conversation…two weeks ago he'd have been angry to not have been involved in the conversations and decisions that were taking place. Now…now he was just tired. He just wanted it to work out smoothly, and he wanted to not have to worry about anything.
Forcing himself not to listen, not to worry about what Gibbs was saying on his behalf, Tony turned to the little bamboo plant that was sitting in the kitchen window. He loved the little green life that Kate had given him, and he diligently took care of it, forever making sure it was well fed and watered, that it was getting enough light.
Now he smiled sadly at it, and lightly fingered a long green leaf. "So pretty," he said softly to it. He carefully checked the pot and nodded to himself when he saw it had enough water. "I'm sorry you got stuck in such a fucked up house, Little Plant," Tony said to the small green plant. "But I'll take care of you. I'll make sure you're healthy and well cared for—even if I can't guarantee I will always hold it together…I'll always take care of you."
The little plant was growing—it was bigger now than when Kate brought it to him, and he was proud of the fact that he hadn't killed it. With a satisfied smile he turned back to his cutting board. He forced himself not to listen to Gibbs' soft words coming from the living room, and he started cutting vegetables again. He had to get this soup cooking or it'd be New Years before they got dinner.
xxx
The next morning, while Gibbs was in the shower, Tony was attempting to swallow a cup of coffee—heavy laden with sugar and hazelnut creamer—and he nearly spilled it all over himself when he heard the house phone ring. He turned and stared at it, and thought about not answering it. But Tony knew if Gibbs heard it ring and he didn't answer it, then the older man would be worried.
Tony sighed and stood up. He walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello."
"Hey there bo—Tony? Tony! Hi Tony! Merry Christmas!" There was no mistaking the high pitched, excited voice on the end of the line.
"H-Hey Abby," he said softly.
"How are you? Are you doing ok? I miss you so much!"
"I'm uh…I'm doing ok," he said softly. "What uh…did you need to talk to Gibbs?"
"Oh no, it's not important; I was just calling to tell you guys Merry Christmas! I can tell you that as easily as I can tell Gibbs."
"Thanks," Tony said softly.
"So Tony are you coming to Ducky's house today? Ducky said you might come, but he wasn't sure when I talked to him about it day before yesterday, and he's making roast beef for dinner, and that's your favorite and I can't wait to see you! It's been ages and I miss you so much!"
Tony pulled the phone away from his ear, overwhelmed by her, even on the telephone. Gibbs came in then, hair still damp, and still buttoning his shirt. He stopped when he saw the look on Tony's face. "Hey you ok?" he asked softly.
Tony didn't say anything, just held the phone out for Gibbs to take. The older man could hear Abby even before he got the phone to his ear, and he silently cursed. He hoped she hadn't upset Tony enough to ruin Christmas for him.
"Hey Abs," he said softly.
"—and then I was talking to—GIBBS! Hey Gibbs! When did Tony pass me over to you? I didn't even realize—he didn't even say goodbye! Or did you take the phone from him? That was sneaky of you Gibbs I was talking to Tony and telling him all about—"
"Abby," Gibbs said softly, interrupting her.
"—yeah?"
"How many caff-pows this morning?"
"Um…four. But that's only because I talked to Ducky on the phone last night and he told me I need to tone down a little bit for Christmas since Tony's still so jumpy and I don't want to upset him and Kate's not really been very nice to me since that day at your house, and I don't want to screw things up more and…"
Gibbs listened. He knew she'd catch on. He just wondered how long she'd ramble before the thought caught up with her.
"…oh," she said softly.
"Yeah," Gibbs said softly. He glanced over his shoulder at Tony who was sitting with his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. "Take it easy on him Abby," he said. "You've got to respect the boundaries he establishes."
"But Gibbs he didn't set any boundaries—we were just talking on the phone!"
"Did you let him talk? Did you listen to him? Give him the opportunity to set boundaries?"
Abby was quiet for a long moment. Gibbs knew he'd gotten her attention. "I'm going to go Abby," he said gently. "We'll see you later on. Merry Christmas." He hung the phone back on the wall and turned to Tony. "I'm not going to let her upset you today," Gibbs said softly. He brushed his fingers lightly through Tony's hair and the younger man shivered lightly. Tony reached out with one arm and pulled Gibbs closer. His arms wrapped around Gibbs' waist and he laid his head on his partner's stomach. "It's going to be alright Tony," he whispered.
Tony didn't answer.
xxx
Ducky glanced around as he headed to the door when the doorbell rang. He and Gibbs had spoken at length the night before on the phone, and they'd decided that it might be best if Gibbs and Tony arrived after everyone else did. The door and doorbell were still a source of anxiety for Tony. By having them get there last, that would eliminate the constant ringing of the doorbell.
Kate and Abby were sitting in the living room with Tim and Jimmy. Everyone had arrived a half hour or so earlier and were now waiting for their two leaders to arrive.
Swinging the door open, Ducky smiled broadly. "Jethro! Anthony! Welcome, welcome! Merry Christmas!" The Scotsman stepped out of the way to make room for Gibbs and Tony to step inside.
Gibbs smiled and nodded once at his team. Tony was a step behind him, one hand holding tightly to Gibbs' right hand, the other lightly holding onto his bicep. His gaze was lowered, and his expression was closed. Tony was barely holding it together and he was clinging to Gibbs, knowing the other man would get him through it.
"Hiya Duck," Gibbs said.
Tony remained silent, still clinging tightly to Gibbs.
"Hey Gibbs," Kate said first, standing and walking over to them. She hugged Gibbs and smiled at him. Then she turned to Tony. "Merry Christmas Tony," she said. She ducked her head slightly to look in his eyes. She was careful not to touch him—mindful of the rule he'd set that day when she went to visit him. He'd asked to not be touched, and she'd respect that.
Tony looked up and smiled at her. "Hey Katie," he whispered. "Merry Christmas." He reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. She smiled back and returned the squeeze.
Abby was practically vibrating with excitement. Tony looked so much better! His color was better, and while he hadn't gained any weight, he also hadn't lost anymore either. His skin didn't have the pastiness that it'd had that day that the team visited. She stood up and took a deep breath, desperate to be close to her friends, and determined not to screw it up this time.
She hugged Gibbs tightly. "Hey Bossman," she said softly.
Gibbs raised one eyebrow at her and she nodded. "Hey Abs," he said easily.
"Hey Tony-boy," Abby said softly. She'd put her hands behind her back to resist the urge to touch him.
Gibbs gave Tony's hand a squeeze. "Hey," Tony whispered.
The knotted fists rose to the front of her chest where she clasped her hands together, still fighting the urge to touch him. "Can I hug you Tony?" She was very careful to keep her voice soft and made sure there were several inches of space between them.
Tony seemed to close down even more. "No," he whispered. He didn't apologize for it, and he didn't look up at her. If anything, he clung a little tighter to Gibbs.
Abby looked like she wanted to protest, but the expression on Gibbs' face shut her down. Tim appeared at Abby's side. "Hey Boss, Tony," he said. "Merry Christmas!" He offered them a smile. Gibbs smiled and nodded and Tony nodded, but remained quiet, his eyes on his shoes.
Tim put an arm around Abby's shoulders. "I saw something you should see on Ducky's Christmas tree," he said softly in her ear. She nodded and let herself be guided away. A nod of approval from Gibbs and a grateful look from Tony followed Tim as he moved her to the tree. Gibbs moved a little farther inside the house with Tony still clinging to him tightly.
"My dear boys, can I get you anything to drink? Some coffee? Perhaps something a little stronger?" Ducky was the perfect host, a perfect gentleman.
"Whatta ya say Tony?" Gibbs asked softly. "Want something to drink?"
Tony looked a bit queasy and shook his head slightly, ducking his gaze. "No thanks," he whispered. Then he looked up at Ducky. "Sorry…I…It's not you. I just…" he glanced around helplessly and shrugged.
Ducky stepped forward and gently placed his hands on Tony's shoulders. He felt the very slight flinch under his fingertips. "You are doing very well," he said softly. "I am so glad you were able to join us for the holiday Anthony."
Tony smiled and for a moment Gibbs thought he might tear up, but he held it together. "I um…I'm glad I'm here," Tony said softly. "It's just…it's a lot."
"Well dear boy, we are all glad that you are with us this afternoon," Ducky said kindly. "You are doing just fine. Don't worry about us."
"Thanks," Tony whispered, his cheeks coloring lightly.
xxx
At precisely two o'clock, Ducky reappeared in the living room doorway. He smiled and smoothed a hand over the apron he was wearing. Smiling at his guests, he beckoned them to the dining room. "The Christmas feast is upon us!" he declared and the others chuckled, following him out of the room.
Tony lagged behind, and Gibbs turned to him. "You ok babe?" he whispered.
Tony let out a long breath. "I'm ok," he whispered. "I'm ok. I can do this. I'm ok."
Gibbs pressed a gentle kiss to Tony's cheek. "I am so proud of you," he whispered. "C'mon, let's go enjoy our lunch."
Together they made their way to the large dining room, where they found their seats near the end of the table, with Tony seated at the edge (for easy escape if necessary). They sat quietly and studiously ignored the looks from the others.
Ducky took his place at the head of the table. His bowtie was straightened, his jacket was on, and his apron had disappeared. He raised his glass and smiled at his family surrounding him. The others raised their glasses in response. "May God shower joy upon us, my dear family. Christmas brings us all good things. God give us grace to see the New Year, and if we do not increase in numbers may we at all events not decrease." He clinked his glass against McGee's who was sitting closest to him.
"Here! Here!" the others responded, happily clinking their glasses together.
Tony clinked his glass with Gibbs and with Kate before taking a slow sip. He strangled when the water went down wrong and began coughing suddenly. Gibbs whacked him on the back a couple of times and the coughing subsided. "Sorry," he croaked. "Went down wrong."
"Oh Tony that's alright!" "It happens!" "No worries!" "Are you ok?" came the various responses from his friends and Tony's face colored deeper with embarrassment.
"I'm good," he said softly. "I'm fine."
The conversations resumed around the table and compliments were passed to Ducky for the wonderful food he'd prepared. He'd really outdone himself this year. Ducky had prepared a traditional Scottish Christmas dinner. There was roast angus beef, roasted potatoes, roasted parsnips, chestnut stuffing, bacon rolls, chipolata sausages, brussel sprouts, carrots, peas, and he'd made mashed potatoes for Tony—knowing they'd likely be easy for him to eat. There was gravy in gravy boats, bread sauce, and cranberry sauce as well. It was a truly beautiful meal.
Everyone was eating with gusto, tucking into their food, the conversations peppered with "mmms" and "ahhhhs" as new foods were tasted. All except one. Tony was trying his very best to eat. He didn't want to be noticed. He couldn't understand why Palmer kept glancing in his direction, but then the younger man suddenly spoke up—asking Tony to pass him the butter.
He felt like the others were all watching him. Was he chewing too loud? Did he have something on his face? He ran a shaking hand over his face but didn't feel anything there.
Tony thought he heard his name mentioned at the other end of the table, followed by more quiet conversation. When he looked at them, they suddenly stopped talking and went back to eating. Tony picked at his potatoes—the only food on his plate, and slowly scooped a spoonful to his mouth. He'd put some gravy on them, in hopes of helping him choke them down a little easier, but so far it wasn't working. He could barely get the first bite down…hell he'd nearly not been able to even swallow the water.
It'd probably be better if he just…looked…like he was eating. Cupping one hand under his chin, Tony continued scooping and spooning his potatoes, pushing them around on his plate, occasionally licking off the clean side of his spoon, making it look like he was eating.
Tony knew that Gibbs was watching him. Knew that he knew that Tony wasn't eating—Gibbs was no dummy. But this was just so hard…his stomach was all twisted into knots and he honestly felt more like throwing up than eating. He scooped up another bite of potatoes and forcefully stuck it in his mouth.
There was a lull in the conversation as everyone continued eating. Tony forced the bite down and diligently scooped up another bite of the lumpy mashed potatoes with gravy on them, and just as he started to eat it, McGee suddenly spoke, "Hey Tony pass the gravy will ya?"
The unexpected voice in the otherwise quiet room startled Tony and he dropped his spoon. Potatoes and gravy rolled unceremoniously down the front of his shirt, landing with a plop, right in his lap. Mortified, Tony grabbed for a napkin to clean up his mess, but in the process managed to bump his glass of water, sloshing it all over Ducky's festive bright red table cloth.
"Sorry," Tony muttered, sliding the gravy across to McGee while still trying to blot the mess on the table cloth and clean up the potatoes on his shirt. "Jesus I'm sorry. Sorry," Tony said softly. "I um. I'll wash it for you Ducky, I didn't mean to make a mess of things. I'm sorry," he rambled.
Gibbs shot the others a glance that said in no uncertain terms to keep eating, and he placed a gentle hand over Tony's more frantic one. "Hey," he said softly. "Easy. It's ok. Just potatoes on your shirt and water on the table. No big deal."
Tony got the spoon back on the table and raised a shaky hand to his face. His cheeks were bright pink and he just wished above all else that he could be anywhere but Ducky's table. "If you'll excuse me," he managed softly. "I'm just going to step to the bathroom and clean this mess up." Tony stood up without waiting for a response and left the room.
Tim looked at Gibbs. "I'm sorry Boss; I didn't mean to scare him."
Gibbs shook his head. "Rule number six Tim. It's alright. He's fine. Just startled him. I've done it too. It happens. He'll be right in a minute."
True to his word, a few minutes later, Tony returned. His face was a bit more relaxed, and his shirt was not covered in mashed potatoes anymore. "Sorry about that," he mumbled as he sat back down.
"Seriously Tony?" Kate said with a twinkle in her eye. "If you didn't drop something on yourself at least once while you were eating I'd go looking for the alien pod. It's ok. We've all done it. You know it happens. It's ok."
Tony looked at her for a long moment, silently thanking her for trying to lighten the mood. He picked up his spoon and scooped some potatoes up on the tip of it. "Don't tempt me Missy," he challenged.
Everyone blinked and the mood immediately lightened. Dinner continued and Tony gave up the ruse of eating. He wasn't eating, Gibbs knew he wasn't eating, Ducky and Kate knew he wasn't eating. He still felt slightly sick, so he just set the spoon down and cupped his hands, resting his chin on them. He was so tired. He wished he'd brought his bottle of chocolate drink with him. That would at least give him something on his stomach.
Once everyone was finished, Ducky got everyone dishes of a traditional Scottish Christmas pudding. The rum sauce was drizzled over it and the sickeningly sweet smell of coconut and sugar wafted over Tony and he felt his stomach turn slightly. There was no way he'd be able to eat this. Glancing mournfully at Gibbs, he let out a soft sigh.
Ducky asked Palmer to help him and the two of them disappeared from the room. A moment later, Ducky and his assistant reappeared, Palmer carrying a tray filled with small white porcelain glasses. "This china is my mother's," Ducky said. "We use it each year on the holidays. It was her mother's before her, and her grandmother's before that."
Ducky set a glass in front of Jethro and another one in front of Tony before continuing around the table. Tony stared at the glass as though it was filled with rat poison. What was in it? He hadn't seen them make the drinks! No one had seen them do it! What if there was something in the cups? Didn't everyone know that drinking drinks that you didn't watch the preparation of was dangerous! What were they doing?
"If you would join me," Ducky said, raising his glass. The others raised theirs too. Tony reluctantly picked his up. "I would like to share with you a toast. If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world. So let it be." Ducky raised his glass a bit higher.
"Here, here!" everyone exclaimed, happily clinking their glasses together.
Tony clinked his glass with McGee and Gibbs. He watched as everyone took their shot and raised his glass to his own lips.
Flashback
Tony was lying on his back and Jeffrey and Lane were both on top of him. Jeffrey was fucking him as hard as he could; Tony's body was rocking from the constant rhythm of abuse it was enduring, and Lane was pinching Tony's nose shut, forcing him to open his mouth and have more of the drugged whiskey poured down his throat.
Tony coughed and sputtered, wondering when this terrible nightmare was going to stop, but being completely unable to do anything to help himself. He felt his erection begin to grow again, both as Jeffrey slammed into his prostate and as the drugs took effect.
End Flashback
He wasn't expecting the smell to hit his nose in such a strong way, and the memories came flooding back before he could push the thoughts down. With a strangled gasp he dropped the cup, alcohol splashing everywhere, before shoving his chair back and racing from the room. He didn't care who heard him, didn't care who saw him, just knew he needed to get away before the inevitable happened.
By the time he reached the bathroom the inky blackness that he'd been mostly keeping at bay was back in full force—covering his skin in the reflection in the bathroom mirror. He dropped to his knees, throwing up violently—the water he'd been sipping and the few bites of potatoes making an acidic splash in the bowl before him. He gasped for air and heaved again, nearly sobbing in fear, trapped inside his own head, unable to escape the images that filled his mind, and the inky black dirtiness that only his eyes could see covered his skin.
xxx
"Shit," Gibbs muttered when Tony rushed from the room. He set his glass down and stood up. Before he could leave the room though, he was bombarded with questions.
"What happened Gibbs?" "What's wrong with Tony?" "Is he alright?"
Gibbs stopped in the doorway. "I didn't even think. It's the alcohol. He can't stand it. They made him drink…that night. That's how they drugged him. He can't even stand the smell of it. I'm gonna go check on him. Back in a bit," he said, leaving the room.
The others watched as their leader raced to Tony's side. "Those poor, poor boys," Ducky said softly.
xxx
In the midst of the revolt his body was staging on him, Tony became vaguely aware of someone touching him lightly and speaking softly into his ear.
"It's alright Tony, just breathe. Take it easy sweetheart, you're ok. It was just a memory. It's not going to hurt you. You're safe. I've got you. Shhhh just relax. I've got you. You're safe. You're safe. I've got you. You're safe. Shhhh…it's alright now."
Tony took a slow breath and coughed hard, spitting into the toilet. He was so tired. Completely exhausted. He scrubbed his hands over his skin, trying to wipe away the black, but it just covered him more, getting on his hands and wiping off wherever it wasn't before. He could still smell the stench of the whiskey, and he could feel the tears dripping pitifully from his eyes. He covered his face with his hands, sobbing hard into them. He hadn't had a flashback this bad in a few weeks now.
Gibbs was on his knees next to Tony, his heart breaking as he watched his lover's struggle. Tony had made so much progress. Seeing him do so well made it that much harder when he got upset like this. He kept an arm around his partner's shoulders, rubbing a hand up and down the outside of Tony's arm. He felt the moment Tony relaxed, leaning into him a bit more. He tightened his arm a bit so that Tony wouldn't fall, and pulled him into a gentle embrace.
Tony tucked his nose into Gibbs' neck, knowing he was safe as long as he could smell Gibbs. Gibbs would protect him. Gibbs would keep him safe and watch his six.
"I want to go home Jet," Tony whispered. "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired…I just want a shower…please can we go home?"
Gibbs sighed and pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead. "Yep. We're going. Let's get you up and we'll take off. C'mon lean on me. I got your six."
Together they made their way to their feet. Gibbs opened the bathroom closet and grabbed a washcloth. "Let's clean you up a bit," he murmured. Tony leaned on him and let Gibbs take over, too tired to try to do for himself anymore. He just wanted to go home where he didn't have to work so damn hard to be normal.
After he was cleaned up, Tony made his way to the front door. He couldn't face his friends anymore. He didn't want to see their looks of concern, pity, or hear their questions about what happened and if he was ok or not.
Gibbs went back to the dining room. "We're gonna take off," he said softly. "Duck, thank you for a wonderful meal. Merry Christmas guys."
"Jethro…should I come by later to check on him? Is he alright?"
"He's not alright, but I think if he can get home and relax a bit he'll be ok. I'll call you if we need you." Before anyone else could comment, Gibbs turned and left the room.
xxx
Gibbs pulled into the driveway and glanced in the rearview mirror at Tony who was huddled in the backseat. "How you doing back there?" he asked softly.
"I'm ok," Tony whispered. "I'm ok. I can do this. I'm fine."
Gibbs parked the car and shut it off. He walked around the back of the car and opened Tony's door for him. Tony flinched when the door opened and looked up at Gibbs. Gibbs leaned over and put his hands on his knees so he could look at Tony. "You did so well today. You were so brave. C'mon. Let's get you inside. Cold out here." He held out a hand, glad when the younger man took it without hesitation. Tony stuck close to Gibbs, and relaxed a bit when the older man wrapped his arm around him. "You're gonna be ok," Gibbs said as he unlocked the door. "C'mon. It's alright now." Together, they made their way inside the house, and Gibbs locked the door behind them.
"I need a shower," Tony said softly. He ran a hand up and down his arm uncomfortably. He looked around the room like he was lost, and fought the urge to shudder.
Gibbs pressed a kiss to the side of his head. "Go get one," he said simply. "It'll make you feel better."
"Will you…" Tony sighed. "If I'm in there for more than like, a half hour, will you come get me?"
Gibbs cupped Tony's face gently in his hands. "I will always come get you," he promised softly. "Go. Shower. Feel better. I'll figure out what's next for us while you do that."
Tony nodded and started up the stairs. "I love you," he called softly. "Sorry about today."
"Rule six DiNozzo," Gibbs called after him. "Don't worry about what happened today. It was out of your control."
"On it Boss," came the soft words from upstairs.
Gibbs looked around and ran a hand through his hair. "Ah hell Tony," he whispered. It made him so sad that Tony—that they—were going through this, that they couldn't even celebrate Christmas without it bringing up nightmarish memories for his partner.
An idea occurred to him then. He knew how to cheer Tony up. Smiling and whistling to himself, he headed for the kitchen.
xxx
Gibbs knocked on the bathroom door. "Tony? You ok?" He cracked the door open and poked his head in the bathroom. Tony was standing in the shower, hands braced on the tile walls, and the water was running down over the back of his head.
"I'm ok," he said softly. "I uh…sorry…I lost track of time, didn't I?"
"It's ok," Gibbs said. "I'm laying you some sweats here on the counter," he put the clothes down as he spoke. "You need anything?"
"Can you hand me a towel?" In his haste to get in the shower, Tony had forgotten to put the towel where he could reach it.
"Sure," Gibbs passed him the towel and turned, leaving Tony in the bathroom alone so he could finish up. "I'll be downstairs," he called.
"I'll be down in a minute," Tony called back.
Gibbs hurried to the living room and turned on the television. Months of dating Tony had eventually required him to learn how to operate the Idiot Box. He smiled to himself, proud of his idea, and hoping that Tony would appreciate it.
Tony appeared several minutes later, looking tired, but more relaxed than earlier. "Come sit," Gibbs said, pointing at the couch. "I'll join you in a minute," he headed for the kitchen.
The younger man wondered what Gibbs was up to, but did as he'd been asked. It wasn't long before Gibbs reappeared, mugs in hand, and carrying a bowl in the crook of his elbow.
"I don't know if you want anything," he said softly. "But I have hot chocolate and caramel corn here," he smiled. "Your recipe. It is Christmas, after all."
Tony smiled and leaned against Gibbs when the other man wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Gibbs passed him the mug of hot chocolate and Tony noticed he'd put a spoon in it. "In case you were having some trouble drinking," Gibbs said softly. He picked up the remote and hit the correct button. An instant later the title screen for It's A Wonderful Life came up and Tony gasped.
"You remembered my Christmas tradition," he whispered, in awe of this man.
"Well yeah," Gibbs said softly. "And it seemed like a good idea." He popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth. "Whatta ya say? Wanna watch the movie with me?"
Tony smiled and nodded, grateful for the easiness that came from being with Jethro. He just took care of it all and Tony didn't have to worry about anything. Gibbs was so thoughtful and caring; he knew what Tony liked and knew how to make things better for him—as much as he was able to.
Gibbs tightened his arm around Tony's shoulders and ran his thumbnail lightly up and down Tony's arm. He kissed him lightly on the temple and smiled—shyly? "Merry Christmas Tony," he said softly. "I love you."
Tony looked at him and smiled back. "I love you too," he said. "Merry Christmas Jethro."
They watched the movie together, getting sucked into the story. Eventually they set their mostly empty mugs aside and snuggled up a bit closer, completely enveloped in one another, and neither one noticed when they both gently slipped into a restful sleep.
TBC…