Last chapter of Paris, guys, are you ready for the drama? Prepare the tissues ^^... This chapter will start the same day than the last scene of the previous chapter (the sex scene on the bedroom).

PARIS - CH8

*** Spencer's narrative (voice-over) ***

Secrets can't hide forever. Life always finds a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside our home – well, that's a little different. One thing is certain, whatever it is we're trying to hide; we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets – like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst...

(In Xmas' night)

Alison says while she keeps decorating the Xmas tree. - "Spence, relax, everything will be fine... if you keep walking in circles, you will get dizzy..."

Spencer says while she eats her nails. - "You can't ask me to calm down! My entire family is coming for the holidays!"

Alison finishes decorating and, says with a smirk. - "And, what did you expect to happen? You said to your mom that you weren't going for Xmas, so she's coming to you... I think that's cute..."

Spencer snaps. - "Cute?! CUTE?!"

The blonde rubs Spencer's arms, she fills Spencer's face with kisses till the brunette giggles, relaxed...

Alison. - "It will be okay... I cooked the perfect dinner so, everything will be perfect, just like you like it..."

Spencer looks at Alison in the eyes and, she smiles when she caresses Alison's cheek. - "You're perfect for me..."

Alison smiles with a smug voice. - "I know..."

Both girls chuckle and, steal some kisses from each other...

Alison. - "I'm sorry about the incident of this morning, I'll be more careful the next time..."

Spencer. - "Don't worry, things like that happen.."

Alison. - "Oh... okay... so... do you want to talk about it? Do you...?"

Spencer shakes her head, she hugs Alison by the neck, and, kisses her deeply on the lips. Alison thinks they should talk about it, but, she gets lost in that kiss. The blonde remembers something, and she slowly pushes away when she gets something out of her pocket, a little box...

Spencer mumbles with big eyes. - "What is that?!"

Alison replies with a smile while she slowly opens the box. - "Your Xmas gift, I thought that it would be a good idea to give it to you, before the arrival of your family..."

Spencer mentally prays to don't find a ring inside, she's not ready for that. Spencer is panicking, she has no idea of what to do if she sees a ring, but, thankfully the stress goes down when she sees a necklace with a heart pendant...

Spencer sighs with relief. - "Oh, thanks God! It's just a necklace..."

Alison frowns. - "What do you mean with just a necklace...?"

Spencer shakes her head and, says. - "Nothing, don't put attention to my words..." (She touches the necklace and, says with a big smile) "It's beautiful..."

Alison. - "You like it...?"

Spencer nods and, Alison smiles. The blonde put it on Spencer's neck and, says...

Alison. - "There's a -A in the heart because it's my heart... this pendant represents my heart that you already know you've, but, now you can bring it with you all the time..."

Spencer chuckles. - "You're so corny sometimes..." (She pecks Alison's lips and, says with a big smile) "But, I love that part of you..."

They were smiling at each other when they hear the knocking on the door. Alison walks towards the door, but she stops when she sees Spencer taking off the necklace...

Alison pouts. - "You didn't like it..."

Spencer chuckles. - "I did like it... I do like it, a lot, but, I can't use it in front of my parents, remember that they don't know about us... for them, I'm single..."

The blonde sighs deeply. - "Right..." (She mumbles with a sad voice) "We're just roomies for them..."

Spencer can see the disappointment in Alison's face, but, she's not ready to tell her parents about them. It will be almost a year since they became a couple and, Alison has been more than supportive, but, acting like 'friends', like 'roomies', it's really getting on Alison's nerve.

The blonde was in the kitchen, warming the food, lost in her thoughts till someone surprised her, kissing her cheek...

Alison jumps, surprised and, whispers. - "What are you doing?! Someone could see us!"

Spencer smirks. - "I just opened two bottles of wine, they're very busy drinking wine..." (She roams her fingers over Alison's arms and, says with a sassy voice) "It's kinda thrilling to do nasty things on hiding from my family..."

The brunette is turned on and, horny, but, the blonde doesn't find it thrilling as Spencer does it. The brunette tries to kiss Alison, but, the blonde turns her down, for the 1st time...

Spencer frowns. - "What is wrong...?"

Alison. - "You know what is wrong..." (The brunette doesn't say anything so, she says) "I told you I didn't want to keep us in secret..."

Spencer rolls her eyes. - "C'mon, Ali, not this again..."

Alison. - "Don't you see that the 'us' secret is giving me high blood pressure and, I'm done with hiding..."

Spencer crosses her arms and, says. - "We talked about this..."

Alison. - "We're having a relationship! We have been dating for almost a year... A YEAR! Spencer!"

Spencer sighs heavily and, rubs her front-head...

Alison. - "If we're in a relationship, if we're real, then, I need to be in this relationship in front of your family..." (Deep sigh) "If we can't do that, then I can't keep doing this..."

Spencer frowns. - "What?! What did you say?! What do you mean?!"

The blonde can't say another word because someone emerges inside the kitchen...

Veronica. - "Sorry girls, we're out of wine, do you've another bottle...?" (She sees their serious looks and, asks) "It's everything okay...?"

The couple stare at each other for another minute in silence, till Alison breaks the eye-contact and, says while she looks for another bottle of wine...

Alison gives her a new bottle of wine and, says. - "Everything is okay, Veronica, we were having just a discussion about what to put as a side dish..."

Veronica. - "Oh, I see..." (She pats Spencer's shoulder and, says to her daughter) "You should leave Alison to decide that, honey, she's the chef after all..." (She drags Spencer with her to the living room and, says) "C'mon, don't disturb Alison's cooking and, sit with us for a moment..."

Spencer doesn't want to leave their conversation like that, but she has no idea of what to say to Alison; so, she just obeys her mother and, leaves the blonde alone in the kitchen...

(On the table)

Veronica. - "Oh my! Everything was exquisite..."

Alison smiles. - "Thanks... glad that you enjoy it..."

Peter doesn't say a word, he just keeps eating in silence...

Melissa. - "I personally liked the dessert... can you teach me to cook it, Alison?"

Spencer. - "Actually, I did the dessert..."

Melissa raises an eyebrow. - "You bake?!"

Spencer pouts. - "I can cook!"

Alison mumbles. - "After lots of practice and, constant supervision..."

Spencer narrows her eyes and, says. - "What did you say?"

Alison chuckles. - "Nothing, I'm just saying that I'm happy to teach Melissa, I mean, if I could make you cook, I can teach anyone, right?"

Spencer rolls her eyes and, Alison chuckles when she sees her reaction...

Veronica. - "Well, you would make me very happy if you could teach my girls to cook like you..." (she bites the muffin and, says) "I'm impressed, Spencer, this muffin is delicious..."

Spencer smiles with proud and, someone hates to see that smile on Spencer's lips...

Alex teases. - "Yeah, I'm sure that Alison loves to eat Spencer's 'muffin'' too.."

Spencer & Alison almost choke with Alex's comment, they know that the girl wasn't talking about food. Spencer stares at Alex, she sees the big smirk in Alex lips and, she doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of messing with them, so she keeps the word's game...

Spencer squeezes Alison's thigh under the table and, says with a sassy voice. - "Yes, Alison loves to eat my delicious 'muffin'..."

Alison blushes and mumbles. - "Spencer! What are you doing...?!"

The brunette keeps playing Alex's game and, with each dirty secret flirting sentence; Spencer's hands, moves higher and, higher over Alison's leg till the blonde sees how Spencer's hand dangerously approaches to her shaft so, she stands up and, excuse herself for a moment. Using the bathroom as an excuse, Spencer looks after the blonde and, she finds Alison in her room, walking in circles...

Spencer says while she slowly closes the door of the room. - "Ali...?"

Alison shakes her head and, says. - "You can't do that!"

Spencer. - "Do what?"

Alison. - "That! Talking about how I eat your 'muffin' and, touching me the way you were touching me under the table!"

Spencer says with a seductive voice. - "Why? Did it whet your appetite?" (She sits on the edge of the bed and, says while she spreads her legs, wild open) "You can eat my muffin if you want..."

Alison wants to ravish the brunette right now, but, she controls her horny instinct and, says...

Alison. - "No! Stop it! You can't talk dirty to me! I don't want to do dirty secret flirting with you! Okay! If you want to go public with me, with us, then, yeah, I'll do dirty public flirting..." (She rambles) "I mean, I'll flirt publicly not dirtily... well... maybe a little dirtily..."

Spencer chuckles with Alsio'ns rambling...

Alison shakes her head and, says. - "Anyway! Stop messing with me in front of your parents, okay?!"

Spencer smirks. - "But, it's so fun..."

Alison approaches and, smirks. - "If you keep playing with fire, you'll get burned because next time you try to do something dirty with me on hiding, I'll kiss you in front of everybody and, I'll not stop..."

The brunette bites her lips, she really wants Alison to kiss her without stop, but, she can't risk to be exposed in front of her parents, so, she walks away and, says...

Spencer. - "Fine, I'll keep my distance and, I'll stop the secret flirting..."

Alison sees Spencer walking away, and the blonde sighs with relief because she knows that Spencer will behave from now on, but, Alison also looks sad because she wishes that Spencer wasn't so afraid to introduce her as her girlfriend...

*** Spencer's narrative (voice-over) ***

A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow", he said, "Which you can do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of disappointment. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection... Sometimes the fear is just about making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can cost you more of what you would ever imagine...

(New year's eve)

Spencer. - "There'll be a huge party in the hotel, my parents as well as my sisters will stay there..."

Alison nods, she keeps cleaning the oven and, Spencer waves from one side to another, trying to catch Alison's attention, but, the blonde is giving her the cold treatment since the brunette refuses to tell her parents about them...

Spencer. - "They are expecting us to go..." (She sighs with frustration because Alison is ignoring her and, says) "Ali, I want you to come with me!"

Alison stops cleaning and, says while she looks at her in the eyes. - "Are you inviting me as your girlfriend? Or, you want me to be your +1 and, act like your roomie...?"

Spencer doesn't say a word, she just crosses her arms and, avoids eye-contact...

Alison sighs sad and, says while she resume her cleaning. - "There will be fireworks in the Arc of Triumph, you should bring your family to see them, it's a nice light show or that's what I've heard..."

Spencer. - "You wanted to see the fireworks too, don't you remember? You told me..."

Alison nods sadly. - "I know and, I wanted to see them, but, with my girlfriend..."

Spencer sighs. - "Ali, please..."

Alison snaps. - "Please, what Spencer?! It's new year's eve, and, all I want to do, it is to kiss my girlfriend at midnight, but, I will not able to do that, isn't?!"

Spencer sighs heavily. She wishes she could find the right words to pass this impasse in their relationship but, she doesn't know what to say to make it better. The brunette is lost in her throughts, and the blonde stares at her and, mumbles with a shaky voice...

Alison. - "Do you love me, Spencer?"

Spencer. - "What? Why you ask me that?"

Alison. - "If you love me, why you hide me?"

Spencer gulps and, looks down...

Alison. - "If you want to end it, just tell me already!"

Spencer. - "I can't tell you that!"

Alison. - "Off course you can, here's how it goes: Alison, I don't want to see you anymore..."

Spencer shakes her head with watery-eyes. - "Please, don't... stop it!""

Alison steps forwards and, keeps going. - "Just say it, tell me: Alison, I don't love you anymore..."

The blonde stands in front of the brunette and, Spencer is already crying, the simple thought of saying those words to Alison, it breaks her heart, it breaks her completely. Spencer can't imagine breaking up with Alison, but, she can't find the guts to talk with her parents about them. The blonde stands in front of her, Spencer raises her chin and, when she cups Alison's cheek with her hands, she says, looking at her in the eyes...

Spencer sobs. - "Ali, I do love you..." (She rubs her nose against Alison's nose and, says) "Don't you see that you're the love of my life?!"

Alison says with a wrenching voice. - "I want to believe you, I really want to, but, you're constantly hiding me! Hiding us!"

Spencer sobs. - "Ali..."

Alison says with tears in her eyes. - "Do you have an idea how much you're hurting my self-esteem?! You kiss me when you want, you hold my hand when you want, you come to my bed when you want... but, nothing of that is in public!" (She asks with fear) "Are you really so ashamed of me?!"

Spencer shakes her head. - "What?! No, it's not that..."

Alison pulls away and, says with frustration. - "Then, tell me what is it?! Tell me what I'm doing wrong! Tell me what I need to do to walk with you, holding hands, in front of everybody!"

Spencer gulps hard, she can't find her words to reply to that question...

Alison clears her tears and, says with a sad voice. - "Spencer, I love you... God, I love you so much, but, please, I'm asking you, if you don't see a future for us, if you're not in this, please, please just end it, because I can't, I'm in it! I'm so into it that I'm afraid that I could be your secret lover, forever! And, that's not fair for us... that's not fair for me..."

Spencer cries and, shakes her head. - "I can't tell my parents! I can't! I know my Dad! He will never approve it!"

Alison holds her by the arms and, says. - "They don't know us, yeah, there is the possibility that they might think that we're ugly, but, I know we're beautiful and we can adapt to a hostile environment... don't you remember, you said it: "We're a badass unit", you & me..."

Spencer looks at her in the eyes, she wants to be brave in front of her family, but, she can't do it... no, she can't...

Spencer pulls away and, says. - "I can't! I can't tell them about us!"

Alison gulps hard, she steps back and, says with a serious voice. - "In that case, put me out of my misery..."

Spencer looks at Alison, she stares at those two blue eyes, she loves so much, filled with tears and, the brunette shakes her head, she walks backwards because, she can't... she can't put Alison out of her misery...

Alison. - "Spencer...?"

Spencer. - "I... I can't... I... I... I've to go, my parents are waiting for me, my family is waiting for me and, I... I..."

Alison. - "Spencer..."

Spencer rushes to take her coat and, says while she puts it on. - "I... I really have to go, I... I really need to go..."

The blonde swallows a bitter taste in her mouth, and she just nods while she walks towards the door...

Alison opens the door for her and, says with a bitter voice. - "You've to go, then go... you don't want to be late..."

They look at each other in the eyes for a micro-second and, one part of Spencer wants to rush into Alison's arms and, kisses her forever, but, before the desire of kissing the blonde would overcome her judgement, the brunette walks away, without looking back...

*** Spencer's narrative (over-voice) ***

The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to 'seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. [...] We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That we don't have a 'forever', we don't always get second chances and, no matter how scary it can be to move forwards, to reveal our secrets, what it's really scary, it's the possibility of losing the best thing you ever had... true love...

(In the Hotel)

On her way to the hotel, Spencer has been thinking of just one thing: Alison; with the heart pendant in her hand, Spencer closes her fist tight and, rushes inside the hotel, she's decided to tell everything to her parents but, she frowns when she encounters someone in the lobby...

Spencer frowns. - "Wren?!"

Wren. - "Spencer!" (He looks concerned when he sees the red eyes of the brunette, he approaches and, says while he tries to touch Spencer's face) "Have you been crying?"

Spencer pushes him away and, says. - "Don't touch me!"

Wren. - "I was just trying to be kind to you!"

Spencer. - "Well, I don't need your kindness..." (She passes through him and, says) "Move..."

Wren sees she gets inside the elevator and, says. - "I guess I'll see you at the party, then..."

Spencer frowns. - "What?!"

The elevator closes so, she can't keep talking with Wren, she has no idea why he's there, but, it doesn't matter since her heart belongs to Alison; yeah, it doesn't matter... that's what she thinks...

Peter opens the door and, frowns when he sees Spencer. - "Spencer? Something wrong...?"

Spencer. - "We need to talk..."

Peter nods and, the brunette gets in...

Peter. - "Can I offer you something to drink...?"

Spencer says while she takes off her coat. - "No, thank you... I'm ok..." (She looks around and, says) "Where is mom?"

Peter. - "She went out with your sisters..."

The brunette nods, she wanted to talk with both of them, but, it looks like it will not be possible. The brunette looks around and, something catches her attention...

Spencer says while she opens a medical file. - "What is this...?"

Peter gasps. - "Spencer, wait..."

Spencer says in shock. - "Mom is sick?!"

Peter sighs deeply

Spencer looks at her father in disbelief and, asks. - "I made a question Dad! Mom is sick?!"

Peter drinks his Scotch and, nods. - "Yes... it's cancer..."

Spencer gets very pale, she wasn't expecting this...

Peter. - "That's why your mother insisted so much in spending the holidays as a family... doctors are not very optimistic..."

Spencer gulps hard, she sits on the 1st sofa, she sees in the suit...

Peter. - "We were going to tell you..."

Spencer snaps. - "When?! When she would be dying in the hospital or before her funeral!"

Peter. - "Don't talk to me like that, Spencer! I'm your father!"

Spencer. - "How could you hide something so big from me?!"

Peter says while he drinks his Scotch. - "Don't look so shocked, we're not the only ones keeping secrets..."

Spencer. - "What that's supposed to mean?"

Peter. - "Do you really think that I didn't know...?" (He says with an angry voice) "About your fling with Kenneth's daughter..."

Spencer wildly opens her eyes and, gasps, surprised that her Dad knows about her & Alison...

Peter refills his glass and, says. - "I raised you to be an extraordinary human being! Always on the top! So, imagine my disappointment when I discover that you're fucking that freak...!"

Spencer. - "She's not a freak!"

Peter drinks his Scotch and, says. - "I know about her anatomy... she's not normal and you... YOU! You're a Hastings! You can't mix yourself with someone like her and, be a Hastings in the same time!"

Spencer can't believe what she's hearing from her father, she loves her father more than anything, she adores him, but, now, seeing him like this, talking shit about Alison, it breaks Spencer's heart and, the perfect image of her dear father, it breaks too...

Peter gives her the back and, says. - "You're coming home with us..."

Spencer. - "What?!" (She shakes her head) "No... I can't... I..."

Peter. - "Your mother is sick, Spencer! She needs you at her side at this moment! You're coming, that's no negotiable..."

Spencer shakes her head

Peter. - "I already made the arrangements to name you the head of our firm in Philadelphia..."

Spencer pleads. - "Please Daddy, don't do this... I love her... I..."

Peter. - "You're a Hastings, your love of this family should be bigger than anything else in the world..."

Spencer gulps

Peter looks at his watch and, says with a big smile. - "Look at it, it's time for the party, let's go..." (He points out at Spencer's face and, says) "Fix your makeup, I don't want your mother or Wren to see you like that..."

Spencer. - "Wren...?"

Peter. - "Wren contacted us with the best oncologist and, I've some investments in progress with his father so; you should reconsider to get back with him, and why not, even get engaged..."

Spencer. - "What?! NO! I..."

Peter. - "Your mother always liked Wren and, nothing would make her happiest then be able to attend to your wedding... see this, like if you were granting her, her last request..."

Spencer shakes her head. - "No... I... I can't do it... I..."

Peter. - "You decide to defy my will and, you can forget that you have a family..."

Spencer cries and, pleads. - "Daddy... please, don't..."

Peter. - "Be the Hastings I raised you to be..." (He puts his hand over Spencer's shoulder and, says) "You're my source of pride, you are aimed to be the head of the Hastings legacy, so, don't disappoint me now..."

Spencer gulps hard, feeling the pressure on her shoulders, the pressure of being a Hastings...

*** Alison's narrative (voice-over) ***

In Japan, when a piece of pottery breaks, some potters fill the cracks with gold. The potters, they see the repairs as something beautiful. They know that the unexpected happens. Change happens. They know that nobody gets through this world in one piece. That doesn't have to diminish us. The cracks are part of our history, they will always be with us. They eventually made us better, they made us stronger, they made us something new... even if we don't believe we're going to survive the cracks...

(In the apartment)

Alison wakes up to pee and, when she sees the light on in the bathroom, she frowns...

Alison says while she opens the door. - "Spence, I didn't hear when you came back, I..."

The blonde gasps shocked of what she's seeing: Spencer putting lots of pills in her mouth...

Alison. - "Spence, what are you doing...?"

The blonde is really concerned, she has never seen Spencer so over the edge, shaking, anxious... it terrifies her, it's scary to let Spencer swallows so many pills so, Alison hugs Spencer and, says while she tries to force the girl to spit out all the pills...

Alison. - "C'mon, Spencer, spit them out!"

Spencer shakes her head. - "No, let me alone! Let me! I need them, I..."

Alison doesn't care about how desperately Spencer needs those pills; Alison forces her fingers inside Spencer's mouth and, pulls out all the pills. Spencer bites her, Alison's finger bleeds but, she doesn't care, Alison only cares to pull out all the pills from Spencer's mouth...

Spencer coughs and, says angrily. - "Why you did that?! Why?!"

Alison. - "You're scaring me, Spencer, what's coming on...?"

Spencer doesn't reply to Alison's question, she just sits on the floor and, with shaking hands, she tries to collect again all the pills but, Alison gets once again on her way because the blonde grabs the pills and, throw them down the toilet...

Spencer screams. - "NO!"

The brunette gets angry, she kicks, she waves her fists in the air and, Alison doesn't know what else to do besides hug her, hug her with lots of love...

Spencer says while she tries to get free of the embrace. - "No, no, don't touch me! Leave me alone!"

Alison hugs her tighter and, says while she caresses Spencer's head. - "Sssshhh... it's ok... I'm here... I'm here with you..."

The brunette kicks her, it hurts, but Alison doesn't move, she keeps holding her into her arms till the brunette stops fighting her back and, Spencer just bursts into tears on Alison's arms...

Alison kisses Spencer's head. - "It's ok... it's gonna be ok..."

Spencer cries. - "No, it's not okay! It will never be okay!"

*** Spencer's narrative (voice-over) ***

There's a reason the punchline to so many doctor jokes starts with "I've got good news, and bad news." Often, the bad news is so bad, when something good comes along, we tend to go a little overboard. The harder the hit, the more it'll sting. That's usually the case. So we take meds, we apply ice, compression. Things you do to stop the immediate pain. But you can only dull the pain for so long, and when there's no drugs to wear off the pain, it really hurts like hell...

The next day, Spencer wakes up, in Alison's bed, in Alison's arms and, the brunette grips hard on that embrace, wanting to keep it going forever... even if she knows, she can't... Alison is awake, she didn't sleep at all, she has been up all night, looking after the girl she loves...

Alison caresses Spencer's cheek and, says with a soft voice. - "Do you want to tell me what is happening to you...?" (Without a reply, she says) "Spencer...?"

Spencer. - "Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult... Totally overrated. I mean, seriously, don't be fooled, Adulthood is responsibility..." (Deep sigh) "Responsibility, it really does suck. Unfortunately, because I'm a Hastings, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either my family always makes me face it or suffer the consequences..."

Alison. - "I can't imagine the weight you've over your shoulders because of your family's name but, I don't think that everything about being an adult is bad. I mean, adulthood has it perks. I mean the hot shoes, the great sex, the wine, the parties. That's, pretty damn good..."

Spencer laughs a lot and, Alison smiles, feeling happy that she could at least make her laugh...

Spencer. - "How the hell do you do it?"

Alison. - "What?"

Spencer leans her head over Alison's arm and, says. - "How do you always know what to say to make me feel better...?"

Alison smiles and, says while she wraps her arm over Spencer's waist. - "It's a gift, I guess..."

Spencer stares at ther, she maps Alison's face with her fingers, she wants to always remember everything about Alison, even if the near memory would always bring her a bitter sweet taste in her mouth... in her heart...

Alison. - "I know that you don't like to admit when you're hurt or when something is wrong, but, please tell me why you look in so much pain..."

Spencer chuckles with sadness, no one knows her that well... just Alison...

Spencer rubs her face against Alison's arm and, chuckles with sadness. - "I really tried so hard to hide it..."

Alison. - "If it's enough to make your hands shake, why not talk to me or someone?"

Spencer. - "I can't talk about it..."

Alison. - "Spence..."

The brunette hugs Alison very tight and, buries her face on Alison's chest when she mumbles...

Spencer. - "I don't think anyone even remembers me back when I was in elementary school... compared with Alex or Melissa, my grades were average when I started school. I was nothing more than a shadow of Melissa... even Alex made friends before me..."

Spencer chuckles with sadness while she recalls her lonely days in elementary school...

Spencer. - "I was shy, always hiding in my sisters' shadow. But one day, I just couldn't do that anymore..."

The brunette recalled her father's words at that time: "You're a Hastings! You can't be ordinary! You have to be extraordinary! Always the number 1! I can't love a daughter that's not number 1..."

Alison. - "When you say you 'couldn't do that anymore', did something happen?"

The brunette doesn't reply, she doesn't dare to share the burden of being a Hastings with the blonde...

Spencer. - "I studied as hard as I could, and thought about how I could get other people to like me, to be proud of me... Slowly, day by day, I was becoming the ideal "me". So, you see, I used to be nothing, and I can't go back to that... I need to stay who I'm now, the gifted Hastings, the perfect Hastings... the perfect daughter... the number 1..."

The brunette hugs Alison with shaking hands and, chuckles with a bitter voice...

Spencer. - "Still, baring myself to you like this, it's hard to call myself 'perfect', huh?"

Alison softly caresses Spencer's head and, says. - "How can you say that?!"

Spencer. - "Huh?!" (She looks at the blonde and, when their eyes meet, she blushes and, gets speechless because Alison sees her with so much love) "Ali...?"

Alison softly rubs Spencer's cheek and, says. - "I'm not like the others, I'm not like your family, I don't think you're perfect or anything like that..."

Spencer. - "Huh?!"

Alison looks at her in the eyes and, says. - "You're the type who always tries to take charge of things, you know? But then later, sometimes, you're not so sure of yourself... and that shows on your face... you get nervous and flustrated..." (She says with a big smile) "And, I love that part of you..."

Spencer blushes

Alison. - "Which is why, showing me when you feel 'weak', showing me you're not perfect doesn't change a thing. Please don't worry about it, you don't need to be 'perfect', I love you just like you're... imperfect..."

The brunette chuckles with a bitter voice, if she could just feel the same kind of unconditional love from her father...

Spencer looks down and, mumbles. - "Just for a little bit, please, turn around..."

The blonde rolls around in bed, and she's off guard when Spencer hugs her from behind.

Alison. - "Spence...?"

Spencer wraps her arms around the blonde, she buries her face against Alison's back and, cries, cries like she has never done it before, because this is the 1st time that she allows herself to be shy, to be scared, to be vulnerable with someone else...

Alison turns around, she holds Spencer in a big lovely hug while she says...

Alison. - "You don't have to try to be 'perfect' in front of me... just be you... okay?"

Spencer sobs and, nods. - "Okay..." (She rubs her face against Alison's chest and, says with a happy smile) "You... only you, you're the only one who gets to see me like this..."

Alison chuckles and, smiles, she feels so happy that Spencer let her see this special side of her. They stay in bed, and, Alison feels her eyes heavy, the blonde blinks till she completely closes her eyes.

Spencer whispers into Alison's ear while the blonde is falling asleep. - "Whatever I do, please don't hold it against me... I LOVE YOU, I will always love you..."

Alison closes her eyes with a happy smile, the 'I love you' brings her in a happy dream till she eventually opens her eyes again and, gets faced with the cruel reality...

Alison robs her eyes. - "Spence...?"

The bed is empty, worried that the brunette tried to do something with more pills, she rushes towards the bathroom, but she finds no one. She searches Spencer all around the apartment, and, when she gets in Spencer's room, her heart breaks when she sees the closet open and empty...

Alison says with a wrenching voice and, tears in her eyes. - "Spencer...?"

*** Spencer's narrative (voice-over) ***

Freezing. Speechless. Choking. Getting tongue-tied. There's a reason it happens. We lose our words because the stakes are so high and we have so much to lose. We're petrified of saying too much or saying it wrong. When the truth is, the only wrong thing you could say is nothing at all...

Next arc: Sn. Francisco