Chapter Twenty-Five - Deserving or Not:
As soon as Charlie woke the following morning she was bombarded with a whirlwind of thoughts and memories of the night before, as if her unconscious mind had been mulling over them in her sleep and now that she was awake, had thrust them forth saying, Here, YOU deal with it.
Her eyes, even as sand-crusted as they were, shot completely open and she stared at the canopy of her four-poster.
So much had happened last night. She was torn between being overjoyed with where she was with Sirius – a beautiful, pink-bathed place of soft kisses, entwined fingers and gentle gazes – but anxious because she didn't know where they were headed now (did this mean they were a couple?), and being absolutely shocked by the revelation that three of her good friends were unregistered, illegal Animagus' and another friend shifted into a werewolf once a month!
Charlie, despite the warmth of her bedsheets, felt a shiver run down her spine. She'd learnt about werewolves and the magical illness of lycanthropy in her third year; how once transformed, lycanthropes lose all human mentality. Even the gentlest human would turn on his best friend in this state. Charlie felt a heart-wrenching sadness. Remus… her dear friend Remus Lupin… How long had he been battling with such a terrible affliction? Lycanthropes typically lived in poverty, what with all the discrimination and restrictions they faced in the wizarding world. Is this what lay ahead for Remus, too? Despite all his intelligence, despite his trustworthy, beautiful nature… was his future so unpromising?
She curled her body into a ball and lay on her side, staring dismally through the window at the bleary morning sky. He deserved none of this.
"Are you coming down to breakfast?" Selwyn asked Sirius as he emerged from the bathroom, buckling a leather belt into his school trousers.
"Yeah," he replied, having finished straightening his Gryffindor tie in the mirror. "In a bit."
He waited until Selwyn left before throwing a pillow at the lump in the bed beside him that was James, and then another at the lump across the room that was Peter. Remus, who Sirius suspected had not even fallen asleep since his return from the Shack a few hours ago, was already sitting up in his bed, his weary face pale and distraught.
"Charlie –" he said immediately. "Is she alright? Did I –"
"She's fine," interrupted Sirius firmly, before Remus could continue to torture himself with the possibilities. "Moony didn't touch her. She's shaken; yes, filled to burst with questions; probably, but fine."
"What, didn't you explain anything last night?" asked James with a frown as he rubbed the sand from his eyes.
"I didn't want to say anything without consulting you lot first. And she didn't ask me anything either. We were busy, I suppose."
Despite all the anxiety and seriousness in the room, James still managed a smirk. "Yeah, I bet you were."
Sirius bristled at once. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh come off it – I'm your best mate! Of course I've been noticing the way you look at her, Sirius! It's like fourth year all over again, but worse – the two of you couldn't be more obvious if you had it spelled out across your forehead in acne!"
Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times as Remus and Peter also broke out into a chorus of fervent agreements.
"Yeah? What about James and Evans?" insisted Sirius loudly. He turned to his best friend. "Yeah! Not the only one who's been noticing things, are you? You've been sneaking off to see her almost every day this week! What do you think he was doing up in the Astronomy Tower when he forgot his Invisibility Cloak?" he added to Remus and Pete, who were looking stunned.
James groaned. "Don't talk to me about Evans," he huffed irritably. "She's a little minx."
As the chatter grew, Sirius waved his hands at them all to shut up before demanding, "Alright, alright – Felicity, then – what are we going to do about her?"
They sobered immediately.
"How can we trust that she hasn't told anyone yet?" agreed Peter.
"I know her," said James confidently. "There's only two people she'd ever trust with information as important as that of Remus' furry little problem and our own animalistic tendencies, and that's Dumbledore and herself." He looked at them all firmly. "Trust me, she's kept her mouth shut."
"Until noon today," reminded Remus. "And then she's still going to spill all to Dumbledore about you three. And then what? He'll know we've gone behind his back – all four of us."
Sirius understood, as they all did, that this was Remus' largest regret about their midnight adventures. He worshipped the Headmaster, would be forever grateful – the last thing he wanted was to betray his trust. Though that was exactly what they did every month.
James was nodding, thinking hard. "We can't have him know about us."
"Come on boys," muttered Sirius reluctantly. "We all know what we have to do."
It was true; he'd voiced what they'd all been trying to avoid. How many times had they discussed it, promised that when it came down to it they would commit to it fully, for Remus' sake if not their own?
James nodded again. Softly, he said, "We've got to erase her memory."
"Today," Sirius confirmed severely. "Before lunch."
Remus and Peter were nodding, though neither seemed happy about it.
"Who's going to do it?" asked Peter, his tone and expression anxious. "We can't all ambush her, she'll be suspicious afterwards when she comes to and we're all standing around her with our wands raised."
They were silent for a long moment.
"I'll do it," said Sirius. "Subtly, when she least sees it coming. She'll want to talk to me anyway, I expect."
"You're sure?" asked James after another moment's silence.
He nodded and then looked down at his hands. "Leave it to me."
"Did you find him?"
Charlie started. She'd been staring at her eggs, which had somehow taken the shape of a crazed werewolf, bracing itself against a tree as it snapped ferociously at the two humans clinging to its branches, only to find that her vision had gone hazy, swimming alternatively with the sober faces of Remus and Sirius.
"Hmm?" she turned to see Mac's excited grin promptly drop.
"I take that as a no, otherwise I should think you'd be a tad more chipper."
"Who, Sirius? Ohh, no I did find him actually," said Charlie forcing a small smile. "And I told him."
Mac's face lit up. She mustn't have caught the bitterness in her voice. "You didn't!"
Her smile turned into more of a grimace. "I did."
Mac became utterly bewildered. "Then what's the matter with you? For Godric's sake, you were looking as if you were on the narrow verge of depression just a minute ago!"
Charlie sighed. "Eh, well it's complicated."
Mac rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "Yeah, I bet it is." She shovelled a forkful of her own eggs into her mouth, having gained a sudden great deal more energy. "Just as complicated as it was in fourth year, I bet. Well I'm warning you now, I'm not letting the two of you back out of anything. It's about bloody time you confessed your feelings and got together, and this might just be the highlight of my school life – warms the cockles of my heart – so if you have any goodness in your soul, you'll just go ahead and get married." She ate another forkful of eggs. "He has confessed his feelings hasn't he?"
"I thought he did, yes."
Mac beamed widely, mouth bulging with her breakfast. "Wonderful."
She must have mistaken the edgy emphasis on thought for some kind of amused sarcasm.
See, Charlie also had thought things were on the fast-track to 'wonderful' with Sirius... until earlier that morning when she'd treaded anxiously up the stairs to the boy's dormitory, deciding she needed some answers from all of them, only to hear Sirius volunteer himself to obliviate any trace of the last night from her mind. The fast-track made a very violent U-turn then.
She'd been twisting her fingers by her navel as she approached the landing of the boys' dormitory, and stayed staring at the door for a long moment. All her questions fled for that second as she wondered, would they be angry at her? For following Felicity to their secret spot, causing a trouble beyond her dreams? She had put them all through strife, purely because she wanted to tell Sirius she fancied him. Well, it was a bit more than fancy... but still. Would they call her childish? Stupid? Selfish?
She took a deep breath. However they felt, none of them could avoid having this talk sooner or later. Time to face the music, Charlie.
She stepped forward to knock on the door, but then paused. She could hear them talking in low voices on the other side, and knew they were discussing last night's events.
"... all four of us," she'd managed to make out, and then someone muttered, "can't have... know about us."
She heard Sirius' voice, full of resignation: "Come on boys. We all know what we have to do."
She frowned; it all sounded very foreboding.
"We've got to erase her memory."
Her breathing staggered. She jerked away from the door as if she'd been electrically shocked. She felt a panic rising. Whatever she'd been expecting from the boys, this had not been it. They weren't even going to talk to her about it? They'd already decided she couldn't be trusted with their secret?
'Today. Before lunch."
"Who's going to do it?'
Everything they said just whipped her mind into a greater frenzy.
"I'll do it."
Her eyes widened. Sirius? Her heart thundered in her chest.
"She'll want to talk to me anyway, I expect."
She couldn't believe it. She stumbled back and then ran down the stairwell, fighting a sudden surge of tears. Minutes later, she found herself in the closest girl's lavatory, experiencing a trembling panic attack – a state of such emotional distraught she'd never even thought possible for her, Charlie Frazier – until she scrunched her eyes shut and forced herself to 'get it together, Frazier'. Still shaking slightly, she slid the cubicle lock out of its bolt and went to a sink to wash her face, taking deep breaths. The Gryffindor girls were already suspicious of Charlie's 'fell asleep in the Restricted Section finishing a Charms task' excuse for not returning to the dormitory last night, the last thing she needed was them to notice her absence from the breakfast table as well. And so it was with that thought of logic – rather than those associated with the concept of having her memory erased by the hand of an unregistered Animagus she'd possibly fallen for – that Charlie sat beside Mac struggling to consume her eggs.
"Oh, I'm so proud of you Charl!" the younger girl exclaimed with exaggerated enthusiasm, her eyes squinting into half-moons as she smiled massively. "You won't regret this!"
Charlie lifted her eyebrows ironically at her plate. But she already had.
By the time her first class was over that day (Muggle Studies), Charlie had taken on a new approach to the situation. She'd been through shock, sadness, betrayal, panic – all that before eight-thirty. Throughout breakfast she'd endured anger and bitterness. And now, an hour later, she felt solid; determined. No one was going to erase her memory.
The bell rang and Charlie bullied her way through the masses towards the courtyard. She was going to find Sirius. She was going to give him a piece of her mind.
But he couldn't be found. She searched the courtyards, searched the main corridors and gazed across the grounds. The halls began to empty as students moved quickly into their second class. What subject did she have now? Charlie thought quickly. Charms. Sirius didn't take Charms. What did he have when she had Charms? Care of Magical Creatures. Professor Grubbly-Plank taught Care of Magical Creatures on the grounds behind the vegetable patch. He should be headed there right now. She turned and sprinted, through the hallways once more and back across the courtyards. But then she skidded to a halt. She backtracked, and peered around one ivy-covered stone wall. There, at the very end of a promenade, through one of the arches in the wall, she could see Sirius.
With Felicity.
Or to be more precise, with Felicity's arms snaking over his shoulders. Because he was kissing her.
The bell rang and Sirius left his first class, Advanced Defence Against the Dark Arts, with a determined stride. He'd spent all morning preparing himself for this moment. He knew that when he went to Care of Magical Creatures, Felicity was coming back from Herbology to go into Transfiguration. He could head her off in the courtyard.
He hurried through the halls and just as he'd expected, spotted her climbing the steps from the grounds. She noticed him almost immediately and pressed her lips into a thin line, much resembling Professor McGonagall for a moment. Head Girl badge reflecting even in the dull sunlight of the dreary morning, she excused herself from the gaggle of Ravenclaws and matched his purposeful stride until they met in the centre of the arched promenade.
"Hello," he said, tightening his jaw for a moment at the sight of her cold, pompous expression.
"Hello, Black." She turned on her heel and marched towards the very end of the walkway, placing her books on a stone bench there. He followed. They were more concealed from the milling students by the walls and creeping vines now. He wasn't sure of her reason for the inconspicuousness, but it suited him just fine. He didn't want first years dropping their frog spawn as they watched him obliviate the Head Girl's memory.
"Have you told anyone?" he asked lowly, when she merely stared at him with an eyebrow raised.
"Not yet," she quipped, jutting out her chin. "But I've got a wager." She leaned forward, just as she had last time they were in the courtyard together, though there was no lilting suggestiveness to her demeanour today, her eyes were succinct and scheming.
"What do you want?" he muttered. How he disliked her.
She narrowed her eyes at him, and for a moment Sirius thought his feelings were mutual, until she said, "Your complete commitment and participation."
"In what?"
"In a relationship. With me."
His eyebrows contracted as he stared at her in disbelief. "What?" he all but spat.
"You heard me, Sirius. Commit to a relationship with me – a public, romantic one – and I won't tell anyone of your little mischief. Not even the Headmaster."
Blackmail. He was stunned into an angry silence, his mind working fast. She wanted him?
"Why... How would that ever work? What would you gain out of it? You'd know my feelings wouldn't be genuine."
"Oh, I don't care about genuine feelings," she said with a smirk. "Put yourself in my shoes, Black... and just picture the satisfaction of watching you having to endure the public display... the lies... the heartache as you were torn from your precious Charlie Frazier..." Her smirk grew as she twirled a lock of blonde hair on her finger. "I'm a spiteful woman, Sirius... you know that."
His fists clenched. He was furious.
"It wouldn't be for too long," she continued pleasantly, taking his silence well. She stepped forward. "Only a month or two," she said, a knowing smirk appearing on her thin lips as his nostrils flared.
She stepped ever more closer.
"It would be easy, really... As easy as one..."
She was close enough Sirius could see the blemishes on her seemingly perfect skin.
"Two..."
Her lips were hovering below his, twisted into the malicious smirk.
"Three," she whispered against his lips, and Sirius stood stock still as she kissed him.
She kissed him slowly, spitefully, and Sirius could feel the triumph rolling off her like the smoke of a greedy fire. Her arms were moving over his chest, snaking across his shoulders when he raised his hand and held his wand tip an inch from her temple. Finally, he broke away and, stormy eyes hidden behind firmly closed lids, hissed, "Obliviate."
Her eyes turned empty as he took a step back, pocketing his wand. She looked completely vague for a moment, before her gaze slowly came into focus on his face and she blinked into a sharp frown.
"What are you doing here?" she ordered.
He eyed her as if she were unhinged, forcing himself to smother the hatred in his veins. "Er... you were just yelling at me to get my handsome buttocks to class, Felicity. You all there today?" he added, peering at her as if he actually gave a rat's arse about her state of mind.
"Yes of course I am, Black," she snapped, before widening her eyes at him reproachfully. "Well off you go then! Didn't you hear me the first time?"
He nodded, sent her a two-fingered salute and, hands tucked innocently inside his pockets, left.
The job done, Sirius' mind moved on to the next task at hand: Charlie.
A small smile graced his lips, quite like the one that had spread across his features as soon as he'd awoken that morning and instantly flashed back to last night with her. "It's real," she'd whispered. Finally.
He hadn't seen her since then, she'd left the Great Hall before he'd come down for breakfast. She was in her elective now, Muggle Studies perhaps, but they needed to talk at lunch. He needed to know what this fanfuckingtastic thing between them was. He needed to put a label on it. And that label needed to read girlfriend.
As he crossed the courtyard, the clock over the castle entrance told him he could still make it to Care of Magical Creatures with a vague excuse for tardiness if he wanted to. But he didn't. He moved to the very corner of the courtyard and behind one of the crumbling walls that barricaded it, where about five feet out, a flagstone wall suddenly dropped the same distance down to the grass of the grounds. He sat with his feet dangling over the edge. To his left he could see the distant Quidditch pitch, with its six raised rings visible between the stands and to his right, if he craned his neck around the corner, he would be able to see the Womping Willow.
He sat for more than a quarter of an hour, mulling lazily over the last twenty-four hours. They had left it to Remus to decide whether they would explain everything to Charlie or not, though all had already ruled out the prospect of turning their wands on her. Remus had assured them that he trusted Charlie, but urged them all to be gentle when confessing everything. Sirius knew Remus was preparing himself for the worst when it came to her treatment of him from this point on, but Sirius knew there would be no prejudice from her. But hopefully he'd be able to help her through the inevitable stages of shock, sadness and pity that she experienced when it came to regarding their lycanthropic friend. Hopefully it wouldn't be long before she moved passed his affliction, and was able to see Remus as simply the humble, friendly boy she'd come to love once again.
After a while, when guilt over erasing Felicity Parkinson's memory began to dance on the edge of his thoughts, Sirius slipped his wand out once more. He began conjuring clouds the size of his fist, something he'd loved doing since he learnt how in his second year, and began playing with them – blowing them, swiping his hands through them, that sort of thing – until they drifted off into the slowly clearing sky.
When he thought he had about five minutes before lunch, Sirius pushed himself off the stone ledge and, landing on the soft lawn below, began strolling off to his right, towards the castle's oak front doors which would lead him into the Great Hall.
He rounded the corner and then stopped short. There, sitting in the same position on the very ledge he'd perched on, was Charlie. She had a beautiful purple orchid flower hanging in the air before her. It was in flames.
Ignoring this, or perhaps simply not registering it, Sirius stepped forward with a smile he was unable to contain.
"Charlie!" he exclaimed happily. "Why aren't you in class?"
Then she did something he certainly had not been expecting. She saw him, flicked an innumerable amount of expressions across her features, and then, finally deciding on a blazing frown of resolve, leapt to her feet and pointed her wand stiffly down at him. The flower extinguished and fell delicately to the ground, blackened and shrivelled.
His eyebrows flew upwards. "Wha –"
"I can't let you do it, Sirius!" she announced, sounding a touch hysterical. "I won't!
"Charlie – " His eyes moved rapidly as he took in her trembling hold on the wand, directed at his chest, the tautness of her expression, and the undeniable shine in her hazel eyes. Completely taken aback, he stared up at her and spluttered, "What?"
"I heard you talking this morning!" she told him loudly. "And I'm sorry if you don't find me trustworthy enough, butI know now – I know and I don't plan on forgetting any time soon. Whether you deem me deserving or not, I care too much – about all of you – to let you take this from me."
Her voice trembled on the exhale of the last words.
Sirius expression had turned alarmed.
"Charlie –" He moved forward and hoisted himself with a grunt onto the ledge beside her. Dusting his hands as he straightened, he asked, "What are you talking about? – Bloody hell!"
He'd looked up to find the tip of her wand a mere inch from his face.
"What has gotten into you?" he demanded, louder than perhaps he intended.
She seemed to struggle for a moment between the decision to stay firm or step down. She stayed firm.
"I told you," she insisted, "I heard you talking this morning. I know you're going to erase my memory of last night." Her voice had become soft... Hurt.
Realisation dawned.
"Charlie," he sighed with a very gentle, relieved smile. Something had relaxed into a warm soup in his chest upon understanding that all this was merely the product of a misunderstanding. Her wand lowered, though he didn't think she noticed.
"No!..." he said, shaking his head with a sudden happiness, eyes beseeching. "No, we trust you Charlie! All of us! Of course we do! It wasn't you we were talking about –"
"Then who?" she demanded immediately, eyes heated and suspicious.
"Felicity!" he insisted, still grinning. "Felicity Parkinson!"
"Oh!" she said, her face twisting with a sudden animosity, "You mean the girl you were just snogging, Felicity Parkinson? Is that the one?'
The grin slipped off his face like Stinksap. He inhaled slowly before swearing under his breath and fixing her with a sober gaze.
"I was clearing her memory, Charlie, I –"
"Clearing her memory," she repeated with a terrible false interest. "And have you developed a new method of managing that, Sirius? Hmm? Found a way to suck it right out of her mouth, have you?" Her eyes hardened, as did her jaw.
"She came on to me!"
"Not that you seemed to mind!"
"It was the best chance I had," he said slowly, emphasizing each word heatedly.
"You could've –"
"You think it's easy?" he shouted, and later the sudden anger would surprise him. "To eradicate the memory of a girl you share half your classes with? A girl that – yes, Charlie – that I've kissed? It's not! So yes, alright, she's the wicked witch of the West – but the last thing I wanted was to see the emotion in her eyes right before I wiped her memory!"
Her posture slumped, her eyes having receded into a resigned misery. Sirius knew she believed him, but his triumph was short lived. She looked away from him, across the grounds to the Quidditch pitch.
A perilous moment passed.
"I never wanted to hurt you," he said softly. A single tear had slipped down her pale cheek, clenching Sirius' heart. She wiped her eyes with a slight frown.
"I never want to betray your trust." He stepped carefully towards her.
The corners of her lips tilted beautifully, though very slightly, upwards. Her eyes were still sad as she nodded and, placing a hand on his cheek, stepped slowly forward and pressed a lingering kiss against his dried lips.
They broke apart quietly and she murmured, "I'm sorry," to which he could only shake his head in dismissal. She gave a small but genuine smile, and he watched her as she then bit her lip and kept her gaze thoughtfully downcast. He knew it was less him that was worrying her than the weight of the entire year descending heavily upon her shoulders. Her hand slipped from his face to hold the front of his robes. She stayed there, and a ghost of a smile played delicately on her mouth as he began to nuzzle the side of her face.
After a few more moments, when he'd coaxed almost a full though reluctant smile from her, he tested the waters by gently teasing, "You fancy me, don't you?'
She did smile then, but smothered it by lilting up to press her lips languidly to his. And then, mimicking the response she'd given the last time he'd asked, she murmured against his lips, "Only sometimes."
It wasn't much of a declaration, but Sirius' heart soared. Every negative emotion that had festered in his chest, trapped by the weariness, anxiety, hatred, shock and anger he'd experienced in the past day alone – it was if they were set free, leaving the cage of his chest fresh, light and jubilant.
He grinned and, glad to be able to continue the mimic, whispered contentedly, "You were all over me last night."
Giggling, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he hugged her tightly, almost lifting her off the ground. They both happily agreed that he hadn't had anything to complain about.
A/N: c:
Raining gratitude to those who reviewed last chapter: Pink-And-Green-Jellybean, saudade do coracao, MissLiquidLuck, Rusichan, Amanda, Miss Lemci, talyag, slythernprincess, EyesClosed93, katchile94, Rebakah, potterforever098, The Weatherwitch, Nelle07, Me, Night Hawk 97 & PenBeatsSword! Your insight and support never ceases to amaze me guys!
Thank you to everyone who's reading,
- the punchline.