Chapter 25:

We Only Attack Ourselves: Part One

Lexy, District Two

The inevitability of your death never seems real until you're facing it yourself. Take right now, for example. This creature will most likely be the ultimate death of me, and the idea of my death is actually beginning to take form in my mind. This beast will kill me, right here and right now. How? Will it bite into my neck, tear my selfish veins out? Will it beat me to death with its cold, dead hands? How will my last breath be taken from me?

I don't have to die now, though, do I? I can make it away from this thing alive, can't I? I don't have any weapons and my power is completely gone. Adrenaline fills me, and I have a rush of energy. I don't break eye contact with the beast before me, I just move my hand the very slightest to my right, lightly searching for a rock, anything I could use to smash this thing down. Slowly, ever so slowly, I scoot back more, my hands all the while trying to find a good sized rock, a sharp one. And I do, thank God.

I stand up, my eyes level with the creature's chest, with the tiny things crawling from the gaping wound. I shudder, imagining those things crawling from my own chest. It takes a lumbering step toward me, arm reaching out, beckoning me to step forward, into my own death. In those dead pits of eyes I see anger, but I see sadness. Sorrow. They want me to sympathize, don't they? I killed them, I'm sure. Regret comes, hard and fast like a tidal wave, but I have to push it away right now because my survival must be the number one concern of the moment. I tighten my grip on the stone in my hand. This is my life line and I will use it to go down fighting. If there is one good thing about me, it's that I will never, ever give up.

I take in a deep breath and ready myself for what just may be about to come at me. In a moment of raw courage, I swing out at the hideous beast of my former tributes. The stone sinks into the rotting flesh of the boy's neck, and black goo pours out, dripping onto my hand. It burns, like acid, through my long sleeve and I bite my tongue to stop from screaming out. Both of the heads whip around to face me even more than they were before, and I want to cry because I know, I know, that this will haunt me always. I will never be able to lose this image.

It cries out, hands clawing in the air, trying to find me. A dirty hand scrapes down my neck, sending ripples of fire down my body. I finally let out a real scream. The thing really hears me now, and then something horrifying happens. The body begins to split into two, the girl and boy stepping away from each other. Darkness seeps out at the place where they used to be connected. It glides to me on clean air, silent at first, then screaming with the voices of the dead. I hear all the screams and cries of those who have died. Some at my hand, some at Aryan's or other people in the alliance. All the screams are ones I've already heard, which makes me cry out a bit. This is my fault, I've stolen the innocence of people who have every right to be alive. More right than I have to take away their life.

The two now separate forms come toward me, with outstretched fingers. I can hardly see anything now, though, the darkness is obscuring it all from my vision more and more as I stand here, and I know I have to run, so I turn on my heel and try to escape them.

Which turns out to be much more difficult than I realize because of the low light, and the fact that surrounding me are hills burning with fire. I do try to run though, just to fall again. My fingers are still wrapped around the stone though, so I do have it as a last resort. I don't plan on throwing it anytime soon, though. I hope I can fight it them in hand-to-hand-combat, which was always one of my best areas at training at home.

In a split second of distractedness, my mind wanders back to District 2, with all of my friends, and my boy toys, and everyone there that I loved. I left so damn much behind, and for what? This mess of glory and gore? Surely nothing can really be worth all of this awfulness, this horrible thing that is actually reality, not some fantasy world. No prize can ever amount to this. And when I begin to think of why I actually decided to come out here, I almost begin to cry. I can't think about that right now, even if I am about to be killed. My mind can never slip back to a place so dark as that ever again. Nothing can ever feel as horrible as that time did.

I stand up, but too quickly, and the thing rushes up at me, its disgusting claw wrapping tightly around my throat and slamming me back up against a tree. Its fingers are singing into neck, and I know there will be scars there from the burning touch this hellish creature has. I hiss at it as the air pushes itself from my lungs to try to make room for the tightness that is me being strangled. I reach up the claw at the iron grip that is holding me upright. I see the black mist coming up behind the creature holding me and know that the second is right behind, ready to kill me.

My vision is blurring, the light slipping from the edges of what I can see. I try to take in a rasping breath but this just allows the monster to tighten its hold on me. Exhausted, I bring my arm with the rock in it up to the thing's head and sigh in a gulp of relief as I feel wind rush into my lungs again. I smile a bit, some more energy and fight coming back into me. The thrill of the kill is back, taking with it the awful wave of regret that came with my momentary-imminent-cowardice. I breathe in again, and engage myself for a battle.

The creature that was just holding me is coming back at me again, swinging claws at my exposed neck, hoping to pull out my life support in its wretched, curved hands. I duck away, sidestepping around the tree to get away. It is angry now, hissing a terrible, almost human noise, one that reminds me so much of the rattling last breaths of someone. I want to hear the noise again from both of the beasts, the song of sweet death at last.

I look quickly right behind me, and see that I am so close to the wall of fire. I could make a torch to scare the things away! Or, even better, burn them. I break a good sized branch off of the nearest tree, and sprint to the fire. The wood catches to the fire instantly, leaving me with a strangely red looking fire burning on my log. I whip back around to see where the things went and they are gone. There's nothing there at all, not a hint of what used to be here. The only sound is the popping of the fire on the ground and on my stick, and of my harsh breathing.

I crane my neck in all directions, making absolutely positive that they are nowhere to be seen. There is nothing but the night air, and me and the fire. I am completely alone now.

I sigh, sit down, and close my eyes, the tiredness sinking in immediately.

It was all fake, I tell myself, touching my neck, not finding the scars that I had thought would be there.

I just imagined that creature, didn't I?

Didn't I?

A/N: Well… This is ridiculously short, and it's been way too long, for which I apologize completely. Life got crazy in between my birthday and the holidays and then school starting up once again. And those are my only excuses for my more-than-a-month-but-hey-at-least-it-wasn't-six-like-last-time absence. I really am quite truly sorry you guys. But hey, I joined a new fandom yesterday. I watched nine consecutive hours of Supernatural and I REGERET NOTHING.

Anyway, we've got some awesome releases coming out soon, like Her Dark Curiosity (Madman's Daughter 2) and Cruel Beauty and most exciting of all Ignite Me (Juliette Chronicles 3). I can't wait until February Fourth!

Oh and shoutout to Kk! IT's your birthday on Tuesday! ILY GUUURRRLLL!11!1 #hashtag. Just kidding, our inside jokes make us sound like we're twelve or something. Oh well.

I really hope to have the second part of this chapter up tomorrow or by Friday (weekdays are off limits with homework, basketball, and drama.)

Okay, well I love you guys all! Have a good day and a good week. Wish me good luck on Finals this Thursday.

Allons-y!