Chapter Twenty-Four: Not Only, But Also
Before I came to Mundali, people would ask me: "Are you scared to die?"
I always thought it was a silly question. "Are you scared to die?" Of course I am. All beings fear what they don't understand, and death is the ultimate unknown, the unsolvable riddle. Despite all of our technological advances, when it comes to that unpleasant subject we are primates scrabbling about in caves, watching the flickering shadows cast on the walls by our fires and praying to distant stars to keep us safe.
Am I afraid to die?
Very much.
Does it matter?
Not in the slightest.
Moments before...
Kalinda Halcyon had faced down many enemies in her life, some of whom had gotten the better of her, some of whom she'd defeated; as a Jedi, she was trained to accept the fact that each battle might be her last, but that it was her duty to push through the fear of death and do what must be done, no matter what.
When she was younger she'd considered the idea heroic: dying in a blaze of glory while serving some higher purpose and fighting for what she knew was good and true. For every fight of her life – prior to this one – she understood, deep down, that if that was the way it was supposed to go, then that's what she would do, and she'd made her peace with that realization long before she'd felt the heat of battle, or even decided to ignite her saber.
However, there was two factors that she had never considered – never had to consider – in any of those battles, and one of them was standing beside her, fighting just as hard as she was, as he had always done and as she knew he would do to the last.
But Kali did not want "to the last" to come yet, as she had so much to live for. That was the second factor.
She wondered if she was fooling herself with false hope, or if her love had blinded her to what would surely be the outcome of this impossible scenario. She felt desperation pierce her at the thought that they would meet their end here, and remorse at the realization that she had failed both her unborn child and her husband.
Stone should have fallen in love with a nice, quiet farmer or something, she thought as she inched closer beside him. Someone whose life would have been less dangerous. But when he glanced at her, she saw nothing but determination in his eyes and felt her own returning. They shared a nod.
We won't let this creature destroy what we have created. They moved in unison to flank their opponent before sending a burst of energies towards the spirit, who shrieked and fell to the ground.
Abruptly, everything was silent; Stone looked at her, forming a question that Kali didn't have time to answer as the spirit seemed to rise again, returning from that nebulous place between life and death to strike one last time. It was a different kind of attack, and Kali felt as if her knees were taken out from under her and she was pulled before the spirit even as Stonewall called her name.
Kali looked up into the spirit's pale, twisted face and felt nothing. No fear, no anger. So this is how it ends, she thought as she felt the malicious energy swell around her like a choking wind. I'm sorry, Stone. I'm so sorry, little one. Time slowed to a crawl. Everything was diamond-clear.
And then she heard it.
"Kali." It was a voice she knew but did not believe was real. Even so, Kali looked at her enemy and felt shock pierce her as the form of her mother seemed to separate from the spirit and approach her, head upright. "I can finally give you something. Whatever I have left, that is. It may not be much, but I think it will be enough to finally rid this world of her - for good."
That wasn't really Kamala. It was just a memory, the product of my own delusion. Kali wanted to speak but her voice refused to work. However, her confusion must have been evident as she heard her mother's laughter through the Force.
"That's the big secret, you see. Nothing in the galaxy is ever truly gone, Kali, especially with the Force...energy just changes hands. Imagine putting your hand up to a frosted window; when your palm lifts, its impression is still there. In the Force, remnants of life remain, even after death."
Kalinda still couldn't speak but she was able to form a thought. That's...impossible.
Her mother's laughter was brighter than a star. "Nothing is impossible, Kalinda, just highly unlikely. I love you more than you will ever know; only now am I finally able to do something with that love. Maybe that's why I lingered here for so long."
Even as Kali wanted to reply, the energy from the spirit tightened around her heart as her mother's voice sounded again. "At last...I can help you, as I should have been able to." Kali shook her head but Kamala's presence filled her mind. "I'm lucky, after all. How many parents can say they saved their child, even after death?" Then she began to fade, even as Kalinda was filled with a renewed strength, something that went beyond anything she'd ever sensed before, and she knew at once that her mother was truly gone, but that in return she had been given the means to defeat her enemy.
Holding the spirit's gaze and ignoring her own thrill of sorrow, Kali managed to stand up. "You're done," she managed to choke out; then she sent a bout of energy towards the spirit, who seemed to sense the exchange of power and tried to scrabble away even as its form dimmed. The Force resonated within Kalinda, the vibration filling her form with boundless energy such that she wondered how she could possibly contain it all. Kali smiled and gathered the spiral of energy to her solar plexus, then thrust it forward to its mark. The spirit keened and stumbled back, flickering. Fading.
In the next moment she felt her husband's presence next to her and knew that he was once more lending his strength to her for the duration of the battle. Part of her smiled at the determination and awe that he was radiating, but she kept her mind on the task at hand until the fight was over, at last. The thing that had nearly claimed her body and expelled all that was Kalinda folded in on itself as though it were a dying star, imploding into fragments of space and leaving not so much as a sigh.
For the space of a few heartbeats Kali stood, transfixed and swaying, then she collapsed under the weight of what had just happened. Even though she thought that she really didn't know anything anymore, she was aware on some level that she was solid enough to weep over the loss that she had never truly felt before this moment.
"Kali." Stonewall was still there and wrapped her in his arms, managing somehow to be real and solid even in their supernal state. His presence allowed her to find some toehold on the swirl of madness that she'd been caught in lately, and gradually she felt herself calming. Finally she was able to meet his eyes; she could hear his concern for her as he said her name again.
It was another moment before she could find her voice, and when she did it was choked. "Do you know what happened?"
It wasn't really a question that he could answer, but she could see him working through the events of the fight and looking for some clue, like his attention had slipped and he'd missed some critical moment when she knew it was just the opposite. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and inhaled deeply; she could remember the way he smelled even if she couldn't experience the sensation in their current form. When she spoke her words were clear and very careful. "She sacrificed herself – again – to save me. To save us." He looked baffled and she clarified. "My mother."
"You said it wasn't really her..."
It was out of habit more than anything else that Kali inhaled again before she replied. "It wasn't her spirit, like I thought, but part of her was there, even within the one that we fought...the part that loved me. It was more like an...echo. A remnant of Kamala." His expression mirrored her own bewilderment and she couldn't help but chuckle. "Have you ever pressed your hand to a glass and lifted it? There's a mark left. What remains even after everything else is gone. There is no death, there is the Force."
She watched him mull her words over, then give a shake of his head as if to set the matter aside for the time being. He whispered her nickname then frowned when a smile crept to her face. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm done with all of the weirdness. Are we dead or not?"
"Not yet."
After taking another moment to collect herself, Kali got to her feet and studied the grove, taking everything in: to her right she could see the cluster of their family, bent before her and Stone's bodies and seemingly frozen in place. The rain had plastered Honi's hair to her face, which was grim even in her concentration; Zara seemed to have closed herself off of everything and her expression was blank. The cadets, Sita, and Ares looked somewhere between frightened and remorseful, their bodies glistening with rainwater.
Stone's brothers – her brothers, too – were staring at the bodies of their former captain and general and she knew that they thought the worst had happened. Above their heads the sky was lightening even as the rain continued to batter the grove and she could see the trees moving with the persistent wind. But the worst of it was over, at last.
"Kali?" She looked back at her husband and gave him an apologetic smile for her lax in attention.
Reaching out her hand, she took his own, thinking that she would be glad to savor the press of his skin again. "Ready to go back?"
He smiled. "And then some." Their fingers laced and their concentration joined once more, their shared focus sharpening the world around them for one instant before everything faded to black.
The next time her eyes opened, she was lying on the muddy ground, soaking wet and still being pelted with raindrops; her head was turned and her gaze was on her husband, who was lying beside her. Their eyes didn't move from one another and their hands were still joined. Through the Force, Kali could sense the spark, safe and whole within the shelter of her body; she smiled at her husband to assure him that all was well, and they silently shared a moment of relief and joy.
Around them, the others were shouting and exclaiming, and there was still a distant rumble in the sky even as the storm receded, but they were together and alive, and it was over at last.
For all of its ferocity, at least the storm was brief. Even through her concentration Zara could feel the wind tugging at her lekku, as if attempting to separate them from her skull. She never minded being wet, but the rain that found its way to her body stung and bit into her skin; the air was heavy with something she couldn't name and the sky was pale and sickly.
But all of it was nothing, really, because somewhere during the confusion of the events that had transpired she felt her semblance of calm shift into actual calm, a reality that she hadn't thought she could achieve as she knelt beside her master's master and gathered the Force around her, focusing on keeping the unborn child safe.
Zara did not possess the skill to create a shield with the Force as Stonewall and Kalinda did, but she'd known immediately what she was going to do; through her concentration, her energy wrapped itself around the precious spark, swathing it with the Force. There had been only an instant of doubt in Zara's mind as to whether or not she could, though it had been replaced in one swift motion with the realization that she must. A Jedi is nothing if not a protector of the innocent, and in the moment that she felt Stonewall's grasp on his unborn child release to her, she was filled with awe, humbled beyond belief by his trust and the task she had been given.
At the edges of her mind she could sense the agitation of the others, but it was faint and distant, so much farther away then the thunder and the rain, and part of her brain smiled at their bewilderment. It's fine. It will be fine. The Force is with us.
Again, she relaxed into the knowledge and felt flooded with calm.
The shudder of ground when Stonewall fell beside his wife nearly knocked her out of her concentration but she retained it anyway, eyes open but unfocused. Everything fell away from Zara until she was only aware of two things: her own breath, steady and sure, and the inchoate lull of life within Kali's body, resting in the cradle of the Force.
As quickly as it had begun it was over and she blinked in surprise when Kalinda's eyes opened and she moved her head to look at Stonewall, whose chest had begun to lift with breath once more. As if emerging from the depths of the spring, Zara slowly released her hold on the spark. Her hands lifted and she sat back, still reeling from the effort; a glance at Honi showed that her master felt much the same way.
The clones had gathered around them, speaking in worried, urgent tones to Stonewall and the Jedi, though neither one seemed to have eyes for anyone but each other at the moment. Finally Kalinda took a breath and sat up, Stonewall following her lead, and everyone silenced. The Jedi opened her mouth to speak but a rumble of thunder from the dissipating storm sounded, and for a moment she glared at the sky in irritation, which made Zara giggle despite her weariness.
Stonewall smiled at his wife, who grinned back somewhat sheepishly before she spoke. "I can't get a word in, sometimes."
"I'm glad that you guys are so amused by this insanity," Crest interjected. "But will someone please tell me what the kriff just happened?"
"I second that," Traxis added, frowning at his former captain and general. "You're both alive...that means we won, right?"
Stonewall took a breath and smiled at Kalinda again before he got to his feet in one motion, offering her his hand; all of the clones had been kneeling around their brother, but they followed his movements. "It's...a long story." His hand was still joined with Kalinda's.
Crest sighed. "A little intel goes a long way towards me keeping my sanity, you know."
"Perhaps we should get out of the rain before the debriefing," Sita said at once, her light voice causing everyone to look at her. The clone boys had all left the Arunai woman's side to stand by their elder brothers.
Save one.
At some point, Drake had made his way to Zara, to knees beside her, so close she could feel the heat of his body though he wasn't touching her. Even though she was exhausted, she cast him a look and felt her heart leap when she realized that he was smiling at her. "Amazing," he whispered, the word hardly audible through the light patter of rain-on-leaves around the grove.
"What is?" Zara asked, transfixed by the movement of his mouth and the way his voice blended in with the cadence of her own heartbeat. She felt dizzy from her efforts and wondered if she could get to her feet without stumbling.
But it didn't matter, because the next thing she knew her hand was in his; she was being pulled up, towards the lightening sky and he was still smiling at her as he spoke again. "You, Zar. You're amazing."
Zara wanted to reply in kind, but the words got stuck in her throat, so she only smiled back.
"It's a long story."
If she hadn't been so weary, Honi would have given a sharp laugh at the former captain's understatement, but she found that she was too drained to do more than look from one speaker to the other and try to gather the strength to get to her own feet.
As she was learning was the norm, Crest seemed a little put out at Stonewall's reticence. "A little intel goes a long way towards me keeping my sanity, you know."
The Arunai woman spoke next, the lilt of her words softening Crest's statement. "Perhaps we should seek shelter before the debriefing." There was a murmur of laughter at this, and Honi realized with dismay that she really did have to stand up, somehow.
As she was preparing herself to do so she felt a presence beside her; looking up, she saw the clone boy, Levy, regarding her with interest. His modified arm was extended to hers and she felt a stab of guilt that she'd allowed her worry over Kalinda and her distraction with Weave to stop her from making good on her promise. No more wasting time, she thought as she took his hand, ignoring the pinch of metal against her own skin. He was stronger than he looked – as all the clones were, she had discovered – and he smiled at her once she was on her feet, his expression showing that he felt no anger towards her at all for her lax in attention.
"Thank you, Levy," she said, before glancing around to find her former master and her apprentice. Both were up and appeared to be hale enough, and everyone was making their way back to the camp. When she looked back for Levy, he was with the other boys. Alone, she swayed a little in place, thinking that the simple act of taking a step forward should not have seemed so daunting.
Suddenly Weave was there, his fingertips resting lightly on her elbow to steady her. "Are you okay?"
There was nothing in his voice but kindness and she found that she couldn't speak, so she only nodded once. A moment of concentration and she was able to find her balance and knew that she would be able to walk. But for some reason her feet remained in place and she realized that he was still looking at her even as the others were moving off: Stonewall and Kalinda were in the lead, followed by Crest and Sita, who were walking close but not touching; Zara and Drake were next, hands joined, and she felt herself sighing at the sight; Ares and Traxis – surrounded by the clone boys – came afterward, moving almost in step, their heads tilted together as though they were speaking.
"Honi?" Weave's voice was quiet and she realized that she'd been staring into space.
So she shook her head and blinked, as there was still rainwater in her eyes. "I'm fine...I'm just-"
Then his hand was cupping her cheek; his kiss was soft and tentative, a question more than anything else, but she knew her answer in spite of everything, now.
As he smoothed her soaking hair from her cheeks and forehead, Honi pulled him closer, thinking that he tasted like rain. Her fingers traveled up the back of his neck to end their journey on either side of his face, one hand resting over the skin of his cheek, the other over the edges of his implant. The Force seemed to coalesce around them, she felt herself growing lost within it, and part of her mind marveled at the fact that such a thing had never happened to her before this moment. The embrace buoyed her spirit, filling her with strength and with wonder.
When they broke apart and she realized that she was grinning at him, she decided that maybe she had been too hard on Zara and Kalinda, after all.
Raindrops that had clung to the leaves of the canopy were still pattering around them but everyone was so soaked it didn't much matter at this point. However, the sky was still lightening and Stonewall figured that it would get very hot today, as he could already feel the humidity condensing in the air. There was a ripple of thunder, but it was faint, more of an echo of the storm than anything else. He glanced over at Kalinda as they walked along the jungle path and noted the odd, half-smile on her face. "What is it?"
Her smile widened and she leaned into him, briefly pausing her steps to murmur in his ear. "Weave and Honi."
"Really?" He resisted the urge to turn around but smiled all the same. "Good for them. I wasn't sure she had it in her." Kali laughed and slipped her hand around his waist, but made no reply. The rest of the journey was made in relative quiet between them, despite the fact that the others were engrossed in their own discussions and speculations. Thankfully, it seemed like the presence of the Jedi and the clone – alive and whole – was enough to keep their family from peppering them with questions...for now.
He glanced at her and noted that her other hand was resting on her abdomen. "And everything's okay?" It was at least the third time he'd asked, in addition to reaching out through the Force to sense his unborn child, but he couldn't keep the question from coming up again.
"Fine," she whispered, looking up at him, eyes bright with wonder. "Perfect."
Stonewall gripped his wife's waist and took a deep breath of morning air. Sunlight had started to break free of the clouds, a few strands were making their way through the canopy to be caught on the edges of Kali's dark hair that was still damp with rainwater. He noted that she was smudged with mud and dirt as well, and that her clothes were filthy and torn. I imagine I don't look much better. But those trappings had never mattered to him before and that at least hadn't changed. At some point her hand had fallen back to her side, so he took it in his and laced their fingers together.
There was one last groan of thunder, but it was brief, and the air was growing more and more dense, not just with humidity, but with the sounds of the jungle: high, teeming birdsong, the buzz of insects and the ululations of unknown species that he hadn't heard or noticed until this moment. Perhaps the entire forest had woken up from some long sleep. When he closed his eyes he could smell the wet leaves and the soft, loamy dirt beneath his feet. Everyone that mattered to him was alive and so was he.
And it felt pretty damn good.
Kali's thought that Stone should have married a "nice, quiet farmer," is a nod to LongLiveTheClones' awesome story, Left Behind.
As with all my stuff, most of the answers to your questions will start to trickle in during the next few chapters, so I ask that you just sit back and enjoy the fluff, for now. :)
Quick reminder: there are 29 chapters total in this fic, (not counting the prologue), so things are going to start wrapping up from here on out. Once the main body of Alchemy is done, there are a few epilogues that follow...and then I have no idea what I'll do with myself. Oh, yeah...work on the next fic! ;)
Just A Crazy-Man, Admiral Daala, sachariah, DoubleEO, LongLiveTheClones, Queen, Dawn Of Time, Moondoe, Jadedsnowtiger, Cnwriter and Lord Hollow: thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! You guys always make my day. :D