Chapter 25

Wolf POV

~~~Shin Makoku, Royal Bedroom - next morning~~~

The warm sun tickles my skin. I slowly awake.

I let out a mighty yawn and roll myself from the side to the back.

While stretching my arms above my body, I see something in the periphery of my gaze. I turn to my other side.

Yuuri?

He is still sleeping. How rare.

His chest elevates and sinks slowly in the rhythm of his breath. His slightly long black hair is disheveled. The bedding covers only his lower body. It´s an adorable sight, really. His lips red. I would like to kiss him awake.

Could I do this now? Am I allowed to?

Yesterday... we... it was amazing. More than I could hope for. Maybe I could kiss him now.

I mean... Yuuri has become a lot more comfortable with me. We do... stuff. Why am I always waiting for him to go back? I hate this! I hate feeling insecure. And I shouldn´t be this ungrateful. Shinou gave me this chance to experience it all. Even when Yuuris puberty passes, I will have memories. Beautiful memories. Yuuri being jealous of me, Yuuri treating me with love, Yuuri kissing me, declaring me as his fiance, as his family. It´s a lot. I should be happy. I should give it my all. Make memories. Be with him.

I can´t even explain, how much I wish for this to be forever. This is the man, I want to spend my life with. I want the happy ending to be with him. I´m willing to be everything for him, but I... I wish so much to be his special person. I want to be his family. I... want too much, I think.

I want to be with him. I simply want to be with him.

My heart hurts so much. I hold back tears.

In this moment Yuuri opens his eyes. He looks at me. A smile spreads over his entire face. It´s this smile. His thoroughly content and happy smile. Why can´t it be directed in my direction forever?

"Morning, Wolf", he says.

His voice is little raspy.

I don´t think, I can speak right now. I give him a short nod.

Yuuri smiles nonetheless. His hands reach out to me and he pulls me close.

"How can you be so beautiful early in the morning?", he whispers.

My heart doesn´t know, what to feel.

My head rests on Yuuris chest. I can hear his heart beat. I can feel the warmth of his skin.

Yuuri takes a deep breath.

"I love your fragrance", he says.

I shudder a little. I love him so much. And I feel so desperate. Don´t let this end, ever! Shinou, please!

I wriggle myself out of his hug, and bring our faces close.

Desperation floods my heart.

"I love you, Yuuri!", I tell him. My voice thankfully doesn´t break midway.

I kiss him roughly. Passion, love, desperation.

He answers my kiss. One of his hands in my hair, the other on my arm. He caresses me.

I love him.

I love him so much.

We end the kiss after a few minutes.

Yuuri beams at me.

"Don´t you think, we should brush our teeth first?", he says with mischief in his voice.

I try to smile at him.

"Yeah, we should".

Yuuri stands up and makes his way to the bathroom. Before passing though the door, he turns to me again.

"You know, that´s a pretty nice start into the day", he says while winking at me.

I don´t know what to say, just give him a little nod. Yuuris expressions darkens a little. He turns and goes into the bathroom.

Yuuri POV

~~~Shin Makoku, Garden of Blood Pledge Castle - after lunch~~~

I announced today at breakfast, that there will be a meeting next week with the aristocrats. The invitations are already on their way. Today I will tell everybody at the castle about staying permanently in Shin Makoku.

I´m outside in the garden right now, because I just couldn´t look at Wolf anymore. Something is wrong. He doesn´t smile at me, he doesn´t really talk. His mood is bad. And I don´t know, what´s wrong. Before all of this happened, he was never like this. Maybe it was wrong to start this thing between us. I feel happier than ever, but he doesn´t. Since my merging it has been like this most of the time. I know, I´m dangerous like this. I don´t want to force him. He stays with me, because he is the only one, who can calm me, when I explode. I understand that. I understand, that he would like to do other things. This is one of the reasons, why I ordered everyone to stay away from me for some time before the meeting. This way Wolf can be on his own and do stuff he likes.

What happened?

Before all of this, he was always chasing after me, more or less begging to be together with me.

I just don´t understand. I thought, he would be happy with me. What am I doing wrong? Should I not kiss him? Should I not be close to him? Should I leave him alone? I don´t think I am able to do that. It hurts me, when he is not beside me.

I know, that Wolf is loyal. I know, he is strong. I know, but I... I just want t be with him. I can´t stop thinking about him. I want to bind him closer to me. This way he can´t ever leave me.

I... am cruel. I have to think about his feelings. But it´s hard, when all my emotions seem to mingle and drive me to crazy actions.

I begin to walk, then speed up and run. I need to exhaust myself. I can´t do harm to anyone and everything inside me feels weird right now. I might explode. Where is Wolf right now? What is he doing. With whom? What if someone other than me, can make him happier? I am probably one of the most incompetent people in Shin Makoku. I need to learn a lot. There are a lot of capable women and men here. Wolf could easily find someone better. Someone more fitting. Someone as pretty as he is, or as strong, or as temperamental or as loyal. What am I anyway?

What can I even do?

Not much anyway. I´m a king. That´s true. But am I a true king? I let my people do everything for me. How much did Gwendal already do and Günther. I need to man up.

I will stay here permanently. I need to learn to be a proper king. Even if Wolf leaves me, he should at least proud to have me as his king.

I... I can´t breathe. Sorrow fills my entire being. I...

I stop running. I reached the pond. I sit down before it. Water... my element. Water calms me. I see my arms. I´m glowing blue. Well I feel blue too. It matches. I should release some power. I can do at least that much without endangering others after my training with Murata and Wolf.

I concentrate my attention on the water and let my power get in contact with it. I don´t even think about, what to do. A bit of the water starts to float. I try to give it a shape. I form my water dragons. They float mid-air and play catch with each other. I start to lose focus.

Wolf... I just want to be with you. I want to make you happy. I want to be your forever. Why can´t I? What are you so displeased with? Am I not enough? What should I be for you? I would be anything! Please, I only want to be with you. Please!

A tear streams down my face. When it drips from my chin, it startles me. I regain focus.

The water before me took on the shape of Wolfs face. I reach out to it. I want to be with him so much. As soon as I touch it, it loses shape and falls down.

I cry uncontrollably. Wolf! Wolf!

I only want to make you happy. I hear some noises in the distance. Quiet again. I can´t stop crying. Tears run down my cheeks. I only stare at the poodle of water before me. The water starts to freeze. As cold as my heart feels.

I have to change. I have to become a man, Wolf can love. I need to be better. I have to! He can´t leave me. I will cease to exist if he does.

"Yuuri?", I hear his voice.

He shouldn´t see this. He will hate me even more. He will be even more displeased looking at me. I cover my face with my hands.

"Yuuri, calm down".

If I could, I would. I shake uncontrollably. I try to take deep breathes, but I can´t.

I feel warmth on my back. My entire being starts to be warmer. Wolf increases the temperature around us. The pond starts to unfreeze. Wolf hugs me.

"I´m here, wimp", he whispers.

I shake and shake. He caresses my arms. I can´t anymore.

I turn and throw myself into his arms.

"Wolf, you can´t leave me, please!", I cry.

I don´t even recognize my own voice. It sounds so weird.

Wolf snickers.

"I will never leave you of my own accord, wimp", he whispers.

I cry and cry and cry.

Wolf hushes me.

"Love you", I can´t hold it back.

Wolf doesn´t respond. I flutter like a leaf in the wind.

He hushes me again.

"Yuuri", he whispers.

I press him close to me.

"Please Wolf, I will become better for you. Give me some time", I beg.

Wolf doesn´t answer.

My heart hurts.

Even together forever would be too short. I have to acquire the right to stand next to him. I have to find a way to make him happy to be with me.

I have to become a true king and man.

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Hey guys, please tell me what you think. I would really love some input and it is kind of heard to motivate to write the next chapter, when I don´t get feedback. So, I would really love to hear from you all. ;) See you soon.