Hi guys, sorry for the tardiness of this update...two reasons, family visiting and struggled with the angst! This was a request so I truly hope I did it justice. Please R&R and let me know! I'm happier with the romantic stuff but would dearly appreciate your comments. Love and best wishes Trish x

You're still keeping all of us going

Chapter: 25. Decisions, decisions!

Although she had tried to put it into that box that you shove under the stairs, returning to work was playing heavily on her mind. A call out of the blue from her C.O. to remind her the initial 26 weeks of her ordinary maternity leave was almost up, had set her thinking about where she went from here? Am I ready to return to work, she thought? What if I resign? Will I regret it if I don't go back? She knew in her heart that being a wife to Charles and a Mum to Luca and Sam was what she wanted now, but what happens in a few years time? What then? Molly had given the Army 8 years of her life; in return it had provided her with a wealth of experience, opportunities to climb the professional ladder, and hell, even her first tour had been the catalyst of her meeting the man she was to fall in love with and marry! Twice. She had never wanted to emulate the life her Mum had, but she had to concede that having a family with Charles just felt right! Not only do I need to write a pros and cons list, I need to talk to Charles to get his perspective on things she thought! Doodling away on her list, there seemed a lot more cons than there were pros.

Charles was acutely aware that Molly had something on her mind; he could read her like a book, she had that far away look in her eyes and her bottom lip looked like it had been chewed to pieces! He also knew she would always try to solve a problem herself before bothering him with her worries but this time it seemed different! He waited until Luca and Sam were safely tucked up in bed, when he sat down beside her on the sofa

'Tough day?' He enquired gently, watching her head droop a little as she closed her eyes preparing to offload.

So come on Molls! He probed what's going on in that nut of yours? Anything I can help with? Feeling slightly concerned to get to the bottom of why his wife's features were etched in worry lines and resting his chin on top of her head, he dropped a small kiss to her temple

'We need to talk! She retorted in a serious tone and moving forward, his stomach almost lurched with anticipation of what was coming next

'I've had a call from my C.O. about returning to work!' She stated wringing her hands, and there it was! The elephant in the room had well and truly been allowed to trample over their happy bubble! Charles knew this would rear its ugly head, he also knew that Molly would be conflicted in either choosing the Army or her family. There was an urgent need to discuss it and to determine where their future lay.

Molly told him all about the pros and cons list she had been working on and commented

' I just don't know what to do! I'm gonna need you to share your feelings with me and be brutally honest when you do!' If he were going to be honest with her he knew it wouldn't be easy, he'd always told her he wanted her to be brilliant and would never hold her back, but priorities change he'd have to tread softly to get his point across.

'How about we look over your list together?' He offered, feeling it might let him gauge her level of turmoil and hopefully come up with a solution that they both agreed upon. She jumped up to retrieve the list, nervously holding it out for him to read as if she were handing in a report to a teacher. Patting the warm space beside him he smiled at her

'Come here Molls! Take me through it! Looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights of oncoming traffic, she sat and took a deep breath

'I've done it in sections she told him this is the Army section listing everything I've achieved from basic training to current day and the future plans! This part is our life with the kids and about my feelings and the last part is the thousands of questions I don't have answers to!' Reading through her feelings he could clearly see she didn't want to be apart from him or the kids, but she'd also written in the question section was it too soon to actually resign from the army? Could she maintain the mix of family and military life where she could potentially still be deployed and away from the loves of her life? How much more could she achieve if she stayed in? Would she have to give up her dream of a getting a medical degree, citing that currently the army would provide a merit-based scholarship but what would happen if she left? Could she still achieve her goal via the Open University, working on her degree from home and get a work placement at The Royal United Hospital in Bath?

'So! He finally muttered gently according to this its your life now or the army!' Leaning into him and sighing heavily she confirmed 'That's about the size of it, yeah!' He knew what he wanted but the final decision would still need to be hers 'tell me what to do!' she implored, interlinking her fingers in his he let out his own sigh, stating 'I can't tell you what to do Molls! Its' got to feel right in here and here He said placing his hand on her head and her heart I can tell you how I feel, He said in a serious tone but if you're not ready to finish with the army we'll have to find a way of making it work won't we?' He was secretly hoping they'd find a mutual solution as he watched her tears fall silently! She turned to him searching for his eyes to reveal his feelings

And how do you feel?' she queried, trying to reign in her emotions 'I just…he hesitated I love you being here at home! He looked down, the floodgates opening pouring out his true feelings its' probably really selfish of me, to even admit it; but I can't wait to get home to my family! Knowing you are here with Luca and Sam gives me stability! I never wanted it before I met you, but if keeping you happy means you staying in then…

Placing her fingers on his lips, to hush him 'You're not the only one being selfish here! I am too!' She confessed.

Deciding to sleep on it they retreated to bed so they could both give it some more thought. Sleep wasn't coming easy for either of them, snuggling into him she whispered

'You still awake?' Pulling her closer and sighing in the darkness 'yeah, can't settle!' snuggling into his neck she asked 'wanna go down and get a hot drink?' 'Yep! He whispered back Come on!' Checking on Luca and Sam as they went, they padded down to the kitchen, Charles set about putting a pan of milk on to boil, as Molly sat at the kitchen table tracing circles onto the polished wood

'Luca is so tiny and Sam's so settled with us! She uttered I don't want to be the one responsible for upending his little world! And as for leaving you! Well that doesn't bare thinking about!' She huffed. Resting her elbows on the table and holding her head in her hands, she looked across at him for something, anything that would help her to make sense of it all. Charles sat opposite her, observing her furrowed brow; taking hold of her hand and clearing his throat in that nervous way he has whenever something important needs to be addressed, he began to talk about the options he'd come up with

'Listen Molls, I know this is no real solution but how about you apply for additional maternity leave! I thought this might happen, so I checked to see what your rank would be entitled to!'

'What did you come up with then?' She asked

'I found out that Service women are able to take a further 26 weeks on half pay as long as it runs concurrently with the initial 26 weeks! Pausing to judge if it was sinking in he continued At least it would buy you some time to really think it through!

'And then?' She frowned 'and then! He retorted when you want to resign you have to give 56 days notice!' Slightly confused she stated 'But you're only talking about leaving! You haven't mentioned anything about staying in!' Getting a little frustrated he said 'but you just said Luca is tiny and Sam is settled…I thought…

'You thought I definitely wanted to leave! If I do what happens to my degree?' Letting go of her hand to rub the back of his neck he retorted 'Well what do you want Molly? He huffed because I sure as hell don't know! If you go back for the army to pay for your degree the only option I can see is for Sam to be sent to boarding school and Luca to be looked after by some…some...Fucking stranger while you are away studying! Do you really want that?' He glared, his words cut into her like a knife! She glared back at him trying to stop her tears from falling. Feeling a bit ashamed, was she being incredibly selfish? Putting her own progression ahead of her family? She wouldn't be able to start until Luca was old enough anyway and of course she didn't want a boarding school for Sam and the mere thought of someone else looking after her baby, well it gave her the willies.

Interrupting her thoughts Charles continued

'All I'm trying to do is give you a few options!' He stated defensively, maybe his home hitting truth was what she needed to hear! Stunned by his reaction and obviously wounded at the reality lesson he'd dished out 'How could you even think I would want that for either of our kids! She breathed through her sobs, His stomach lurched seeing how much he'd hurt her and even worse his words were responsible for the sobs now wracking her body! Well done Jamsey he berated himself, you've managed to make this whole situation so much worse for her! God he thought, I'm such a fucking arsehole sometimes. I'm supposed to be the one she turns to, looks like I've well and truly fucked that one up, his inner voice screaming at him to sort his out now!

Her sobs were now causing her chest to hitch, pushing over the box of tissues that always sat on the table, he took the opportunity to sit beside her; he wrapped his arms around her, as the guilt of upsetting the woman he loves overwhelmed him

'I'm so sorry Molls! I don't even know where that came from! He spoke into her tear stained face. Cupping his fingers under her chin he pulled her face upwards giving her no alternative but to look at him,

'Molly He begged, the sorrow dripping off him in waves. Look at me baby. Pleading with her to look into his eyes he stuttered. The truth is I panicked! He admitted, rubbing her knuckles…. You my love, don't need the army to be brilliant, you already are! He squeezed her tightly as if to affirm his words and tried to inject a little lightheartedness. Will you take the piss if I freely admit I want my wife to be at home? Shaking her head, he confessed I just love you're here with our baby Molls! She opened her mouth to speak when he dropped a gentle kiss to her lips and seeing you with our Sammy Pulling back with a soft smile on his lips…well he's finally happy! He's got the Mum he deserves!' He stated lovingly. 'I guess its not your fault you're married to a prize prat! A soft laugh snorting from his nose waiting for the barrage of being old fashioned enough to want to provide for his family one who doesn't always engage his brain either! He laughed surprised she hadn't attacked his tradition upbringing. Chuckling at his description of himself, she countered 'you're no that bad! Sniffing back the last remnants of her tears by the way I'm his MOM! Remember, 'My Other Mum'!' Smiling, as she repeated Sam's words. Pulling her even closer he confirmed 'you're his Mum Molls! He adores you, don't ever think your not worthy of that title!' resting his head on hers he suggested

How about this? Checking she was paying attention...How about we get online and find out your options of doing a degree course from home via the Open University or something?'

'But the army were going to pay for it!' She stated as she watched him shrug his shoulders 'Well, there's still a huge chunk of my inheritance left!'

'God Charles, I can't let you do that!' She stated, amazed by his suggestion

Pulling her onto his lap he told her

'Listen to me very carefully Molls! He uttered tenderly I make no apologies for being deeply in love with my wife or for wanting and needing you at home with the kids and me! I will make an apology however, for hurting you with my words, panicking and making you cry! But you've got to let me prove I'll still do anything to make you happy, and if the only reason you want to stay in is for the army to fund your degree, then I think we can do better than that! We'll fund it ourselves! Whadya say?'

'I say Wow, Charles James! You'd actually do that?' Are you absolutely sure about this?' He chuckled 'So sure I'll even draft your letter of resignation!'

As they made their way back up to bed Molly hung back slightly, just to eye his gorgeous backside in the beautifully fitted Calvin's he always wore, checking their disagreement was well and truly over she muttered

'I was just thinking to myself Major! She smirked cheekily, taking in the look on her face he hummed

'Oh yeah! He looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at her

' That your arse looks just as good, if not better in boxers than it does in combats!' Stopping to let her get level he wriggled out of them completely before turning to show his bare faced cheek, asking

'And what about now Mrs. James?' continuing to move past him seductively close she breathed into his mouth

'Pick them up off the floor Major and I'll happily show you!' He didn't need telling twice as he swooped her up in his arms to continue this in private!