Dear Spence,

It's funny what you miss when you've gone some time without it. I have to say I miss a lot of things but mostly I miss you...little things. I miss the way your eyes light up when somethings got your attention. I miss you next to me at night and the way our breathing falls into rhythm when we're together. I miss you and me in the back of my truck doing any ole thing. They've got me in here with the hard core criminals baby . I mean some of these girls have done some really sick stuff...and wouldn't you know it they got me with a chick that up and shot her daddy. We get along fine though, I can understand wanting to kill your old man. She's real nice. She told me right out what she did and why she did it ll honest like . Her daddy had taken to slipping into her bedroom at night and having his way with her. She say he kept it up for six years. Hell, my old man ain't all that but guess I can thank our guy in the stars that I ain't been through something like she has. I told her about our situation....she understands. She's the one who gives me paper to write to you. Her little boy smuggles it in to her along with a fresh pen every now and then. We write together seeing as how neither of us are much interested in leaving the cell. These girls are some serious bad asses and she and I can't tough it out, out there. Besides all that, I'd much rather spend most of my time writing to you because imagining how your face gets when you open 'em makes me smile. I like to pretend I'm right there reading 'em to you and we're holding hands. The lawyers say that I ain't supposed to contact the victim but I can't just let you worry, now can I? Sometimes I wonder if you're even getting theses things. When my spirits gte down thinking about you not getting 'em, I just imagine how romantic it'll be when we're married and we read through them and laugh at all this. So if you're reading this do me a favor and smile...smile nice and big because I'm fine and right along in now that's the best thing you could do for me. Spence...know that I love you.

Ashley

Dear Spencer

Remember the first time we kissed? It was the last day of freshman year. I had finally got the engine in my daddy's truck running right and we decided to ditch school to ride around. We drove that thing all the way up to Atlanta...went to the mall. You were excited because I had never been to one. I had no money so I was embarrassed. They had so many fancy things there and they were so pretty. I wanted to buy you all of it but I had to settle on getting you a cookie. I remember how big you smiled when I bought you that cookie..Spence I thought you would cry. Instead you pulled me in real close and kissed me....long and slow. It was like the world was stopping for us or something. I felt so important...so alive and in the moment. We walked around the rest of the day holding hands. That was the day I officially allowed myself to love you. You see I'd felt it all along but I was afraid of feeling the pain of you not loving me back but that kiss sealed it. I loved you then and it was sweet and new. The love I have for you today is better though. It is old and deep, seasoned and patient. It's this love that gives me the strength to cope with all this. I want you to know that I feel for you , so much, that I will wait forever if I have to. I won't ever believe an ill thing anyone says about you. I won't ever turn my back on you because you'd never do that to me. Through loving you, I have become a better person, a stronger person and I'd like to thank you for that. I can only hope that where ever you are you're happy. I can't wait to see you, until then be safe for me.

Ashley

I'd read the first three aloud, but the rest I read to myself. I'd completely forgotten that Jon was there. That night I fell asleep in the pile of letters.

?//////////////////////////////////

The usual screams pulled me from dreams the next morning. I sat up to find Jon and Carmen asleep on the floor. I gently got up and stepped over them. Downstairs, my mother , Conner and my grandmother stood over a flaming pot of grits arguing. I wasn't at all in the mood to deal with them.

"Who was responsible for holding back my letters?"

They all froze. Conner took his opportunity to abscond from the tense kitchen.

"Spencer, your momma and I felt it was best you move on with your life. Leave all backwards mess behind...

'Was it you? Give me a straight answer for once in your damn lives."

"Aw hell....you done gone an sprouted a damn back bone on us. Thats all well and fine, just mean you'll feel it snapping in two when I jump off in your a...."

'Shut up with all those antics. Answer the question, who was responsible for retaining my letters"

"I was" my grandmother said in a clear voice. In one swift movement, I stepped forward and slapped her clean across the face"

She looked mortified.

"You had no right. They belonged to me. Ashley wrote to me every day for a damn year and I never knew that...I always knew you were a little far gone, but you've proved that you are a mean, hateful, miserable old bitch."

'Ungrateful heathen....if it weren't for me you wouldn't have a pot to piss in or a window to toss it out of. How dare you raise your hand to me? I'll rip you a knew one, I will......."

'You've been threatening me since I was a child with that same old sadistic shit and guess what? You haven't done a damn thing yet."

"Don't push me child. You don't know what I could do to you."

"We ain't got nothing but space and opportunity"

"Oh Lord hold me back."

"If you got the mind to, stop talking to the ceiling and do something"

"Spencer, calm down."

"You want it too?" With that my mother sat down.

"Blasphemous little whore, I ought to wash you're mouth out with soap."

"Uh-huh I've heard what you can, wanna, oughta, and should have done...lets see you put some action to those fancy words of yours."

"Spencer Carlin!!!"

'Momma sit back down."

My grandmother came at me with her hands grabbing at my hair. She swung at my face with one hand while I settled for hitting anything I could. My mother began to scream pulling our guests down the stairs. Carmen and Conner tried to pry my hands away form my grandmother's throat and Jon just stood back. It took a full thirty minutes for them to get us separated.