Sorry, I know it's been a while.
X
He dismissed the whore he slept with without notice. He swallows the painkiller with ease, no longer needing water to ease it down, he has mastered the art of swallowing pills where he could do it as if it was candy, and nobody ever saw it or nobody wanted to see it.
Carmen wasn't returning his calls but he still made a point to watch her, every night until he simply got tired of her, because no matter how long he stared at her, no matter how many pills he took, she wasn't her.
Lying back on the bed he waits for the analgesic to numb his pain, and hopefully lure him to sleep. Adam closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing, he feels the medication peaking, his eyes are becoming sleepy, his breath is evening out; until he hears her laugh and suddenly he's awake once again.
She's laughing at him.
It's not her fake laugh she does in public, or when she's being kind and laughing at a joke that was not funny, but this is her real laugh, the deep chuckle radiating from her diaphragm to her lips. She's made a mockery of him and worst of all; he would take her back if he could find her.
He removes his clothes as he starts his shower. Clothes pile on the floor as he doesn't have the energy to wash them better yet hang them, picking up his toothbrush he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He cringes and turns away but then he turns and looks at himself for the first time in a long time.
His hair is untamed, his eyes are concaved as if he hadn't slept in years, his facial hair has grown thick; he chuckles to himself if Olivia were to see him like this he knows she would immediately demand that he straighten himself up but she's not here; and she hasn't been 'here' in a while now.
He had respected her wishes, he's given her time, he allowed her to have fun but now, he was getting tired of waiting, and more importantly; restless with the anticipation of seeing her once again. In his eyes they are still very much husband and wife as Olivia has yet to contact him or even give him divorce papers, to him that is a sign of hope.
/
"This is Olivia Pope." She greets on the phone
"Olivia Pope, this is Fitzgerald Grant calling" she smiles on the phone as she listens to his voice "And I was calling to confirm my appointment."
"Your appointment?" she teases
"Yes, we discussed the arrangement and we agreed on dinner in order to seal the deal."
"Would you mind, explaining the agreement for me?" She places her legs on her desk as she gets comfortable enjoying the lightness of the phone call
"We agreed on me cooking dinner and you giving me dessert."
She laughs and covers her mouth at his shameless talk "I don't remember that."
"Ohh I do." He replies licking his lips "now miss Pope, a deal is a deal and I wouldn't recommended backing out on our deal."
"Why not."
"Then I wouldn't be so nice, I could be nasty."
"I like nasty." She replies seductively knowing she was getting a rise out of him.
"Don't do that." He warns
"What?" she acts playing innocent
"Don't talk dirty to me, because I like dirty talking and you know I have no problem coming to your job and doing all those dirty things to you." He replies seductively
"You know you can't do that." Though her and Adam have been broken up for some time, she hasn't told anybody at work about it. For starters, it's nobody's business but she feels ashamed, embarrassed, like she's a failure. She failed her marriage, she cheated on her husband with his friend and now she's pregnant. Olivia has thought about talking to her friends about her break up, the few ones she has left, excluding her friends that know Abby and Adam, her group was very small, but she told Stephen about her relationship- she told him the truth, and though he was shocked to say the least he never once judged or condemned her to death only asking if she was happy.
"Why are you so afraid?"
"I'm not" she defends herself wrapping her arms tight around her chest, preparing herself for an attack
"You are afraid, and that's okay but what's going to happen when one day, someone sees us together."
"Well it's nobody's business what I am doing better yet who I am screwing." She speaks firmly on the phone somehow feeling her voice get higher and her heart starting to pump with adrenaline.
She's always been a private person, not because she likes keeping secrets but she never felt compelled to run around and tell everybody what her day was like and who she was spending it with, if someone asked then she told but she never went out of her way to discuss her personal life.
"It feels like you're ashamed of me that's all" Fitz murmurs quietly, sensing that he has somehow angered or annoyed Olivia.
Hearing the sincere tone in his voice, her walls immediately come crashing down as she opens up her email "I could never be ashamed of you." She whispers tenderly on the phone, something she rarely does.
It's hard for Olivia to open up and share her innermost thoughts because it leaves her open and more importantly vulnerable, but slowly her walls have been coming down, brick by brick. Never has she been ashamed of Fitz, only ashamed of her actions.
"Okay." Fitz replies simply not wanting to make Olivia feel worse than she does but accepting the truth and sincerity in her voice.
"I'm going to prove to you just how proud I am."
"How?" Fitz asked
"I just got an email, for our annual ball for the firm and I am taking you."
"When is it?"
"In a month."
"Can't do it"
"What" her voice cracks and she can feel tears starting to form as she hears him rejecting her date.
"I have a girlfriend, she's pretty jealous." Fitz teases happily removing Olivia's fears
She laughs loudly with relief "I'll make sure to bring you home before midnight" she promises
"Okay, but don't trying anything funny." He warns jokingly
"I promise" Olivia laughs
Taking a moment before ruining the lightness of the conversation, Fitz ask about Adam, making Olivia stomach bubble with unease.
"I haven't heard from him, but I'm certain I will."
"Why, do you say?" Fitz asked becoming concerned with Olivia calmness
"Because my lawyer called and told me the papers were served to him today."
"I thought they were already served."
"No, the constable wasn't able to find him, everytime they went to his house he wasn't home, so today they went to his job and waited."
"I'm coming."
"Fitz?" Olivia asked confused "what are you talking about?"
"I'm coming to pick you up and take you home.
"I'm still working."
"Doesn't matter, I'll wait in your office but you don't need to go home by yourself."
"I'll be fine Fitz."
"Olivia, you just said you expect to hear from Adam that is a reason to be concerned."
"Fitz…"
"No, Olivia; I am coming to pick you up."
"How about you stay home, and I'll leave work early?" she bargains
"Liv…"
"Fitz, I'll leave in an hour, and I'll call Adam and schedule to talk to him and explain everything okay?"
"Just come home safe, and call him when you get home."
"Okay"
"Okay"
"Fitz…"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you, Liv."
/
Something feels off, every step she makes towards her car, she feels her stomach tighten, her palms perfuse, her heart fluctuates as she walks closer and closer to her car, she curses herself for not allowing Fitz to pick her up.
She freezes in car garage as she watches Adam stand up from sitting on the hood of her car. Her eyes water as she looks at his appearance, he has a suit on and from what she can guess this is his attempt at looking better.
Olivia's torn between running away while she still has a chance or running to him. He's still Adam, her sweet, kind Adam. Taking a deep breath she walks to him. Turning in the direction of heels clacking on the payment Adam immediately jumps up and fixes his suit and hair in hopes of looking like the man he was before she left. He smiles shyly at her, nervous to be in her presence after being without her for so long- the anticipation is thrilling but to seeing in flesh easily overrules any dream of her.
They stare at one another, one pair of eyes are sad the other delighted but troubled. Unsure how to speak to her, Adam hands Olivia her favorite flower, peonies.
"What's this for Adam?"
"It's your favorite flower." He whispers gently never once taking his eyes off her, magically Olivia has become even lovelier than the last time he saw.
"Why are you here, Adam?" Olivia asks gently moving closer towards him, she feels the inexplicable push to grab him and hold him in her arms. The guilt of hurting and ruining him has left her feeling less than thrilled, how can she be happy when the man she once loved is miserable and suffering due to her actions.
"I was served papers." He whispers quietly
"Adam…"
"I didn't think we were at that level."
"Adam, I moved out and haven't been back."
"I always thought you would come back, I left everything exactly the same, never touched anything on your side of the bed…not even your clothes, perfume, makeup." His voice trails off as he fights the urge to cry in front of her, he won't be weak in front but inside his heart is breaking and she's the only one who can heal him.
She touches his hand gently as tears fill her eyes "you don't look good Adam." She whispers, she can see the black circle under his eyes, the gaunt emaciated look of hunger and malnourishment, she fights the urge to swaddle him and place him safely in the confines of her arms.
He looks down at their now touching hands and smiles happily at her "Well you look very beautiful, Livvie."
She drops her hand form his at the mention of that name he gave her so long ago; it stings. She has been warned so many times to stay away from him, that he's not well, but as she looks at his sad brown eyes she sees he's still the man she once loved- he's still Adam. Fitz nor anyone could and can stop her from caring about him- loving him because though you might not be in love, love is still very much there. If Adam was a bad guy, neglected her, mistreated her than she could understand but he was never any of those things, just a simple man.
Adam rubs his beard, soothingly as he reaches behind his back to hand Liv her favorite flowers, peonies.
"Adam, why are you giving me flowers?" she asked shocked as if she has felt enough guilt today.
"To make a change, I'm sure whoever you are seeing doesn't know those are your favorite flowers." He responds happily
Olivia stares down at the flowers refusing to acknowledge what Adam said because the truth was that she never liked peonies but on their first date, Adam gifted them to her and she was touched by the sweet gesture that she welcomed them openly and happily.
She leaves out Fitz knowing what her favorite flowers as it would not be acceptable, but Fitz does know. Tulips are her favorite flower but Fitz always managed to surprise her, in fact if Adam were to go inside her office he would see arrangement filled with tulips and daisies courtesy of Fitzgerald Grant.
"Adam, I can't accept your flowers." She replies gently handing them back to him
"Why not?" Adam asked hurt as he looks down at them trying to figure if they had something on them that caused her to reject them.
"Because Adam we are getting a divorce, flowers can't fix this."
"How could I fix anything when I didn't even know we were broken?"
"Please" Olivia whispers. She bites her lip to stop her from crying but everything is ruined and broken
"You cheated on me and you left, without talking to me, without anything…you left me all alone."
"Adam…" Her voice cracks as she hears him speak of the night "I was wrong in how I handled that situation and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry because Adam you are great" she smiles sadly as she wipes her tears
Adam moves to comfort her, gently wiping her tear away and she closes her eyes in the once familiar touch. Somehow she cries harder, here she is breaking his heart and instead of comforting him, he's comforting her.
"I need you, Livvie." He whispers in her ear as he holds her close, his heart breaking with each word spoken out. He despises himself for loving her to the point of damaging himself, how even though she treated him like dirt he still begs for her to love him.
She holds him tight, as they cry in each other's arms; the destruction they have caused, the casualties fallen by the wayside. "Adam, you have to move on, you can find someone who will love you the way you deserve." She rubs his back soothingly at the same time clinging to the familiarity of him however distant it may appear. She doesn't love him, not the way she use to but in her arms, is the man she once vowed to spend the rest of her life, a man she lived with for five years, a man she once thought was the one for her.
"I deserve you."
"You deserve better."
"Why is he good enough for you and I'm not?" he asked lifting his head up to look at her perfect doe eyes…
"I don't know." She whispers honestly "I do know that you have the chance at happiness and you should take it."
"I can't be happy unless I'm with you. You haunt me Liv, I can't sleep because I hear your voice and I think your home and it's all a lie."
"My home is elsewhere, now." She replies gently rubbing his cheek soothingly "what are you taking?"
"Everything, Xanax, Dilaudid, pretty much anything to get you off my mind."
"Adam, you can't take those."
"I need them."
"Adam please stop this."
"Answer me these two questions please." He ask ignoring Olivia's pleas of help
"Of course."
"Did you ever love me?"
"I did, love you. I did."
He looks up at the ceiling as if to gather himself but Olivia waits patiently for him, never rushing him to speak.
"I know you did." He says a minute after composing himself, turning his head down to look at her, giving her the smile that used to make her rush into his arms warningly.
"My other question, is do you love him?"
She thinks about Fitz, and her heart begins to flutter and subconsciously she smiles brightly at the thought of returning home to him, and kissing him every night and every morning. "I love him, very much."
"You smiled, when I asked you that question. You must love him greatly."
"It wasn't planned." She attempts to down play her love for Fitz but Adam sees through it
"But you didn't stop it." He replies simply
"I did, Adam. I tried so fucking hard to stop." Olivia heard the tone and understandably she's not angry because if the role was reversed she would be furious but she has to protect herself under Adam's rightfully judgmental tone because she did try to fight her feelings for Fitz, the only person who will ever know just how hard it was, is the person who experienced the same emotions.
"You make it seem like you're an addict, like it's a sex problem."
"It's not sex. I love him Adam which is why I'm filing for divorce, so we can both move on with our lives."
He moves away from her at her declaration of love for the other man "and what if I don't want to." He pauses turning around to look at her "what if I want to fight for us the same way you fought for him." Adam counters
A door slams shut and both look in shock and panic at Fitz walking up to them.
"Fitz, what are you doing here?" Adam asked looking at him in confusion.
Fitz doesn't respond to Adam's question only moving closer to Olivia, ignoring her panicked worn-out face
"Why are you here at Olivia's office?" Adam asked moving closer to Olivia, uncertain as to why Fitz would be here and knowing where Olivia works.
"Liv." Fitz bellows moving closer towards Olivia until he stops to look at her. She turns left from right and see's she's stuck between two men she loves dearly. If she rejects Adam and turns to Fitz, then Adam would most certainly know of their affair and if she turns to Adam and reject Fitz then she can very easily lose him.
"Liv, what the hell is going on?" Adam yells breaking her movement of contemplation.
"Adam, why are you here." Fitz asked again
"I am talking to my wife!" Adam hisses perturbed by Fitz's sudden involvement "Why are you here calling her name."
"Liv, come to me." Fitz ask gently
"Liv, why is he calling you to him?" Adam ask suddenly looking between Olivia's distraught face and Fitz's angry one.
"Come her Liv." Adam says softly moving towards her but every step he makes to her, pushes her closer to Fitz until she turns around walking to Fitz.
And suddenly Adam's world changed at that very second.
He laughs loudly as he looks at his friend and his wife holding one another. Tears fill his eyes as he laughs at their scared and bewildered stares "My best friend has been fucking my wife!" He laughs "This whole time, I thought you two hated one another, you were fucking." He steps toward them as Fitz pushes Olivia behind concerned about Adam's state of mind "You two have been laughing at me" he rushes out "humiliating me, I cried in front of you about her and yet you said nothing, you coward!" Adam charges towards Fitz punching him.
"Fitz" Liv yells concerned moving towards him, while Fitz stopped her from moving closer. He knew Adam was going to punch him and rightfully so, he wouldn't stop Adam from hitting him because he deserves it after everything him and Liv had put him through, so he takes the punch and the punch that follows.
"You love him" Adam spat pointing towards Fitz "He doesn't know how to love, I know, I watched him break every girl he ever laid eyes on heart…he'll break yours two." Adam warns calmly never taking his eyes off Olivia "And when he does, I'll be there."
"You don't know me, Adam." Fitz replies calmly touching his lip feeling warmth but no blood.
"I know you are a bastard, for fucking another man's wife!"
"I love her, Adam."
"You don't know how to love" Adam seethes "You can never make her happy" Adam vows, knowing he has effectively shaken Fitz. "You" he points to Olivia moving closer to her but being stopped by Fitz.
"Get out of my way!" he shoves Fitz, trying to move past him "I am trying to talk to my wife"
"You're not coming near her." Fitz replies sternly "We did not mean for this to happen, but it did and now Olivia and I are going to be together."
"Ohh" Adam backs away "You have become a man thanks to my wife, and you think you can take her?"
"Adam, please we can talk civilly." Olivia pleads moving towards Adam but being stopped by Fitz who gives her a firm look.
"Why now, why do you want to talk civilly now? "
"We can be adults." Fitz responds
"Adults?" Adam ask rhetorically "since when, men don't screw there friends wife and then have dinner with them at their house!"
"Let's go." Fitz lifts his hands exasperatedly with explaining to Adam, and wanting more than anything to get Olivia away from him.
"Answer me this." Adam ask quietly "How long."
"What?" Olivia ask praying that she heard him wrong
"How long were you two together? Was it after you left me, before, when?"
"Before." She whispers
His voice echoes throughout the parking garage, as he yells for as long as he can without taking a breath. He moves towards her before Fitz could reach her "Did you ever love me?" he ask heartbreakingly tender as tears fill his eyes "do you hate me that much, to punish me in such way?'
"Adam, I never wanted to hurt you." She pleads as she touches his cheek, hoping he can see just how sorry she is.
"You probably laughed at me, for being so stupid so blind."
"Never" she whispers
"Why did you do it?"
"I don't know" she replies honestly because when she would look back at her relationship, Adam was never horrible but rather close to perfect and yet she cheated on him and ruined every misconception about adultery and affairs.
"How long were you with him?"
"I don't want to answer this."
"I need to know."
Her lip quivers and she fidgets as she tries to control herself, she takes a deep breath before replying "six months"
He licks his suddenly dry lips as he feels his life force being depleted by every word that comes out of her mouth. "Were you still fucking him before?"
"Adam, don't do this." She pleads
"Answer" he snarls
"Yes."
"Is he better than me?"
"We're leaving." Fitz gently grabs Olivia's hand, walking them towards his car "Get your fucking hands off my wife, you bastard!" Adam yells running after them
"Come close to her and I won't be so kind as earlier."
"Kind?" Adam asked in disbelief "That's what you showed me? Kindness? Respect? Did you kindly fuck my vulnerable wife, even though you knew how I much I adore her?"
"We didn't mean for this to happen." Fitz spoke calmly gently pushing Olivia behind him without Adam knowing. "I never knew she was your wife, until it was too late."
"This was not a good day for any of us, so why don't we just go our separate ways and cool down. Once we are able to be calm we can talk more if you so choose."
"I could care less about talking to you Fitz" Adam stretches leisure looking around the parking garage, stopping once he saw Olivia's scared face "I only want you, Liv."
"She doesn't want you."
"And you don't want her" Adam assure coolly never once taking his off of Olivia, noticing a difference in her but unable to place where in particular "Carmen, really misses you, you should give her a call."
The mention of her name makes Olivia's stomach quiver in nerves and fear of Fitz talking to her. Fitz hasn't been acting strange nor has he been coming home late, but knowing that she wants Fitz is enough to make her angry in disgust and jealously.
"That's bullshit and you know it, Olivia knows about Carmen." Fitz replies coolly moving to Adam, happily wiping the smug look off his face "Olivia also knows that you have been fucking Carmen too."
"Because you stole my wife!" Adam shouts throwing his finger in Fitz's face "I am not the bad guy; Olivia will not change the fact that you're suckle bastard child, whose father never wanted you."
He grabs Adam by the collar of his shirt, effectively squeezing his throat slightly. He ignores Olivia's pleas to stop "Stay away from Olivia." His voice is cold and removed of warmth as he throws Adam to the ground.
"I'm not going anywhere" Adam responds watching Olivia and Fitz move quickly into Fitz's car, smiling to himself at the camera capturing the entire footage from the parking garage.