Erik's lips pressed against mine, hungry and sweet. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, what could've been the more perfect first kiss? Erik ran his fingers through my hair, twining it around them and holding the back of my head gently, pulling me closer to him with his other hand around my waist. I felt so tiny next to him, so delicate. Everything was perfect. All I could think of was Erik and me. Erik and me? A jolt of sorrow shot through me; Erik loves Christine and only her, I was only relieving his sorrow, he'd try to force her to love him at the masquerade in a few weeks.
I pulled away quickly, not wanting to let his see me in tears. "I-I have to go, Meg will be wondering where I am," I murmured pulling myself out of his arms. Erik seemed to be at a loss for words, he held onto my arm until only our hands were connected. I pulled mine away and turned to the tunnel without another word. I sprinted away as fast as I could. God, what had just happened? I ran my hands over my face; when had we started to drift too close? I couldn't remember. That was weird, I could remember every detail of his song, the warmth that radiated between us. Kisses were weird, I thought as I ran out the entrance to the tunnel; pressing lips together to show love. It was a strange feeling, but it wasn't bad, just strange.
Why did he kiss me? I thought he loved Christine. No, I thought darkly, he loves Christine, both the book and the musical and all the other adaptations share the same fact: Erik will love Christine for as long as he lives, no matter how much she doesn't deserve it. I regretted thinking that, but it was true; Christine would never love him back because of how he looks, that showed how shallow she was; maybe she could be taught better if I spoke to her when this was all over. When this was all over... we only had the masquerade and Don Juan left until Christine breaks his heart and leaves him to suffer at the hands of the mob with Raoul. Because he let her go.
So what was I? Something to toy with while he tried to get Christine back? No, Erik would never do anything like that; he probably confused the feelings he had for me with love because I'm his friend and he hasn't had many. Shit, I should go sort this out with him right now, but I really didn't want to, I didn't think I could face him.
ERIK
"Night time, Sharpens, Heightens each sensation," Danielle's eyes widened for a minute, had she heard it before? Maybe in the musical of my life she has told me about.
"Darkness, stirs and wakes imagination,
Silently the senses, abandon their defenses," she smiled, she had remarked that my voice was better than the others who had sung me.
"Helpless to resist, the notes I write,
For I compose the music of the night." I pulled her from where she stood rooted to the ground, she almost trembled at my touch.
"Slowly, Gently, Night unfurls its splendor,
Grasp it, Sense it, Tremulous and tender," Danielle's pink lips pulled in a gust of air as I ran my fingers over her high cheek bones.
"Hearing is believing,
Music is deceiving,
Hard as lightening, soft, as candle light,
Dare you trust the music of the night." Danielle turned away, looking embarrassed and smiling. I brought her to face me, not meeting with any resistance. I couldn't believe that she could look so girly, it was adorable.
"Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before," I pulled away from her, missing the warmth from her hands.
"Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar;" her eyes fell shut and her sweet lips took in a slow, long breath; it was as if she had never breathed before and she was just starting now.
"And you live as you've never lived before
Softly, Deftly,
Music shall caress you,
Hear it, feel it,
Secretly possess you." I pulled her with me through my home, her eyes never left me, pride swelled in my chest.
"Open up your mind,
Let your fantasies unwind," she bit her lip, her eyes lit up beautifully showing pleasure and joy.
"In this darkness which you know you can not fight,
The darkness of the music of the night." I held my arms open, reveling in the splendor of Danielle's face.
"Close your eyes start a journey through a strange new world,
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before," I felt my heart pumping loud and full, for a moment I worried Danielle would hear it before logic met my thoughts.
"Let your soul take you where you long to be," I watched gooseflesh pop up on her arms and the shaky breath leave her lips, could her heart be beating as fast as mine? Could she feel as I was feeling?
"Only then can you belong to me." I pulled her to me, savoring the feeling of her body pressed against mine, I almost forgot the rest of the song.
"Floating, falling, sweet intoxication,
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation," I led her hand to the good side of my face; could she possibly feel what I am feeling right now? I thought my heart would explode.
"Let the dream begin,
Let your darker side give in," Danielle's eyes were a whirlwind of emotions, they flashed by so fast I had no time to identify them.
"To the power of the music that I write,
The power of the music of the night." Danielle let her eyes fall shut again and she breathing was shaky. She leaned on me lightly, her weight feeling like nothing in my arms; it brought me pleasure to know that I had make her knees weak enough for me to need to hold her up. Her eyes fluttered open and examined my eyes before falling to my lips. I almost forgot the next few words, the end of the song.
"You alone can make my song take flight,
Help me make the music of the night." Danielle's lips were only inches from mine, I could move half an inch and our lips would be touching. I felt myself bending my neck, never taking my eyes off hers, and kissed her. her lips were sweet and soft and perfect, despite the height difference our bodies seemed to fit together like two pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. Every inch of Danielle's supple curves leaned into me, almost begging for my touch. Whatever deity was watching over me must have finally decided to favor me. Danielle hesitated for a fraction of a second, more than likely because of shock, before allowing herself to fall into the kiss.
God, it was more wonderful than I had dared hope for. No, I had not manipulated the situation to fit me, but it seemed my desires for Danielle's lips to mine were enough to make me bold enough to try and capture what I had dreamed of so recently. Her arms glided around my neck and my arms wound around her, pulling her body closer to mine and holding her head to mine, trying to make her lips stay connected for as long as possible. How had I not known her hair was so soft? or how small and delicate her waist was? It seemed like it had only lasted a moment before she pulled away, lips red from our kiss. She looked ready to cry.
"I-I have to go, Meg will be wondering where I am," she said as she disentangled herself from my arms and running to the mouth of the tunnel leading her to the world above. Reality slammed into me. I had just been fooling myself, there was no way that beautiful creature of the light, that sweet angel, could love a creature of the darkness such as myself. I had just tainted her radiant light with my abhorrent darkness. God, what had I done?
After the shock of losing her faded sorrow beyond imagination set in, along with a fierce anger. She had not pulled me closer, she had been pushing me away! Trying to find a way to rid herself of the monster that lurked just behind the mask. Who would want to kiss such an ugly, murderous being? She had only been kind to me because she wanted to save herself! I swiped the contents of a table to the floor and threw candlesticks to the ground. Damn them and all the time I wasted lighting them!
I could have destroyed my entire home had it not been for the nagging urge to compose this into Don Juan. I sat at my organ and viciously pressed the keys, demanding an ungodly sound from the pipes. How I hated this damned and cursed body with everything in me, no one could ever love something as vile as I. Restlessly I tore up the tunnel after her, finding the shadows and moving with them so I could find and watch Danielle without any trouble.
I found Danielle as she slipped down into a crouch against a wall, knees brought up to her chin and hands around her lips. She stared into space for a moment before she shook her head, wiped her eyes and got up.
"No use crying over spilled milk," she said and got up, walking back to the dormitory that she now shared with only Meg. I let the pain of her words accompany me back to my home. As I played Don Juan again anger filled my mind. I would not let it end like this.
DANIELLE
I can't believe Erik kissed me. What the hell? I didn't need my life to be anywhere near as complicated as when I thought Christine was going to unmask Erik, now he kisses me? He loved Christine, not me; it was a kind of kick in the gut. I got up from my place on the ground and quickly walked back to the dormitory in case Erik tried to come after me.
"Danielle, are you alright?" Meg looked up from the book she was reading in her bed when I came in and knew something was wrong. I licked my lips and walked to my bed, undressing like I normally would.
"Nothing," I lied. I glanced behind me to see if Meg bought it. She didn't.
"Well, if you want to talk about it, you can always come to me. You know that, right?" I smiled at her, grateful she didn't try to pry it out of me.
"Yeah, thanks." I pulled on my nightgown and got into bed, trying to make myself go to sleep. Meg turned off her light and quickly fell asleep. I closed my eyes and lay awake all night, I could almost hear the harsh notes of Don Juan vibrating up from the tunnels; notes twisted every way.
I got out of bed at six the next morning, eyes feeling like they were full of sand. I rubbed them, my arms felt like lead. Slowly, I opened my eyes and pulled my feet over the side of the bed. Meg was still asleep. I pulled on my robe, it was getting colder, much, much colder. I grabbed my bathroom stuff and hurried to the bathroom, trying to pay attention to everything, every dark crevice, every corner, just incase Erik decided to haul me off again.
How could he just do that? Why would he just kiss me like it was something to do! Dumb jerk took my first kiss. Butt faced creep. I can't believe him. I instinctively rubbed my lips with my forefinger knuckle. Jesus, all I wanted right now was some chocolate ice cream and Máté Kamarás to pop out of my computer screen and hold me in his sexy arms. Of course both would be impossible because A) ice cream hasn't been invented yet and B) Máté Kamarás wasn't born yet. Goddamn. I hauled myself into the bathroom and filled the tub. I stripped down and slid under the warm water, happy to finally untense my muscles after a sleepless night. I let my eyes fall shut and relax. I don't know how long I soaked there, but there was a sudden rap at the door; I jumped about a foot in the air and my eyes flew open.
"Danielle? Are you in there?" Came Meg's voice from behind the door. I rubbed away the goosebumps that had popped up on my arms.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute," I called back, realizing the bathwater was cold as all hell. I pulled the cork out and toweled off as quickly as I could. I dressed and exited the room, quickly walking down the halls, being just as cautious as I had been going in. I opened the door to the dormitory and found Meg waiting by her bed with her book. She looked up as I entered and smiled. Her smile quickly faltered at the sight of how worn out I looked.
"Oh Danielle, what's wrong? You look as if you have not slept one wink at all." I gave her a weak smile.
"Well I didn't. I had a lot on my mind last night, leaving me sleep deprived today." I rubbed my eyes again, trying to get the sleep out of them. "It's okay, it's not like I've never had a sleepless night before." I yawned and stretched. "Why don't we get breakfast?" Meg looked worried, but I guess she knew that she wasn't going to get anything out of me.
"Alright," she said. I felt bad for letting her worry, but really what could I tell her? Oh, Meg; the Phantom of the Opera kissed me! What am I to do? Yeah, no.
"Sorry if I worried you this morning." I meant having her wake up and me not being there. Meg shook her head.
"I knew there was a rational reason, you're not one to go terribly far and not tell someone where you're going. I just assumed you had gotten up early to take a walk around the Opera or had gotten in the tub." We reached the kitchen, weirdly Henri was waiting there with Madame Giry. I don't mean they were speaking, they were just in the same room at the same time.
"Is it today?" He nodded. The day Henri had to leave had finally come. "It's not going to be much fun around here without you."
"Thanks." Henri smiled and picked up his two bags. "I'll try to come back as soon as my father is better, God knows I'm happier being a dancer than a grocery store owner." We had to laugh at that; even Madame Giry cracked a smile.
"It will be a shame to lose your talent, not to mention you are one of the only male dancers that will actually pay attention the first time around rather than look at the females." It was rare hearing Madame Giry giving out compliments. Henri blushed a bit with pride.
"Thank you Madame Giry, I've really treasured being in the ballet, I'm hoping to be back around this time next year or sooner." Madame giry nodded.
"There is some bread and cheese in a basket over there with a few apples and dried meats, I expect that basket back along with you." Madame Giry was really being nice to him right now, maybe she thought he wouldn't come back. That was a depressing thought.
"I'll come back to see the next performance! It will be strange coming back to the Opera as a viewer instead of an actor. Do you know what show it will be?" He asked. Don Juan Triumphant. I think if I told them that Madame Giry would have a fit; no doubt she knows about Erik's opera.
"It has not yet been decided; the new managers wish to announce it at the masquerade ball in a few weeks time." I mentally smacked myself in the forehead. How could I have forgotten about the masquerade? Henri seemed to perk up.
"Save a spot for me, I'd love to be there," Henri stuttered for a second, "I mean, if it wouldn't be too much trouble!" God, Henri could be uncharacteristically cute sometimes, it was almost funny.
"Don't worry about it, it won't be any trouble, just show up." I punched him in the arm and pulled him in for a hug. "I'm gonna miss you, ya big lug." He put his arms around me.
"And I you, my little holy terror," he said affectionately.
"D'aww, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." I began to face cry. A round of goodbyes were said and Henri was gone. Huh. He was the first guy I'd gone on a date with; he is a really nice guy and I could only hope that he found someone to love and marry.
"Danielle, you received a letter from Christine today, I left it by the fruit." Madame Giry used a long knife to motion towards the letter that was propped up against the fruit bowl. I grabbed it and ripped the side of it off.
Dear Danielle,
I can hardly believe so much time has passed. I promised I would write to you every week and it has been almost three! I feel so badly that I made you wait for my word. Danielle, I am so happy here, I did not know I could be so happy in all my life, it's almost like my sorrows have been washed away; for the first time since my father died I feel completely at peace, I just wish you were here with us, it seems so much more fun whenever you are around. Please come visit us soon, Raoul wishes you were here as well, he has remarked that he misses your quick wit and sharp tongue. I don't intend to sound so imploring but I want nothing more than to show you all that Raoul has shown me. I cannot wait for the masquerade to see you, I promise you will have so much fun. Give my love to Meg and Madame Giry, I do so miss them.
Warmest Regards,
Christine Daae
I smiled; it was nice to hear that they missed me so much. I should go visit them, it would give me an excuse to get out of the Opera for a while and think about how to approach Erik again, I know I have to talk to him again, I just don't know what to say. So Bro, why'd ya kiss me? Ya gonna do it again? God, no.
"Christine want's me to come visit her and Raoul." I wanted to go, no doubt, but I still felt bad about leaving Erik here. I looked up at Madame Giry and gave her a meaningful look.
"Meg, why don't you go find a bag for Danielle's things while I help her with chartering a carriage to take her?" Meg nodded and left the room. Madame Giry turned to me and asked, "Danielle, what has happened?" God, I really didn't want to tell her this.
"We had a little, ahg, ungoodness happen a bit ago." Madame Giry raised her eyebrow.
"An ungoodness? Really? Pray tell what this 'ungoodness' was about?" No tip toeing around the subject with her.
"Erik kissed me." I didn't think I'd ever seen someone's eyes pop out of their head the way Madame Giry's eyes did.
"He... what?" I don't think there was anything in the world she had expected less.
"He kissed me, right in the middle of his lair. God, it was weird, like I was in one of those soap operas that are on daytime television, my life has become one of those convoluted stories that never make sense." I brought my hands to my eyes and pressed them in until I saw spots. "Ya know, it might not have been that bad if it hadn't been my first kiss ever. God, I didn't even consent to it! It was just like, 'I will kiss you now' and boom! There goes my first kiss into the clutches of a man who calls himself the Opera Ghost!" I finished my mini rant and flopped onto the floor of the kitchen. "I really need to get out of here."
"Did he try to... force you?" I laughed humorlessly.
"Hell no. I pushed him away and left. Got back to the dorm as fast as I could; even Meg could tell something was up." Madame Giry looked around worriedly, I could tell she was wondering if Erik was listening in.
"Danielle, I think it would be in your best interests to go visit Christine for a while, just long enough for me to talk sense back into Erik." I rolled my eyes, Erik didn't have any sense, he did whatever he wanted.
"I'll leave as soon as possible, I just need a carriage and my stuff in bags."
"How will you know where to go?" Madame Giry asked worriedly.
"Return address." I pointed to the top corner of the envelope at the small address written there.
"I'll call a carriage to be ready in an hour." We went for find Meg and filled my bags with what I was going to need for a few weeks.
"Oh Danielle, it's not going to be much fun here alone," Meg said as she helped me fold a dress.
"Don't worry Meg, I'll only be gone a week or two, if that; I'll be back before you know it." I stuffed the dress in the already bulging suitcase. I'll write to you as soon as I get there, the letter might not be so long, but I'll tell you about riding in the carriage and seeing Raoul and Christine's surprised faces when I get out." Meg smiled at me mischievously, she was getting quite a taste for mischief; I blame myself but I'm loving every moment of it.
"I look forward to reading it."
"I'm going to go to the bathroom before the carriage gets here, I need to pee." I walked into the corridor, making sure that I kept an eye on all of the dark twists and turns of the halls. But no matter how much attention I payed, Erik was still better than me.
In a flash a black glove was closed around my waist and tugged me into a dark alcove adjacent to the hallway. Erik had me pinned to the wall and at his mercy. I struggled in vain to pull my arms free from his vice like grip. "Do you think I would allow you to leave me?" Erik's eyes were burning.
"Get off me." I growled out. Erik's hand met my throat and squeezed, hard enough to hurt, soft enough to let me breath. He kept three of his fingers around my throat and let the remaining two gently run down the sides of my neck; trust Erik to find the only sensual way to strangle someone.
"You belong to me." He whispered fiercely. I felt a surge of adrenaline shoot through my body and I was able to knock him away from me.
"Ich Gehör Nur Mir!"* I walked away as fast as I could without making it look like I was running. Screw peeing; I'll tell the driver to stop by some nice, secluded bushes and do my business there. I put on what I hoped was a pretty neutral/happy face and re-entered the dormitories. "Well, let's get these bags out to the carriage, not use wasting daylight." We each grabbed a stuffed bag (in this era it was impossible not to have a stuffed bag with all the clothes I was subjected to. We brought them out to the carriage driver and he loaded them into the carriage.
"Goodbye Danielle." I hugged Meg and Madame Giry and climbed into the carriage and settled down, the air was frigid, I could tell that there was going to be snow on the ground soon enough. I looked back at the Opera House, it had been my home for months and months, almost a year. Wow, I'd been gone from my time for so long, I could hardly believe it; the only mark for time was my dwindling amount of medication.
After hours of riding and two stops to pee and stretch I was finally at the doors to Raoul's insanely big estate. The driver got my bags down and I told him I was fine from here and he left. Someone must have seen me coming up the drive because some servants came out to meet me.
"Excuse me miss, how may I help you?" They were eying me up and down, as if to say, Who's this bitch coming to our masters house when he has another he's entertaining? Is this a scandal?
"My name is Danielle BellRose and I am here to see my good friends Raoul De Chagny and Christine Daae." The servants ran inside to get Raoul while I was stuck with the luggage. I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders, trying to work out the knots. There was a clattering and the sound of running and suddenly Raoul was standing at the door with a panting Christine bringing up the rear. "Hey," I said cheerfully.
"Danielle." Was all Raoul could say; Christine was speechless; I faked exasperation.
"Is that all you can say to the person that spent hours in a carriage after reading how much you missed me?" I put my hands on my hips and smiled at them.
"You came all this way just after reading my letter?"
"Duh, I needed to get out anyway, just decided it had to be now." Christine almost knocked me to the ground when she rushed over and hugged me. "What, no hugs Raoul?" I wiggled a free arm and Raoul came up and wrapped his arms around both of us and lifted us up. I laughed and Christine covered her mouth and giggled.
"It's so good to see you Danielle, come in, I'll send a servant for your bags. You must tell us everything about the ride over." He motioned for two of the male servants to take my bags then turned to a maid. "Make up a room for our guest at once," he turned to me, "you must be exhausted, of course we'll let you rest before we bombard you with questions." I waved my hand.
"I'm not really tired, I do however need to write a letter to Meg; I promised I'd write to her as soon as I got here. I can write and talk at the same time." We chatted and walked in the door to the drawing room. Raoul got me a pen and paper and I sat at a desk and wrote a letter to Meg.
Dear Meg,
Just arrived out of the blue, you should have seen their faces...
CHRISTINE
Something was wrong. Of course I loved that Danielle was here to make light of everything with her humor and personality, but I couldn't help but feel something was amiss. What had pushed her to leave the Opera only hours after receiving my letter? Was she running from something? Or... someone? I felt chills all through my body, settling in my stomach as hard as lead. The image of my maskless dark angel filled my mind. Oh God, what if he had hurt her in the pursuit of finding me? Had I put Danielle in harms way? He had hurt her before. Oh no, what about Meg? Would he harm her too?
I shook the thoughts from my mind; it was more likely than not Danielle had decided to be spontaneous and visit unannounced just because she had felt like it. Yes, that must be it. I convinced myself that idea was true, but no matter how hard I tried I still felt a sense of dread in my heart.
ERIK
I let anger envelop me as I watched Danielle's carriage roll away. I would get her when she came back and I would get Christine, she had also betrayed me. Damn Giry for helping her get away from me! I would have her head! I walked through the tunnels to her office to confront her; she was sitting at her desk waiting for me. I emerged from the door leading into the room, ready unleash my anger upon her when she suddenly gave me a look that could make Lucifer himself shrink in horror.
"You," she jabbed a finger at me, I almost physically jumped, "sit!" Obediently I sat on the edge of the small bed, so much like the ones in the ballerina dormitories, like a small child in trouble. "Of all the cruel and unusual things you've done, I would have never expected you to do something like this!" She nearly smack me in the back of the head but lowered her hand at the last moment. "How could you do that to her? She has given you nothing but her care and patience since she arrived and you throw it away for a moment of pleasure? For God's sake she forgave you when you slapped and strangled her, how could you do something so vile to her?" I let my anger bubble out.
"Vile? I kissed her, you make it sound as if I had raped her!" She swiftly silenced me with a lift of her finger.
"Sit! What you did was almost as bad! A woman's first kiss is everything to her, all she wants is to give it to the man she loves most in the world, the one she would do anything for! What you did was just like you had violated her! Did you know she had never kissed another? She will never be able to experience that first kiss of all, the first kiss of first love, with anyone not you have taken it!" She sighed in frustration and anger. "You will never understand the preciousness of love's first kiss, no matter how hard I try."
"Because I am a monster?" I asked bitterly.
"No," she said in an eerily calm voice, "because you are a man. In this dreary existence of womanhood we are not given the same opportunities as men, we are not treated the same; what is offered to you is not to us. We have so little to look forward to and Danielle is stuck here with the other women who suffer and she has less time than us, no time for love." I could hear Antoinette choke back a sob; had I made her weep? "She will never know the joy, the utter happiness and fullness of having love like I had with my Fredric, how could you take the one thing she could still give?" After his death Fredric Giry had been a subject we never talked of, even after all these years it still brought her to tears thinking of the man she loved. She was thinking of the kiss she shared with her love that Danielle could not with her imaginary lover. I slumped my shoulders, upset that I had put my oldest friend through so much pain.
"I am sorry Antoinette." I put my hand on her shaking shoulder and she shook her head.
"Do not apologize to me Erik, apologize to her."
Ich Gehör Nur Mir means I belong to me, also a song in the German musical Elisabeth, I'd check it out if I were you. *Wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
I'm happy with what I've done, how about you? Sorry about the updating schedule, I've had a hard time with the last few weeks of school and graduation. As always I only own Danielle and the story, if you like it read and review! Ps I know you already heard MOTN, but I wanted to get it from both perspectives so there you go.