Ch 25 Digging Deep

Bella's POV

Laurent? No! No! No! That's impossible, it can't be, it's—it's my mind playing tricks on me. I'm still asleep and I'm having a nightmare. "Wake up." I murmured. "Wake up." Edward bolted from his seat like flash and ran over to me but I pulled away from him. "Bella, what's wrong? Who's Laurent?" He said that name again. It can't be. It's real. It's coming true, no…

I looked around frantically seeing nothing to help me or tell me that this was all a sick prank. The door seemed to be getting farther away so I ran out of the kitchen, headed for the door, when suddenly I was clasped around the waist, pulled against a hard chest squeezing to keep me in place. "Bella! Tell me what's wrong now!" I sank to the floor not able to hold my emotions in anymore and let the tears I had choked up spill out over my cheeks onto my knees and the wooden floor. "Please baby," Edward begged his voice soft and pained as he touched my cheek. "Tell me."

His face looked tortured as he took in my reaction and all I wanted to do was disappear. I wanted to grab Edward in my arms and run away far far away and never let go. "Please." He whispered and his eyes looked pained. Green emeralds dulled with sadness and I realized now that everything I felt in this very moment, he was experiencing with me. He didn't know what was wrong with me, what caused me to react like this and cry like a madwoman. All he knew was that I was crying for an unknown reason to him and he was a bystander, helpless on the sidelines. "You can trust me." I could trust him he had shown it to me for months. He has been honest, open and truthful with me since I've given him a chance. I knew he wouldn't tell anybody, but that's not my biggest concern anymore. Now my fear is losing him. He's going to leave me—I know it, but as I looked up at his mourned face I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to be honest with him, as painful as it was and will be after I reveal it to him.

I took a deep breath, swallowing back the tears and exhaled. "Laurent is James' friend. James is my ex-boyfriend." I said looking down at my hands. "I knew Laurent for a year before I knew James. He was a nice guy sometimes, but I didn't talk to him much just in chemistry. One day, I met James by accident after bumping into him nearly making us both fall onto the ground. I apologized profusely while the kids in my school laughed loudly." The vision of me with red cheeks, ready to cry from embarrassment tainted my mind. "He said it was no matter and asked if I was alright, proceeding to introduce himself.

"Laurent said my name was Bella after I remained silent. I was always a quiet soul." I cleaned at my eyes with my fingers. "Days later, I saw James again and he started talking to me as friends. I wasn't a nun who knew nothing about dating. I didn't lie to you when I said I had three boyfriends." I murmured, risking a look to see a confused but intrigued Edward. "They were when I first moved to Phoenix and didn't last more than a month or two. I didn't mind, I wasn't into commitment. But then I started talking to James more, and soon enough he somewhat swept me off my feet. He was amazingly nice and immediately met my mother, kissing her hand and talking in a fake Italian accent to make her laugh. Life was great and I thought that maybe, just maybe, life had turned for me after my departure from Forks."

"When was this?" He asked quietly and I stayed silent before answering. "Senior year,"

"James then asked me out and we made it official. He would drive me wherever I wanted to go and take me out on exclusive dates. He sure was a charmer." The face of a blonde kid came to my mind but I shook it away not allowing it to enter any further. "We dated for a while, for a good five months. But during the first two months, I saw a difference, a change in him—for the worst.

"He went out partying every weekend and his attitude became more aggressive, more domineering from when I met him and I was starting to get scared. I didn't know what to do." I closed my eyes, fisting my hands at my temples and I felt Edward's hands on top of mine pulling them away. "I went to Renee for advice I told her he was acting weird and that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him. Renee liked him a lot, and she was so happy to see me with someone that she advised me to stay with him that things would change." His eyes flashed with recognition and I knew what he was thinking. My story sounded strangely similar to Rose's. "My mother was more of a friend than a mom. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent it, but now I see the real problem with that."

I stopped talking knowing the direction of the story that it was about to take. It was headed downward, spiraling and I had to grab control of my sanity, knowing I was going to relive the moments I pushed away for so long again. "Edward." He looked at me and I stood up. "Follow me." We went upstairs to my room and I walked to the corner of my bed where my textbooks where thrown on the ground, picking up my old high school year book. I dusted it off and brought it to Edward who was sitting on his knees against the floor. I sank down in front of him and opened it to the page in the year book I almost ripped off many times. It contained the picture of a blonde boy with devilish hazel eyes and a mischievous smile. He was surrounded by arrogance and cockiness feeling superior.

"Hunter Matthews." I said pointing to a picture of him where Edward examined. "That's his real name, his middle name is James and he liked it so much more so he told everyone to call him that." I recalled my voice suddenly cracking again and the tears started to spill over my face.

"He used to yell at me, a lot, especially when we fought. He ordered me around on what to do, what to wear and how to wear it." I recalled wearing anything too tight was immediately a sent back home to get changed. "One day, he came over while Renee and Phil were outside. We were watching tv and he started kissing me roughly, shoving my face against his. But I pulled away because he was scaring me and everything he did was distasteful. He started yelling and getting exhilarated, pulling me up and shaking me vigorously like a rag doll while I pleaded him to stop. When he lifted his hand, Phil walked in." I whispered lowly. "His hand was suspended in midair as Phil looked horrified, his face turning to straight out fury and James chuckled, smoothing my hair and kissing my cheek. He said 'I would never hurt you baby girl, I'm just kidding.' He kissed me and left before Phil could catch him. I begged him not to tell my mom and somehow I convinced him that it was better off not to, that if it happened again I'd say something." I risked a peek at Edward to see his face looking crumbled and angry. "Phil prohibited James the entrance of the house which I was relieved over but Renee opposed and they fought harshly for days over that. I felt guilty they almost split because of me, because of my lack of courage to say anything."

My eyesight was completely impaired because of my tears and I was now sobbing wanting to crawl underneath the floorboards for the next part. "I managed to stay away from him for a while, but weeks, later Renee was going off to work and Phil was going to drive her. I was going to head off to work later but told them I'd catch the bus. When they left there was a knock at the door and I remember every living second of that moment." I caught my breath, fisting my hand on top of the yearbook. "I rolled my eyes thinking it was Renee who probably forgot something, but when I opened the door it was him." My voice squeaked, fear starting to be released into my body as I concentrated on telling the rest. "He was smiling, but it was a weird smile, a wicked one. He came in and asked me why he wasn't allowed back but I remained silent." Edward was now on the edge of his knees, his fingers gripping tightly at his jeans, his fingers turning blood red. "He started saying things that we'd been together for a while and that he had rights, that he owned me and could do whatever he wanted. When I turned to run he…" I gulped. "He grabbed me and pushed me down on the sofa, pouncing on me like a lion catching his prey. He held onto my neck as his face kissed my abdomen my neck and I begged him to stop." Edward's hand shot out to comfort me but I couldn't stop now, if I did I wouldn't tell this story again.

"When I almost got free he held me tightly against the cushions, digging his fingernails into my hips making me scream at the pain." I could still feel the sharp edges cutting into my flesh with the amount of pressure he used.

"Stop Bella," Edward croaked, his face looking pale white. "You don't have to say anymore. You don't have to go through this again." I shook my head fighting away the tears that kept outpouring.

"I need to finish." I answered softly, not the firm response I wanted. "His hands…roamed…downward." I whispered and Edward's head snapped up at me. "He ripped the buttons of my jeans and stuffed his hand down my pants, his fingers going—" I couldn't even bear say it out loud, through my crying I was now panting for air, anxiety kicking in on full blown. I remembered the alien feeling of intruding fingers making me cry out in pain as they hurt me viciously, all while he groaned in pleasure. All while I was pinned underneath. Edward's face blazed with absolute fury, his expression was murderous and cold as ice as he punched the floor once. "How fucking dare he!" He screamed. "How dare he take advantage of you? How could he?" His voice was spitting venom and I couldn't help but keep crying.

"Renee came back within minutes with Phil because she forgot her ID and she gasped at the sight of James on top of me with his hands down my pants. Phil grabbed him off of me and took him outside. I don't know what happened after that, but my mom cried beside me blaming herself for this happening. At first, deep down I did somewhat blame her. If I didn't listen to her advice, I would've left him and everything would've been okay, but then I realized I was my own woman to make my own mistakes. Renee was there every day from that day on. We got a restraining order on him and went to the hospital to check my scratches." I sniffled. "I pray thankfully every day that I didn't get raped, that I was lucky enough to have a forgetful, careless mother who walked in right on time. Who would've known what could've happened if she didn't forget her ID and never came home? Something much worst."

Edward's expression was hateful, it was killer-mode and if he had James in front of him he would kill him. Now was the real moment I wanted to avoid. His disgust and abandonment, who wants to be with a weak girl who was sexually assaulted, by her ex-boyfriend? No guy. I wasn't this strong girl that everyone met on my return to Forks, but that's who I wanted to be. "Edward," My voice was thick with the tears I kept shedding. He turned to me his expression softened and I prepared myself to let him go. "It's okay…it's okay to leave." I cleared my throat and his eyebrows furrowed his face going even paler than before, ghostly white. "Being with me will disgust you, I understand that." I sniffled. No, strong. Don't give him a reason to stay for pity.

"Bella!" His voice panicked as he reached out for me, crushing me to his chest as he kissed my head repeatedly and I started crying all over again. "Don't you ever say that again do you understand me? I am nowhere near disgusted with you. You didn't ask for that, it was that sick bastards fault there's nothing for me to be disgusted over."

"I'm not as pure as you thought." I mumbled feeling James' gruesome fingers lingering on my hips and shuddering. No, I'm with Edward, not James I'm okay. He pulled back and grabbed my chin in his hands, his eyes staring intensely into my own.

"You are as pure as I think. You're the definition of pure, because his fucking dirty fingers touched you like the piece of shit he is does not make you worth any less than you are. You're so strong to have survived and lived through it with your chin held high."

I placed my cheek on his shoulder. "Why aren't you leaving yet?"

"I am not going to leave you, no. You're way too important to leave, want to know why? I love you, Bella. I love you, more than my life." His revelation caught me by surprise making me cry harder. Edward was still here with me and he's willing to stick by me, he loves me…

I hugged him hard as he hummed a soft unknown melody in my ear, combing my hair. Two bodies sunken on the wooden floor, with fear and happiness mixed into one big mess. I didn't have the voice or courage to tell him my feelings for him so I just let them speak through my tears feeling calmer at the strange lullaby.

Edward's POV

I confessed my love for Bella probably at the worst timing possible, but she had to know that there was no way I could leave her side. She was too important for me to lose and it was ludicrous for her to think her revelation would cause revulsion in me for her. She cried harder but I somehow let her calm down, I hummed to her and ran my fingers up and down her back lightly and her sobbing ceased. Now she just sniffled, wiping at her blotchy cheeks. The sight of her crying was heartbreaking, her whole past was.

How dare that stupid piece of a bastard called a man assault her? That was his girlfriend! A girl he shared his life with for five months, how can he still be alive? All I wanted to do in this very moment was jump on the first plane to Phoenix, find him and kill him. Beat him until he felt an ounce of the shame he caused Bella to feel since that day. She was tucked under my arm as we were leaning against the footboard of her bed.

"Is that why you came to Forks?" I questioned quietly trying not to rile her up again, but now was the moment of confessions. I wanted to know every detail, let her get it off her chest. She nodded, not raising her head, embarrassed.

"Yes. He didn't leave me alone after that. He tried to contact me so we put the restraining order and I told my mom I was leaving during the summer. I couldn't deal with any memories from that place. It was torturous." My arm tightened around her waist as I dreadfully took in the information she gave out when it finally hit me. That night at my house, the sobbing, her begging Alice to stay quiet, Alice's slip up! "You have no idea what Bella's been through and for you to do that reminds her of—" It reminded her of James. When I pulled her away so aggressively and spit in her face what I thought was wrong, I was behaving like James. Like the bastard himself.

I was repulsed at my behavior. How could I do that? No wonder she hated me. "That night you cried to Alice in my house, you told her this?" She stilled not saying anything. "I overheard when I was going to the bathroom, not the story though."

"Yes." She scratched at her arm nervously and I pulled it away from her nails. "I had a nightmare that night." A nightmare? "I got them when it first happened all the time, now I get them occasionally. From time to time." I can only imagine what terrorizes her in those nightmares. Her memory reminding her of those events, engraved deep in her mind.

I bet my life that Chief Swan doesn't know, because if he did he wouldn't let me date her so calmly. He would be on top security mode. "Why haven't you told your dad?"

"He doesn't need to know. He wasn't around when it happened. Why worry him with the past?" She wanted to keep him out of the loop, in the darkness, so he wasn't ashamed of her.

"Bella's he's your father!"

"He doesn't have to know. You weren't even supposed to know." She murmured. "This is my past, something I can't forget so easily. I've always had serious commitment issues you know that. My parents' marriage failed in my early teenage years so horribly, it not only affected them, but also me. I was ripped apart from my life here." She whispered looking up at me, her eyes rimmed red. "I never held it against my mother. Ever. I had to grow up fast; I didn't enjoy my teenage years like I was supposed to. I've watched marriage crumble before my eyes, I can't even think of going through that pain. I don't want to. After James, my commitment issues got worst. I don't even believe in marriage anymore. That's why I didn't go to prom, he was going to be there and I was afraid. I just chose to skip out on the event."

"You can't base someone else's experience for your own." I replied combing her hair back away from her face.

"It's just a force of habit. The word marriage kind of scares me. I mean after all, it's just a piece of paper. But after James, my mom convinced me weeks later to change my outlook on life, to be more guarded, and boost up my confidence. That's when I cut my hair to give it life and highlighted it and that's when I became really vocal when I didn't like something." Comparing Bella back then to her now, I would've never thought that there was so much she dealt with to become the woman she is now.

"That's why you winced when I mentioned marriage to you." She nodded looking gloomy.

"Yes, I have issues Edward I'm not completely normal in a sense. But for some reason, with you, some of my issues go away. I'm not so afraid to be committed, I actually was able to be with you and I'm more than happy with you, you have no idea. But I also do understand if you want to leave, I wouldn't hold it against you. I'd understand." She was trying to push me away, make me leave her because she was still unconvinced of my loyalty to her after this. She held it in for so long that this seemed unreal, that someone actually understood her.

I grabbed her face looking deep into her chocolate pooled eyes seeing all her fear spread. "I'm not going anywhere. Stop trying to push me away." She bit her lip looking down and I leaned in and pressed my lips onto her cheek, feeling the dry salty tears beneath me. It really made my heart hurt at the fact she has been hurt before. I controlled the tears of rage that threatened to come out, taking a deep breath, filling my lungs with air. The rest of the day I stayed with Bella comforting her just staying by her side in case she needed anything.

"Edward? What did Laurent want?" She asked closing her eyes and I had no answer for her, I never really read the email because of Bella's reaction. "I'm not sure; I didn't get to read it." I responded running my fingers down her arm.

"Can you get it?" I moved from her side, feeling a little stiff when I got up to get the phone, coming back up immediately to see she was still seated in the same position.

"Are you sure you're ready?" She nodded. I opened the mail and started reading it. "Bella, it's me Laurent, it's been a while. Let me tell you, it's taken me a long time to finally get contact with you. It's like you disappeared off the face of this planet. I'm just writing to let you know James' is looking for you, he wants to find you. He said he needs to discuss matters with you so be prepared."

Her eyes were wide with fear and I placed the phone on the side engulfing her in my arms. "I'm scared…"

She sounded so vulnerable I couldn't take it. "Nothing's going to happen to you. I'm going to protect you." That was the truth. She whimpered into my shoulder but said nothing else on the matter. Charlie arrived home and it was amazing to see how Bella acted like nothing happened and pretended to be happy around him, finishing the pastry when Esme called. She invited both Bella and Charlie for tomorrow and while Bella argued not wanting to impede, Charlie agreed. "Fine but I'm helping her cook." She grumbled and I smiled kissing her temple.

A/N: It took so long but its finally out ! phew ! I'm a little glad myself, but I hope you guys enjoy it :)

Review and Subscribe

~Nessie