The subpoena for my presence at the trial for James Young was delivered on Sunday afternoon. The document required my appearance at the Tulsa Courthouse early Monday morning. I couldn't have been happier.
Mr. Donaldsen spoke with the prosecution attorneys and learned they had arranged for a member of the State Patrol to escort me to the courthouse. My social worker, Mrs. Dillard, received permission from the Judge for me to spend the overnights in my home. I was so excited to be going home to see everyone that I could barely sleep that night.
The State Patrol Officer arrived early in the morning before any of my classmates were awake or any of the teachers were on campus. Miss Lemon gave me a sack filled with fruit and a sandwich for my breakfast, which I picked at on the ride home to Tulsa. The trip there was long and filled with mixed emotions. I was eager to see Darry, Soda, and the gang, but equally devastated to have to testify or see James or Owen. To calm my nerves during the trip, I tried to focus on seeing my family again. That was what I wanted more than anything!
As the car rolled along the highway, I sat in the backseat with the wind blowing in my face. I laid my head back against the sun-warmed vinyl seat and an early memory of Darry and I entered my mind.
I sat on the front porch with my six-year-old legs dangling over the edge. It was a warm spring day, and the neighborhood was unusually quiet. Behind me, the screen door creaked open and Darry jogged out of the house and into the front yard. He grabbed his football from the lawn and then turned and noticed me.
"Scout, where is everyone at?"
"I don't know."
My brother looked around the empty neighborhood and when he didn't find what he was looking for he turned back to me. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"Good!" He smiled. "Come with me." Without waiting for my agreement Darry grabbed my little hand and pulled me off the porch. I stumbled when I hit the ground, but twelve-year-old Darry pulled upward, with my hand in his, to keep me from hitting the ground. I scampered back to my feet and followed him out through the gate without question. Most of my life I never questioned what Darry told me to do.
The two of us headed to the lot. My shorter strides made my feet travel twice as fast as my brother's feet. When we reached our destination, Darry turned to me. "I need to practice my catches so I you need to kick the ball to me. Can you do that?"
I shrugged my shoulders without answering out loud.
Darry frowned a moment, but was determined to make his plan work. He proceeded to instruct me on how to properly and effectively kick the ball high enough into the air for him to be able to practice. After several demonstrations he handed the ball to me. "Now it's your turn."
I grabbed the football in my tiny hands, held it out, tossed it in the air, and gave it a kick with my equally tiny foot resulting in what should have been expected, a tiny kick.
"No, no, no." Darry said before demonstrating again. "Kick it like this."
I watched as the football soared through the air and landed on the other side of the lot. I looked up at my brother. "I don't think I can kick it that far."
"Sure you can." Darry said with optimism. "You just have to try harder."
I stood in waiting while Darry ran to the other side of the lot and kicked the ball back towards me. The ball bounced along the ground and I chased after it and picked it up. I lifted it up and tried to kick it again, then again, and again. Darry didn't leave my side and he didn't let me quit.
After thirty minutes, I looked over at my brother. "I'm going to go home. I don't want to try anymore."
Darry looked at me in disappointment. "No, Scout! You need to try harder. I haven't even been able to catch any. The harder you try, the better you are going to be at this. So here, try it again." He handed me the football.
All afternoon I tried and tried and as dinnertime approached Darry's expectations had been met. I was able to kick the ball high into the air allowing Darry time to run towards the ball and catch it again and again and again. When the sun was beginning to set, we heard our father call for his children to come home for dinner.
Darry jogged back towards me with the football in hand. "Nice work, Scout. Let's head home for dinner." Darry led the two of us out of the lot and I limped behind him. When we reached the street, he looked behind him and called for me to hurry up. He paused a moment and noticed my gimp. "What's the matter?"
"My leg hurts a lot." I whined.
"You are such a sissy." He said with discontent. He beckoned to me, "Come here, I'll give you a piggy back ride home."
I hobbled over to my brother and climbed up onto his back. It felt good to have my weight off of my leg. My brother carried me all the way home and right into the house where he dropped me onto the couch.
"Where have you two been?" Mom asked as she walked into the dining room with the kitchen towel slung over her shoulder.
"Playin' football in the lot." Darry told her.
"Just the two of you?" My dad asked from the table where he was sitting and waiting for his children to come home to eat.
"Yep." Darry answered from the bathroom as he washed his hands for dinner. "I took Scout over there to kick the ball to me."
My dad laughed at the thought of how poorly my kicks must have been. "Did she get any of them to you?"
"Scout, go wash up for dinner." My mom told me over the top of Dad and Darry's conversation.
"It practically took all day, but she finally figured it out." Darry finished his conversation and flopped down into his chair at the dining room table.
I stood up from the couch and limped my way into the bathroom. My mother took notice. "Scout, is there something wrong with your leg?"
"It's just a little sore." I said simply and walked into the bathroom.
My mother fussed over me. "Let me take a look at it." She followed me into the bathroom and sat me down. She examined my leg and felt my ankle. "Does your ankle hurt or just your leg?"
I frowned. "They hurt a little, but mostly it's just my foot."
My mother slipped off both of my shoes and pulled off the sock on my right foot revealing the beginnings of a large purplish bruise. She yelled, "Darrell Junior, get in here!"
Darry came to the doorway and looked at the bruised foot and then to my mother. She scolded him for harming her baby. "What is this? How could you let this happen?"
Darry looked at her a moment with little expression. "She's got to learn to be tough mom. I'm just trying to teach her to be tough."
The wind blew against my face as the memory faded. We drove into the city and I drew my attention to watching the familiar scenery race by the window. The unmarked police car pulled up outside the Tulsa courthouse. I gave the building a long stare before I opened my car door. I remembered being there for Duke Dobbins' trial and coming to see the judge when my parents died. I wasn't looking forward to being back to testify again, but I knew it was just another moment that Darry had tried to prepare me for. I had to be tough. I took in a deep breath to calm my fears of the unknown then I walked toward the front door leaving the officer to haul my old suitcase into the building.
Inside the courthouse door was a sheet listing the trials scheduled for the week. The officer read the sheet. "The State of Oklahoma versus James Young. Here it is, courtroom 2, second floor."
I looked at the sheet where the man had pointed. "Yep, that's the one."
The officer looked back to me. "I'll take your suitcase upstairs, but this is as far as I go. Do your best to be sure that guy gets put in jail, okay?"
"Okay," I said, and the officer tussled my hair and we headed over to the staircase and slowly ascended to the second floor. At the top of the stairs, the officer left my suitcase in my care as I stood in the long hallway lined with doors to different rooms and benches for people to sit and wait.
I lifted my suitcase and started walking down the hallway as my eyes searched for anyone I knew. In a second, I saw Sodapop sitting on a long, wooden courtroom bench halfway down the hall. I notice him stare a long while at me and then suddenly he realized who I was.
"Scout!" He shouted and ran down the hall to greet me. I ran a few steps and jumped into his arms. Sodapop lifted my body a foot off the ground as the two of us hugged so tight we almost couldn't breathe. "Scout! I can't believe you're really here!"
"I missed you so much, Soda." I said with my face nuzzled into the crook of his neck.
Sodapop put me back onto the floor and moved his head back slightly to look at me. "You cut your hair?"
I reached up and caressed my sheered locks with uncertainty. "I know. It's just easier to take care of this way. Do you like it?"
My brother nodded his head slightly. "Sure, I don't think I ever remember your hair being this short, but you look real nice."
"Thanks, Sodapop." I said with a smile and hugged him again. "I wonder what Darry will think about it? How is he doing?"
Sodapop's grin split his face. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" Then my brother stepped to the side revealing someone else who had been waiting for me.
I stood for a moment and stared at the man who was waiting a hundred feet away. His build was weak and thin. He held a cane in one hand to hold his body upward. His hair was short and his skin was paler than I had ever seen. At quick glance I could have mistaken him for a stranger, but in a moment, I knew it was Darry. My mouth dropped open a bit as I tried to figure out whether to jump for joy or cry with guilt for what I had done to him. Only his voice calling out my name and the grin on his face broke me from my state of astonishment. I smiled in relief that he was out of the hospital and quickly walked towards the now fragile man.
"Darry!" I wrapped my arms around his body and he hugged me with his free arm. I tried to hold back my tears and could only mutter in guilt. "Darry, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for all the trouble I have caused."
Darry shushed me like a good father shushes a wounded child to calm their fears. "Don't worry about it, Sissy. Everything is going to be fine. We've all pulled through before, we'll pull through again."
Sodapop came up behind us and joined into our embrace. A moment later Darry let go and looked at the two of us. "I think I need to sit down." Sodapop and I agreed and we painfully watched our weak brother hobble back to the bench that rested against the wall. I sat between my brothers and gently rested my head against Darry's shoulder.
"I really missed you." I said softly and sniffled back a few tears.
"I missed you too," Darry said as he threw his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "Your hair sure looks different. Did the staff at Ashford make you cut it?"
"No, I just did it to try to make my life a little easier."
"Easier?" Darry questioned. "You said in your letters that things were going good at Ashford."
"They're going great!" My answer was so loud it reverberated through the nearly vacant hall. I softened my next response and tried to act like I wasn't telling a lie. "I am doing really well, my grades are fine, I've made new friends. I really like it there." I smiled up at Darry to help seal the truth from surfacing.
"That is really good to hear," Darry said with a proud grin.
I turned my head a little and caught the look on Sodapop's face in my peripheral vision. It was a look that told me he knew more about my hatred for Ashford than he was suppose to know. The two of us shared a long questioning glance, and then I changed the subject. "Darry, I wasn't expecting you to be here. When did you get out of the hospital?"
"Yesterday," he said. "It took some arguing, but I told the doctors you were coming in town and there was no way I wasn't going to be here for you."
"Thanks, Darry." I smiled up at him but it was hard to hold the emotion to my face as I observed again his weak frame. He may have been out of the hospital, but there was no way he would be doing anything more than recovering in the coming weeks. There was no chance that he would be able to return to roofing houses or working down at the loading yard. I felt another surge of guilt at how my brother had been destroyed by my poor choices. Feeling a little sick to my stomach I wanted to get away, so I excused myself to the restroom.
I walked along the stone tiled hallway heading back to the top of the stairwell where the restrooms were located. I was nearing my destination when I heard a familiar voice approaching the second floor. I knew as soon as I saw the tall, blond figure I knew it was the one person I was not ready to see, Owen Jasper. My stomach flooded with nerves. I looked around for a place to hide, but there were no quick options. The boy had reached the second floor and was only a few feet from me when I noticed his eyes widen in surprise.
"Scout? Scout, is that really you?" Owen looked at me then he stepped towards me with a delirious grin and cradled my head in his strong hands and looked into my eyes. "I can't believe you are here! You have no idea what I've been though since you called."
Stunned and upset by his unexpected affection I stared wide eyed at him, but couldn't formulate a response.
Owen glanced over his shoulder and noticed his attorney lingering nearby waiting for his client's attention again. Owen scanned the hallway for privacy and spotted the telephone booth behind the two of us. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the oak trimmed, close quarters that were recessed into the wall. He pushed the glass and wooden accordion door shut tight, the overhead light turned on, and he looked down into my eyes.
"Scout, you never gave me time to explain. I don't think you understand that what happened with Lacey and I was before I met you, and it wasn't even my idea. I was never in love with her. I can't even say I cared about her; we just did what we did and it didn't mean anything!"
My hands began to tremble with fury as I stood against the wooden bench cramped between the wall and boy who had betrayed me with lies. "You sure seemed to care enough about her to escort her to a dance not long ago."
"That was just business. It was a debutantes' ball, and I had made a promise to attend way back in August that my mother insisted I keep. I didn't even want to be at that dance, and I didn't care to be partnered up with Lacey!"
Hearing his words only confused me as I tried to rationalize everything that had happened. "You cared enough to call her at Ashford the day after I talked to you. She told everyone about it, and I heard her on the phone." My eyes welled up with tears of frustration as I recalled the feelings and continued to rant. "I heard the words she said to you. I heard her laughing in amusement as you spoke to her!"
Owen's eyes grew wide in astonishment and his voice raised in defense. "That was a one-sided conversation! She faked her amusement."
"It wasn't a fake that you came up on Saturday to visit her! The visitor card with your name on it wasn't a fake. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was when she flaunted her visitor card in front of me and in front of everyone in my house?" I screeched.
Owen's voice cracked in surprise, "I didn't call her to talk to her. I called her and begged her to break the rules and let me talk to you! I didn't go to Ashford to visit with her. I went to see you! The first thing I told Lacey when I saw her was that we were going to her dorm and she was told to go in and get you, but you weren't there! I waited outside your dorm the entire day! I brought you flowers!"
Owen's story began to change my interpretation of what I had been seeing and hearing. Guilt made my stomach uneasy as I thought about what had happened between Jackson and me. I stammered in response. "I… but that… that's not what she said. I saw the flowers, but she said you had brought them for her."
"She lied!"
"Well, how was I supposed to know that?"
"Because we love each other! We are supposed to trust each other!" Owen bellowed and stared at me waiting a second for a response. When I stood speechless, he tried to find answers to his own questions and fears. "So, where were you?"
I pulled my head down and mumbled. "Fishing."
"Fishing? You were gone the whole day fishing? With who?" Owen asked with suspicion.
I paused a few seconds to consider my response. "With the maintenance man who had been bringing me my letters when I was in the infirmary."
"What?" Owen loudly questioned the response.
I yelled back in defense of Jackson's actions. "When he heard you were coming to see Lacey so soon after breaking my heart he, felt bad for me. He said he didn't want to see me hurt anymore, so we snuck away and went fishing."
"Scout, I didn't mean to break your heart. You didn't even give me a chance to explain."
I looked up at Owen's crystal blue eyes and pleaded my case. "Owen, I didn't know that! Lacey told me that you two were in love. She told me you would never really love a poor girl like me, and that I was just a fling like a rich man has with his maid. It got so I didn't know what to believe. I wasn't thinking clearly." Tears puddled in my eyes.
Owen frowned because he was well aware of the cruel things that Lacey had said to him about me. Forgivingly, he caressed the side of my cheek with his fingers. "It was just a fishing trip; it's okay."
"No it's not." I sniffled back my guilt and whined. "I didn't know you still loved me. Owen, I thought you were through with me, so I … I kissed him."
The news nearly toppled the strong boy. He leaned back against the payphone for support. Disbelief filled his face as he mentally re-examined my words. "What do you mean, you kissed him?"
"I kissed him." I answered and tried to explain the situation. "He kissed me first, but… but I kissed him back. I'm sorry, Owen. If I had known the truth about you and Lacey I would have never even gone to the river with him."
Owen's face showed his heartbreak and his voice expressed his anger. "You didn't even give me the chance to tell you that attending the dance was just work for me! I never wanted to be there, and nothing happened other than a few dances and a picture! Scout, you should have known how much I loved you and you should have trusted me that I would never have hurt you!" Owen wiped the first showing of a tear from his eye.
"But you did hurt me and I was alone and confused. You have to forgive me, Owen. I am so sorry I messed everything up." I watched Owen fight to keep his emotions quiet as I tried to explain my point of view. "I never meant to cheat on you. Owen, I thought you were through with me. You have to believe how sorry I am."
Owen's emotions built up into a fury. "I can't believe you kissed him. I can't believe you did this to us. You never even gave me a chance to explain. You just believed everything Lacey said and decided to just end things between us. You even replaced me before I had a chance to talk to you!"
My face frowned with fear as I begged. "Owen, that wasn't my intention. If I had known…"
"You should have known!" Owen yelled and it was the first time I had ever seen and heard him be that mad. He looked down at me with an angry stare as he wiped his eyes. "If you really loved me, Scout, you would have known." Before I could beg for his forgiveness again, he yanked the door open with frustration and stormed down the stairs away from me, and his waiting attorney.
Shocked and confused by what had just transpired, I fell back onto the phone booth bench. My mouth hung open as I recalled Owen coming back to me with all of his love and all I had to offer him was my betrayal. How could I have become so befuddled as to mess up the one perfect thing in my life? In an instant, hot tears of frustration flooded my eyes and I buried my head into my hands and wept.
A minute later, I heard a soft voice by my side. "Sissy? It's going to be okay?"
I didn't have to look up to know it was Sodapop. "No, everything is a mess."
"Listen Sissy, I know it's hard, but there will be other guys. Besides, you have to pull it together because they are calling everyone into the courtroom."
I sniffled a few times and looked over at Sodapop who was squatting beside me. "He tells you everything, doesn't he?"
"Only because he loves you so much." Sodapop knew I was referring to Ponyboy sharing all of my secrets about my life at Ashford Academy.
I couldn't deny that Sodapop's response was true. I wiped my eyes and sniffled some more. "Does Darry know about the problems I've been having at Ashford?"
"No. He thinks you love it there." My brother offered up a friendly smile.
"Does Darry know about Owen and me?"
Sodapop winced a little. "He probably does now."
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I wasn't ready to have to explain everything that I had done wrong in the past weeks, and I regretted that the little time I had in Tulsa with my brothers would have to be mired in sadness. I took a few deep breaths, wiped my eyes one final time, and stood up with Sodapop by my side. He took my hand and walked me down the hall. Slowly, Darry stood up and leaned on his cane for strength. When I came near him, he put a supportive hand on my shoulder to let me know I had his comfort if I needed it. He didn't mention anything about Owen seeming to be mad at me, but it didn't take long for him to put two and two together when Owen sat a few rows behind us with his attorney and without a word to me.