Notes: All of the information about premature babies comes from the internet. So hopefully the details are as correct as they can be.

Notes: The Apgar test is a way in which doctors can check the condition of a baby immediately after its birth

Notes: The baby's full name is still Alexander Samuel Winchester

He does not know how to describe how he is feeling. Just two days ago, he was still preganant Sam was with him and he was back on the slow path back to happiness.

Now he was no longer preganant.

Baby Alexander had been taken from him just seconds after the caesarean. He had been given a quick look at his son and it was heartbreaking. Alexander bore such a strong resemblance to Sam. It was going to be so hard to look at his son and not think of Sam. After the caesarean section, he had been given pain relief. Despite that pain relief, he was still in pain but that pain was not a problem. It was another reminder of what he had just gone though.

In the seven hours since Alexander's birth Doctor Heese had come in to check up on his vital signs and urine levels. Everything was okay and Doctor Heese had promised to take the catheter out after another two days had passed. That was fine by him. With what he had gone though in the last few days going for a piss on his own was not at the top of list of things he needed to do. Sure, he wanted to be able to hold his dick again and go for a piss but that would involve movement. He was not very keen on moving more than a few inches. Doctor Heese had also told him that he would be able to have ice chips in a few hours. Then a few hours after that water, juice and Jell-O. It sucked that he was on a liquid diet for the next 24 hours. After Doctor Heese had finished checking up on him, he had gone back to Alexander and ordered him to get some sleep.

He could not seep. He was bone tried but he could not sleep.

He should be happy that the caesarean had been performed without any complications.

From the crying his son had made upon being bought into the world he knew his sons lungs were in good condition. Doctor Arbogast had performed the Apgar test on baby Alexander after his birth. He had only known what part of the test meant and what it did as Doctor Arbogast had explained it all as he performed the quick test. Alexander had scored one on his heart rate, respiration, reflex response and muscle tone. His son had scored a two on color. It left his son with a score of six out ten. For a baby who was ten weeks premature that was a better than expected score. A high score according to doctor Arbogast was a good thing.

He desperately wanted to be near his son. He wanted to sit next to his son's incubator just to make sure he was okay. It was stupid but he did not want anyone to get to close to his son while he was still stuck on bed rest. He wanted to get out of bed but he knew Angela and the doctors would be on his ass if he tried to.

"Dean." Angela cheerfully said as she walked into the room. She had seen baby Alexander and she knew that when that boy grew up he was going to break many hearts. She had taken two Polaroid photographs of Alexander so that Dean would have a constant reminder of his son. As Dean was on bed rest for the next day, the photographs were going to be the only way Dean would get to see his son.

"Angela." Dean replied in no mood to be cheerful.

Sitting on the chair Sam had once claimed as his own Angela took the photographs out of her pocket and gave them to Dean. She pointed to the first Polaroid and said; "That Polaroid was taken just and hour after Alexander had been placed in the incubator. The second Polaroid was taken just ten minutes ago. Alexander is such a beautiful boy you must be so proud."

Dean looked at both of the Polaroid photographs and could not help but notice how small his son was. There were so many wires and tubes that were attached to his son and surrounding him that was a shock to see them. He could feel the tears in his eyes welling up. He knew that most of the tubes and wires were not serious but it was still a shock to see his son like that. Alexander had small knitted hat on his head something he could only assume was there to help keep his son warm. His son was adorable but so vulnerable. Touching the Polaroid and wishing that it was his son he was touching he said; "He looks so small."

"Alexander is slightly larger than we expected him to be. He weighs 3.5 pounds and is 17 inches long. It would seem that Alexander has someone looking after him. Alexander has hardly any problems." Angela said.

"Problems what kind of problems does my son have." Dean demanded

"I'm sorry Dean I didn't mean to alarm you. Alexander's lungs are not as strong as a baby who is born at full term." Angela said. After Doctor Heese has checked up on Dean to see how he was doing after the caesarean, she had talked to her husband and Doctor Heese. They had all agreed that she should be the one to answer any questions Dean might have. It was not that the doctors were unwilling to talk to Dean they just felt that Dean would be more comfortable talking to her.

"What are the doctors doing to help strength Alexander's lungs?" Dean asked. He wanted to know all about the details of his sons care.

"Alexander has a C-Pap in his nose to help push air into his lungs." Angela said

"How is Alexander being fed? Is he getting the right amount of food to help him grow?" Dean asked

"Alexander has an IV for al of his nutritional needs. The doctors are careful monitoring your son so they can change the amount of nutrition he receives when it becomes necessary." Angela said. She had to refer to Alexander's nutritional IV as food but it did not seem like the correct way to describe the IV that was giving Alexander his nutritional needs.

"What are all of the other wires for?" Dean asked

"It is the monitoring equipment. It is there for the doctors so they can keep a close eye on Alexander's heart rate, his rate of breathing and glucose levels." Angela said.

"I need to know more about the incubator and what it does. I know the doctors already explained it to me but I need someone to explain it tot me again." Dean said. He had to keep his mind occupied with thoughts other than Sam and the murderous intentions he had towards his father.

"Are you sure you want me to explain this to you. The doctors would be able to explain this lot better than I can," Angela said.

"I … I just need to talk to someone who isn't a doctor." Dena said. He usually was not so open or needy about what he wanted but now his emotions were all over the place.

"Incubators completely surround the baby within them. The incubators keep the baby warm, decrease the chance of infection and limit water loss." Angela explained.

"I… Dean stopped speaking. He wanted to say that he needed Sam. Fuck he was desperate to be near San again but he knew with what his dad had done that was impossible.

"Dean." Angela said. She was all for Doctor Heese plan of tracking down John Winchester and exacting revenge on him. The last thing Dean needed was to be alone. It was not because she had doubts of Dean's abilities as a parent. She just knew he needed Sam's support. She along with Doctor Heese and her husband would support Dean but they could not be there all of the time. She knew what having a newborn child was like and Dean would need help. He would need to know that he was not alone.

Taking a breath Dean tired to stop the tears that were threatening to fall but found himself unable to. Pulling a tissue out of a nearby box and wiping his eyes with the tissue Dean said; "Fuck I want Sam. I never thought I would admit to needing him but I do. How I am going to cope with Alexander. I do not have anything for him yet. Fuck, I have not even begun to make a list. I didn't think I would need to for a while."

"We can get Sam and bring him back to the clinic." Angela suggested

"What would be the damn point? Sam wouldn't remember a damn thing." Dean said

"How can you be so sure that Sam will not remember anything?" Angela asked

"I know what my dad is like. He will not have just taken Sam from me. He would have made damn sure that Sam would not be able to come back to me. He would have made sure that there was no way Sam could remember anything of what had happened in the last few months. In my dads eyes that is the only way he can save Sam from me." Dean said.

"John Winchester is an asshole who needs to be reminded that he doesn't always get everything he wants. I still believe we should bring Sam back to the clinic. We could show Sam all of the evidence of your pregnancy. We could show Sam baby Alexander. If none of that worked we could do a DNA test," Angela said. All of this could work out all she had to do is get Dean to agree with her plans.

"I am not going though all of this with Sam for a third time. It hurts to damn much. I have to think of my son Angela. I know it is selfish to exclude Sam from Alexander's life but I have had enough. I have to start a life with Alexander that does not include Sam. I want Sam in my life again, but I am not willing to go though all of this heartache again," Dean said

"Dean…

"Angela I am asking you not to go behind my back for a second time." Dean said. He needed to know that Sam would not just turn up unexpectedly. He really did not need a surprise like that.

Changing the subject to a slightly more comfortable and easy subject she asked. "Those lists that you have yet to begin how about we make a start."

"Sure," Dean replied. Doing a list with Angela on all the things, he needed to get for his son would keep his mind busy.

Bobby had spent the better part of two hours after John had left making plans to visit Dean. He had a lot to do fro Dean. He had done so many things that needed to be forgiven. He fully expected Dean to want to take a piece out of him when he fond out what his role had been in Sam's disappearance. He was prepared to take any kind of punishment that Dean chose he more than deserved it. Before he could visit Dean, he had to contact Sam. He knew that Sam would find it highly unusual that an old family friend was phoning him but it was not a phone call he could avoid making. As well as getting Deans forgiveness he needed Sam's as well.

Before John had left, he had managed to get hold of Sam's phone number at Stanford. He had managed to get the phone number after John had left his phone on the kitchen table. Usually John would not have let the phone out of his sight but this time had been different. His old friend had drunk to many beers and passed out.

The phone call to Sam was one he had made the decision to make when he was just ten minutes from the clinic he knew Dean to be in. As well as feeling Sam's emotions as he had performed the spell, he had also gotten a brief glimpse into Sam's memories. What he had seen only reinforced his belief that Sam and Dean were meant to be together. So it would be viewed as sinful or downright disgusting in the yes of most peoples, but he was not most people. Those boys deserved happiness and if they found it with each other who really gave a damn.

For two hours, he had driven like a bat out of hell to get to the clinic. He needed to talk to Dean. Now the more important thing was his phone call to Sam. So as he had promised himself he pulled over to the side of the road when he was ten minutes away from the clinic. He quickly took his cell phone out of his coat pocket and dialled Sam's number before he could change his mind.

For a few seconds there was silence and then he heard Sam's voice, "Who is this."

Sam was definitely a Winchester. Never give away any information. "Its bobby I am an old friend of your fathers."

"How did you get my phone number and why are you phoning me." Sam asked. Since leaving his family nearly eight months ago he had no contact with his family. For Bobby to be phoning him something bad would have to happened to his dad or Dean. Despite knowing that he could not find it within his heart to care. He had left the hunt behind him and he did not want to be pulled back into the hunt.

"From your father's cell phone. I am phoning about your dad and Dean." Bobby replied

"I didn't want to know what they have gone and done now. I am just not interested. I have a life at college and I don't want any hint of the hunt to be involved in my college life." Sam said

"Sam I know you don't want to be included in the hunt again. I am not calling to ask for your help on some hunt or job. Dean is in trouble and your father is responsible." Bobby said even though it was not the truth. He had been the one to deprive Dean of Sam. He had done the spell that was the cause of Dean being left again. All John had one was deny the obvious.

"I'm not interested." Sam said. He did not want to be included in some fight that Dean and there dad was having.

"I don't give s hit if you are not interested or not. Dean is in trouble and your pig headed brother is refusing to acknowledge Dean is his son. Dean is in a clinic and alone." Bobby said.

"What happened why is Dean in a clinic." Sam asked only now becoming vaguely interested in Dean and there dad.

"Dean is in a situation that your father does not approve of. He has had to go to this clinic to get the help he needs." Bobby said. He could not go into details, as he did not know that many. He knew that telling Sam the details he did know would get him to the clinic.

"Situation is it supernatural related." Sam asked

"Yes it is. Your father was less than helpful when it concerns Dean's unique situation. Your father is less than happy with Dean," Bobby said. He was not sure how he could really explain what John had done without sounding to crazy.

"Dad would never turn his back on Dean." Sam replied. In the last few years he had seen how there dad had treated Dean with nothing but respect. Dean was and as far, he knew still the favoured son.

"That is exactly is what he has done. Dean has no family to support him. Your asshole of a father is under the mistaken belief that he has done nothing wrong." Bobby said

"What exactly is wrong with Dean?" Sam asked only half interested in the answer.

"It's complicated." Bobby said. He did not want to have to admit to Sam that Dean was pregnant. He did not want to do something like that over the phone but with the way, the phone conversation was going he would have no choice.

"Uncomplicate it for me." Sam said.

"Just listen to what I have to say and don't interrupt me. I don't want to have to repeat any of this." Bobby said

"I won't interrupt." Sam said as he sat down on the edge of his bed. He had the feeling that he would not like what Bobby had to tell him.

"Dean was cursed you both were. From what little your father told me you enjoyed every fucking minute of the sex you had with Dean. Those are his words not mine. Dean is preganant and you are the father of that baby. John has seen an ultrasound of the baby. He has even touched Dean's baby bump and felt something move. After all of that he still refused to believe that Dean was preganant." Bobby said

"Please tell me you are joking." Sam asked. How could Bobby expect him to believe that Dean was preganant and he was the father of the baby? He had never touched his brother in a sexual manner.

"I'm not joking Sam." Bobby said. He was now more than ever regretting the spell he had performed for John.

"How can you expect me to believe this? I have never touched Dean in a sexual way. I don't even like him in that way. He is my brother." Sam said.

"You don't remember because of a spell I performed that took away all of your knowledge of Dean and the baby. John asked me for help and I agreed. He told me that you were both under a spell and there had to be a way to break the spell so he could save you both. He was desperate for help. So I told John about a powerful spell that could break whatever spell had been placed on the pair of you. Then it went wrong. I told John that I could only break the spell for just one person and John choose you. He told me that Dean already had the help he needed. John so was insistent that you were not to remember anything. I asked John about Dean but he was not interested in Dean. Sam when I performed the spell I felt your emotions. I even received a few of your memories. You were so angry with me for performing the spell and taking you away from Dean," Bobby said.

"A spell is why I don't remember. How do I know this isn't a joke?" Sam asked. Why should he believe that Bobby was telling him the truth?

"Sam, Dean is alone. He has had his support taken from him. Once Dean finds out what your dad has done and how I was involved he will be beyond angry. I need you to believe that Dean is pregnant." Bobby asked

"Why is it so important for me to believe that Dean is preganant?" Sam asked

He did not want to answer Sam's question with a direct answer so he said; "The only way for you to regain those memories is for Dean to die. He doesn't have to die permanently just for a few short seconds. Those few seconds will be enough to break the spell. I am asking you as a friend of the family to believe what I am telling you. Now if you choose to believe me you need to get to Casthas clinic as fast as possible."

"Why does Dean have to die?" Sam demanded

"Fuck Sam were you no listening to me. It is the only way you can get those memories back. You could just continue with your life as it is, but that life would be a lie." Bobby said.

"I like my life. I don't want those memories back." Sam said

"You stubborn son of a bitch. Being stubborn would be the one thing you got from John. Dean is alone and preganant, but you being just as cold hearted as john. Are you so damn set on college that Dean doesn't even matter?" Bobby asked

"I care for Dean but I am not about to leave college for him." Sam said. He had worked long and hard to get into college. He was not going to let Dean ruin that.

"I never thought you could be so selfish Sam. I am just asking for your help with Dean. If you will not help, I will be there for Dean. He may want to kill me for the spell built I will take that risk. I will tell Dean about the get out clause ad tell him that all he needs to do to get you back is die." Bobby said. He had hoped that Sam would agree to help him with Dean.

"Blackmailing me will not get me to help you with Dean. I am done dealing with Dean and dad every time they get into a fight. If you want to help Dean go ahead." Sam said as he ended the phone call.

"Fucking stubborn bastard." Bobby swore into the phone. He could not believe that Sam had shown so little interest in Dean. What had happened to the boy who always had Dean's best interests in mind? The Sam he had known before the spell would never have refused to help him. He had screwed up so damn much when he had done that spell.

He would have to face Dean alone

He would not be able to take a gun into the clinic for protection. He could not only hope that Dean would not kill him.

He had spent the last two hours talking to Angela about all of the things he would need to get for baby Alexander and the list was endless. There were clothes, clothes that would need to be slightly smaller than normal, as his son was premature. When Angela had mentioned breast feeding his reaction had been less than normal. He had sworn, cried and refused to talk about breast-feeding for a few minutes. He had planned to breast-feed his son as he had read in so many books that breast was best. He may have planned on breast-feeding but at that moment it was not something he wanted to talk about. He did not want to discuss something so personal. After claming down he had told Angela that he would express milk for his son while he was in the incubator but he was not going to do it once he left the clinic. As he had pointed out to Angela unlike most new mom's he could not breast feed is son in public.

He had told Angela about the money he had saved for a life away from the hunt. Money that he would now use for Alexander. He had then explained that he would not be able to get the money until he was well enough to leave the hospital. Angela had told him that she would buy any stuff that he needed to buy for the baby and he could pay her back once he had the time to get to the bank. He had tired to argue with Angela telling her that he did not feel comfortable owing anyone money. Angela had just told him that was what friends were for and that had been the end of there conversation about money.

When the list for Alexander had been completed, Angela mentioned his total lack of a hospital bag. That list had been only half page long. There was a change of clothes. Clothes that would have to be a size smaller than what he was wearing now, as he had longer had a baby bump. Other items ere more common sense. The baby book was a prime example. After both lists had been completed, Angela left him alone in the room with the promise to come back later to show him what she had bought for Alexander.

He was the proud father or should that mother of newborn son.

He had yet to ask the doctors about this still having a uterus. He really did not want to know the answer but he fully expected the answer to be a firm yes. He did not want to admit it but he could feel the uterus contracting back into whatever size it used to be before. Having a uterus meant he would be able to have more children and he was not ready to think about that yet.

He was not nervous.

He did not feel like he was going to face a firing squad. He did not fell as if he was about to do something that would cause no end of trouble.

He could do this. Any kind of punishment coming his way was well deserved. He had taken something from Dean that could not be returned unless death played its card. Squaring his shoulders he walked into the clinic and went over to the first doctor e could find.

"I'm looking for Dean Winchester." Bobby said. The doctor stood in front of him looked like one of those actors you would see playing the leading part in a dumb ass action movie.

"You are." Doctor Heese asked. He was not about to admit to the presence of Dean Winchester in the clinic to a man he did not know.

"A family friend." Bobby replied

Doctor Heese looked at the man in front of him and although he may have been a family friend he was not about to let him see Dean. John Winchester was the father from hell so god knows what a family friend could be like. Raising his left eyebrow slightly he asked; "Is that meant to mean something to me."

"I know what John Winchester did to take Sam away from Dean." Bobby said

"What did that man do?" Doctor Heese asked. He was in no mood to be pleasant or civil when it came to John Winchester.

"Its complicated and I am only going to this once," Bobby said

"Mr...

"Bobby," Bobby replied

"Bobby Dean is a friend and with hoe his family have been treating him in the last few days a family friend is the very last thing he needs." Doctor Heese said.

"It is not for you to decide who Dean can and cannot see. I have known that boy for far longer than you have. Dean needs to know what caused Sam to disappear. He has the right to know and you cannot take that from him." Bobby said.

"Bobby I understand that what you have to tell Dean is important but I don't want anything upsetting anymore than is necessary." Doctor Heese said.

"I'm not going to lie to you but what I have to tell Dean would have him reaching for a shotgun if he had one with him. What I will tell him will hurt but he needs to know." Bobby said as he attempted to convince Doctor Heese to let him see Dean.

"If I hear shouting or you upset Dean then you will be escorted out of this clinic and never be allowed back in." Doctor Heese said.

"Agreed just show me where Dean is" Bobby asked.

"Follow me," Doctor Heese said. He walked though various hallways of the clinic only stopping when he came to Deans room. Turning to face Bobby he said; "He is in this room."

Bobby did not utter any words when Doctor Heese told him that this was Dean's room. What could he say that had not already been said? He watched Doctor Heese walk away and squaring his shoulders he walked into the room. What he saw was a surprise. Dean looked as if he had been put though the emotional ringer. He was hooked up to IV and there was no bump. That meant the baby had been born early and he fucked up more than he had first believed.

"You might want to take a picture it will last longer." Dean said. He was not going to ask why bobby was here he knew it had to be something to do with Sam.

Stepping into the room and closing the door behind him he said; "Dean I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what." Dean asked. Shit now he really did not wan to hear what Bobby had to say but the perverse part of him could not wait to hear what Bobby had to say.

"For Sam's disappearing act." Bobby replied.

"Why are you sorry for that it was dad who had involvement in Sam's leaving not you?" Dean replied

"I only wish that was the truth. A few days ago, John came to me asking for help with sons. He told me that you and Sam were in trouble. Trouble that you both needed help to getting out of. I had no reason to disbelieve him. He was every inch the concerned father. When he told that, the baby you were carrying was a parasite I had no reason to believe that he was telling me was not the truth. He appeared to be so desperate to help you both and when I mentioned the spell he was eager but he kept asking me if I was doing the right thing. I reassured him that he only had the best interests of his sons in mind. I did not realize he was lying to me. I could feel Sam's anger as he was taken from you. I saw some of his memories and it was then that I knew John had lied. He had lied to get what he wanted from me. John did not want to believe you were preganant. I am so sorry Dean. You have no idea just how sorry I am." Bobby said.

"Sorry shit is that all you can say to me. It took a lot for me to let Sam back into my life after he left me the first time. I even had the foolish hope that something would go right for me. One fucking word does not change what has happened." Dean said. He did not blame Bobby for Sam not being with him he could not. Bobby had just been manipulated by his dad into doing something against his will. He was pissed of with his dad but Bobby was here and his dad was not.

"I know sorry doesn't do a damn thing. There is a get out clause in this spell all you have to do is die for a few seconds." Bobby said

"All I have to do is die. You make it sound like I am just buying a lotto ticket. Do you seriously expect me to say yes go ahead and kill me. Fuck that idea. I am not going to be the one who always has to make sacrifices just so Sam can remember. Fuck I am just not that desperate." Dean said.

"How are you going to manage as a single parent? You have to know that your dad will never accept the baby." Bobby said.

"Is this your pathetic attempt at trying to convince me just how much I need Sam? I have friends who are more than willing to help me." Dean said.

"How long are these friends going to be there? Have you given any actual thought as to what happens when those friends are no longer there, Do you have any concept of how hard it will be to raise your son in the world we live in. It will be hard work Dean and you have to be sure that it's the way you want to go." Bobby said. He was determined that Dean knew what he was letting himself in for when it concerned the life of a single parent. He had to get Dean to know that without Sam everything would so much harder.

"I know my friends won't be there for a long time. I am not that naïve. I helped to raise Sam and I was only four years old. I know what I am doing and I don't need you telling me otherwise." Dean said

"Dean I just don't want you to be alone." Bobby confessed. He did not like the thought of Dean being alone when it came to raising his son.

"I won't be alone." Dean said

"Just tell me what you plan on doing once you're not in the clinic. What are you going to do when it is just you and the baby? How are you going to cope with having a baby and being on the road?" Bobby asked.

"I'll manage." Dean replied. He knew it would be hard but it would be worth it for his son.

"Bullshit you are going to need help and I am offering." Bobby said. He was more than willing to help Dean with the baby. It would help to ease some of the guilt he had about doing the spell. A spell that had taken so much from Dean.

"Why should I trust you to help me? How do I know you won't try to harm my son?" Dean asked

"I told your father he was deep in the river of denial. I told him that you were going to old a grudge over this. The stubborn old man refused to believe that he was wrong. He kept on insisting that he had done the right thing by his sons. I told John he had destroyed both of his son's and I meant it. You did not have to believe what I am saying Dean but I want you to. I would never harm your son. I will do everything within my power to help him." Bobby said.

"My sons name is Alexander and he is ten weeks premature. The doctors have told me that he has lungs that are stronger than most babies born at 30 weeks are. I think that might have something to with the whole curse. Bobby I know you want to help and I want to say yes …

"I sense a but coming." Bobby remarked.

Smiling despite the situation Dean replied; "You may not have known that dad was lying but you still preformed the spell. I can't just trust with my son in an instant."

"What could I do to gain your trust?" Bobby asked

"We could start of slow. You could visit every few days until Alexander is ready to leave the clinic." Dean suggested. He knew that Alexander would be in hospital fro another four to five weeks. Alexander needed to weigh more and his lungs needed to be little stronger than they currently were.

"What happens when Alexander gets the okay from the doctors?" Bobby asked

"By then I will trust you more and hopefully that offer of help will still stand," Dean replied.

Three hours had passed since the phone call from Bobby and all he could do was think of what Bobby had told him. Was he selfish for wanting a life at college? Was he stubborn for putting what he wanted from life above helping Dean? Three hours ago, he had been convinced that staying at college was what he wanted to do. Now he was not sure.

The more he thought about it the more he wanted to go to the clinic and see Dean. He could not just leave college to go and visit Dean. He had exams that needed to be taken in a few weeks. Exams that he could not afford to miss and had yet to revise for. Dean would just have to wait. At the moment, college was a lot more important than helping Dean.