Chapter Twenty-Five

Taylor-

The crisp March air had an immediate soothing effect as I stepped out on my hotel balcony. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my overcoat searching for my cigarette case and lighter. The events of the evening had left me with a headache so severe it was near torture. It was surprising that hearing the woman I loved was now free to be mine, should have thrilled me, but the ache in my temples proved otherwise. All I could think of was the pain and confusion she was going to feel upon hearing the news. It did nothing to know that every kiss we had shared, every embrace that had driven me mad with desire, was no longer as wrong as it had earlier been thought. Asher was correct; loving her had certainly changed me.

I was out there for quite sometime, going over the news again and again in my mind, before I finally managed to numb myself of it all together. It was no solution, but its temporary effect was welcomed. Satisfied, I turned to go inside, but was met with the glass door opening and my brother coming through.

"Well, this evening just gets better and better." He drawled as he stepped out and let the door shut behind him, blocking any exit I may have had. "One never does know what they may come upon unexpectedly."

I did not want to deal with his antics, especially this evening. "Spare me your enigmatic words, Cal. I am in no mood to put you in place this evening." I responded, letting my irritation play front and center.

He smiled, " I see your consumption of alcohol has done nothing to improve your disposition. Perhaps another drink will do the trick." He suggested with a sardonic smile.

"What a superb idea." I responded dryly and pushed my way past him, into my room where I headed for the bar, pouring myself a glass of the first decanter I could find. I drown the glass and poured myself another. "Don't you have other duties that need tending to?

I heard him strike a match and the tinge of cigarette smoke soon filled the air. "My, my, but we're a bit on the prickly side tonight, aren't we?" he said behind me. "I hope nothing unforeseen happened to cause this stream of unsavory behavior."

"You're suddenly and uncharacteristically concerned for my welfare." I observed, making sure he could hear the annoyance in my voice.

"Am I not entitled to be concerned for my brothers well-being?" he raised an eyebrow in question.

"Save it Cal, you obviously want say something so why don't you just say it. These games of yours are not amusing in the least."

"Games? How ironic that you mention games when it appears that you're playing a very dangerous one."

I froze. The glass clenched tightly in my hand, I gulped, feeling my stomach twist. I refused to turn towards him, but I could still the look of satisfaction spread across his face at my reaction.

"Indeed," he continued, "I wonder what Mother and Father would think of the 'game' I witnessed you playing earlier. Really, Taylor, have you no shame at all?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Came my reply. It was obvious that he and seen Sarah and I, but no other answer seemed to come to mind.

"Then let me refresh your memory," he smirked as he approached me from the side. He lowered both his head and his voice to me. "It was in the south hall, on the way to my own suite of rooms. I was merely going there to refresh myself when what should I see but a man and woman, tied in a lovers embrace…" his tone changed and I could feel him move even closer to me, "It was all very touching, very emotional…I must say I was moved, moved to make my presence known."

I let a low curse escape under my breath. My entire body clenched with anger and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and make him forget all that he had seen, but I found myself still unable to move.

"Imagine my surprise when I saw who it was. I was shocked of course, but then what else could I be? I see my brother with another man's wife, a woman with a child no less. A scandal like that would certainly bring enumerable shame upon her... wouldn't you agree?"

My head snapped to him, "You don't know what you saw!" I snapped. Sarah's reputation suddenly hanging in front of me, I had found my back bone.

Oh, but I do know what I saw," he replied with smooth confidence. "And, it was quite the show, I must say."

Suddenly his collar was tight in my fist and with my anger fueling me I pushed him against the nearest wall, determined to wipe the smug look from his face. "You breathe a word of this to anyone and I can guarantee you it will be your last."

His eyes widened in shock but they quickly turned to anger. He tried to jerk from me, but my hold on him was tight. "Don't you threaten me," he growled. "You had no right to be there and we both know that!" I hissed back through clenched teeth. The intense ire I felt forced my grip on him to strengthen and I watched him wince, but refuse to back down.

"I had every right! I saw you, I saw her clinging to you and it made me sick!"

"Jealousy is an ugly thing, Cal."

"Jealous…I'm not jealous." A malicious smile formed on his lips. "She wanted me, and what did she do when she couldn't have me…she settled for second best."

In a mixture of disbelief and annoyance, I released my hold on him, shaking my head incredulously at him. "Have you become so blind that you've started to believe your own lies?"

Moving his head from left to right, he released the tension my grip had created and adjusted his tie. "It's no lie. She knows your history and knew finding her way into your bed wouldn't be a challenge. Sluts like her generally think that way."

I felt cold fury ripple through me as I faced him. "Don't you DARE speak about her that way! I will kill you myself and take pleasure in doing so!"

"How quaint," he smirked, not seemingly touched by my threat. "Don't waste your energy defending her, little brother. She's not worth it and she never has been."

"Cal, so help me..." I snarled and gripped my fists, barely managing to hold myself under control

"This has become quite tiresome, actually," he drawled in the face of my anger. "You know, if you're going to smudge the family name, you really could have chosen a different way than consorting with someone of her less than stellar character... but then again, perhaps you did chose correctly. After all, did she not bed that sailor before their marriage?"

"If you say one more word..." I stepped up and faced him grittily. "I will forget that we are brothers and you will regret every word you have said."

"I already have," he sighed as if bored beyond words. "You realize the stupidity of the situation you have put yourself in. An affair with a married woman, especially a woman like Sarah, will get you only trouble from Father. Do what you have to do and rid yourself of her and, take my advice, move on to the next wanton female who peaks your interest."

Luckily for him he chose that moment to make his exit. My blood was boiling and I was ready to do just as I had promised to him, but as the minutes of silence followed I began to calm and fell into a nearby chair and let the fact that he knew of Sarah and I, finally sink in. I bowed my head, running my hands through my hair, knowing trouble was ahead. A night that had begun so well, was now ruined and I honestly had no idea what my next move would be.

Harry-

Lights' fingers drummed silently on the surface as the table as he took in the story I had just told him.

I had shown up on his doorstep nearly an hour before after returning to Liverpool, finding Sarah and Jonathan gone and my home cold and empty. In all honesty, I hadn't been surprised to find that she was gone, but still a part of me hoped that even after I had been gone all these weeks that she would be there and we would be able to work through what had happened.

Unfortunately that wasn't the case and without anywhere else to go I found myself at Lights' looking for answers on her whereabouts and an ear to listen to my regrets. It was well after midnight when I arrived, but that hadn't stopped him from opening his door to me and taking me into the kitchen for a strong cup of tea.

"I'm afraid you've gotten yourself into quite a mess here, Harry. Sarah's gone, and has been gone for some time and you've…well you know what you've done."

I nodded, agreeing with his observation. My night all those weeks ago with that other woman had managed to make me realize how stupid I had been and how my actions had all together made the situation worse. I now believed what Sarah had told me, though it didn't make things any better. Hockley was still on her mind and possibly even her heart and there was nothing I could say or do to change that, but she hadn't been unfaithful to me. Now she was thousands of miles away, and how ever I much I longed to speak with her, I was unable to. I missed her and my son and wanted nothing more than to be with them, but my guilt over what I had said and done was holding me back.

"You need to go to her, Harry. This situation isn't going to right itself and you're daft if you're thinking that it will."

I shook my head, staring down into my cup. "I can't face her, not now anyway."

"Do you want to lose her? Your marriage is crumbling, my friend. She may have started it, but you didn't help it by leaving her and telling her that you never wanted to see her again. This is serious, Harry. I've tried to keep my own personal opinions out of this, but Taylor isn't a bad bloke. He did something wrong, yes and wronged you and your wife in the process, but I can't believe he did it intentionally to hurt you and I can't believe that Sarah did either." He sighed, running an aggravated hand through his hair. "I just can't believe you'd let it go this easily."

"Did not hear what I just told you? I committed adultery! With a woman I didn't even know for that matter! What kind of man does that make me?"

"One who made a mistake, that's what kind, but you'll be a worse one if you stay here, letting fear keep from making this right."

"She's better off being with her family right now." I replied, my voice full of self pity.

"Being with a grandmother who despises you? Yes, that's the perfect place for her to be and your son. Left in that environment I can only imagine how he'll grow up to see you."

I took a deep breath. He was right, as much as I hated to admit it everything he was saying was true and I deserved to hear it. Still even after he brought up my son I couldn't bring myself to want to go to her. I couldn't bear to think of how she would handle the news of what I had done, or if she altogether rejected me.

"No, I can't."

He shook his head at me, disappointment written on his face. "You're digging your own grave, you know."

"I can't face her, not now."

"For your sake I hope you find your way there soon. Left alone this problem is only going to grow."

I released a deep sigh, and actually found myself pondering his advice. I didn't want to admit that he was right, but we both knew he was. No matter my fears of going to her, my marriage was surely over if I didn't. My egotistical decisions were getting me no where and the longer I held onto them the harder it would be to make things right again.

There was also Jonathan to think of as well. It had been over a month since I had seen him and I could only speculate how much he had changed in that amount of time. He was three months old now and as his father, I should have been there to see the everyday changes he was going through, but I had let my idiocy cloud my judgment.

"From the look on your face, I'd say you're beginning to realize how foolish you've been acting."

I rose from the table and gave him a defeated nod, "What can I say, your words of wisdom have once again convinced me."

A faint smile appeared on his face, "Good to hear, old man. So what have you decided?"

"Do you know when the next ship leaves for New York?"