I know that Matt's act the last chapter wasn't something that anyone expected but Matt is a schitzo...so yeah.
25 – What Happened to You?
That night, Matt checks out of his asylum room and walks inside of Jeff's room to see the boy all cuddled up inside of the sheets of his bed and Matt just walks inside of the room, watching Jeff sleep, the slow rhythm of his chest, up and down, up and down and Matt just touches Jeff's cheek, feeling the life inside of his body as Jeff moves and shifts, completely and utterly in his dream state and Jeff's eyes slowly open, the beautifulness of his eyes just gleaming in the darkness, "Matt?"
Matt doesn't say anything.
"Matt…please…don't hurt me…"
Matt sits down on a plastic white chair and puts his hand back on Jeff's cheek, feeling the warmth that on Jeff's face, Matt's heart just explodes with serenity and tranquility as Matt places his head on Jeff's chest, feeling Jeff hold onto Matt's head, seeing that his brother doesn't want to fight. "I'm sorry…I took my medicine…I'm fine now, see?" Matt smiles but there's still a hint of fear in Jeff's eyes. "Jeff, I won't hurt you again, I promise."
That's when Matt feels the white cast that's engulfing Jeff's arm and it hurts him to know that he's done that.
Dangerous, dangerous Matt.
The silence just engulfs them both, both of them lost into the suffocating silence and both of them don't really care that much at all.
"Jeff, please, I love you."
Jeff stares at him, somehow trying to find a hint of humor or anger or revenge in Matt's eyes but there's nothing but serenity and seriousness and pain that's engulfing Matt's eyes—and sorry, he's so sorrowful for what he's done.
"Jeff…"
"Matt, please! Try to make me understand!"
Matt's eyes look into Jeff's green eyes as Jeff sits up and stares at him, both of their eyes just locked, searching for something…
…love…
…devotion…
…need…
Searching but it's all hidden and plastered behind guilt and shame and fear and crushed hope and just so many emotions—
"Jeff…I want a chance to make this right. Why don't you love me anymore?"
Jeff bites down his lower lip, "Matt…the only reason I don't love you anymore is just because I can't trust you anymore. Look at me, Matt," he lets his hand glide to Matt's shoulder so Matt's staring at him. "I'm not like you. I'm not a killer or schizophrenic or anything, I don't understand the things you do, I don't see things the way you do and I'm just scared that suddenly—you'd end up hurting me. I'm scared that I'm going to get hurt, over and over and…I'm not sure it's love, Matt. I think that if I find the real guy, I might like him more…I don't know! I'm just so confused!"
Matt takes Jeff's chin and presses his lips to him into an eager heart pounding kiss and what shocks him is that Jeff is kissing back, both of them making their kisses sweeter and more passionate by the moment as Matt pulls off to gasp for breath.
"Do you trust me, Jeff?"
"No. I'm sorry, Matt."
Matt takes Jeff by his waist, both of his arms pressing and hugging him as Matt kisses Jeff's neck, tasting the soft sweet flesh of him, grunting as Jeff moans softly underneath the touch. "Do you trust me now?"
"No…I'm so sorry…it's just that…"
Matt pulls off, and looks at him, with crushed eyes and a hurt heart and pressed lips as he whispers, "What can I do then, Jeff? What can I do to make you trust me?"
"I-I don't know!"
"You-you just don't seem like the Matt I've always known." Jeff whispers and his voice's so soft and weak. "Not the Matt that I've fallen for. I do like you, Matt, but I feel like one day, I'm gonna wake up next to you and just see how much you've really fallen for me and break your heart when I tell you that I don't feel the same way."
"You're breaking my heart now." Matt says, and Jeff's throat feels clogged with pain as he notices how loud and shaky Matt's voice is. "You're breaking my heart now, Jeffy…you really are and I don't want to hurt you…so why are you hurting me? Is this some sort of revenge? Do you want me to go back to bossing you around? What do you want from me, Jeffy?"
"I…I want my Matt back."
"I am that Matt!" Matt exclaims, "I…I—I—oh, Jeff…"
"Matty, please, calm down," and Matt takes a bunch of short and sharp breaths, kissing Jeff's mouth over and over, tasting the sweetness of his brother and in one of the long, passionate kisses that he's managed to give Jeff, Jeff suddenly pulls off and stares into Matt's eyes, "please, Matt, I want to do this with the person I love. I want—I don't want to feel like a hooker."
Matt just simply nods his head as he stands up and brushes a piece of hair off Jeff's face, "Goodbye."
Goodbye.
Jeff feels like it's goodbye forever and he'll never see Matt's face again but he tries to convince himself that it's not as the tears tug at the corners of his eyes.
"G-goodbye…"
The place is all no sound.
"What happened to you, Matty?"
The place doesn't answer him at all but his words are turning into nothing against the thick air and they're so hard to speak up. Last two months, he'd never thought that this would happen at all but it has and it's just sickening.
"What happened to me…?"
I just love a weak Jeff. Thanks for all my reviewers. You guys rock like hell. But is anyone still reading? Just joking, please. Don't kill me because of it.
X Sam.