Ch. 23 - Anxiety

I had the idea that the world's so full of pain
it must sometimes make a kind of singing.
And that the sequence helps, as much as order helps—
First an ego, and then pain, and then the singing.
- Faint Music, by Robert Hass

Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my nerves. It was finally the day that Carlisle and I were leaving for Volterra. We would be there by tomorrow night due to the red eye, non-stop flight we were taking. I zipped my overnight bag just as Carlisle appeared at my doorway.

"Are you almost ready? We'll be leaving in a couple minutes."

I nodded, "Yes, I just want to say good-bye to Wren."

"I'll be in the car. Let me take your bag," he said as he reached out and grabbed my bag.

Running my hands through my hair, I made my way to Wren's bedroom trying to prepare myself for whatever may happen between the two of us. The door was closed, but I could see the shadows dancing underneath it. I rapped on the door twice before I let myself in.

Jasper and Wren both turned to look at me as the door swung open. Wren was perched on the chaise lounge with her elbows on her knees while Jasper stood before her with his hands planted firmly on his hips. The expressions on their faces were unreadable, but it was clear from the tension in the air that I had walked in on, and interrupted a heated conversation and that Jasper wasn't too pleased with the direction it was headed.

"Am I interrupting?" I asked, looking between the two of them.

Just as Jasper opened his mouth, Wren stood up, "No. Jasper was just leaving."

Rolling his eyes, he turned and leveled Wren with a piercing glare but she did not back down. After a moment he scoffed, "Fine, I'll go. But you asked for my advice and here it is: this is a bad idea!"

She nodded once, "Well, thank you for the advice."

"You're impossible!" he snapped before storming out of Wren's bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"What's a bad idea?" I asked slowly.

Wren shook her head, "Nothing. Are you and Carlisle getting ready to leave?"

"Yeah, I just came to say good-bye."

"Well, good-bye." Wren said shortly.

I took a step toward her, reaching out to take her hand, but she moved it just out of my reach. There was a pain in her eyes that I couldn't comprehend as she lifted them to mine. "Don't be like this, Wren," I begged her.

"How do you expect me to be, Edward? Happy? I'm sorry I can't manage that particular emotion right now."

"I have to go," I reminded her.

"Don't you think I know that!"

I was fighting with myself whether or not to turn and just leave. She understood that I had to go, I ultimately didn't have a choice in the matter. And I couldn't believe that Wren was getting jealous that I had to go to Volterra to save Bella's life. Unfortunately, I also let that line of thought seep into my mind.

"This has nothing to do with me being jealous of anything! Do you honestly think I am that shallow!" she screeched, having apparently copied my gift.

"Of course not!"

"Just go, Edward! Go!" Wren shouted then turned her back on me.

Driven by my sudden irritation, I took a couple steps forward and roughly grabbed Wren by the upper arm, spinning her around to face me. Angry goldenrod eyes met mine, but beneath that, Wren looked tired if that were possible. Not tired in a physical sense, but emotionally, mentally as if she'd spent too much time thinking about something.

Of its own volition it seemed, my hand moved from its grip on her arm to her shoulder, her elegant neck, then finally to cup the side of her face. I half expected her to resist as I lifter her face to mine and gently touched our lips together in a light kiss. As I pulled away, Wren kept her eyes closed and rolled her lips together.

"I'll be home in a few days," I whispered, hoping to alleviate whatever concerns or anxiety she had.

She nodded and replied, "I know." When she opened her eyes the anger was gone, but the worry, the weariness and the hurt were still there.

"Edward?" I heard Carlisle call.

"I have to go," I told Wren, kissing her forehead before turning to leave.

"Edward?" she said, softly. When I turned, she had her back to me again and was looking out the window, "You should know… Aro let Bella walk out of Volterra alive and human once already, and he may favor you and Carlisle, but don't think it's going to happen twice. Marcus and Caius will not allow it."

"I have to try, Wren."

She nodded, "I understand."

I left the room with a sigh on my lips and the feeling that Wren was planning something. And if it was something that Jasper was getting upset about, then it had to be something dangerous, but what? I pondered this as I headed down the stairs meeting Alice, Jasper, and Esme in the foyer. I hugged both my sister and Esme and Jasper shook my hand wishing me well.

I exited the house, meeting Carlisle by the car. I didn't say anything to him about saying good-bye to Wren, but by the expression on his face when he saw me, I didn't really have to. As I pulled open the passenger door, I stopped, being caught off guard and overwhelmed by the sudden pungent and foul odor in the air. It only hit so hard because we were downwind from the source, which came into view a few moments after the owner of its scent.

"Jacob," Carlisle greeted him with a nod. "What can we do for you?"

"I want to come with you when you get Bella," he said, unconsciously adjusting the bag on his shoulder.

"I'm afraid that's quite an impossibility, Jacob, I'm sorry," my father told him.

"Why?" he demanded, gritting his teeth.

"Because the Volturi will kill you if they find out you're there," I told him, not trying to be harsh. I understood he wanted Bella back in Forks and for her to be safe, but he had to understand that this time, he couldn't be of any help.

"So? Then they won't know I'm there," he replied.

"You're rather difficult to hide, and any vampire within a thousand feet of you will know what you are," I told him. "I'm sorry Jacob, you cannot come, but we will bring her back."

Without another word, Jacob turned and ran back into the forest.

-:-

Jacob ran hard and fast away from the Cullen's house, he couldn't handle the crushing emotions that had a stranglehold on his heart. And yet, though anger pumped through his veins, he resisted and fought against the impulse to phase. He didn't need the Pack in his head right now.

Within a few minutes, he picked up the sickeningly sweet scent that he knew all too well that sent the hairs on the back of his neck raising to their ends. Skidding to a halt and spinning around, he came to face the new vampire girl that had come to live with the Cullens as she stopped herself as well.

Jacob felt himself readying to poise for a fight, while she took a step backwards and held up her hands. "I didn't come here to fight."

"Then why were you following me?" he growled, feeling his fists clench and unclench.

Tilting her head, the vampire girl looked him over as if she were sizing him up. "You want to rescue Bella, don't you?"

"Carlisle said I couldn't," Jacob replied, feeling his shoulders drop.

She placed her hands on her hips, "Do I look like Carlisle?"

Jacob looked her up and down trying to figure out if he could trust her, if rescuing Bella was really what she was going to try and accomplish. What were her real motives?

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"Tell me what other choice you have, Jacob?" she wondered. Jacob didn't answer right away, simply looked at her. After a couple moments she said, "There really isn't a whole lot of time to mull this over, I need an answer like, now…" and then when he didn't answer immediately: "Going once… going twice…"

"Alright," he said, stopping her. "I'll go."

A smile spread across the girl's face, one Jacob didn't exactly like. It was a smile that he likened to a child's when they got away with something. "Okay then, meet me on the outside of town in about an hour… We have a flight to catch."

I KNOW IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG TIME AND I AM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY!
There really is no excuse that I can give you guys that would suffice.

Just know that I am back and that I am hoping to have this story finished
soon!

Thank you to everyone that has reviewed/alerted/favorited so far, as well as to those who
reviewed/alerted/favorited while I was away! I love you all!

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