End of First Year

It was the evening after my ninth full moon since starting Hogwarts and life was good. I was currently dozing with my head in Sirius' lap as he lazily ran his hand through my hair. Today was the last day of our first year.

A lot had happened in the past four months. My hand was now fully functional and no longer hurt. It was still scarred, but that would never change. Sirius had three perfect scores stuck to the wall in between our beds and I was so proud of him.

My past werewolf changes had gone as good as my fifth, Sirius' dragon hide jacket really seemed to soothe the beast inside me. I couldn't believe my luck, but I knew it was all about to change. Summer was upon us and it would be three long months without Sirius or his jacket. I wasn't even thinking about the chains waiting for me back at home.

As for Sirius and my feelings towards him, I had avoided any and all such thoughts like the plague. Sirius was my friend, that was all. We were just close because we were best friends. I needed to accept what he gave me and nothing more.

"Are you awake?" Sirius asked.

"Hmm."

The feeling of Sirius' hand running through my hair was so peaceful.

"What are you going to do over the summer?" Sirius asked.

We were alone in our dorm room on my bed. James and Peter were at the end of year feast. Gryffindor hadn't won the house cup, so I hadn't bothered expelling any extra energy by heading down there. Sirius had agreed to stay with me and he'd even gone to the kitchen and got us our own feast.

"I'm sure it will be fine," I said, my eyes closed. "I've been doing this for most of my life. I'm sure my hand injury last time was just a fluke."

"I don't like it," Sirius said, his voice hard. "Isn't there a way we can… I don't know… see each other or something?"

"Dumbledore said he was going to talk to my parents," I told Sirius, "he said that he'd come up with something that was best for me."

"And you trust him?"

"Yeah. Don't you?" I asked.

"I guess. I mean, my family hates him, but he was good when he un-cursed my hair, saying that stuff about being kind and stuff. …Do you think he thinks I'm different from my family?"

"I honestly don't know," I said, "but I think you're different."

Sirius laughed. "Thanks, Remy, but you don't know my family."

"I'll get to meet Regulus in September," I said, smiling. Sirius adored his little brother and I couldn't wait to meet him.

"I'm so torn about that," Sirius said, "part of me wants him to be sorted into Slytherin so our mother can't punish him, and maybe she'll ease up on me, part of me wants him to be sorted into Gryffindor because then he'd be like me, and another part wants him anywhere but Slytherin, so that we can show everyone that not all Black's become bad wizards. I don't know."

"Don't worry about it," I said, turning onto my back so I could look at Sirius, his hand never left my hair, "even though I don't trust that sorting hat, I'm sure it knows what it's doing. Even if Regulus is sorted into Slytherin we can hang out with him, I don't mind."

"We're getting an owl," Sirius declared.

"What?" I asked him. Where did that thought come from?

"An owl," Sirius said, "me and you, we can use it to keep in contact over the summer. There's no way I'm leaving you alone again, maybe we can even meet up or something too."

"Umm, Sirius," I said, "I… I don't have any money for an owl."

"So," Sirius shrugged, "I'll buy it, but it will be ours."

"I'm not comfortable with that," I admitted.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Can't it just be your owl?" I asked. "We don't need to share it."

Sirius pulled his hand out of my hair. "Why won't you accept this?" he asked.

"I just… I've never had an owl before, or an animal, my parents don't think it's wise because of what I am. They think I'll kill it and I probably will. I already have one animal I can't control."

"Oh, Remy," Sirius said, "I bet you wouldn't."

"But how would we know?" I asked. "Just say it's your owl, Sirius, that's all I'm asking."

"No, it's ours."

I pulled away from him and sat up. "Sirius, please, I never ask for anything."

"And neither do I," he bit straight back. "I don't want an owl," he said, "I'm not good with creatures, no one in my family is, we don't treat them right. My mother once plucked all the wing feathers out of our owl because it was old and accidentally dropped the mail into the fire. If the owl is yours too, I won't hurt it, I promise."

We were quite the pair. Sirius' was afraid of being mean and hurting the owl, and I was afraid of what the wolf would do to it.

"Okay," I said, "it can be ours."

Sirius smiled brightly. "I'll pick one up the first chance I get and send you a letter."

I smiled too. I loved that I now had a way to keep in contact with Sirius over the summer, maybe these three months wouldn't be too long after all.

"And you'll tell me what Dumbledore's plan is about your change as soon as you know?" Sirius asked.

"I will." I nodded. "Now, what about you? Do you think your mother's going to hurt you again?"

Sirius tensed up and wouldn't meet my eyes. "I don't know," he said, "probably. I doubt she got all her frustrations out last time. My only saving grace is Regulus, he's her favorite son, so she'll be fussing over him, getting him ready to start school, to become a Slytherin."

"Write to me," I told him, "about whatever happens. I know we can't stop it, but I can be there for you." Sirius didn't answer. "Sirius," I said.

"I can't, Remy. I'm sorry, but I can't," he said. "I hate that you already know about it all, no one's supposed to know, my mother warned me and if she ever found out that you knew…" Sirius went pale.

"She won't," I promised him. "I won't tell anyone and I won't write about it in case she intercepts the letters. She'll never find out from me."

Sirius nodded.

I wanted to lay back down with my head on his lap, but I wasn't sure if the moment was still there.

"What are we going to call it?" I asked.

"Don't know," Sirius said, "I've never named something before."

Neither had I.

"You do it," I said and Sirius frowned, "I want you to name it. You're buying it, so you can name it."

"Alright," he said, "but speaking of names," Sirius started to shift and he wouldn't meet my eyes again, "I don't know if you remember, you probably don't, but back on the first day here we were walking and I called you Remy and you said you were going to find a nickname for me, well, it's just, you never gave me one. …It's okay if you forgot."

"I… I didn't forget," I said, dropping my head, "It's just… Every name I thought of didn't seem good enough."

"You think too much," Sirius said, "it doesn't have to be perfect. Remy just came from you stuttering your name."

"Yeah," I said, "but it came from something. Naming things is hard, especially when you care about them."

"You care about me?" Sirius asked, he seemed guarded.

"Y-yes… D-don't you care about me?"

"Of course," Sirius said, "more than anyone in this world."

His words made my heart swell, but then it all came crashing down. We were friends, only friends, nothing more.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

I hated that he could read me so well. I had a feeling it had to do in the environment he was raised in.

"Next year," James said, coming into the room with Peter, "next year we'll win the house cup, and the Quidditch cup. I'm bringing my broom, I can't believe they don't let first years bring their brooms. That school broom I used to tryout was rigged. I'll make the team next year, just you wait and see. I'll be the best Chaser this school has ever seen."

"I bet you will be," Peter said, "can I watch your tryout?"

"Sure," James said.

They turned their attention onto us.

"Shit, Remus, mate," James said, "you have the worst bed hair I've ever seen, how the hell did you manage to do that?"

I felt my face flush and, as I looked down at the bed, I flattened my hair with my hand. It was all Sirius' doing, no doubt.

"I can't wait until summer's over." James sat on my bed with Sirius and me. "I've enjoyed this year, but I feel like next year is going to be even better."

"I couldn't agree more," Sirius said, "the Professors won't know what hit them. I'm going to come up with the best pranks."

"Good luck," James said, "but mine will be better."

"How about you lay off the pranks next year?" I suggested.

"Remus," James sighed, "this was our first year, we were good little boys, just testing the waters, but next year we'll be second years and nothing will be holding us back."

I had a feeling he was right. I didn't like getting into trouble, but I knew I'd do anything to keep my friends.