Chapter Nineteen – A Big Girl Now
Rose's P.O.V
"You two know each other?" Mrs. Dragomir asked, darting her pale green eyes between the two of us. Us. No, saying 'us' with that containing Adr- that boy, and me. The mere thought sent unpleasant chills down my spine. My voice, clogged somewhere in my throat was unable to respond.
"I think we've met Adrian in Middle School, remember Rose?" Lissa asked. She seemed oblivious to my mental-breakdown. "You were a volunteer, right?"
Adrian's eyes moved from mine to met Lissa's in a friendly smile, so charming, so seductive, so deceiving. "Correct, I helped out the middle schoolers for some cred in high school. Sadly I moved before Rose or Lissa got to freshman year, business and all." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.
Mrs. Dragomir nodded in understanding. While her and Mr. Dragomir traveled a lot, I knew they were thankful for never having uprooted their family to another city. However, if they did I wouldn't be here, therefore I would have never seen…this man again.
Damn these Dragomirs.
"Shame," Lissa said. "Camille couldn't stop talking about you for weeks. She said you were the best she's ever had."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Asked Mrs. Dragomir, outraged and astonished, with a hand to her heart for dramatics. Totally forget she was there.
"You don't mean…" She looked around, as if saying the word would cause god to strike her down. "Sex, do you?"
Lissa forged innocence, doing it big why widening her eyes and giving a smile shrug. "Sex, no mother. Just saying the word before marriage…" Lissa looked away in shame while drawing a cross over her heart. After she composed herself she turned to her mother. "No, mom. S.E.X is a word and action saved for after marriage, like god intended." HA! I'm sure god didn't intend this awkward yet hilarious exchange. Sheesh, Lissa has more sex that I do. Granted it's with the same person, but doesn't mean those two don't go at each other like hormonal bunnies.
Christian tried to stifle a laugh from behind me and Mrs. Dragomir sent him a deadly look. Her eyes looked at him with such distant, like the mere sight of him caused her distress. That makes two of us. Lissa drew her away from Christian with mindless chatter with Adrian about her 'ten top tips' about conducting a successful business meeting. I used this time to slink back to the walls where Christian stood as a shadow.
"You know this guy?" Christian asked me. "I can tell you to had a history, am I correct?"
I glare in his direction. "Tell anyone and I'll make your balls into a charm bracelet." I threatened.
"Oh, a threat!" Christian said sarcastically. "Let me guess, you fucked him and you want to keep quiet." He took my silence for the answer. He didn't need to say anything else because Lissa's father, Eric, spoke up.
"We can talk of my daughter's purity over dinner." He said with a golly smile and took his place at the head of the table with Lissa and his wife on either side. That guy sat next to Lissa's mother and I pushed Christian in a chair next to Lissa, before Rhea could object and I popped down on the chair next to him. Anything to not be across that guy.
I'm surprised I managed to put the fork to my mouth considering how much my hand was shaking. I didn't pay any attention on the conversation; all I knew was that Lissa's parents were trying to set her up with that guy. Lissa was faking interest, innocent and virginity and Christian…well he just looked like he wanted to get the hell out of here.
The dinner dragged on, Lissa's parents constantly pushed Adrian on her. Raving about how he was a good, rich and honorable man. Rich, probably, good and honorable – bullshit.
Once it was done, Eric and Rhea invited Adrian and Lissa for a game of pool – something Lissa's surprisingly good at. Christian quickly invited himself because he wouldn't let Lissa alone with that, and I quote "Concentrated Testosterone" man. I used this as an opportunity to ditch. At least to Lissa's room, I'd rather be by his side than to go home.
Maybe that's stretching it…
I pick up my cellphone, checking and seeing that I had no text messages. However, since the phone was in my hand I had the temptation to call him. To hear his voice. When I saw him, I wanted nothing more than run in his arms and kiss him madly, screw everyone's opinion! Even nasty Mrs. Rinaldi. It taken a lot of restraint. I was now running low on willpower.
And before I knew it I was calling his number. It beeped a few times and I expected to get Viktoria on the other end, however when a masculine voice came through the other end I froze.
"Dimitri?" I asked, in shock.
"Rose is this you?" He asked, his voice containing irritability and curiosity – maybe even want. "You shouldn't have called."
"Don't hang up!" I quickly yelled into the phone. "Please, we need to talk…"
After a moment of silence he says. "I thought we said all we need to."
"Yes, but did we say all we want to?" I asked. "Come on Dimitri, would you really let them stop us? We both know we love each other. Why can't we just be together?" I knew I was begging and somewhere my pride was slowly dying an agonizing death – yet I didn't care. Better my pride than my heart.
"Rose, it's not that simple. You and I both know that. It'll be to just break it off, a clean cut." He reasoned but it sounded like watery excuses, even to my ears. He knew it was bullshit.
"Not good enough. I'll be 18 in only a matter of weeks, Dimitri. Can we do it then?"
"No, your age is only a fraction of the equation. We have other things to worry about, like the fact that I'm your principal. Didn't this happen with the last one, you seducing him."
"I was simply using sex to get out of trouble with him. Dimitri you're nothing like that. I love you, I felt nothing for him." I quickly defend; I didn't truthfully expect him to bring the former principal of St. Vladimir's into this and I sure as hell hope he doesn't bring up the teachers I screwed.
"Try explaining that to do the board."
"Fuck the board!" I yelled. "God Dammit Dimitri, why are you trying so hard for a job you don't really like anyways and you can't tell me you like being the leader of a bunch of foul mouth teenagers!"
"It doesn't matter whether I like my job or not. It's the principle of the thing."
"Fuck the principle of the fucking thing!" I said, practically screaming now. "Let loose once in a while –"
"I did let loose once, Rose." He said his voice eerily calm. "And it was the biggest mistake of my life." With those last words, the other end went silent, an annoying beeping then proceeded. With every beep, a tear cascaded down my face.
He doesn't mean that, does he? He loves me and can't possibly think what we shared was a mistake…can he?
"Tough break-up?" Asked a voice from behind me. I turned to see Adrian's taunting frame leaning against Lissa's threshold, with a smirk placed perfectly on his lips. "I still can't believe how you've grown into a beautiful young woman." He continues, looking down at my new shapely body in approval.
"With looks like those causes heart-break, I assume your first?"
"How much did you hear?" I asked. I carefully avoided the subject at hand. I didn't want him questioning the conversation with me and Dimitri.
"Enough." He said cryptically. "I also see the hurt in your eyes. That man must be a real bastard to pass you up." He said, coming over to me. The close proximity made me feel vile, however at this moment I needed a shoulder to cry on – Adrian will have to do.
His fingers carefully touch my cheek, wiping away the tears that continued to stream down my face. He was so gentle – so sweet.
"Let me get you out of here." He said, leaning so close that our chests brushed up against one another. He held out his hand, it seemingly harmless and welcoming.
I didn't hesitate to take it.
I wake up to the smell of marker, soda, sex and vodka. The distinct smells blending together in a soft aroma, not necessarily a good one.
All around me I feel soft silk, in the pillows and blankets. The blankets were the source of the smells, and since my nose was stuck in the pillows I was getting a good whiff of it. I spread my fingers to get a feel of that around me. All my fingers managed to feel was more of the silky materials and the crunch of a soda can. The noise jolted me into more awareness.
Where was I?
Reluctantly I opened my eyes, only to have the sun beam directly into my irritated eyes. I quickly closed my eyes again, blinking a number of times before trying again. I shift away; therefore the sun didn't attack me so directly. Once I opened my eyes, the room came into focus.
First I seen were the beige walls, with little portraits here and there showing floral 'artwork'. A large flat screen T.V which was on mute, to what seemed like pay-per-view porn. Soda cans littered around the carpeted floor, some where empty others were still full and a number had their contents spilled on the floor in a small puddle. It seemed as if I was in a hotel room, a small one. Why was I here?
I looked down, to see my bare body braving the world for all to see. However, my body was marked with what I hoped was lack marker tats. Most of the writing was sloppy and inappropriate.
On my stomach was written – 'Danger Zone' and 'Tickle spot' along with a lot of crude drawings. Down lower, on my legs and between my thighs were 'Taste like Candy' and one that really disturbed me 'Adrian was here along with 45 others'.
I closed my legs, highly embarrassed. My cheeks flushed red as I looked around for any articles of clothing. I could only find the small dress that I wore at the dinner yesterday. One I can't remember. I racked my brain for any solid memory. The last thing I remember was seeing Adrian and the rest is a blur. How much did I drink?
I slip on my dress and find my shoes. What I assumed to be my underwear was discarded in the corner in shreds beyond hope. I walked into the bathroom, seeing that it looked mostly untouched. I got a few squares of tissues, wetted them in the sink and using it to wipe off the drawings.
45 others…
How did they know how many people I slept with? I've been avoiding it for a while, but I can connect the dots. I was with Adrian last night; I'm almost 99 percent positive. I keep thinking of him – seeing his taunting green eyes haunt my memory.
I thrown away the tissue angrily, not getting all the marker off, and walk out of the hotel room into the lobby. I almost expected to see Adrian; however the only person present was the receptionist. The middle aged woman looked over at me but quickly adverted her eyes the moment we made contact. Her face looked scandalous. She went back to reading her book.
"Do you know who I was with last night?" I asked walking over to her. She adverted her eyes and blushed a crimson red.
"Uhm, did he at least pay the bill because I don't have any money." I said shyly, hoping to not have her call the cops or something. I don't want the face the embarrassment of paying for porn.
"Yes, the bills are paid in full. The young men paid in cash last night."
"Good, good – wait did you say men? As in plural?" I asked. God, oh please god! I didn't have a threesome did I? Of all the times I had sex, never have I taken more than one. It was a line that I didn't cross – surprisingly.
"Yes," She said and gave me a wink. "They were both very handsome, you're a lucky gal." Shit. Adrian and who else? Who else did I fuck? I gave a forced and polite smile, trying to hide my shame.
And slutty adventures continue…
"Can I use your phone?" I asked, politely. She gave directions to nearest pay phone and a roll of quarters and sent me on my way. I walked out of the shady but some-what classy motel. In the parking lot ever spot was vacant. I spot the pay phone and rush over to it, sliding the quarters inside and patiently waiting for the other line to pick up. The cool air of the departing winter sends goosebumps on my arms.
"Hello?" Her voice asked on the other end, relief washed through me.
"Lissa, it's me Rose!" I said into the phone. "I need you to come pick me up." I quickly gave her the address and hung up. Lissa didn't ask questions but when she comes here, I will. I waited anxiously for her to pull up into the parking lot and once I saw her luxury car pull into the ghost like hotel, I jumped in.
"Where have you been?" She asked the moment I came in.
"The hotel, obviously." I said with a roll of my eyes, trying to play it off nonchalantly.
"What happened last night?" She asked, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the busy road. From the clock in her dashboard I seen that it was three' o'clock, rush hour and not to mention I missed a whole day of school.
I nervously bit my bottom lip. Back in the day, like last summer, I wasn't nervous about telling Lissa about my sexual escapades, I was proud even. I used to give her every gory detail of what I let those boys do to my body. Now, I feel like a shameful former virgin. I remembered that feeling.
"I don't remember…" I told her. Even though she doesn't look over to me I see her pale hands tighten around the steering wheel, I could practically feel the disappointment oozing off of her.
"You had sex with Adrian." She said matter-of-factly.
"Apparently."
"Dammit, Rose!" She exclaimed, hitting the steering wheel and causing me to flinch. I've never even heard a cuss word come out of Lissa's lips; it feels even worse to know it's directed towards me. "You said you'd be celibate, you promised god!"
"Hold up, Liss." I told her, feeling the anger and shame crawl up me and out of my mouth. "I never promised celibacy! And we all know God doesn't really give a shit about me anyways…"
"Doesn't matter Rose! I thought…" She started trailing off, tears spilling over her eyes. "I thought that was over. Rose, I want best for you. Yet how can I do that when you don't want the best for you!"
"You're not my mother!" I yelled. "Stop trying to fix me, I'm not some broken toy. Accept it, Lissa. I'm not you! I'm just a reckless whore!" I could barely finish my sentence because she swerved off the road, hitting her bumper against the sidewalk.
"Get out, Rose." She said her voice cold and hard. "If you're such a whore, than I'm pretty sure you can find some John to take you home." I looked over at her in astonishment, yet when she didn't meet my eyes or start the car again I knew she was deadly serious. With a loud annoyed scream I get out of her car, making sure to slam it as I left. The car started again immediately and Lissa takes off, her car getting smaller in the distance. I slammed my foot down, pulling my hair out in frustration. I tried to keep the tears at bay, yet they stubbornly slipped over my eyes anyways. I angrily swiped them away as I parked myself on a near by bench.
For what seemed like hours, I watched numerous cars zoom by none paying me any attention. I'm sure I can wave down someone, yet they'll probably want sex in return. Just the thought makes me cross my legs.
After about an hour, a car pulls up on the curb. A sleek black car and dark windows, panic fills me for a moment but recognition sets in. Is that…
The driver got out and walked over to me. Dimitri. His tall looming form looks down on me in a parenting-disappointed way. Just like Lissa.
"How'd you know I was here?" I asked, wondering if Lissa called him. I casted the thought out, Lissa doesn't even know about us. Whatever 'us' is.
"I knew you didn't go far. I went back to the hotel and the receptionist said you left not thirty minutes ago." He explained sitting next to me on the bench – a little to close I might add. I try to scoot away but his arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him, to his warmth. I didn't notice how cold I was still my chilled skin it the warm fabric of his jacket. I can't help but wonder how it'd be skin-to-skin.
"You knew I was at the hotel? Who told you?"
"You told me." Once he saw my confused expression he went on to explain. "You called me last night, around twelve at night. I assumed you were drunk. You yelled at me and bragged about your new boyfriend and went into detail about everything you'd do to him. Sex wise. You even told me the hotel address."
The other guy, it must have been Dimitri. I felt even more shameful knowing that I told Dimitri all of that. Yet, that doesn't explain why he came. "Were you jealous?" I asked.
I expected him to say no but surprisingly he was truthful. "Incredibly." He answered. "I remember speeding down this road, seeing nothing but red. If I had to rip you away from that man I would have. Luckily I made it there just in time. You and the other man…Adrian I think his name was were just drawing on each other. You were both naked though."
Flashes of last night sweep through my brain. I remember laughing so hard, yet not knowing what was funny. I held a sharpie marker in my hands and was drawing stupid pictures on Adrian's subtle six-pack.
"What happened after that?" I asked.
"I had gotten into a fight with the other guy." He said, although had no visible marks of a scuffle. "After running him out, I left you there."
"I wonder why I called you." I asked myself.
"You called me earlier, around eight." He said but doesn't look me in the eyes while talking.
"Was I sober?"
"I think so." He answered. "You wanted to talk about us and what happened a few months ago."
Tried as I might, I could not remember a single thing about what he was talking about.
"What did I say?" I asked, timidly.
"That you loved me and didn't care about rules. You wanted nothing more than for us to be together." He said. "I didn't reply in the best manner. Because of it, I drove you into another man's arms – again." He actually looked guilty about MY actions. Now I see what he was talking about, about maturity. Something that I lacked.
How can I love Dimitri properly if I wasn't mature enough to grasp that concept?
"I drove myself into another man's arms Dimitri, not you." I told him. "I see now why we can't be together – the real reason. I'm only seventeen and sadly I act like it to. I need to act like a big girl, now. Dimitri, you know I love you and you're right – we can't be together not now anyways. I need to deal with a few personal issues before I jump into something I'm not sure I'm ready for."
Dimitri nodded in understanding and he didn't ask questions, which made me love him even more.
"Just promise me that when you're done, you'll find me."
I smiled and leaned into give him a sweet but short peck. "Promise."