She heard scrambling behind the door as she knocked and it was only a few moments later when a very cheerful Alexis opened the door and beckoned her in. The smile on the teen's face was the perfect greeting after spending the day with calculating killers and their apathetically cold eyes. The eyes of a murderer and the eyes of the girl in front of her were polar opposites; one was emotionless where the other was bursting with that mix of pure innocence and joy she loved so much. She found herself grinning right back at Alexis.

"Hey, Kate! You ready for this?" The hesitance that had been a constant in the girl's voice was a distant memory now. There was only a small hint of it. And, really, that's only if she was looking hard for it.

"You kidding me? I've been looking forward to this all week." And she had. Ever since Alexis had invited her over for their little marathon she'd been using the event as a way of getting through the week without bashing her head against a wall.

"Good. Me too. It's so hard to find someone who likes the show. Not even Grams will watch it with me!" They made their way over to the couch, plopping down and sinking into the cushions.

"But Gilmore Girls is a classic!" Kate threw her hands up in the air, the gesture perfectly matching the affronted look on her face.

"Dad and Grams just aren't cultured like us." Alexis leaned forward and plucked a pretzel out of one of the many bowls the redhead must have set out before she got here. Pretzels, popcorn, cherries, cookies, grapes and various kinds of candy – they sure weren't going to be wanting for snacks. She followed the girl's lead and took a piece of popcorn, popping it into her mouth and chewing slowly before winking at Alexis.

"Not everyone can appreciate the finer things in life, I guess." Alexis nodded and then pressed play, letting the fictional small town and the lives of its occupants swallow them up.

She wasn't quite sure how they'd ended up in this position, but Alexis' head had somehow come to rest on her chest and her arm had wrapped around the girl of its own accord. She liked the feeling. She liked it a lot. And as the fourth episode in their marathon came to an end she realized that they'd been in this position for hours now. A companionable silence settled over them, neither of them bothering to reach for the remote in order to start the next episode.

"That has to be one of my favorite episodes in the entire series." Alexis eventually broke the silence, though she didn't move from her position sprawled across Kate's chest in order to get the remote.

"Mmm." She started running a hand through Alexis' hair and let the noncommittal sound escape her lips. "Anything new lately?"

"Nope, nothing since you were here last week. Or since we talked on Thursday." She sighed exaggeratedly and faked a pout.

"God, your life is so boring. I spend my days filling out monotonous paperwork and dealing with the worst of society and when I'm craving some dish this is all you have? Pathetic." She looked down at the young redhead and smiled just to let her know she was kidding. As if the playful tone wasn't enough. Still, she found herself tiptoeing around the Castles sometimes, not wanting to mess anything up.

"Sorry to disappoint you with my uneventful winter break. Maybe you should just find another teenager to get the latest gossip from." Alexis poked her and laughed, resting her fiery head back on Kate's chest.

"Eh, the market's pretty slow these days when it comes to teenagers that are both unbelievably smart and hilarious. Guess I'm stuck with you for now." She felt Alexis smile and couldn't suppress one of her own.

"Poor you." She turned her head at the sound of the locks turning just in time to see Rick come sauntering through the door, grocery bags hanging from every conceivable place. "Hey, wanna torture him a little bit?"

"Oh, you know it." She was glad that he was too busy groping around for somewhere to dump his mess of groceries to notice the matching wicked smiles on their faces.

"C'mon, Kate. Let's go upstairs where some people can't hear us so I can fill you in on all of the newest gossip." Alexis said the words much too loudly to be discreet and she followed suit.

"Alright, but I expect all of the salacious details." She winked at Alexis and saw Rick's curiosity peak from the corner of her eye.

"Would you expect anything less from me?" And with that, Alexis dragged her upstairs as Rick began to protest vehemently and wobble with what was left of his bags. She heard his distinctive whine before Alexis closed her bedroom door loudly, effectively torturing him further.

"Oh, that's so gonna eat away at him for the next week at least." Alexis laughed and Kate couldn't help but join in. Torturing Rick was a bit of a pastime for the both of them. She'd tell him later tonight that it was nothing to worry about though. While she enjoyed watching him squirm, she didn't want his overactive imagination conjuring up images that he really didn't need to worry about.

"I wish he didn't worry so much though. I'm not a little girl anymore and sometimes I don't think he gets that." Alexis plopped on the bed, her brow furrowed and her gaze on her feet.

"He loves you, Alexis." She sat down next to the girl and Alexis turned to look at her. "He knows that you're growing up and need to spread your wings, but there's a big part of him that doesn't want to let go. He just wants to protect you, little girl or not." The teen stretched out on the bed, her teeth worrying her thumbnail.

"I know, I know. But he can be a bit much. He gets overprotective, you know?" Oh, she knew. She'd witnessed a lot of his worrying and had to calm him down a countless amount of times. But she also knew why he acted that way. Alexis was his world.

"Your father has a lot of love and very few people to give it to. You're bound to get a little extra once in a while." She reached over and smoothed Alexis' hair out of her face. "Sometimes I can't believe the amount of love he has to give."

"Mmm, he chooses the people he gives it to very carefully. Me, Grams, you – oh, don't look at me like that. He loves you and you know it." She did. And she was sure that the look on her face confirmed it. The redhead sat up and stared at her for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Do you love him?"

"What?" She knew what Alexis was asking. She knew what the answer was. She was just surprised by the teen's bluntness.

"Do you love my dad?" The girl leaned forward and raised her eyebrows slightly, expecting an answer.

"Yes." She did. Always would. With all her heart. With everything she had. It was an inescapable truth, one that had bound her to him from the very beginning. And she was sure all of that came across in her voice.

"But you're not together." She sensed that Alexis meant for that to come out as a question, but it sounded far more like a statement.

"No."

"Why?" Love doesn't always guarantee a happy ending. Love tears people apart as much as it binds them to each other. Love can hurt you just as it can heal you. Love doesn't conquer all.

"I'm happy to be in his life – in your lives – however he'll have me." She could tell Alexis didn't understand. And she was glad for that, glad that innocence and the belief in happily ever after were still intact within the girl.

"So you're two people who are hopelessly in love but decided to remain friends rather than be happy. Why torture yourselves that way?"

[][][]

He waited on baited breath for Kate's answer. He hadn't planned on spying on two of his favorite women, hadn't come up here to eavesdrop. He only wanted to know if they wanted any of the chicken he was planning on making. But then he'd heard Alexis' question and his curiosity started to burn.

They'd never talked about it. They'd never discussed the whys of it all. She had just suggested that they be friends and he'd agreed. Simple as that. No more painful discussions and no more blurred lines between them. Except the lines were still blurred. There was still that something more lurking in the shadows.

Sure, they were friends. But they both wanted to be so much more. He didn't want to pretend that she hadn't smelled of ocean and sunrise when he'd first kissed her, that he didn't know the exact number of gold flecks in her eyes, or that he hadn't found that her feet were extremely ticklish.

Whatever the reason was, the fear of changing everything again or the need to stay in the safe zone they'd so carefully laid out, they didn't talk about it again. They'd said they were going to be friends, so friends they would be. She had dinner at the loft sometimes. They went out for drinks when she needed a break after a tough case. They watched old movies on her couch when neither of them could sleep.

But they couldn't pretend that nothing had changed between them. It just wasn't possible to forget all that they had been to each other, all that they still were. And so he steered clear of sexual innuendo and teasing comments. She agreed a little too readily, much more willing to give in rather than dig her heels into the ground and cling to stubbornness. They both attempted to make it a little easier on the other.

But instead they just made the fact that a couple pieces to their puzzle were missing that much clearer. Pieces that were just out of reach, close enough to see but too far away to make a grab for. All they needed to do was jump, lock hands and make that leap. But they were stuck in the very same position they had been in years before. Though their reasons were a little different this time, it all came down to fear just as it had then. Fear, it seemed, would always be their greatest enemy.

A silly little thing like being afraid was his only reason for not being with Kate like he wanted to be. He was scared. Fear had seeped into his life and left doubts where trust should be. That was why he'd agreed to be friends and nothing more. He hoped that Kate had more of a reason for suggesting it in the first place. Otherwise they were both cowards. But he'd never asked. And this was probably going to be his only opportunity to find out. And so when her answer finally came, he leaned heavily against the wall and slammed his eyes shut.

"I don't know, Alexis. I guess I'm just too scared of breaking again to try and heal completely."

[][][]

She turned her head to watch the many children running around on the playground, their musical laughter making her own smile come out of hiding. It was warm today and the last of the snow had melted, making it a perfect day for the park. Or that's what Rick had said. Apparently, a lot of people agreed with him. Families played happily in the grass as couples strolled by, oblivious to the world around them.

"See, everybody knows it's a good day for the park." He bumped her shoulder with his as they walked. She didn't answer him, just flashed him a smile and bumped him back. That was all the answer he needed.

"You know, I really miss the swings." She turned her eyes on him then, silently asking him to elaborate. "I used to come here a lot with Alexis. The swings were her favorite but she refused to have anyone push her. She wanted to do it on her own. So I would just swing with her, occasionally giving her pointers. And when we were swinging I just, well, I felt free." She smiled at him and laced her arm through his, looking back at the playground before responding.

"I miss that, too."

"You know, I'd totally suggest that we go over there but I don't want to fight for the swings. Little kids can be quite ferocious." She laughed at that, full-bodied and deep and free. She did that a lot more these days.

"Yeah, wouldn't want you to damage that pretty little face of yours." She reached up and patted his cheek as he smirked at her.

"So you admit that my face is attractive?" He quirked an eyebrow at her and she did the same. It had been a while since they'd agreed on being friends and he'd just started teasing her again. Surprisingly, she'd been unbelievably happy when he'd started again.

"Well, it's obviously not any form of talent that sells your books." His sly smirk quickly turned into a pout and she chuckled at him. He walked right into that one.

"Oof, that one hurt." He put a hand to his heart and feigned pain masterfully. She'd have to thank Martha one day for giving him his flair for the dramatic.

"You've gotten through worse." They both turned as a little girl squealed in both excitement and fear as she jumped off of the swings, landing safely in the sand a moment later and exclaiming quite loudly that she wanted to do it again. They both smiled at the scene.

"Oh, to be fearless again." His knuckles brushed hers before he continued. "Kids may be afraid of the dark and monsters hiding in their closet, but they don't shy away from adventure. They jump off of swings and climb way too high." He looked at her and she couldn't help but gasp at what she saw in his gaze. She hadn't seen that particular emotion there in so long. "They welcome love and friendship, let it overpower them. They don't doubt or question. They just dive in." She hadn't realized that they'd stopped walking, or that they'd turned to face each other. She didn't notice the pigeon by her feet or the delighted screams of children behind her.

"But then you grow up." She let out a sad smile as she said the words. Their eyes were still locked, emotions that had been bottled up for too long running free.

"True, but I think we can still be free like that if we want to be." She cocked her head at him. That wasn't the answer she'd expected from him. Nonetheless, it peaked her curiosity.

"How?" Her voice was a whisper now, as if he were sharing a treasured secret with her. And maybe he was. Maybe these hushed words were only for her ears. All she knew was that she hoped this was it, that this was the moment they took their second chance.

"You just have to trust."

And then his lips were on hers in a soft caress that spoke of truth and trust and sweet finally. She wasn't sure how long it lasted or when exactly her arms had wrapped around his neck and his hands had come to rest on her waist, but she found that she was more than fine with all of it. Neither deepened the kiss but it was sweet and passionate and breathtaking and filled with all of the emotions that had remained boxed up for far too long now. It was I forgive you, I need you and I love you all rolled into one. But most of all, it was I trust you.

When they pulled away, they wore matching grins. Resting her forehead against his, she breathed him in. She'd missed this. She'd missed him.

"I want to be free." She whispered against his lips before pressing a quick kiss there. He just smiled, his blue eyes twinkling in a way she hadn't seen for a while now.

"We are." She smiled again as he looked down at her, the look in his eyes making her believe in magic and fate. And them.

Fin

So Kamikaze is finally finished. I must say, it's been quite the ride. For me and, I'm sure, for all of the wonderful people who have stuck with this story until the end. I just want to thank all of you for your support, reviews and just for reading. It really means a lot that you stuck with it through all of the angst, the tears, and the writer's block. Thank you so much, dear readers.

Review? For old time's sake? Leave me something to remember you by?