Disclaimer: See Chapter 24.
Note: Holy shit, it's early! Yay! See you Friday! Enjoy! -JJ
Chapter 25
Cass sat on the leopard print sofa, his elbows on his knees as his resting on his clasped fist. He'd left the Performance Center after Finn had walked into the locker room, taking in everything that the Irishman had said. Now those words were resounding in perfect clarity in his head.
He couldn't handle seeing Finn around Enzo, that wasn't a lie, and the more he thought about it he didn't think he'd be able to handle any man like that with Enzo. Just that thought alone startled him, making his mouth go dry and his heart pound. He knew it wasn't normal to feel like that, to feel jealousy bubble up in him so fiercely.
He wasn't sure what he wanted when it came to Enzo, other than he didn't want to lose him. He also knew that he'd been selfish and hadn't thought about how his actions had probably effected the other man. His jaw tightened, his hands unclasping as he hung his head in them. He thought back on their conversation that night Enzo had told him about his interest in a guy.
He sat up straight, a thought striking him. Had Enzo thought that he hated him because of those stray kisses? "Fuck!" he hissed, covering his face again and letting out a groan of frustration. After how he'd acted before, when Enzo had just wanted to talk to him, he'd been so wrapped up in hating that those kisses hadn't been meant for him that he'd just pushed Enzo off like he was nothing. "Dammit."
His eyes were wide as he thought about everything that had happened. It wasn't normal the way he was jealous, but when it came to Enzo, he'd always been jealous. It was a rude awakening to his already rampant running mind. He'd always been this way.
He could remember any time Enzo had had a girlfriend in high school or someone he was interested, he'd infringe on their time together, constantly asking Enzo if he wanted to hang out, or go play a couple games of B-ball. And when he'd started dating, he couldn't even count how many times his girlfriend at the time complained about how often he talked about Enzo.
He stiffened, his throat becoming tight around the realization. This thing he had for Enzo didn't start with those kisses. It went back farther than that, probably back to when the first met. How had he missed it for all these years? Why hadn't he noticed? Was it because this was the first time Enzo had shown any seriousness to a relationship? Was it because Enzo didn't come back to him like he always had in the past?
But where did that leave him? He didn't know if he had romantic feelings for Enzo. He couldn't really see himself and Enzo dating, At least not in the traditional dinner and a movie, movies on the couch, kind of dating with early morning kisses as one of them made breakfast and the other set the table sense. He shook his head. That was by far the furthest from the both of them as it could get. Enzo was hard to get up in the morning, and while he did wake early, he wasn't usually in any kind of mood to be intimate until he'd at least had a cup of coffee.
He knew physically, he wanted to know what it would feel like, why else would those light kisses have stirred him up so much? Why would he think about how things would be with Enzo while he was with Carmella? Those hadn't been idle thoughts either. They had snuck into his mind constantly since that night he'd seen Finn and Enzo.
He let out a sigh, closing his eyes as he looked up. It had gotten late, darkness falling over an hour before. Once he'd left the Center he'd come straight to Enzo's apartment, letting himself in like he was used to doing. He didn't want to go out chasing Enzo, knowing it would only waste time, but sitting there alone in the apartment was nerve wracking. He had no clue how he was going to feel once Enzo stepped in, and he hoped he'd be alone.
His jaw tightened at that. He hadn't given much thought to if Enzo brought someone home with him. It wasn't like he could ask Enzo to kick his guest out so they could talk. "Dammit," he growled, his hands running over his head, clutching just above his low bun. He hadn't thought about any of this.
Doubts were starting to cloud his mind. Maybe it was a good thing that Enzo wanted them to break it off, at least for a little while. He could take the time and try and understand what he was feeling and possibly fix their friendship, and his relationship with Carmella.
Another groan escaped his lips. He hadn't heard from her either. Not that he really thought she would text or call him after everything that had gone down that morning, but he still wanted to know how she was doing. Finn's words once again swirled around in his head. Yeah, he really was a pathetic human being for treating all the people close to him like he had. He didn't deserve to have either of them.
Cass heard keys start in the lock and the knob turning. He sat up straight, his heart starting to clatter around his chest like a wild bird in a cage, his palms instantly starting to sweat and his throat tight. This was it, now or never. Enzo was coming in and he had to take this head on. No backing out now.
Enzo pushed his door open, his phone to his ear as he pulled his keys from the door. "Yeah if I see him…" he trailed off, his eyes landing on Cass as he sat on his couch. He stood a little straighter, pocketing his keys and looking down at the floor. "Actually, he's… uh… he's here at my place." He nodded, uh-huhing to Carmella's soft voice. "Okay, I'll have him come by or call or somethin'. I'll talk to ya later 'Mella." He took the phone from his ear, hitting the end button and shutting the door. He leaned back against the heavy door, the air already tense and heavy between them.
Cass continued to sit, his eyes lowering to the floor after a moment. The air between them was thick enough, he was sure he'd choke if he tried to breathe too deeply. His tongue ran over his bottom lip, all the words he wanted to say suddenly gone leaving him completely blank.
Enzo was the one to move. He slipped his sneakers off and placed them in his shoe rack before he completely walked passed Cass towards his kitchen. His chest was growing tighter and tighter as he hung his keys on their hook and went to grab a glass from his cabinet. "Ya coulda left my key in the mailbox or somethin'. Ya didn't have to wait for me," he finally said, walking over to the sink and turning on the cold tap.
In an instant Cass felt the same frustration and hurt from before bubble up inside him. "I didn't come here to give ya keys back," he hissed, standing up and walking towards the doorway, watching as Enzo turned the water off and brought the glass to his lips. "Why the hell do you wanna break us up?"
Enzo lowered his glass, looking the water inside over before he leaned against the counter, crossing his arm over his chest as he took another sip.
"Are you gonna ignore me or are we gonna be able to talk about this?"
Enzo's eyes flashed as he lowered his glass, slamming it on the counter hard enough that the water sloshed over the lip of the cup and down the sides. "We can't perform like we are," he started, gritting his teeth. He really hadn't expected Cass to come over like this. He'd been fully ready to have this conversation over the phone. "Our team is dead the way we're actin'. Ya been ignorin' me for the last few days Cass. I'm tired of fightin' with you 'cause the way we're goin', our friendship is gonna be dead too. We needa take a step back and just call it quits before we seriously hate each other."
Cass felt the words pierce his chest, making his heart ache. He could hear the hurt and frustration in Enzo's voice. He entire body felt numb as he walked over to Enzo, grabbing his shoulders, their eyes meeting. "I ain't takin' a step back. Even if you can't stand me, I'd never hate you Enzo," he started, hearing the plead in his voice for Enzo to listen to him. "Why are ya suddenly tryin' to get rid of me? What happened to us? What happened to Cass and 'Zo forever?" he asked, his hands tightening. He couldn't let Enzo walk away. He wouldn't let it end like this before they both understood the other.
Enzo crossed his arms over his chest, turning his face away towards the wall. "All that's over Cass," he murmured, startled at the hiss that rushed over him from Cass' mouth. "What? What do ya want me to say?!"
"Are we done because of Finn? Because of you an' him?" he asked, desperate to know. "Because I know I fucked up, I seriously fucked up today."
Enzo's eyes narrowed in confusion, shaking his head and exhaling loudly. "Finn and I are just friends. What are ya thinkin' in that crazy head of yours Cass? We've always just been friends."
Cass shook his head, his brows furrowing. He didn't understand. "Then what was that at the Center? Just friends don't have one of them pushed up against the wall like that 'Zo. That's not how it works."
Enzo swallowed hard, closing his eyes as heat rushed up his neck to his face. He still couldn't believe that Cass had seen them. "And yeah, ya fucked up this mornin'. Why were you even actin' like that? We just decided to meet up early to train since you wouldn't have anythin' to do with me."
Cass grit his teeth, hating how Enzo had put that. "It wasn't you Enzo," he finally murmured, sliding his hands down Enzo's arms before he took a step back. "I just hate how close you an' him are. You're always together, and Christ Enzo, you two were fucking in the locker room, how did you expect me to react to that? The last I knew you liked this guy, and then I find out that guy's Finn. Excuse me for bein' a little jealous that your boyfriend took all my best friend's time."
Enzo's hands rose, his hands shaking as they slowly made two tights fists. What the hell had gone so wrong for Cass to get these crazy ideas? "Damn it Cass!" he shouted, turning towards the living room and walking away. He turned once he made past the threshold, once again facing Cass. "Me and Finn are just friends. What ya saw that night wasn't anythin' but what it was. We were just fuckin'."
Cass was quiet, the words hanging in the air. "Then he's not the guy you like?" he asked slowly, his tone low, confused. "But your not the kinda guy to just do it for no reason."
Enzo grasped his hair in his hands, tugging it harshly. "We were just fuck buddies Cass! We're good friends, yeah, but that was just us blowing off steam. And no, Finn isn't the guy I like. Far fuckin' from it." He was quickly becoming exasperated with Cass and his wide eyed look. "It's not like it's really any of ya business anyway. Who I fuck ain't got nothin' to do with you."
That struck a hard cord in Cass, standing a little taller as his eyes brows furrowed in anger. "Enzo, I fuckin' care about you okay? I wanna know what's goin' on with you. I wanna make sure you're gonna be okay!" he tried, Enzo shaking his head.
"I don't need you to look after me like I'm some kid!" he snapped, resting his hands on his hips. "Jesus Cass, how old are we? I'm not that lil' runt from before. I can handle my own damn life!" He shook his head, turning his back to the other man. "See, this is why we can't work together right now. We're fightin' over shit that doesn't even matter!"
"No, we're arguin' because neither one of us is bein' honest with the other anymore!" Cass bellowed, following Enzo into the living room, his chest rising fast with each shallow inhale. "We're fightin' because we ain't communicatin' Enzo. We're hiding all sorts of shit from each other."
Enzo was quiet, the air around them seeming to spark with raw emotion. He took a breath, letting it out slowly. It wasn't like Cass was lying. He'd been hiding a lot from him and he hadn't been honest. It wasn't far fetched to think that maybe that was the real reason they weren't working.
"'Zo, I can't say I don't care what ya do in your personal life, because I do. And yeah, today and all the other days with Finn, it's all 'cause I'm jealous. Okay? I admit it. I hate seein' him around you because you're my best friend. It feels like he's stealin' ya away."
Enzo felt his entire body freeze, heat suddenly overtaking his face. He knew Cass didn't mean those words the way he wanted him to, but at least he knew that Cass didn't hate him and wasn't disgusted.
Cass' hand rose to the back of his neck, giving it a small squeeze. "I wanna see ya happy 'Zo," he breathed, letting out a breath. "So, why ain't ya gone after your guy, if it's not Finn? Why ain't you said anything to him? And after everything, why can't you at least tell me who he is?"
Enzo sighed, hanging his head as he looked at the ground. "It ain't that easy," he murmured, sitting down on the couch, resting his elbow on the arm, his face resting in his hand. "He's gotta life, a girlfriend. He's happy, there ain't no room for me in that kinda equation." He was tired of saying the same things over and over again, tired of pretending like it didn't bother him.
"Does Finn know who he is?"
Enzo looked up from his hand, his entire body stiffening at the question. He knew he could lie, although by the way he'd acted, he knew Cass already knew the answer. He swallowed hard, resting his chin in his hand and looking towards the floor. "Yeah, he knows," he answered softly, his eyes closing when he heard the heated curses flying.
"See!" Cass yelped, throwing his hands in the air. "You'll tell him anything and everything, but you can't even fuckin' tell me who the guy that's got your heart is! Why won't you tell me? It's like ya don't trust me at all anymore. When have I ever spilled one of your secrets? When have I ever done something to put you out there?"
"Besides recently?" Enzo muttered, his heart hurting at the flash of guilt on Cass' face. He knew he was just getting defensive because he didn't want to answer the question. He really just wanted to drop the entire conversation before he really did smother out that little flame of a friendship they had left.
"Enzo, I'm sorry," Cass finally said, shoving a hand in his pocket. "I was in the wrong. I know that and I'm sorry for putting everything out there like that. I pissed you off, I seriously pissed Finn off because he read me the fuckin' riot act earlier when I was at the center, and I'm pretty sure I pissed Hideo off even though I have no idea what he said. I wasn't tryin' to fuck this up. I just didn't… I can't handle thinkin' about you and Finn, okay? And the fact that you're givin' yourself up because you don't wanna tell your guy."
Enzo remained quiet, taking in Cass' apology. "Yeah, you really did fuck things up," he muttered, leaning back into the couch. "Cass, I wasn't lying the other night when I said I trusted ya with my life. I trust ya so fuckin' much it hurts sometimes."
"Then, why are you confidin' in Finn?"
"Honestly?" Enzo asked with a chuckle. "Because we're in the same boat. Finn's got it bad for someone he can't have either and it made it easy for us to use each other to fill that void." He fell quiet, listening to Cass' heavy breathing. "I was the one that asked Finn if we could try being fuck buddies. When I realized how I felt, I was confused and fuckin' scared Cass. I ain't never had these kinds of feelings for a guy before. He was the only one I could talk to, the only one that could show me that it was okay."
Cass' eyes fell to the floor, his throat tight around the words that he wanted to yell. He took a breath, calming himself so he didn't start yelling. He could feel the jealousy coursing through his veins, igniting every nerve inside him making them hum with electricity. He tried not to blink, each time thinking of how Finn's hands had been all over Enzo's body, teaching him the feel of another man's touch.
"That's all we had," Enzo finished, looking over at Cass' tight body, his face twisted in a tight jawed sneer. "Where else was I supposed to go?!" Suddenly his voice was raised and on his feet. "Who else was I supposed to ask if it was normal how I felt? If it was okay to enjoy those kinds of things?"
"Why didn't you just come to me?!" Cass finally roared, slapping both his hands to his chest. "I've always been the one you went to before Enzo! Why didn't you tell me all this before? Dammit Enzo, I wanted to be there for you! I wanted you to come to me and it be like we always were!"
Enzo's eyes were as big as a saucer, his heart feeling like it stopped. Did Cass have any idea what he was saying at that moment? Did he realize the implication of his words? He gave a nervous chuckle, the corner of his mouth lifting into a half smirk. He shook his head. No, there was no way Cass understand what he'd just said. "You know I'm talkin' about sex here Cass?" he asked, meeting the fiery blue orbs that seemed to bare down on him.
"I know," Cass answered firmly, refusing to back down.
Enzo swallowed hard, his body starting to tremble. No, Cass didn't know what he was saying. Of course he meant the talking part, confiding in him about his crush, about accepting his feelings, that's what he'd meant. But to be sure, he was going to ask once more, give Cass the chance to backtrack and fix his mistake. "Do you even know what you're implying Cass?"
Cass nodded, resting his hands on his hips. This was it, the point of no return. He knew things could go one of two directions now and he hoped that Enzo didn't reject him in the end. "I know exactly what I'm implying Enzo," he confirmed, the air once again becoming tense as their gazes remained locked, having a conversation all their own.
Enzo stood there in shock, the world around him standing still. He couldn't hear over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears. His eyes fell to the floor, shaking his head. No, there was no way that Cass was saying what he thought. No. Cass would never think about those kinds of things with him. He let out a nervous chuckle, finding that it tasted bitter. "Do ya really know what you're sayin'? 'Bout me and Finn's relationship and me and you?" he asked, thinking that maybe if he broke it down a little Cass would see the error of his words.
Cass let out a frustrated sigh. "How many times do I gotta say it?" he asked, walking over and resting both of his hands on Enzo's shoulders, their eye meeting. "Yeah, I know what I'm saying 'Zo." His eyes searched the beautiful sparkling ones below him. The jealousy and his thoughts of Enzo once again swirled around his mind. He wanted Enzo and he wasn't going to stop until Enzo understood that.
Cass' brows furrowed, taking in the look of fear in Enzo's eyes. He hated it. He'd never wanted to scare Enzo. He'd just wanted to get his feelings out after he'd spent so long denying and hiding them. "'Zo…."
Enzo pulled away from Cass, walking a few steps away as his own heart continued to pound in his chest, his breathing unsteady and ragged. He couldn't believe what Cass was saying. What was he thinking? It wasn't like anything would happen between them, not when Cass was in no way interested in men. "I think ya need 'a go home," he said lowly, refusing to turn and look at Cass. "Really think 'bout what ya sayin' an' all." He could feel his body shaking, scared of where the conversation might go if he stayed.
Cass let out a groan, his frustrations once again rising. "Damn it Enzo!" he snapped, running his hands over his face. "I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm so fuckin' tired of us bein' like this. I ain't leavin' until we're okay again."
"We're never gonna be okay!" Enzo yelled, quickly turning around to face Cass. He saw the look of shock on the bigger man's face. His entire body was shaking out of frustration of fear, he didn't know. "Don't you get that? This. Me. You. It ain't gonna be okay."
Cass hadn't expected Enzo to lash out at him like that. He swallowed hard, hiding the hurt and walking over, wrapping his arms around Enzo and holding him to his chest. It was awkward, feeling Enzo stand so stiffly against him yet shaking so hard. "Why?" he asked calmly, looking down at Enzo's head, closing his eyes. "Why can't we be okay again?"
Enzo was quiet for a minute, closing his eyes as he started to lean into Cass' embrace. "'Cause we can't," he started, his eyes opening and the words just suddenly starting to pour out of him. "'Cause you're happy with Carmella and you're talkin' about me an' you havin' a no strings attached kinda sex life and ruinin' it." He took another shaky breath, starting to pull away from Cass.
Cass looked down, taking in the hopeless expression on Enzo's handsome features. He bit his lower lip, thinking about his and Carmella's conversation that morning. He'd told her he needed to figure himself out and he needed to figure out what he felt for Enzo. He had to know and quell the curiosity and questions that had filled him. In that moment he threw caution to the wind and grasped Enzo's shoulders as he leaned in. He saw the flash of shock in Enzo's wide eyes as he covered the other man's lips with his in a timid, yet unrelenting kiss.
(A/N): So, for once we're on time! (Early even!) Woo! I really couldn't stop typing once I started. But things are starting to get laid out on the table. Are we ready for where the rest of this conversation may be going? Thoughts are always appreciated! Onwards and upwards!
JacktheSinister_JaketheJust