Penelope came awake with a start. She had been in the middle of a bad dream, and couldn't startle herself from it. Then, some small noise in her apartment managed to stir her, and she whipped her head around to see Erin was in her living room, straightening up the mess she had left out the previous evening, picking up the bowls that JJ and Emily had forgotten to put away last night. "When did you get a key?" she asked, sleep thickening her voice.
Erin turned to look at her, a startled look on her face. "Oh! You're awake! I was hoping that I could get in and out without waking you. And Derek was kind enough to make me a duplicate key yesterday, after I'd left here. If there's one thing I am good at, it's being a mother hen, just ask my children." She shrugged a little before turning back towards the coffee table, grabbing the glasses before moving from her line of vision.
"You don't have to clean up after me, I can do this on my own," she said as she slipped out of bed and stepped into fuzzy unicorn slippers and threw a silk dressing gown over her thin nightgown, finding her apartment cooler than she liked. Padding out into the living room, she saw that Erin was in front of the sink, filling it with water and soap as she hummed lowly under her breath. "Really, Erin, this is my home, my work."
"I know, but let me be useful to you. Please?"
Penelope knew that she was fighting a losing battle, and so she let her shoulders slump as she nodded. "I suppose that I have to agree to that, after all, you are my mother." Erin chuckled and nodded as Penelope took a seat on the table. "I don't suppose that you brought me coffee?"
"Caffeine isn't good for you this early in the pregnancy. But I could make us a pot of tea. You do have a good selection in your cupboard."
"How would you know that?" she asked, cocking her head to one side.
"I bought your groceries for the week before I came over. Don't worry, I asked Agent Morgan what you liked before I went crazy, and I didn't get anything perishable, but I wanted to make certain you had everything you needed. And when I put them away, I sort of learned the position of where everything is. Would you like some tea?"
"Sure."
"And how about breakfast? Waffles, toast, pancakes?"
"Granola sounds the best this morning, with yogurt. I think there's still some vanilla in the fridge." Erin nodded, and Penelope slipped off the table to grab out bowls and mugs. They worked in almost perfect tandem, which surprised her, since they hadn't been together that often yet. "You are going to eat with me, right?"
"Of course," Erin said as she turned to her and smiled kindly. "How was your sleep last night?"
"Not the best? JJ and Emily didn't leave until about one in the morning, and when I finally settled down into a deep sleep, my dreams were plagued with reminders of what I had lost." She returned the smile sadly before glancing over at the fridge. "I feel adrift?"
"That's to be expected. This loss you've suffered is unimaginable, and you're not going to just get over something like that. Grief is a funny animal, and we can't expect to tame her easily." They sighed in unison, and Penelope found herself so grateful for this time alone with Erin, really getting to know her, away from the questioning gazes of the others.
"I'm glad that you're here," she blurted out, unable to keep the words in any longer.
Erin paused and looked at her, her eyes filling with tears. "And I'm glad you're so open, after this tragedy. When I lost my father, I closed myself off from everyone, even my ex-husband, and I lost something in the process."
Penelope went over to her side and reached out to touch her shoulder, a tremulous smile on her lips. "I think that the upheaval of finding you along with losing Kevin, has made me more open. Because I can't bear to be shut off from everyone I love."
"I know." Erin's eyes had turned a stormy grey, and Penelope drifted in a little closer, letting her mother tug her into a tight hug as they cried together. "I promise, I'm not usually such a crier. This is just such a shock to my system, and I can't control everything like I normally do. Maybe in a week or two, I'll be back to my normal, Ice Queen, self."
"Maybe. But I'll always know this side of you, and I'll keep it close to my heart."
Erin gave her a small smile before turning back to the fridge and pulling out the yogurt. "What would you like to do after breakfast? I should probably hoover a bit, and there's some things to clean in the bathroom. I know that you don't have much time…"
"You're not going to be my servant, Erin. I'll get to those things, I promise."
"Yes, but…"
"No. Let's eat, and then we'll think about what comes next." Erin reluctantly nodded as she rummaged around in the cupboard for her tea caddy. While she was occupied, Penelope started the kettle of water on the stove before taking a seat at the table, resting her head on her hands as she watched Erin. "We're both so stubborn," she said, hoping to break the a little of the tension that had sprung up between them.
"We are. And I have to make allowances for your grief. I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you, however unintentionally."
She slid her hand across the table, palm side up. Erin covered it with her own, and squeezed it softly before pulling her hand back and spooning out some of the yogurt. "If everything was sunshine and roses all the time, we wouldn't know how to deeply love," Penelope murmured as she made her own bowl of yogurt, liberally covering the top with her favorite granola. The kettle began to whistle, and Erin popped to her feet before Penelope could, taking it off the burner and filling their mugs before flipping off the burner and putting the kettle back.
"I agree with you, there," her mother replied, flashing her a winsome smile.
Suddenly, Penelope knew exactly what she wanted to do with the rest of her day, the rest of her week. "You know, I hardly think it's fair that you get to see so much about me, and where I live."
"Yes?"
"I think that I'd like to spend some time in a new environment. Namely, your home, getting to know you and my half-siblings. We wouldn't have to say who I am at first, we could slowly ease them into that idea, but I feel like I need to be somewhere else. There are just…"
"Ghosts?"
She nodded. "Well, do you think I could? Please?"
"If that's what you truly want, then yes." Erin gave her a tender smile before focusing on her food, fishing the tea bag from her mug and setting it on her saucer. "Though I feel like you're going to be bored out of your mind at my place."
"I'll get to know my family better, I don't think that can be boring. And it might help take my mind off the awful truth of my reality. Have, have you heard from any funeral homes yet? I know that these things have to be dealt with right away, but since Kevin's parents haven't contacted me, I feel like I've been out of the loop."
"I haven't heard anything, either. I can make a few inquiries if you'd like?"
"Perhaps. I don't know. I feel like I need to do this for myself. But what if I'm not strong enough?"
"You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Penelope." Erin smiled before taking a slow sip of tea. "But if you don't want me to call, I'm certain that Agent Morgan or Agent Prentiss would do that for you."
Penelope shrugged as she poked at her yogurt. Just as with her meal yesterday, food had no taste, but she knew that she had to keep eating, for the baby, if nothing else. The baby was the last piece of Kevin that she had, and she would do anything to keep them healthy. "We never even went to an ultrasound together," she whispered, fighting back tears.
"Life is a bitch, isn't she?"
Hearing something akin to Emily spill forth from Erin's lips caught her attention quick enough to stem the tears that had been trembling in her eyes, and she let out a great crack of laughter before clapping her hands over her mouth, trying to hold her mirth in, since it didn't seem that appropriate. From the tender look on Erin's face, though, it seemed like it was an entirely fine response. "I never would have thought you to sound like Emily."
"There are depths to me of which you know not," was the swift reply, and Penelope nodded, suddenly feeling a tiny bit better despite everything that was happening around her at that moment.