Chapter 25. Close But No Cigar
A pair of sixty-story silver, red, and black Mega SMART bots prevented the Xiaolin Monks from reaching Chase's palace for quite some time. When a third Mega arrived, the monks were forced to escape the battle and sneak by from a different route in disguise. They had to save a friend before they could go on trying to save the world.
"I hope Dojo is all right," Kimiko muttered, watching her feet as she walked.
"I can't believe the last thing was said to him was 'Dude, you're obsolete'!" Raimundo added.
"Now, don't say that, Rai," said Clay. "He's a pretty clever little dragon- I'm sure he's just fine."
Every looked at Clay with piercingly skeptical expressions.
"Yeah, Chase completely let him just slither out the door," Rai said with dark sarcasm.
"I'm just sayin' that ya never know," Clay muttered, kicking a rock a head of him with each step.
Once they were beyond the patrol of the Mega SMARTs, they noticed that more of Jack's robots had finally made their way into the Land of Nowhere. All the outrageous creatures that had once prowled the forests and canyons were gone or in hiding, and the monks had no trouble- for once- getting to the palace. In fact, they walked right in.
"Hello?" Omi called as they walked through the front entrance. "Anyone home?"
There were no jungle cats to pounce or even glare down at them.
"Where is everyone?" Kimiko asked.
"Well, judgin' by the SMART bots outside and the gaping hole that was once the front gates, I'd say Jack's been here," Clay said sarcastically, tipping his hat back with his thumb.
"But, it doesn't look like there was a fight," Rai pointed out.
"Showdowns don't leave any wreckage," said Kimiko.
"Yeah, but I do not think Chase Young would enter a Xiaolin Showdown," Omi reminded them of Chase's low opinion of Wu. "Not unless there was a very important Shen Gong Wu…"
"Yeah, anyway," Raimundo interrupted, "Chase is gone, and so are his cats. No one has seen Seek Patience in, like, a week, so let's just FIND DOJO!"
Back on track, the monks spilt up to search the palace. Clay searched the dungeons while Kim and Rai searched for the stock room where Chase kept his potion. The door to his horde, though, was probably designed by the same people who keep the Declaration of Independence locked up and required a grand total of ten dial combinations and hand-print identification to open.
"I wouldn't want to find Dojo in there, anyway," Rai admitted bleakly after he and Kimiko stared at the door for about a minute.
Meanwhile, Omi wandered through the main rooms of the palace, searching for clues to what happened to both Dojo and Chase. All he found, however, was Good Seek.
He found her in a room of the palace he had never seen before. It was a semi-circle room, with one flat wall with tall, south-facing stain glass windows, and one arched wall that was lined with dozens of narrow mirrors. And the floor was just about invisible under all the jungle cats. They were everywhere, lazing in the sunlight or napping with their tails over their noses. And, in the very center of it all, facing the sunny windows, was an overstuffed easy chair.
"Um…hello?" Omi called out meekly. The second after he said this he realized that it was a stupid thing to get the attention of a hundred-plus sleeping jungle cats. But, to his surprise, they barely paid any attention to him.
"Hello? Someone there?" came a familiar but new voice. Gook Seek looked up from her book and peered around the back of her big chair. "Oh, hello," she said sweetly. "Are you looking for Chase? He's not here right now."
Omi slowly raised one eyebrow and twiddled his fingers a little.
"Pardon my asking, but who are you?"
In three extremely carefully placed jumps, Omi was beside the armchair. Good Seek explained the whole story- AGAIN!- in her cheery disposition and waited calmly for everything to quit swirling in Omi's big head.
"Oh, this is most unexpected," he muttered. "So, do you know what happened to Dojo?"
She didn't.
"I'm sure Chase knows, though," she assured him.
A big cat stirred beside Omi and he was forced to leap onto the back of Seek's chair as it swung a deadly paw through the air with a yawn.
"Now, aren't you just adorable?" Good Seek said with a quiet laugh. "Aren't you the one who's an orphan? That's just so sad." Seek paused, seeing Omi eye the cats. "Oh, here," he said. She twisted around in her chair to reach up, lift Omi, and let him sit on the broad arm of the chair. "Don't worry about them," she said calmly. "I fed them all until they could take no more and let them all know there was no need to be violent ever again."
"What happened to Chase?"
Good Seek went on to explain the whole, full story to Omi as best she knew. But, near the end, she paused abruptly and beamed at Omi. "You know," she said, starting another subject, "it's a shame that you had to start out by meeting Evil Seek. I certainly seemed evil at this point in my life. I used to be more like this, as I am right now, but that was a long time ago. But, my dark side became predominant and suddenly there was no time for anything as simple as friends or family. She was so obsessed with work and her studies that she never let anyone so much as buy her drink!"
"Why are you telling me this?" Omi asked quickly, a little confused.
"Because," Good Seek laughed slowly, "we're both missing the other half of our lives! And I don't mean Evil Seek. I, personally, would turn a cartwheel to have a family of my own, but…Oh well. I guess some people just…"
"I know what you mean," Omi replied. "For a long time, having a mother and a father was only in the rear of my mind. But, after all the new monks came to the temple, every New Year I noticed more and more just how much I longed for a real family." Omi paused and recalled the cruel and misleading plot of fake robot parents that left him with mild emotional scarring. "But, I have Master Fung and the other monks…"
Suddenly, and quite spontaneously, both Good Seek and Omi burst into a flood of tears and lonesome cries that stirred most of the cats.
Clay, Kimiko, and Raimundo met back up near the entrance.
"Anything?"
"Nothing."
"Where's Omi."
Before anyone could even shrug, they heard the cries from the semi-circle room.
They went on a wild goose chase through the palace trying to find that one room, but it was well hidden. They lost the sound of voices to guide them, so they were lost within a few minutes.
But, luckily, one of the tigers found them. This was the first time such an encounter had ever been 'lucky'.
By the time they found Omi, it had been nearly ten minutes; plenty of time for plans to be plotted.
"Oh, good, you are here!" Omi exclaimed, running up to them quite excitedly. He wore the biggest, most sincere grin they had even seen, and his very essence just seemed joyful. "You must meet Good Seek! She is going to help us stop Jack Spicer! And, after this is all done, she is coming back to the temple so I will finally have a mother figure!"
After a moment for the perplexed and mystified expressions, the situation was again explained, along with the fact that Good Seek would never lift a finger in battle.
"I know where the YinYang yoyo is," she told them, "but I won't risk going back into the YinYang world: I do not want to ever be Evil Seek again. My dark side is defiantly in the YinYang world and, if you can get her to come out, she'll stop Jack."
Omi bounced up and hugged Good Seek.
"Isn't she the boon?"
"Bomb."
"Yes, and that," Omi laughed.
"Actually, Omi, 'boon' kind of works," Good Seek said as she rested him on her hip. This little piece of information just brightened Omi's day that much more.
"Omi," Kimiko said, holding out her hand, "we don't have time to stop Jack. We need to find Dojo!"
"Oh," Good Seek said, "the only way you're going to find Dojo is if you ask Chase. But, you'll have to get to Jack to do that. He's got Chase locked up. I'm sure Chase would trade Dojo back if you freed him."
Kimiko, Clay, and Rai smacked their hands to their foreheads and either sighed or groaned.
"Aw, now we hafta get all tangled up with the other villains again…why can't this just be one simple, straightforward rescue mission?" Clay complained.
"Because then it wouldn't be interesting," Rai answered flatly. "All right," he turned back to Good Seek, "where's the YinYang yoyo? Let's go convince Eva Braun- I mean Erzsebet Bathory- I mean Seek Patience!- to help us beat Jack."
Good Seek led them through the palace with Omi still clinging to her hip and a trail of about a dozen jungle cats behind. The statue where Chase hid his Wu was already shattered with only the base remaining.
"Yeah, he's already cleaned out," Rai said flatly.
"Ah, appearances are a glimpse of the unseen.," Seek said sagely. "That's from Aeschylus."
Reaching down into the cavity of the statue, Seek lifted the false bottom to reveal four more Wu.
"The Yin and Yang yoyo," she said as she handed them out to the monks, "the Hero Glass, and the Honest Argot. That last one is sort of an oxymoron, I know, but I'm sure something was lost in translation."
"Why is it an oxymoron?" asked Clay.
"Well, that Wu forces people to tell the truth, no matter what, and an 'argot' is like what Dr. Seuss would use- it's kind of a special slang or saying…"
"And what's the other one?" Raimundo demanded. "And how come we've never heard of any of these before? How did we miss them?"
"The other one," Seek said, "transforms a person for one whole day into their absolute prime self. Physically and mental, they turn into the ideal warrior or…well, the ideal whatever their profession is."
"I'll bet we missed them," Kimiko thought out loud, inspecting the Hero Glass, "because Chase probably knew where Dashi hid a lot of them, so he got to them first and deactivated them too quickly for Dojo to notice."
"Thanks for clearing that up, Walter Cronkite," said Rai. "So! Enough of that! Let's get Seek Patience out here and give Jack a whippin'!"
"Good luck, kids," Good Seek said as she unhooked Omi from her side and set him on the ground.
"Jungle cats," Omi said as he touched down, "make sure nothing happens to Good Seek while we're gone!"
"Are we all set to go?" Clay asked, putting the Yin and Yang yoyos together.
Everyone nodded.
"YinYang yoyo!"
A spiraling portal to the other dimension opened for them, and all four leapt through. They left the Hero Glass and Honest Argot with Good Seek, knowing that the Wu would probably malfunction in the YinYang world anyway.
As usual, they were only outlines of their selves until the rolling smoke of the other world swept over them. The four then turned that odd reddish color. They started walking, though they were not entirely sure where to begin looking.
"How the heck are we going to find her?" Raimundo asked, looking around at the bizarre world that never ceased to confuse.
"We should try calling her office," Kimiko laughed.
"Yeah, let's make an appointment for a root canal!" Rai joked back. "That'll get her attention."
"You two! Concentrate!" Omi snapped, pointing at them accusingly. "Every moment we squander, Jack becomes stronger!"
"Dude, he already took over the world! He can't get much more powerful than that!"
"You know what I mean!"
They pressed on through the YinYang world, wandering for some time without any actual progress. Once in a while, something bizarre and ridiculous would happen, such as Kimiko suddenly being launched in the air like a rocket or an enormous, serpentine creature swimming by in rolling arches through what they thought was solid ground (if there is such a thing in the YinYang world).
They even found the prison where Hannibal Bean had been locked up for so long. The place, however, was destroyed. Nothing but gray rubble and shattered glass remained. It seemed to have collapsed from within, presumably once Hannibal left the YinYang world. Its only purpose had been to contain him, after all.
Eventually, they wandered all the way up to the endless halls of bottle Chi. The shelves closed in around them, but they didn't dare touch. The Chi Creature, after all, came crawling down the side of a tall shelf to glare at them.
"It better leave us alone," Kimiko muttered, watching the snarling, freakish thing out the corner of her eye. It made strange hissing and gargling noises at them the whole time.
"Y'know, I was going to suggest that we just grab Seek's Chi and give it to Good Seek to return her to normal," Raimundo admitted, "but I don't think that's a good idea."
"Not at all," Clay agreed.
"Especially," Omi half growled, "because we would lose Good Seek!"
Rai just rolled his eyes, but Omi didn't see it.
Eventually, they traveled up to get away from the Chi halls, and the Chi Creature. This, though, left them with no idea of where to search next.
"The YinYang world may be a wild and unpredictable place," Clay began, scratching under his hat, "but it seems to be mostly barren flatland. Or, somethin' like it."
"Might want to save that thought," Kimiko exclaimed, pointing towards a moving light in the distance.
They never found out what it was, but it came on fast. The thing, some kind of dragon-like creature, was writing and spinning through the air like a scrap of material in the wind. It was glowing with an intense light, making it seem larger than it actually was. It shot by like a bullet, disappearing into the distance just as fast as it came. They all cried out and tried to jump out of the way, but it was like a train off its track.
Whatever it was, it knocked Raimundo down and left him clutching his jaw in pain.
"Ah! What the hell was that? I think it knocked my tooth out!"
At his words, a heavy mahogany desk dropped down just a few feet behind him, literally out of nowhere. They all stared at it for a moment, very confused. Then, after a several second pause, a stack of papers appeared on top of it. Then, a little quicker this time, a green-shaded reading lamp appeared, followed quickly by a pen set, more papers, a paper weight, a computer, some books, and a phone. Without even waiting, a carpet seemed to grow out from below the desk, and walls sprouted up all around, welding together on top to form the ceiling. There was a tall potted plant in one corner, a dartboard on a wall, and a display of framed certificates on the opposite wall. Finally, four chairs appeared in a puff of smoke, inviting them to sit.
For all they could see, the monks might as well have been in an office anywhere in the world, but certainly not one in the YinYang world.
Then, lastly, came the black, cushioned office chair behind the desk, also in a puff of YinYang smoke. Sitting casually in the chair, already bent over paperwork, decked out in her usual pinstripe three-piece, was Seek Patience.
"You called?" she asked calmly without looking up. The room was very dark, as the only light came from her lamp and computer screen. She had a cigar clenched in her teeth, but she hadn't lit it yet.
There was no response for a moment as the monks tried to take in the complete change in scenery. After a few seconds, though, Clay pulled his wits together.
"Uh, yeah, Miss Patience," he said, approaching her desk, "we got ourselves in a bit of a pickle. Actually, it's us, and the whole world."
"Jack Spicer's taken over the world," Omi cried out, jumping up on the desk and standing next to the lamp. At least this way he was about the same height as the others.
Patience leaned back in her chair, looking up at them for the first time. She took the cigar out of her mouth and held it to the side, her elbow on the armrest.
"Jack took over the world?" she repeated slowly. "I take it he figured out how to build SMART bots?"
"And then some!" Kimiko exclaimed. "Not only that, but he used the Master Pen to make a single Shen Gong Wu with the power of all the others."
"Yeah, and then he, like, multiplied himself with the Ring of Nine Dragons and the Reversing Mirror. So did Meg Kake. Now there are four super Jacks, and nine cooperative Megs. It's freaky."
Patience considered this for a moment, shifting in her chair.
"What about Chase Young?" she asked intently.
"Out a' the game," Clay answered. "Jack locked him in the Sphere of Yun. I think he might have all the other villains, too."
Something about this news tickled Patience, and she had to curl forward a little in laughter.
"Oh, kudos to Jack!" she laughed. "So, what? You need me to stop those robots?"
They all nodded, more or less. Raimundo kind of gave an admitting shrug, and Kimiko rolled her eyes.
Seek looked at her cigar and adjusted the chain linking to her pocket watch.
"Well, boys and girls, I'm afraid you're only covering half the game plan."
"What do you mean?" Omi asked.
Seek put her feet up on the desk- she was wearing really nice shoes- and inspected her cigar for the moment.
"Let me lay the whole situation out for you as clearly as I possibly can. I hate Jack, Jack is afraid of me. Chase hates Jack, but now Jack is cocky and thinks Chase can't touch him. I hate Chase, but I am now unfortunately bound to him, thanks to Jack. So, the easiest thing for me to do would be to melt all Jack's robots, free Chase, gang up on Jack to take away the Omni-Wu and Master Pen, and then double cross Chase. But, I can't do that while I'm trapped in the YinYang world. And, what's more, my clock is ticking. I don't have much time left before that God forsaken potion wears off again and I turn back into a raging dragon. So," she finished, "what are the little monks to do?"
The monks looked to one another slowly. It was true that they couldn't trust this Evil Seek, but she would stop Jack. But, once she stopped Jack, who would take his place?
"Now, surely you can come up with something," she grinned. She looked back to her cigar, and, just for the fun of it, glanced to Kimiko. "Hey, Fire girl. Gotta light?"
Kimiko gave an angry sigh and snapped her fingers. There was a delay, but after just a second the end of Seek's cigar lit up and began burning at a low, even smolder.
Just then, Omi spoke up and retold Seek what Good Seek had spoken of not too long ago.
"Seek Patience," he said sternly. "You were once a Xiaolin Monk, and you are still the Dragon of Metal, whether you like it or not."
Seek rolled her eyes and glared to the side.
"You can stop all of Jack's robots," he went on, "but the only way to defeat his limitless Shen Gong Wu is for all six Dragons to form together in the completed Dragon Deity formation. As we are, we complete only the Dragons breath, blood, talons, and wings. We need its body and soul to be all-powerful. That is the key to finally stopping Jack Spicer!"
Seek tapped the ashes off the end of her cigar, moving in a slow way that suggested deep thought.
"Close, but no cigar," she said finally. She got to her feet and put one hand behind her back. "The hyperactive empress of raves happens to be the life of the party and the Dragon of Light, and she has zero training. She could never pull off a Dragon move. Ever. Not as she is now. Plus, even if she could, why would she fight Jack…"
Seek stopped suddenly and stared straight ahead. The others watched her profile for a moment, thinking she had just come upon an incredible idea.
Suddenly, Seek's cigar dropped to the floor and a violent shudder ran through her whole body. She almost dropped to one knee, grabbing onto the edge of her desk. She appeared to be in pain for a few moments, but she gradually recovered and dropped back into her chair.
"Holy shit…" she muttered, resting her shaking forearms on her thighs. "No wonder Chase is always pissed. That's so painful."
"Did you just almost turn into a dragon?" Kimiko asked, staring wide-eyed.
"No, just those dang menstrual cramps again. Here's yer sign."
Seek recovered fully and stood, leaning on her desk with both hands.
"All right, you little punks," she said with what they could tell was just dark sarcasm, the kind your math teacher uses, "I refuse to turn back into a dragon. But, I also refuse to either become dependent on Chase or fight him again. So, if you help me get the Master Pen back, I'll help you defeat Jack…"
"Oh, no," Raimundo interrupted, stepping forward. "I know how you evil types work. A few choice words will get you around legitimate agreements! There'll be no backstabbing here! You will destroy all of Jack's SMARTs. Then, you and Nutmeg Kake will fight alongside us to defeat his Shen Gong Wu. Only after peace and order has been restored to earth will you get your hands on the Master Pen. And, even after that, you have to swear that you won't try to take over the world."
"Listen, circus freak," Seek said slowly, leaning in towards him, "I could change back into a dragon and whip all your weakling asses to hell and back again, take the YinYang yoyo, and do whatever the hell I want. But, I'm not going to. I have my agenda, you have yours, and mine has nothing to do with world conquest. Got it?"
Raimundo and Seek glared at each other with such intensity that Omi had to shove Rai to break them apart.
"No! We have no time to negotiate and make rules to worry about breaking them!" Omi ordered. "We all want to stop Jack Spicer- that is our common goal!" As Omi jumped down from the desk, the office evaporated in a puff of YinYang smoke. "Plus," he said as he took out the YinYang yoyo, "I think I know how Meg Kake can learn her Dragon's Soul powers right away, and also how we can get her to fight alongside us!"