A/N: Wow, this week's been crazy! Sorry for the wait, RL is being a pain in the proverbial right now but I'm determined not to let that affect my writing this story. At the moment I think I'm updating every other week or so which makes it easier to combine it with school and everything that's been going on demanding my time, hope that works for you guys too! ;) Huge thank you to the favs/follows/reviews!
Robinbird79:Oh it's going to bite them all right, any time now.. hihi I'm so happy you enjoyed the last chapter with Balin's cheeky hinting even though Edúr was still kind of clueless haha and I wanted for Thorin to show her a different side of himself so I totally played the 'cute-toddler-with-broken-toy' card there ;) Thank you for continuing to read and review this story, I appreciate it!
Sophia Kaiba:You might get your wish... No promising though, those are two very stubborn dwarves after all.. ;p Thanks for the review!
Amadeusan:The fact that you're pleased makes me totally pleased too! :) Hope you'll like this chapter too and thanks for your review!
LazyLovedIt:I'm glad you liked Bard&Tilda, even though it was only a brief appearance I hope both were in-character enough, and you're right, he definitely picked up on the fact that Thorin has a soft spot for a certain dwarrowmaiden. And on that note, a certain dwarf king might finally get a whole lot closer to connecting the dots himself on that score.. :) Thanks for another review!
Angie:It always puts a smile on my face to read your reviews! It made me feel grateful when you mentioned those things about Thorin&Edúr as well as Tilda and Balin, makes me more confident that I'm somehow managing to do justice to their characters seeing that at the end of the day I'm basically borrowing them from Tolkien ;) I wasn't sure if Balin was too direct but I feel as Thorin's trusted friend and advisor he can't help but want to push him, and let's face it Thorin needs to be pushed because he's too stubborn to move on his own accord haha And between you and me I don't think it was just Edúr who fell more and more for Thorin when he fixed that toy for Tilda, when I was picturing that scene before writing it I couldn't help but grin and bite my lip like a lovesick teenager, haha And maybe that 'wonder' might just be around the corner…
coldie voldie:Thank you for such an amazing review! It means the world to me when someone tells me they're really liking the story and especially recognize the effort that goes into it, that's super motivating to hear! I loved the way Thorin's descent into madness because of the gold sickness was portrayed in the movies, which makes me sound like a cruel person I guess, haha, so I wanted to play with that in this story but even though they haven't fully understood what's going on (yet!) between them I hope the fact that Edúr is there to help him get better acquits me of the heinous crime of enjoying his (and her) struggle a little too much ;) Also thanks for wishing me luck on my exams, boy did I need all the luck I could get.. but I actually passed them (miracles happen, yaaay!)!
Disclaimer: All rights go to the brilliant Professor Tolkien and super duper awesome director Peter Jackson ;)
Chapter XXV
LOOKING around her, the abundance of space gave her and her nephew's new abode a hollow feeling she hoped would be of short duration. It was surreal to think her ancestors right up to her own parents had lived in these chambers, never expecting to have to leave it, least of all by banishment, though the coming of the Dragon would have inevitably forced to them to abandoned their home not long after. Despite having placed rugs on the stone floors and hanging tapestries on the bare walls the footsteps of her guests and her own still echoed a little as they followed her completing her round of the Main Chamber. It was hexagonal in shape, with high ceilinged corridors branching of at every corner like spokes on a wheel. If you stepped through these arched entrances you would come to four sparsely furnished bedrooms, a spacious servants' quarters and one small kitchen with a stone table where these would have prepared food and drink for the family as well as eaten their own meals.
Now, with only herself and Niam living here they prepared their own food most of the time and ate it in the kitchen with the one servant Lady Dís had insisted they bring with them from their Guest Quarters. Edúr had changed little in the room where her cradle stood apart from cleaning it thoroughly, and she and her nephew had each taken a bedroom adjoining the other and even though they still had to return to the Main Chamber and turn into the next corridor sharing a wall somehow made both feel they were close enough to be comfortable in the spacious living quarters intended for a larger family of Nobles. The Main Chamber in its own turn was, with its large, lavishly engraved fireplace and broad, marble sofa and chairs, simply too big for them and they too small for it to spend much time there, though Morkai relished the chance to spread his wings in it and hop in and out of the row of tall windows.
Standing in front of these now, with their shutters closed against the cold, reminded her once again of the narrow slits of the Main Hall of her Clan's Keep in the North. Her home...Was it that still? It was strangely unnerving that they really had moved back in, that a place of decay and sadness had been made livable again. That these chambers within the City of Erebor belonged to the House of Agor once more, their honor as well as their home restored. It was now free of soot, of the blackened marks and scars, and the cracks in the walls and the pockmarked floor had been mended and cleared of debris. It filled her with a fervid longing to stay, an emotion that was wreaking havoc with her loyalty towards her barafazrâf, towards her adad.. But she would be a fool to deny the effect Thorin's words had had on her...
Nearly four weeks had passed since her visit to New Dale, and yet in her thoughts she constantly went back to that one day, especially that one moment, which she had shared with him. After their return to Erebor her time had mostly been swallowed up by her work on the South Wing and no matter how rewarding it was to have that task finally completed, it was equally if not more frustrating that she could not put her finger on that restless feeling she had whenever she remembered what he had said, when she felt again his closeness to her, his fingers nearing her heart and how it clenched in a similar way as when he had retreated them at the last moment..
Edúr more than once had remonstrated herself inwardly for she had no reason to feel neglected by Thorin after their trip. After all, she had seen him almost every day when he came to inquire of Bifur how the repairs were progressing, confessing to her one time he also preferred this part of the Lonely Mountain seeing he wanted to get away from all the Nobles, the Council and even his own Sister who, according to the annoyed King, were all pestering him about the preparations for the Coronation, now but two days away. Balin had been with him too on most of these inspections though for some reason he usually kept to the side and turned to Ori or Bifur -or both at the same time- pointing at something and requiring their explanations, suggestions or advice, she was not sure which, leaving her standing with Thorin.
Edúr soon realized she enjoyed those brief moments for although they would not say much and just amble along satisfied with each other's silent company, it only took one look at his face whenever he would not notice to have her vividly remember how he had stood opposite her and spoke those words..
And yet, when they did sometimes exchange a few words it seemed to be on any topic but New Dale. It confused her that he would not talk of it when there was not any other subject she wanted to talk about more. Not that she knew how she would react if he would, but the longing for Thorin to do so was starting to drive her mad and she more than once cursed her own seeming inability to bring it up herself. It made her feel trapped between so many conflicting emotions it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Let alone to know how to control them and not the other way around and be at their cruel mercy. Perhaps she should not wish this strongly to talk of it for it had greatly unbalanced her, especially his words that this was her home too. It scared her how much she wanted that to be true.. And yet, she still did not know if it was. If it could be. How could it when the fate of her Father was still unknown to her? When she was not sure if what she felt for Thorin had to do with the fact that she had grown loyal to a King she had despised before ever meeting him. But was that all there was to it? They simply had gotten to know each other better? Or was there more.. Did she want there to be more..?
Edúr was brought back to the present which she had drifted away from to such a degree she had forgotten all about her the two Dwarves with her when one of them spoke in her commanding yet graceful tone, "Are you planning to come in, Brother, or will you prefer to continue hovering on the threshold with ears strained as you have been for a while now?"
Lady Dís' words made her swivel around to face both her and Balin, they had come to admire and praise the transformation she, Ori and Bifur and his Carvers had brought about. The two of them had seemingly carried on their pleasant conversation even when she had unconsciously lost track of it some time ago rather than pull her from her thoughts. A fate she could no longer escape now that Dís clasped her hands together and turned with earrings tinkling to the door which stood ajar. Heartrate increasing Edúr swallowed in an attempt to keep her nerves from rising to the surface when it was slowly pushed further open and Thorin entered, long, black hair framing his strong, chiseled cheekbones and an unreadable expression on his face.
The pitch of her tone an octave higher than usual Dís greeted him with a radiant smile that appeared almost victorious, "What a pleasant surprise to have you join us, nadad. I take it your meeting with Lord Dâr ended early?"
Thorin nodded absentmindedly and strode over, clenching his teeth as he did so. Of course his Sister had been aware of his presence. He cursed the fact that he had given her an opportunity to make him appear as if he had been lurking about outside on purpose, impolitely eavesdropping like a too curious Dwarrowling with bad manners. And he felt even more annoyed at the realization that only half of that was a lie. He had fully intended to knock and enter the moment he had arrived but hearing Edúr speak in a voice both grave and light as she had talked to Balin and Dís of moving with her nephew to the South Wing had rooted him to the spot. He had not meant to listen in on her words without revealing himself but had apparently done just that.
Her iron-cast determination that had spurred her to restore her Clan's chambers was inspiring and the fragility of her hope to one day truly call Erebor home made Thorin want to barge inside and assure her he would do anything in his power to make this come true. And so, when Edúr had fallen silent after this declaration and he could vaguely hear Balin's kind response and his Sister's support, his thoughts had wandered. It was impossible not to be reminded of the words he had spoken to her in New Dale, causing a spark of hope within him to urge his heart to increase its steady beating as he dared to belief it was this moment that had been foremost in her mind as well when she had spoken thus just now. Thorin felt light with that soaring sensation as he carefully entertained the idea that perhaps he had not been the only one to have replayed that moment all these weeks.. And he had been thinking back on it. At the most inconvenient of times too. When he had been reading contracts and almost signing them only to realize he had not absorbed any of its content and had to start all over again. When he had attended meetings with his Council, missing out on what he suspected had been half of what the Members on it had said. When he had welcomed the flux of Dwarven families having hastened their return for the sole purpose of being able to attend the formal crowning of the King of their old and reclaimed home of Erebor.
Thorin did not know how long he had been standing there, one hand resting against the half opened door leading to the House of Agor's Chambers until it was suddenly only Balin and Dís talking and he heard the latter calling out to him. In fact, at that precise moment he had once again been distracted by the echoes of that very memory of New Dale, as if his heart was steering his mind back in that direction on purpose, just as he had been when he had been going over some dispute within his Court with Lord Dâr and had cut it short so he could finally visit Edúr in the South Wing, hoping she would be there. Though he wisely did not mention that detail as he finally stepped inside and answered his Sister, "You still have the ears of a fox, nana'.. And yes, we reached an agreement sooner than expected."
"Indeed." Was her short reply, somehow she had always possessed that unsettling talent to have one word sound both as a statement to neutral bystanders as well as a stinging question to his ears alone. As a result Thorin did not need the subtle and barely perceptible arching of one brow to know she challenged the truth of what he had said. He should have realized that Lord Dâr's reputation for being obstinate and rather longwinded in his speeches along with his own dogged refusal to give in to the Dwarf provided her with more than enough reason for that. Deciding that the best policy was to ignore all this he simply went on in his own defense for her preceding accusation, spoken in jest or not, "And I did not hover outside listening without making my presence known, as you put it, but was simply unsure whether I would be intruding now that the lady Edúr had guests already." He prayed to Mahal that had sounded convincing enough for all Dwarves present though he feared for a moment that he had not been able to keep the disappointment he felt at not finding her alone from his voice.
"Guests you have known your entire life and would not object to you joining them, nor would you I am sure, lass?" Balin remarked cheerily, deliberately drawing Edúr into the conversation when she had up to now not stirred and yet appeared unmistakably restless all the same. His heart instantly started to hammer against his ribs.Should he not have come..?
Edúr soon shook her head, looking at Balin rather than at him but the motion had relief instantly spread through him nonetheless, "No, of course not."
With a considerable amount of will power Thorin restrained the smile that came to his lips, he was well aware of Dís observing him a little too closely though she was pretending not to. Finally, what seemed to him infinitely longer than the brief silence it must have been, she cleared her throat, moving away as she spoke, "Well, seeing that you are here.. Balin, would you be so kind and come with me to the Council Chamber now Thorin no longer has need for it? I wish to consult with you on seating arrangements for the ceremony, as you know you are more patient with making sure the proper hierarchy is observed, I would not wish to slight any of the Nobles for we need their continuing support."
"I will gladly assist you my Lady, together with your more acute awareness of their sensitivities, I am sure we can work things out between us." Balin was quick to reply, adding warmly while dipping his head and bending his back in his bouncy sort of bow in Edúr's direction, "We thank you for your hospitality, my dear. Be assured we will both gladly return often to your new residence."
"And I would be happy to receive you." She told him, smiling at Dís too who tilted her head with her usual elegance in goodbye before she and Balin made for the door. Seeing through her -or perhaps both of their- scheme Thorin nevertheless stepped aside to let them through, knowing even though his Sister might not that he had overheard how she and his Councilor had been discussing seating arrangements already at great length during dinner yesterday. Seeing Ori, Bifur and Edúr had been too busy with finishing up their work in the South Wing to have attended it and he had only half participated in Dwalin and Dain's talk of a new design for axes, had caused him to involuntarily pay attention to that discussion. Wondering to himself if, looking back, he was indeed showing all the signs of becoming a habitual eavesdropper the sound of the heavy door falling into place again made him stir and direct himself to Edúr instead.
"It seems I am the last to congratulate you on fulfilling such an arduous and honorable task as this." He said casting a pleased look around the large room, not caring he sounded every bit as proud of her as he felt, "I am sorry I could not come and see it for myself before now."
"Had you come but an hour earlier and it would not have been fit to be seen." She hastened to assure him of the needlessness of his regret.
"You have done admirably." He told her, reveling in the myriad of tiny sparks that lit up in the depths of her blue eyes because of his praise, adding with heartfelt sincerity, "I know what it is like to have to build a new life. It took me a long while to consider the Blue Mountains as home after losing my real one, but I did.."
Thorin simply regarded her as a silence enveloped them afterwards. A tentative smile played around the corners of her mouth but there was something missing. Those little lights slowly but inevitably receded from her eyes again, leaving a wavering uncertainty in their wake. His heart becoming twice its usual weight, Thorin felt a surge of hurt go through him when he realized what she must be thinking of.
"Do not worry about a future without purpose now that this is finished." He hastened to put her mind at ease, her visible comfort at hearing him say this at once lifting that heavy feeling that had pressed unforgivingly on his chest, "We will find something that suits you. I will do everything I can to assure you have a future here. With me. With us, that is. All of us.."
For a moment her eyes widened and he felt an enthralling tingle shooting up his spine now it instantly replaced the self-reproach he had been on the verge of embarking on when he had spoken so unambiguously no matter how he had tried to amend for it by emphasizing not just he himself but everyone of the Company, his Sister too, would always support her.
Edúr folded her hands together, a grateful smile finally and truly breaking through, lighting up her entire face, "Thank you."
Thorin instinctively gave in to the impulse to mirror that enticing curve of her lips, those whispered words that had passed it releasing yet another barrage of thrills to travel through his entire body but he would not stop them. He could not stop them.. And for the first time he realized he really did not want them to either..
She trembled under his intense gaze, feeling as connected to him as she had when he had guided her across the square upon their arrival in New Dale. But the sensation had, if possible, grown even stronger as she now understood it as something she had harbored inside for a much longer time. It had been there, ever stirring in her chest and slowly taking over her heart more and more with every moment she had spent in his presence. Thorin continued to look at her but something in the way his eyes narrowed told her he was pondering on something, perhaps even weighing whether or not to voice his next thoughts. It filled her with sheer rapture to see him one moment exuding what had seemed unbridled confidence then the next to hesitate slightly, brightened gray eyes cutting back from left to right. She should not take delight in watching him struggle to find the right words. But she did..
"You will come?" He finally asked her, the slight furrowing of her brows enough to prompt him to elaborate further, "To the Coronation, I mean. There is a feast after the ceremony. I would be honored should you attend both."
"If you wish it." She accepted the invitation evenly, relishing how Thorin at first opened his mouth, confusion briefly marring his looks before he saw through her teasing. Instead of saying something, no doubt feeling that would be too much of a reward for testing him, he growled his approval, a deep reverberating sound scraping the back of his throat and making his eyes glistening with pleasure. Her courage almost failed her at perceiving it no matter how emboldened she had felt but a moment ago. Edúr was sure her face must be burning a revealing red but, ignoring the glow she felt on her cheeks, she attempted to regain control of her befuddled mind and steer the conversation into safer waters, "I assume the preparations are all but finished?"
This time her apparent bashfulness made it his turn to gloat, "Yes. Yes they are. Mahal be thanked." He huffed out a laugh, though there was a hint of apologetic uneasiness as he went on, "Though I have tried to steer clear from them, no doubt shirking my responsibilities as ruler. Nevertheless, I'm told the decorations in the Gallery are surpassing legend already."
"You have not seen this for yourself yet?" She probed cautiously.
Thorin shook his head in something close to defeat, making her heart throb all the more painfully all of a sudden, "No, I have not. The floor of the Gallery.. It- It holds a particularly unpleasant memory for me.. And with it covered wholly in gold.." His voice trailed off, seemingly sobering him as he confessed, "I have not been there all these past weeks. Thought it best not to tempt myself.."
His honesty made Edúr reign in her own playfulness, a sincere wish to somehow offer him the same kind of support he had promised her in finding a future task for her here in Erebor taking its place, "Would you not rather face what you fear now? Together.."
"You would accompany me?" The slight tremor in his voice seemed to betray the genuine surprise as well as the hopeful gratitude she saw reflected in his eyes at her suggestion. While she understood his hesitance to be born from a regard for her safety and his own turmoil at the prospect of a sea of gold underfoot as all of his people, hundreds of Dwarves, would all look at him, it did cause a stab to go through her heart. It hurt her more than she cared to admit out loud that he would see all of that as a reason to fear she would not offer her help when she had promised to do so from that very first moment she had found him suffering from Dragon Sickness. It was not that even though she had seen him at his worst she still now offered her help. It was because she had seen the strongest Dwarf she knew weakened and yet not give up that she offered it to him again, longing for him to accept, "I would." She answered him, determination seeping into her voice, "I will."
Allowing her resolve to take control she clenched her fists as she walked passed him, only looking back expectantly once she had reached the door. The challenging grin on her face finally convinced Thorin to follow and he came over with firm strides, pushing the heavy stone door further open and holding it for her so she could step outside first. Edúr was sure she would not soon get enough of the fervid satisfaction she experienced now he had obeyed her, how he had instinctively understood her subtle waiting for him and come without having to think about it twice. He fell into step next to her and together they set out with equally purposeful treads though it required most of their attention to weave their way through the crowded halls and passageways when everywhere Dwarves were running to and fro, busy as they were with the final preparations. With all of the surrounding activity also came the distinct advantage that no one paid them any heed so they managed not to lose their way or each other as they made for the Gallery of Kings and before long they had crossed through half of Erebor to arrive there.
As she stepped over the threshold and into the deserted and vast Gallery beyond, her shoulder grazed Thorin's as he froze in his tracks and remained behind. Edúr took a few steps before turning around, the sight of him standing determined yet unmistakably wary a mesmerizing one to behold. He looked once again effortlessly regal, as if it was in his very bones and he could not but appear so. He was wearing a dark, high-collared overcoat with golden thread along the edges weaving intricate patterns as they crawled up the lower part of his sleeves too that were made of cuffs which were simple leather bands while his two fine braids mingled with his raven black hair, the two silver beads gleaming in the warm, yellowish glow shining up from below. He swayed slightly, grasping the marble pillar next to him to keep standing though his eyes widened as they took in the immense vastness of pure gold stretching out before his feet, making him waver and sink to one knee.
"I am sorry for involving you in this.. For having you bear this burden with me.." He said in a raw, regretful voice, his expression earnest, sad even.
"It is not." She answered him, not knowing why she felt so calm but reveling in that new found sense of security and purpose all the same. Thorin made a soft guttural noise that came from deep within, jaw flexing as he looked fixedly at her, demanding her to be honest with him and not spare his feelings.
Edúr nodded in serene compliance, taking a deep breath as she readied herself for what she wanted, perhaps even needed, to say to him, "It is not a burden I cannot bear. I am stronger than I look, or so my father always told me, and I needed to be told that, especially after.. After the death of amad."
Thorin's shoulders tensed ever so slightly but he steadily held her gaze as she went on, a knot in her stomach that had always been there unraveling now it was the first time after many long years since she had told anyone of this, "One day when I was still very young she did not come back from a patrol. They had been overrun.. There simply had been too many Orcs for them to win but rather than retreat, to return and get reinforcements that would give away the position of our Keep, they stood their ground and fought. Fought until the end. None of them returned. She did not return." Edúr swallowed down a lump in her throat, forcing her voice to come out strong afterwards, "I did not talk for days, hid in a corner of my room. And then my father came, held out his hand to me, took mine in his own and pulled me to my feet. He supported me in his strong arms and swirled me around in a dance with just the two of us that made me believe my fresh grief would be bearable one day. He made me laugh again, made me feel alive again, not give in to cower for fear of the sadness and anger in my heart. For the first time in my life you make me feel proud, hopeful, that I can live up to my father's expectation, prove him right in his steadfast belief in my strength. He lent me his when I needed it. Let me do the same for you now."
A pleading edge to her words Edúr took a step in his direction, holding out her hand to him. Thorin tilted his head so his long hair fell over his shoulder, baring collarbones and his throat. He glanced at the floor, his face basked in its faint light, then he looked back at her, the fever that had been trying to take a hold of him fading away from his eyes that instead of a sickly yellow got back their gray sheen. She held her breath when he reached out for her hand, clasping it with his own and slowly rising to stand once again firmly on both feet. His chest heaved up and down again when he inhaled deeply as if he could freely do so again for the first time in many Moons of constriction.
Still holding his hand Edúr took a step back without turning around but instead kept facing Thorin. She took another. And another. He instinctively responded to the pull and followed, taking a step in her direction for each that she took away from him. Then he stood still, anchoring her as well now he held her back by her hand. Her arms shivered as goosebumps appeared on her skin, the strange tension she could swear crackled the very air around them making her tremble, but she did not want to move away. Thorin closed the gap between them, holding out his free hand palm up. He did not need to put his request into words, his intention radiated off of him in almost palpable waves. Edúr didn't say anything, not even nodded but simply placed her other hand in his. He pulled her closer and snaked his arm around her waist, his fingers sprawled against her lower back and making her place her freed hand on his chest. Her breath inadvertently hitched when she could feel the tendrils of his muscles move under her fingers as he guided her over the floor in slow, beguiling swirls and bewitching turns that had her body press even more to his. Edúr was now so close to him that she could make out the runes of his tattoo that ran across his chest, alluringly visible with his dark green tunic that was cut in a low v-line. She felt his heart pounding against her palm in which his warmth seeped more and more.
And then they stood still. His braids swayed ever so slightly, the beads tinkling softly. She felt the side of her face tingling as his breath touched it, her body may have stopped spinning but her heart had not. No thought had power over her mind anymore as she stared into those gray depths and she could have lost herself in admiring their silver specks and mysterious glistening. Edúr followed his eyes as he lowered his gaze to rest on her lips and lifted it back up to lock with hers again. Thorin came closer still, one racing heart pressed against the other, and leaned forward until she felt the prickly and insanely pleasing sensation of his short beard against her chin..
~Thank you for reading & I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter! (^-^b)~
A/N: I guess I just hit you guys with a sort of semi-cliffie by cutting it right there when it gets interesting.. hehe I'm so mean! ;)
Khuzdul translations:
barafazrâf = clan
adad = father
nadad = brother
nana' = sister
As always, all the credit for the parts in Khuzdul go to the super handy website/dictionary of the amazing Dwarrow Scholar!