Author's Note: Yup. I kind of want to end this already because there's so many chapters but I love this story so yeah.
You're Welcome.
She kept biting my ear. And I could feel it. So clearly she was there, right? It wasn't like a tug at my ear would happen on its own. It was her teeth nibbling on it. So of course it's safe to assume she was here with me.
Whatever. Believe me if you want, because I fucking felt it.
"Sasu." She said as her fingers were sprawled all over my chest. She had unbuttoned my shirt to the point where she just gazed at my chest with a slight blush on her pale cheeks.
"Huh?" I mumbled.
This happened a lot. She'd just do things to me that made me want to flip myself on top of her and take here then and there, but then what?
It wasn't like she was actually here…
Or at least I tried to get that obvious statement out of my head. Fuck that.
Her kisses were now trailing down my throat and I closed my eyes, furrowing my eyebrows together. I'll just let her do whatever she wants, I decided. I was too tired to go ahead and ignite stuff first.
Not only that but I felt like I should try to hang onto my sanity, or at least whatever was left of it.
"Do you not like it?" Her tone definitely sounded as though she was upset.
It seemed as though whenever I didn't play along she was hurt. I didn't open my eyes, because they ached too much. Instead I pulled her towards me chest and just placed her head under my chin.
"Sorry."
I didn't like it when she apologized. It wasn't her fault she wasn't actually present with me anymore. For some reason, I tried my hardest to ignore the fact that yes, she's fucking dead, and no, fucking a figment of your imagination won't help your mental state nor your sanity.
I didn't want her to be upset for dying. It wasn't her fault. If anything, it was mine.
"Hn."
"Are you mad at m-me?"
That caught me off guard. "No." My fingers made their way down to her hips, as I lifted her shirt up and began to create circles on her hip bones.
I didn't know why she tried so hard to make conversation. Our relationship generally was silence. And although it was at times aggravating to not hear her voice, I loved how little she spoke. Because at least it meant the less she spoke, and whenever she did, that whatever she said would mean more considering how rare it was to even hear her say anything at all.
I felt as though she always asked me that.
She lifted her arms and let her fingers fiddle with my hair.
"I love you."
It sounded just as sweet and gentle as the very first time she ever told me those words.
I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
I didn't really want to speak. It felt refreshing to just hear her, and only her, besides my heart beating out of my chest. She was speaking as though she was truly there. Talking to me about how she left dinner in the microwave while I was sleeping, how she got to visit Ino who didn't see her (because of the obvious) and that did make my chest hurt.
She looked sad every time she mentioned any of her obnoxious friends. I didn't know what do when she was this upset. It wasn't like I had any power over whatever the fuck I had that no one else did to be able to see her, feel her, hear her.
She was only visible to me and it was clearly evident she didn't think I was enough, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
Before I knew it, she climbed over me once more and began to kiss me where ever she left she wanted to.
Her lips traced along my jaw—it took me all the strength to endure the sensation I've been missing out on for so long—and I tried not to open my eyes.
I felt like crying. And I never cry. But it just felt so real—she felt so real—on top of me, her touch just as soft as I could last recall.
The kisses were small and gentle, and were reaching to my Adam's apple now. She tugged my skin softly, and I couldn't hold it in—I groaned. Because I really did miss when she did that.
She then began to tug at the skin on my neck, damaging my once perfectly pale and clear skin with love marks everywhere, or at least I assumed. I had to grip her thighs to push her closer, her chest against mine.
I could feel my eyes water but I doubt she noticed. She just continued to kiss me and I tried my hardest to keep a blank expression, eyes still shut.
It wasn't that I didn't like it.
In fact, I did. A lot.
But she wasn't actually here.
And it was as if she felt that if she did what she was doing, it'd make me happy.
But in reality, it didn't help at all. In fact, it makes me feel worse.
Because she isn't really here, and I just miss her so much that even illusions weren't going to help. She wasn't actually here. I didn't actually feel anything.
But my mind was telling me otherwise.
I felt weight on top of me, I felt soft lips, I saw indigo hair, I saw pale eyes meet mine, I felt thighs in my hands, I felt saliva on my neck, and I just wanted to cry to make it stop.
I wanted to cry to tell her that just having here with me was enough.
But Uchihas don't cry. And I wasn't going to. I couldn't.
I wouldn't.
"Sasuke, your e-eyes are watery."
Shit.
"What?"
"Are you sad?" The innocence in her words never faded. Only worriment increased.
"Nah." I brought her closer.
"Why do you always lie?"
"I'm not-"
"Yes, you are." She stood up from above me, a frown plastered on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyebrows furrowed, her gaze fixed on me. I grimaced. "Y-you're never honest with me anymore. It's like…you don't want me here anymore."
Bullshit.
She sighed, her eyes now watery.
It really pained me to see her cry.
"If you have to, do it. Let it out." She whispered, tears falling down her cheeks as they eventually hit my face. "P-please."
I wasn't sure whether those were my own or if my roof was leaking. Because I clearly am not supposed to feel a figment of my imagination crying on top of me.
So, I cried. And she held me without questioning it. She was safely correct into assuming I didn't want to tell her why. But I really had to let it all out. And I did feel sort of childish crying, but to imagine here being there comforting me made me feel a bit better.
Even though she wasn't really here, but to see her wrap her arms around me and to see her rest her invisible head against my chest as she tightened her grasp around me was calming me down, even if just a little bit.
:::::
"What do you mean no more refills?" I asked, staring at the clearly bored clerk as he arched a brow as my tone leveled up a bit. His name tag read Nara Shikamaru and his black, short hair was pulled all the way back into a spiky, high, yet short ponytail.
He didn't even look like he cared. He looked like the type to just sleep and eat whenever he felt like it.
"Well, 'says you're not supposed to get anymore." He shrugged.
"Can't you just give me more?" He persisted with a dull expression. Hinata's hand tightened its grip on myown that was under the counter of the window.
Shikamaru sighed. "How troublesome. Talk to your therapist or whatever, I'm afraid I can't do anything else."
"But I really need this."
He snorted. "Yeah, well, I really need this job."
I could feel myself wanting to punch him through the window but of course, Hinata once again held me back.
"Say, what're you holding?" He pointed to our hands being conjoined.
"Don't you see her?"
"See who?" His brows furrowed as he stared at me and at Hinata, only I could tell he didn't see her at all.
"That your girlfriend?"
I blinked. He saw her? "What?"
"Is that your girlfriend?" He pointed to Hinata who looked baffled herself. Her cheeks turned rosy as the attention was directed at her. She shook her head.
"I'm his w-wife." She stuttered awkwardly, smiling.
Was I the only one confused? And a bit glad? I mean, he saw her. He knew her. He noticed her.
Does this mean I'm even more crazier than I was before? I mean, how could he see her? Did anyone else? "How did you-"
"I see Shizune daily too." He shrugged.
Oh, of course. So he must be on the pills as well.
"Then I guess I still can't get the refill?"
He scratched the back of his neck, sighing loudly. "You're lucky that I get where you're coming from. Hold on." He went out back and returned with a new bottle full of pills. "This should last you at least a few months or so. Just take it any leave."
"Thanks."
So I wasn't the only insane one.
A part of me really wanted to tell Shizune her methods are damaging people, but then again, who was I to complain to a very happy Hinata by my side?