Chapter 25 - Restored
Elliot got back to the precinct about forty minutes after Liv had left. Since he was still mad, he only glanced at her desk long enough to see she was not there. Had he taken more time, he would have noticed it was clear of all personal items. Munch, Fin and Lake ignored him when he returned and that was more than fine with him.
He started in on the reports he had been working on earlier. About twenty minutes later he got up to go to the men's room. Upon his return, he was thinking it was about time for Liv to come back from lunch. He had assumed that was why she was not at her desk and halfway expected her to be sitting there now. She still was not back.
All of a sudden, he felt his breath catch in his chest as his heart stopped and his stomach tightened. Her desk was neat and clean. It was always neat and clean. But, this was different. All of the framed photos, the clay pencil holder Dickie had made for her in third grade, her mouse pad with the picture of the squad at the Christmas party two years ago, her mug warmer and her ever present lip gloss were gone. She was not at lunch. She was gone. He stood by her desk, Olivia's desk knowing he had once again screwed up everything between them.
He looked around the room. Munch was not there. Lake was looking at him. He would beat the crap out of Lake if he had half the chance. He looked away and saw Fin looking at him, too, shaking his head. They did not offer an explanation and he did not ask. He went around and sat down at his desk. Still staring at his partner's desk, thoughts running wild, he noticed something else was missing. The coffee cup that she had brought to him this morning was gone. The coffee that he had rejected but she had so graciously set on his desk just in case he might want it later, was no longer there. Even after his smart aleck response to her to give it to Lake, she had acted in kindness, instead of reacting to her hurt. He knew he hurt her. Cragen's voice cracked the silence.
"Elliot! Need to see you a minute." Cragen went back into his office.
As he rounded his desk to go to Cragen's office, he glanced into the trash can. There was the coffee cup Liv had brought him. It was laying on its side, the lid still on it, coffee pooling around it in the bottom of the can. He looked around to see if anyone was watching and then, he didn't know why, but he picked it up and put it on his desk.
Elliot walked into Cragen's office and stood ramrod straight. "You wanted to see me, sir?"
"Close the door." Captain Cragen was not in friendly mode with him.
He closed the door.
"Your partner has decided to take the rest of the week off. She will finish the remaining reports at home and have them to me by Friday. As of right now, Fin will be your new partner and Munch will be with Lake. Any questions?" The captain's expression held no warmth as he stared at Elliot.
Cragen was all business. There is no telling what Olivia told him, but he sensed Cragen was not very happy with him at the moment. He had plenty of questions, but none he thought Cragen would answer. Well, let's see about that.
"How long do you think she will be gone?" He was trying hard to keep his voice calm and detached. It was quite a difficult feat with the huge lump that had taken up residence in his throat.
"No idea." The captain's face was stone as he stared at Elliot.
"Think it's permanent?" He managed to croak out the words.
"I think...that is up to you, Detective." He picked up a file and began looking over some reports.
Elliot knew the conversation was over.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Captain Cragen felt sorry for Elliot, but at the same time he was infuriated with him for the way he kept treating Liv. It seemed they took two steps forward and three backwards. That was no way to restore a relationship. From what Liv told him, Elliot and Kathy had the paper work in place for a divorce. They just had to wait the allotted time and in New York it was generally six months or longer, depending on all the financial and legal issues. He did not think he could handle another six months of the tension between them and he surely did not think they could.
This move to Computer Crimes was definitely a good decision even though he hated losing Olivia. She was one of his two best detectives. Her partner was the other one. Though he doubted Elliot would be much good with Liv gone, it would give them some space until things were sorted out between Elliot and Kathy. He just hoped that Elliot didn't wig out like he had when she was gone before. At least this time, they both know they have feelings for each other and Elliot is taking steps so that they can act on those feelings.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Olivia dropped her small suitcase, toiletry case, laptop and duffle bag just inside the door of Casey's apartment. It was a good bit bigger than Liv's. She had been here plenty of times, so, she made herself at home. She checked the frig...it was about as empty as hers normally was...she would have to run by her apartment and get all the perishables she bought yesterday. She had meant to bring them when she came, but she was in a hurry to get packed and out of there in case Elliot came looking for her. He would, she knew. It had been three hours since she left the precinct and he had called her cell five times and left three messages in the last two hours. She had not listened to them yet. Well, at least she did not have to worry about him dropping in unexpectedly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Frustration was at an all time high for Elliot. He had called her cell at least five or six times and left several messages. She would not answer, did not return any of the calls. He even called her home phone and left a couple of messages there. Maybe she really did want him to leave her alone. Maybe that is what he should do. Maybe he couldn't. He decided to try. Besides, he was still angry about her seeing Lake and Porter so soon after he left Christmas day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
She unpacked her clothes and hung them on some empty hangers she found in the guest room closet. She took her razor, body wash, shampoo and conditioner and lined them in the guest shower. She pulled out her make-up, hair spray and gel, perfume and brush and put them on the bath counter. As she emptied the bag, she noticed the little gold box with the red bow. She was not sure why she brought it with her, but there it was. She decided it would be safer in her pocketbook, even though she rarely carried it. Her cell was ringing. She had left it somewhere...the kitchen? She grabbed it just before it went to voice mail. It was Fin.
"Hey, Fin."
"Hey, girl. You all right?"
"Yea. I'm fine. What's up?
"Just makin' sure you okay."
"I'm good...is...he...how is he doing?"
"Pretty quiet. Looks more upset than mad. He ain't asked us nothin'. We ain't told him nothin'. Cragen called him in and talked to him. And he still ain't said nothin'."
"Who's the lucky guy?" She knew it would not be Lake.
"You talkin' 'bout partnering? Me. I'm the lucky guy. Thanks, Liv. I owe ya."
"Sorry. Where is he now?"
"He's in the file room. You sure you okay?"
"I'm sure. Thanks for checking on me. We'll get dinner next week, okay?"
"That'd be good. Call if you need anything. See ya, girl."
"See ya."
She had four and half days to fill and no one to help her pass the time. Casey was out of town, Simon moved and she didn't want anyone else to know where she was staying. She could call the guys for dinner or maybe she would just do some reading or go to the gym. Work would take up a good bit of the next couple of days, but that still left the weekend. She'd play it by ear.
Today, she decided to walk around Casey's neighborhood and check out some of the stores and shops. A small European import shop caught her attention and she went into to browse around. It had everything from books and music CDs to jewelry from all over Europe to Belgian lace. She spent about thirty minutes in there and was about to leave when something caught her eye. She went to get a closer look and a clerk asked if she needed help. She asked about the item and the clerk got it out of the case and let her see it. Intrigued, she fingered it's intricate design. She asked what it was called and the clerk explained to her the origin and history of the item. Liv smiled to herself. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Then she thought of something, else. She asked the clerk if it could be engraved. It would take a couple of days to have it done. Liv told her that was fine.
- - - - - - - - -
Coming out of the Federal courthouse Monday morning, Elliot was thinking about Liv. This was her first day at the new job. He wondered how it was going. He was not paying much attention as he stepped out the front door and almost ran into a man coming into the building.
"Excuse me...sorry." He said, then looked up.
"Sure...no problem...Stabler..." The man's voice was familiar. He could not believe his eyes.
"Porter!" He immediately went on the defense.
"Listen, we are bound to run into each other from time to time and I would just like to say there are no hard feelings and I wish you the best." Porter extended his hand.
Elliot just stared at his hand and then slowly raised his eyes to look at Porter. "What? No hard feelings?" His breathing was becoming erratic, his hands fisting and he did not understand how Porter thought he could say something like that to him and remain standing for very long.
"Olivia has made her choice and I have no choice but to accept it. Just one thing, Stabler. Quit hurting her. She's a wonderful woman." He warned Elliot.
Elliot was totally confused and looked it. Porter, realizing this, spoke again, his hand back at his side. "Didn't she tell you?"
"Uh...tell me? Tell me what?" Elliot was not so ready to pound Porter now.
I didn't give her a chance to tell me anything. I was too angry after my daughter told me she saw the two of you hugging and kissing. What would she have had to tell me? Why would she think she could tell me anything?
"She broke it off with me. Great timing...Christmas. Said she had too many personal issues to clear up." He explained. "You are the main one, Stabler."
"She say that?" He could not believe she would say something like that to anyone, but especially not a boyfriend she was breaking off with.
"She didn't have to...it's written all over her face." He looked intently at Elliot's face. "Just like it's all over yours. Talk to her." Porter told him.
Elliot was speechless, standing there not moving, just looking at Dean. Dean extended his hand once again and this time Elliot took it. "Good luck, Elliot." This was the first time he had ever called him by his first name. He started into the building.
"Porter...uh...Dean...do you know where she is staying?" He asked.
"She's not at her place?" He shook his head. "Sorry, she didn't mention anything." He went on his way, leaving Elliot standing there in complete confusion.
So, Liv was not with Porter. She had officially told him she wanted out of the relationship. Maureen must have misinterpreted what she saw between them that day at lunch. Okay. This was good. But there was still Lake. He could still be mad about that situation. Couldn't he?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next four days passed in a blur. She finished up the DD5s she had outstanding, went to lunch with Munch on Friday and gave him the reports and files to give to Cragen. She did not want to take a chance on running into Elliot. Friday Fin, Munch and Lake met her near Casey's for drinks Friday night. Saturday her friend Sarah was in town again and they spent some time together. Because of the accident, they had never had that dinner they had planned weeks ago. Sunday she puttered around the apartment, caught up on some pleasure reading and basically laid around most of the day. Cragen called to check on here and wish her well for tomorrow, her first day at the new job. Cragen told her that Elliot was acting spaced out again. She did not ask any questions about him. The less she knew the better she would be in dealing with this separation. Apparently, he had given up calling her because she had not had a call from him since Thursday night.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
He had called her cell dozens of times a day for the first two days. He called her home phone as well, leaving long messages, that he was pretty sure she did not hear because he had realized she was not staying there. He had gone by several times and varying times of day and night and never found her home. Then, one day he saw that guy from across the hall...Grant...and he told him he had not seen Liv in three or four days and it appeared that her mail had been stopped.
He tried calling her at work, but it was a completely different set up than SVU and she did not have a direct line. He had to go through a receptionist, give his name and phone number and she would give Liv the message. Then Liv would call return the calls. He did not understand that, but that was how they handled it, so it was pointless to call her there. She would know any of the numbers he gave, even if he gave a fake name. He had actually thought about buying a pre-paid cell just so he would have a number she would not recognize. He should just leave her alone.
Sitting at his desk, still in a funk, he saw Casey going into Cragen's office. She had been in Texas over Christmas, for two weeks. He kept a watch on the door waiting for her to come out. If anyone knew where Liv was, it would be Casey. He felt certain the Captain knew where she was, but when he got the nerve to ask him, Cragen asked him how he could have the nerve to ask. He never did again. He had finally broken down and asked both Munch and Fin and they claimed they did not know. His eye caught sight of the cup sitting in the far corner of his desk. The one Liv had brought him the day she left. He had rinsed it out, put the lid back on it and put it on his desk as a reminder of what a jerk he was to her and to never be that way again. Casey was in there for a good thirty minutes and he was getting impatient. At last the door to Cragen's office opened and she reappeared.
"Casey!" He jumped up and walked toward her. "How was Texas? Good Christmas?"
"Hey, Elliot. Yes, it was very good and great to see all my family. How about yours?" She smiled, knowing he was not at all interested in her Christmas.
"Pretty good. Interesting." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.
"Interesting? Going to tell me about it?" She raised her eyebrows, smiling at him. Liv had already told her.
"Maybe one day..." He laughed. "Say, Liv hasn't been staying at her place, has she? We...uh..." He paused, chewing on the inside of his mouth. "We sort...of...had a...well...I got mad...and...anyway, I shouldn't have...but she left and won't talk to me...its been weeks and I don't know where she is staying. Is she at your place?" He was watching her closely.
Good thing she knew he would be asking just this question. She was ready. "Elliot, if Liv wanted you to know where she was, she would let you know. I haven't seen her since I've been back."
Not a lie. Liv was asleep when Casey came in late last night and gone this morning when Casey got up. She wished she could tell him. Wished there was way for these two to be together. Liv had told her about Christmas and Lake and Porter. She told her about seeing Kathleen and Maureen when she was with each of the men and them telling Elliot. Of course, he had blown every thing out of proportion before even getting the real story from her. And, of course, she was the one that paid the price.
"Would you tell me, if you knew? He asked.
Casey just smiled. "I need to get these files back over the to my office. See you later, Elliot."
He decided he wanted Chinese, so he swung by My-Ling's on the way home. He thought about Liv asking him to lunch that day and how he told he had other plans. While waiting for his order, he noticed the glass case at the register had gift items for sale. He chuckled upon seeing one of the items and knew he had to get them for Liv. He had them add it to the cost of his order. He wondered if there would be a way to engrave something on them.
- - - - - - - - - - -
The first day on the job was used to show her around, introduce her to her new co-workers, let her get her desk in order and start showing her some of the new programs that had been put in place since she had left Computer Crimes nearly two years ago. She had not stayed that long but she was familiar with most of the programs. The work she would be doing this time would have no connection to rapes, murders, kidnaping or anything concerned with SVU. So, she did not have to be concerned about crossing paths her old unit. Specifically, Elliot. This time she was assigned to corporate espionage where she would mainly investigate network intrusions and analyze the computers used by criminals who engaged in identity theft and financial fraud.
Now, over three weeks later she was finally settling in and becoming familiar with her routine. She had become friendly with another tech, Celine, and they had gone to lunch twice. Another tech, actually the lead tech in this division, Pierce Kent, was friendly, too. A little too friendly. Tall, blonde, with beautiful green eyes, he was quite handsome, but Olivia was not looking for what he wanted. She was not on the rebound. She knew where her heart was...Elliot had it. It was no use trying to pretend she could give it to someone else, like she had with Dean. She was not looking for another relationship. If anything, she was just going to sit back and wait. See what would really happen with Elliot and Kathy, if they would really go through with their divorce this time.
Somehow Celine had found out that Thursday was Olivia's birthday, but since several of the crew had things going on that night, she insisted they all go out for drinks Tuesday night and celebrate early.
- - - - - - - - - -
To the average person, a glance at Elliot Stabler would have them thinking he was deep in thought about his work, perhaps the latest case. In reality, he was totally detached from anything going on around him. The periods of total dysfunction in his brain were becoming more frequent in occurrence and in duration. During these episodes he could think of nothing but Olivia and the situation between them.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them. Olivia was his special person and there was no way he would ever forget her. But he had tried over the last few weeks because he knew they could not be together. Not now. Not while he was still married. He wondered about her constantly. Where she was; what she was doing; who she was talking to; what she ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner. What was she wearing? Was she even eating at all? Did she sleep well? Alone? Did she think about him? Miss him? Would she wait for him? His mind was in overload.
"Lake, Stabler. Got something for you." Cragen called out, motioning for them to come.
"Got a case. Jogger found a young girl beat up, apparently raped in Washington Square Park. On her way to Mercy General. Fin and Much are in court...so that leaves you two. Can you work together or do I need to take care of this myself?" He gave them a very hard long look.
"No problem, Sir." Lake said, looking at Elliot.
Elliot hesitated, his jaw clenching, and nodded. "Like the man said, no problem."
Lake threw Elliot the keys to the squad car. He did not like to drive in the city. Elliot cranked up the car and sped out, driving like a maniac. Lake changed his mind, wishing he had driven kept the keys.
"Hey, man! No need to get us killed!" Lake was holding on to the overhead strap with his right hand and bracing himself with his left on the dashboard.
"Thought you said no problem. " Elliot snorted.
"No wonder, Liv likes to drive!" The moment her name left his lips he knew it was a bad thing.
"What the heck does Liv have to do with this? And how do you know she likes to drive? Been out with her a lot?" What is wrong with him? Asking something so obvious...obvious that he was jealous. He really was losing it.
"Stabler, I don't know what you think Liv and I got going...but you are wrong...dead wrong...she is interested in someone else...not me."
"That right? Then explain to me why the two of your were making out on my desk, Christmas Eve!!!!?"
Liv was right...he did see them. "She was lonely, depressed. Said she just wanted to have someone hold her, make her feel wanted. I was there."
"And more than willing to oblige, huh?!" Fury emanated from him.
"Look...Benson is gorgeous. I mean, come on, Stabler, if you had a hot woman like her coming on to you, you would do the same thing." Another wrong thing to say.
Elliot swerved the car to the side of the road and jerked it to a stop. Before he could say or do anything, Lake started talking, trying to make Elliot see that he had nothing to worry about when it came to Olivia's affection.
"When we...uh...uh...got to the bar...she told me she was sorry...that she didn't mean to...uh...to lead me on...that she had a bunch of crap going on in her life and she was...was really down...and just needed a hug. I told her I understood...and I just wanted to be her friend. She's not interested in me, man." Lake was afraid Elliot was going to drag him out of the car and start pounding on him.
Elliot's breathing was shallow and rapid, his heart racing as he took in Lake's words. He started to calm down a bit, to Lake's relief.
"So, you and Liv...don't...you aren't...like...dating or anything?" He felt drained.
"Just friends...that's all...just friends. I'm telling you, Stabler, she's is head over heels for someone else, man." He was hoping Elliot would get who he meant, because he did not want to come right out and say it. He felt like Liv should tell him.
Elliot wished he could beat himself up. When would he ever learn to keep his mouth shut and his anger on hold until he got the complete story when something happened. If he had come in after Christmas and told Liv what his girls told him and let her explain, or even waited to see if she would bring it up, he would have known that she broke up with Dean and was not interested in Lake. And that kissing, hugging scene was probably a goodbye.
Didn't he already know she cared about him? Yes. But she also made it clear she was not going to be with him until he was divorced. She was not going to be in the middle of it to bear fault for it. She could not handle the separation, because that had happened once before and he went back home. No, she was insistent that it be final. It had to be over completely between him and Kathy, before there could ever be anything between them. Before any kind of relationship between them would be restored. But how long would she wait?
He drove the rest of the way to the crime scene, at a safe, responsible speed. Lake visibly relaxed.
- - - - - - - - - -
Olivia was still staying at Casey's. She had been there almost four weeks. Several times she had gone back to her apartment and spent the night, just to give Casey a break. Not that Casey said she needed a break. It was more for herself. She needed to have privacy to cry and sometimes she felt like she would explode if she kept it bottled up any longer. Each time she had gone home, her answering machine was filled with messages from Elliot. He had quit calling her cell phone. The first thing she would do when she came into the apartment, was go to the phone, hit play and listen to all the messages. Every now and then there would be one from a friend or Simon or even Dean, but mostly they were from Elliot. If the message cut off before he was finished, he would call back and finish it.
Sometimes he would calmly ask her to please call him. Sometimes he would beg and plead for her to meet him, let him see her, or just hear her voice. A couple of times his voice cracked and she knew he was crying, though he covered it well. He asked questions about her day, her job, how she was doing. Other messages he would tell her about his day, the case he was working on, or something about Fin or Munch or the Captain or something one of the kids did or said. Sometimes he would share a joke or story he heard.
One night he called and told her about a horrible case where the victim was a classmate of Dickie's...a young boy fallen prey to a pedophile. He had cried that night, gut wrenching sobs, as he told her how much the boy looked like his son and how the perp had mutilated the boy before killing him. The cases about kids always tore at their hearts harder and deeper. Olivia wished she could be there for him, to just sit beside him, or hold him or let him cry on her shoulder. But she could not take that chance anymore. Her feelings for him were so strong, she knew she could not trust herself to be with him in such a vulnerable state.
He did not call every day, but some days he would call two or three times. The times varied but mostly were late at night or early in the morning, most likely when he was having trouble sleeping. Each trip home she would keep the tape with the messages he had left, and put a new one in so he could continue leaving them. She figured it must be like some type of therapy for him and she wanted to help him anyway she could, since she could not trust herself to actually be near him.
In some screwed up way, it was therapy for her as well. As she sat in her living room listening to his voice, she would close her eyes and pretend he was right there, just like on Christmas. She could almost feel his arms around her, the heat of his body, and his warm breath blowing in her hair as he talked. She would laugh at his jokes, smile at some of his stories, listen intently to others, and sob along with him as he recounted horrifying details of a case. One night when she had been at home, he called. She had fallen asleep on the couch, reading and was awakened by the ringing of the phone. It was 1:25 in the morning.
The answering machine picked up on the fifth ring. "This is Liv. You know the drill. Leave a message and I'll catch you later! Bye!" Beep.
"Liv...hey, it's me. Again. I know it's late...can't sleep...are you sleeping? I hope so. You know," he laughed softly, "if anyone told me I would ever be calling your home hoping to get your answering machine, I'd have told them they were crazy."
She sat there thinking just that. I mean, you call hoping to talk to someone, not leave a message.
"But, really, I am the crazy one. I call some...sometimes and don't leave a message...I just...I just wait...to hear your voice. " He sighed loudly. "It's been so long, Liv...and I...I need to hear your voice. It's such a beautiful sound to me...like music...like a song to my heart."
She rolled her eyes, even as tears began to sting them, at his attempt to be poetic. So not Elliot.
"Hey! Don't roll your eyes at me! I'm trying to be romantic here...you know, sweep you off your feet. Make myself totally irresistible...so maybe...y-you will come back to me. I miss you so much...if you were here, I would hold you and never let you go again...Liv..." He choked up.
She laughed and then just as quickly the tears spilled over and down her face. She heard him cough and sniffle for just a minute. He cleared his throat.
"Alright, don't go crying just because I am." He sniffled again. "You probably think I have totally lost it...don't you? Yea, me too...teetering on the edge of insanity..."
She cocked her eyebrow as she wondered had he, indeed, slipped over the edge.
"I can just see your left eyebrow jacked up in disbelief at all I am saying...wondering if I am ready for the psych ward...you know...I'd let them put me there, if that would make you come and see me...what I wouldn't do, Liv, to just talk to you right now...Olivia, I...I...just need to talk to you, baby...why won't you talk to me...just talk...let me hear your voice..."
There ought to be a law against someone knowing another person so well. Elliot Stabler could predict her every action and every thought from the other end of a one sided telephone call. How wicked weird could a relationship get. It was almost frightening, even to her. Yet, it was the epitome of their partnership, their friendship, their bond. So, enmeshed were their minds and hearts, they could not tell where one ended and the other began, so, it stood to reason their thought process was in almost perfect sync.
She could not endure his heart breaking pleas any longer. As he wanted to talk to him as desperately as he wanted to talk to her. Against her better judgement, she picked up the phone.
"Elliot?!" Her voice quickened as her heart did the same.
"Liv? Is that really you? I'm dreaming, right? Tell me I'm not dreaming!" He could barely speak.
"It's me...I...miss you, too, El." Whispering was all she could do with the lump in her throat.
"Baby...baby, how are you doing...really?" His breathing was loud and fast.
"I'm okay. What about you? You haven't punched anyone out, have you?" She laughed.
"Just a couple of lockers." He laughed, too. "You aren't staying at your place are you?"
"Sometimes. But mostly with friend." She said cautiously.
"Friend? Who?" He wondered if it could be Lake or Dean, but he was not going to ask.
"El...I don't want you to know where I am staying...we don't need to see each other...it's too...too..." She trailed off trying to think of a word to describe it.
"Complicated." He said, with a slightly amused tone, using her favorite word to describe them.
She laughed and agreed. "Yes...very complicated."
"Liv...it doesn't have to be...we both feel the same way...you are my air, Liv, my life. I can't keep..." He wanted to explain it all to her.
"Elliot, don't...please...hearing you say things like that only...only make things harder...hurt...more..." Her voice broke and she could not continue speaking.
She felt the lump come back to her throat and before she could stop herself she was crying. She tried to be as quiet as she could. It broke his heart. He couldn't take it. He had to see her.
"Liv, I'm coming over. I'll be there in 20 minutes." He was already pulling on sweats.
"No! Elliot, don't come. We can't see each other...not right now." She begged.
"I'm on the way." The call was lost because he had disconnected.
No. She could not see him. Not now. Not alone. Not at her apartment. Quickly grabbing her things, she stuffed them in the duffle bag, picked up her keys and coat and ran. Luckily, a cab was sitting at the corner of her street and in minutes she was on the way back to Casey's.
Elliot knew she would not be there. He did not know why he left the house at this time of the night to go to her apartment. Yes, he did. On the outside chance that maybe, just maybe she would have stayed. He knocked and knocked. He called her name over and over. He called her cell and her home phone. He listened, ear to the door, but heard nothing. She was gone. If he still had her key, he would have gone in to check for sure. That had been a week and a half ago. It might as well have been a lifetime to Elliot.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Two weeks into her new job, she had been engrossed in tracking a suspected hacker as he attempted to compromise several financial sites, when he cell rang. It hardly rang anymore, since Elliot quit calling. She pulled it out and read the caller ID. Maureen. Her eyebrow cocked as she flipped the phone open to answer.
"Benson." Force of habit, she supposed.
"Liv, hey. It's Maureen."
"Hey, sweetie. How are you? Anything wrong?"
"No, no. I'm fine. How are you liking your new job?
How did she know about her new job? "It's good. Interesting. Regular hours most of the time. Nothing like SVU."
"You hate it, don't you?"
She laughed at the question. "I don't hate it...it's just not...not me...SVU is in my blood. So, what's up?"
"Does anything have to be up for me to call?" She asked so sweetly.
"No...but it usually is...so let's hear it." Laughing at her feigned sweetness.
"What happened between you and Dad?" Now her voice was serious.
"What do you mean?" Liv was instantly defensive.
"Liv, I'm not a little girl anymore. I know you and Dad have this whatever and I know something is wrong between you because he has done nothing but mope around for the last two weeks. He seems so sad, like he's lost his best friend." She laughed at her analogy. "Has he?"
The words stabbed Live's heart. "I'll always be his friend and I appreciate your concern, Maureen, but what goes on between your Dad and me, is just that...between your Dad and me. I can't help how he is acting."
"Yes, you can! Talk to him!
"I can't. Not right now. Listen, I need to get to work. I'll talk to you later, Mar."
She hated to think of Elliot's despair. She had enough of her own. She halfway wondered if Elliot put her up to that...no...and Maureen would never do that, not even for her Dad.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Elliot could not believe that three weeks ago today, Monday, January 21, she had started her new job in Computer Crimes. Just over three weeks since she left him alone again. Some days he truly thought he would not make it through the day. Thursday, the 24th was her birthday. That will be a really tough day for him. The shrill ring of his desk phone brought him out of his daydream and back to the present.
"Special Victims Unit, Detective Stabler." He leaned back in his chair and propped his feet on his desk.
"Elliot. Paul Carman. I was wondering if you and Kathy would be free to come in Tuesday or Wednesday. I have the papers ready and I am scheduled to be in court so I can work you in for an appearance on either of those days." Carman was the attorney handling the divorce.
"Uh...I'm good for it, but I'll have to check with Kathy. Why do we have to go to court again? What papers? I thought we took care of everything a couple of weeks ago." He was frowning, a bit puzzled over the request.
"These are the final papers. It will be a brief appearance before the judge and once he signs them, you will have your final decree and judgment of divorce in your hand, and that's it, you will be officially divorced." Carman explained.
That explanation got Elliot's attention and he sat up straight in his chair. "What? What do you mean final decree? How? We were told it would take at least six months and up to a year or longer." He found he was having trouble breathing because his heart had begun to pound so hard.
"Didn't Leaned call you?" Leaned was his secretary. "Elliot, you nor Kathy ever stopped the divorce proceedings from last January. I did not realized this until I went to file the papers last week. The clerk told me all that was needed was the signed final papers, that you would never sign before and you could come before the judge and get your divorce."
Elliot was so overwhelmed, he was speechless. He opened his mouth a couple of times but no words came forth. After several moments, the attorney spoke again.
"Elliot? You still there? He asked.
"Uh...yea...yea, I'm here. I did sign those papers...Kathy must not have turned them in before she...before we got back together. So, are you telling me that once we go to court Tuesday or Wednesday, we will be divorced?" He was in shock over what he had just been told.
"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. So, talk to Kathy and let me know which day." He said.
"No! I don't need to call her...we'll be there tomorrow. Tell me when." He quickly answered.
"2:15 is my first open slot." Carman told him.
"Great. 2:15. See you then." Elliot hung up the phone and just sat there staring at it.
He kept waiting for someone or something to wake him up, laugh and tell him this was only a dream. Or a nightmare. Because that is what it would be if he found out it was not true. Or was someone playing a cruel joke? He shook his head, as if that would clear it. He could not believe he was going to be a free man. Tomorrow. In less than twenty-four hours he would be single. He could go to Olivia and actually have something to offer her. They could finally be together. He could take her in his arms and hold her and kiss her. He could be with her and hold her hand in public. He could shout in front of the whole NYPD that he loved Olivia Benson. And no one could have anything to say about it. Not anymore!
- - - - - - - - - - -
Tuesday, January 22, 3:52 p.m. Elliot and Kathy left the courthouse. They were no longer man and wife. They were free. They stood staring at each other, papers in hand.
"Kathy, we've spent over half our lives together...you gave me five beautiful children...I'll always be here for you, love you. You know this was the right thing to do..." He wished there was an easy way to walk away from his wife...ex-wife, his marriage, his life.
"El, don't. We did the right thing trying again and it didn't work and we did the right thing today, too. A part of me will always love you...but we both need to make new lives, okay? And I think you know what you need to do...who you need to see...she will let you, now." She smiled, gave him a hug and a kiss and ran down the steps of the court building.
He watched her go, as tears came to his eyes. He brushed them away, thinking about his next course of action. He knew just where he needed to go right now.
- - - - - - - - - -
Captain Cragen looked up as Elliot knocked on his open office door. "Cap, can I talk to you for minute." He had a serious look on his face.
"Sure, Elliot. What's up?" Cragen laid the report he had been reading down on his desk and sat up straight, somewhat concerned by Elliot's demeanor.
Elliot opened his jacked and pulled out the legal papers, handing them to his Captain. Not sure what to expect, Cragen tried to read his face as he took them. He opened them slowly and began to read. A slight smile began to fill his face. He folded the papers up and handed them back to Elliot who was grinning from ear to ear.
"Where's she staying?" He could barely contain his excitement.
"Casey's." The Captain's eyes were twinkling and a full fledged smile graced his face now.
"I knew it!" Elliot laughed. "I knew it!"
"Elliot...take care of her. Don't hurt her anymore than you already have...or you'll have to contend with me. Are we clear?" His voice was firm, the smile gone.
"As a bell, Sir!" He gave the Captain a mock salute and opened door to leave. He stopped and turned around. "Don...thank you." He grinned and ran out of the precinct.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Olivia and Casey were relaying the details of their work day to each other. Liv was sitting on the sofa and Casey in the overstuffed chair. She thought Casey seemed distracted. What she did not know was that Elliot called Casey just before she got off, told her about the divorce and was on his way to the apartment. The plan was to keep Liv at the apartment until he got there, then she would leave to give them privacy.
A soft knock at the door had Casey jumping up from the chair, putting on her jacket and picking up her pocketbook.
"Gotta a date you failed to tell me about?" Liv asked, her face scrunched up, puzzled at her actions.
"No. But you do." Casey grinned at her as she opened the door. "Goodnight, Liv." She smiled at Elliot and gave him a high five as she left.
Just beyond the open door stood Elliot. He was grinning that infamous Stabler smile. He had on all black...jeans, shirt, tie and leather jacket. Her favorite outfit on him. Well, one of her favorite outfits on him. He was so handsome, so...so...Elliot. And he was there.
Liv was in shock. Her eyes wide as saucers, her mouth open, eyebrows raised. These were things he could see. Know. What he did not know was how fast her heart was beating. He couldn't feel how hard it was to breath. He could not hear the blood rushing to her head, making her feel faint. Or was that just him making her feel that way.
"What are you doing here?" She was standing now, staring at him like she had seen a ghost.
He looked her over. She was dressed in dark green running pants that had a navy blue stripe down the legs and a white t-shirt and white socks. No matter what she wore, no mater if she had on make-up or not, day or night, he found her to be absolutely gorgeous. He could not wait to hold her, kiss him, let her know that she was his, he was hers.
"I had to see you. You gonna let me in? Or we just gonna keep standing here?" He was cocky, as ever.
She stood there speechless, unable to move or think. She was not sure she was even breathing.
"Liv?" He questioned, as he motioned toward the living room.
Was this deja vu? This conversation seemed familiar.
"Come in. Why are you here? I told you we couldn't see each other. It's not a good idea." She did not want to look him in the eye because she was afraid if she did, she would run and jump in his arms. And if he touched her... It was so good to see him again, to hear him. She was so going to kill Casey.
"I needed to see you. To give you something." He pulled a long, thin box beautifully wrapped in bright blue paper, the same blue color of his eyes, with a lacy white ribbon around it, from behind his back.
"Elliot...you didn't have to..." She looked at his crystal blue eyes, twinkling in the light and knew he was in a great mood.
"Yes. Yes, I did. Call it a late Christmas present. Or early birthday present." His grin seemed to get bigger with each passing minute.
Slowly, she slid the bow from around the box, then began peeling the blue paper away. She opened the lid and unfolded several layers of tissue paper. She lifted the 'gift' out of the box and unfolded it. The paper began to shake violently as her hands trembled with the emotion that was about to overtake her at any minute.
"Final Decree and Judgment of Divorce. Stabler vs. Stabler." She had no time to really react before Elliot had put his hands over her shaking ones and scooped her into his arms, holding her close, whispering to her. Tear poured from her eyes. And his.
"It's over, Liv. It took me and Kathy a long time to admit it, but we knew it had to be over. It's been over for years, we just refused to see it. Olivia, I'm a free man. Single. I can date, be with anyone I want. The only one I want, is you, Liv. Just you. Only you. Do you want me? Will you have me?" He kissed the top of her head, still holding her tightly to him.
Her voice was strangled with emotion, her head buried in his chest. "El...El...if you only knew how I have dreamed of this...yes! You know I want you!"
Pulling her away from him, just far enough that he could look into her eyes, he leaned down and kissed her. It was soft and gentle. He felt her relax, lean into him and melt around him. He felt this missing piece of his being, slide into place. How he loved this woman! She broke the kiss and pulled away from him, wiping at her tears.
"I have something for you, too. I'll be just a second." She ran to the bedroom.
She returned, digging through her pocketbook. As she pulled out the gold box with the red bow, he started laughing.
"So, what? Were you waiting for me to give you a gift before you gave me mine?" He took the box she held out for him.
"No...I was going to give it to you way before Christmas and then everything started getting so messed up between us, I couldn't give it to you..." She was staring at the box in his hands.
"Couldn't? Why?" He asked, his blue eyes darkening with concern.
"Open it and you'll understand..." She watched him closely, eager to see his reaction when he opened it.
He untied the red bow, lift the lid and saw the contents of the box. As he stood there silently staring at the small piece of brass, a single tear slid down his cheek.
"It's the key to my apartment...you already have the key to my heart." She wrapped her hand around his head bring him down so she could kiss him.
"I know." He was having a hard time talking. "I mean, I know it's to your apartment, not that I know I have the key to your heart..."
"It's really not much, I mean, it didn't cost much and..." She trailed off not sure what she was trying to say.
"Cost doesn't equal worth. It's priceless, Liv. It means everything." He pulled her close again and just held her.
The key was symbolic. It meant she trusted him again with her home, her life, her heart. It meant he was a part of all those things once again. This time he was not going to mess it up.
"Well...as long as we are doing gifts, uh...I have another one for you." He reached around his back and brought another box from his back jean pocket. Wrapped in dark green patterned paper with a deep wine colored bow, it was longer than the first one but not quite as wide. Grabbing her hand, he walked over to the couch and sat, bringing her down beside him.
"So, is this Christmas or birthday?" She asked, smiling as she took the box and began unwrapping it.
"It's whatever you want it to be..." His eyes, shining with the love he felt for her, he pushed her bangs out of her face.
When she opened it, she started laughing. Then he started laughing and within seconds they were hysterical. Just like that day at My-Lings. They laughed until they were crying and their sides aching. Finally, they calmed down and he was able to speak.
"Read the inscriptions, Liv." He had an arm around her, his hand loosely hanging over her shoulder. "Read them out loud."
She held one up and read it. "What's mine is yours. What's your is mine." Then she picked the other one up, reading it, too. "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
He took the gold-plated engraved chopsticks from her and turned them over. "The first one is kind of a joke...you know, about me spearing your chicken...what's yours is mine and mine is yours...and the second one, is an old Chinese proverb...and...well, that's us, Liv. Two bodies, one soul...I guess that's why we don't know where we stop and the other begins." He hugged her to him.
She smiled, turned her head for a kiss. "They are perfect, Elliot. And, so...so...us. Where did you find them?"
"My-Lings." He grinned at her, looking into her beautiful brown eyes.
Yes. They were perfect. My-Lings, their favorite food, favorite restaurant.
"Got anymore presents for me?" She kidded with him.
"Hamm...depends...on what you mean?" His hands framed her face as he placed small kisses on her cheeks, her chin, her eyes.
She pushed him a way. "Elliot! Well, I have one more thing..." She left the room and returned with a box almost identical to the first one she had given him except for the wrapping. It was red with white ribbon tied around it.
"Another key? You gave me the apartment key, said I have the key to your heart...is this to your new car?" Teasing her, he slowly opened this last gift.
"No key...but it will be useful, I think." Her gaze was locked on him as he took the lid off.
Watching him as he opened the gift, she was amazed at the depth of love she had for this man. Never in her life did she think she could love someone so deeply, so completely. Surely, she never thought he would love her back the same way. But he did. She saw it in his eyes, the way he looked at her. She felt it in his touch, the way the connection between them ran through her body like it was in her blood. It was. He was not just in her blood. He was her blood. He was her life. And now he was beside her, free, and he wanted to be hers. Their friendship and whatever this thing was between them, was restored. Her heart was about to burst with happiness. She was so going to hug and thank Casey.
"Useful? Little bit of romance, huh?" He smiled and lifted the gift from the box.
"It's called a Celtic knot. The ancient designs had spiritually significant meaning, but they've been lost over the ages. The continual looping of the designs are themes of eternity and interconnectedness." She explained. "The knots have no beginning and no end...just like us." Her voice had become very soft, full of emotion.
She was looking down, tracing the design as he held the key ring in his hand, her left hand cupping his underneath. He could not bring himself to talk. His throat ached from the lump that had settled in it.
"I had it engraved." Her voice was barely a whisper.
He was watching her fingers trace the ring. He slowly looked us at her, then turned it over to see the inscription. As he silently read it, he nearly choked on the sob that he refused to release. He took his other hand and put it against her face, turning her to him. Tears were shimmering in her eyes and her beautiful face blurred as his own tears fell down his cheeks. Pulling her to him as he leaned toward her, he captured her lips once again, this time softly and reverently.
When he pulled away, he held the key ring up and read out loud the words she had engraved upon it.
"Where one ends, the other begins - Elliot & Olivia for Eternity - All My Love - Liv"
- - - - - - - - - -
The End...
Deep sigh...
Rolling of eyes...
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A/N: Thanks to all of you who read, and read and reviewed my story. Hope you liked the ending. To all of you who signed up just to review, I am humbled and honored. Keep an eye out. I will try this again...but I may have a bit of break. So watch for my return. Should I make a sequel...or let it 'be over'? Or should I try another story...I have a few ideas floating around in the deep, dark recesses of my mind. It's been a trip! Thank you for making my first try at writing a very enjoyable, uplifting experience! " ) Bensler