It's a small world...
(Rookie Blue Inspired Fiction)
Chapter 25
A/N - Sorry it has been such a long time, life is a curious and crazy thing. Anyways, I warn there is angst ahead. Enjoy! A x
Gail could feel something tickle her skin, rousing her from her sleep. A smile slowly crept its way onto her face as her brain began to make sense of the sensation she was feeling. An overwhelming feeling of joy and contentment filled Gail, as the memories of last night came flooding back to her.
Gail bit back a moan as Holly continued kissing her way up Gail's back. Slowly but surely, making her way up to Gail's neck where she licked her way round Gail's neck to her earlobe and sucked. Gail moaned, no longer able to hold it. The heat in her core overriding any other thought in her mind. She could feel her own wetness dripping down her thighs. Gail marvelled at how quickly Holly could rile her up, at just how much of an effect she had on her.
With a stretch, Gail rolled her body to lie on her back looking up at Holly. 'God, she's beautiful' Gail thought as she got lost in Holly's eyes, the lopsidedness of her smile and the care that radiated from her. Gail could feel herself becoming emotional. Her feelings for Holly were becoming so undeniable that she could blurt it out at any minute, but Gail knew that to do that, could be to lose Holly. Was that a risk that Gail was willing to take?
Holly leaned down and kissed Gail, slowly and Gail felt her mind drift again from the precariousness of her feelings for Holly, to the arousal burning through her. Gail responded eagerly, reaching up for Holly pulling her closer until her body was flush against her. No words were needed as the two reacquainted themselves with each other again under the glow of the morning sun.
Hours later, the pair reawoke in each others' arms, Gail turned to Holly, "Good Morning". Holly smiled in return, pulling Gail to her to softly peck her lips in greeting.
"Good morning, Colonel" Holly replied.
"Colonel? A bit formal, don't you think Holly, given last night...and this morning?" Gail smirked.
"Touché. What would you prefer I call you?" Holly asked, her voice dipping sultrily.
"Mhmm, Sex Goddess, Awesome, Amazing."
"Oh really?" Holly smiled, her lopsided smile at Gail. Gail would do anything for that smile.
"Mhmm, though I guess if you really must, you could just call me Gail. In fact...I have a way to make sure you remember that name for a very, very long time." Gail smirked, rolling to cover Holly's body with her own.
"Oh and how's that?" Holly replied.
"Let me show you…" Gail answered, cutting off any further reply could have had with a searing kiss. One that showed without question that Holly would not be forgetting Gail's name. Ever. However, Gail also knew one other thing for certain. That soon, very soon, she would tell Holly how she felt and that thought left Gail feeling more frightened than any war ever could.
Later, in the evening, Gail and Holly were sat upon Holly's couch watching reruns of 'Grey's Anatomy'.
"Holly, can we talk?" Gail asked, her hands shaking a little.
"Is everything okay?" Holly responded, worry in her voice.
"Yes, well, kind of, I mean…" Gail rambled, her nerves taking over. Holly reached out for Gail's hand, her worry growing.
"Gail, what is it? What's wrong?" The care in her expression made Gail melt. She took a deep breath before speaking.
"Holly, I need you to let me speak uninterrupted for a moment. I need to tell you something and I'm not sure how you are going to react but I feel that if I don't tell you now then I'm going to blurt it out insensitively which wouldn't be fair to you. You see the thing is Holly, that I've gone my whole life feeling like an outsider; feeling worthless. My parents never really wanted me; it doesn't take a genius to work out that I was a mistake and one I bet my mother wishes she'd aborted. I'm a disgrace to my family; it was one thing for me to be gay and ruin their hope for 2.5 grandkids and a son-in-law from a wealthy, prominent family by being an abomination but to join the army instead of the police force was an insult to the badge and to the Peck name. They never understood what it meant to me and will never understand, except for Steve maybe, but I know he struggles with it too. All of that changed though as the years passed, as Steve and the guys at 15 continue to turn up to the assemblies and to wave goodbye as I left tour after tour. They included me, made me feel welcome, like my presence might not be a burden for once. Then of course I have my military family, bound together by the pain, suffering, friendship and honour of war. I had finally begun to feel like I had a family but something was still missing. I would look at Steve and Traci and Oliver and Celery and I began to realise that I wanted that, I wanted someone to come home to, someone who could love me for who I was not who they wanted me to be. I had resigned myself to the fact it would never happen because I was a soldier and I could never put someone through that, the absences, the loneliness. That was...until you. I never meant for it to happen. I was attracted to you the moment I met you but getting to know you, spending time with you, has been the greatest gift I never knew I could be given. You make me feel whole, waking up in your arms, seeing your smile first thing in the morning and last thing at night is the greatest feeling of home I have ever experienced. God, I live for your smile. I would do anything to see it, for you. Holly Stewart, you take my breath away. I love you. I love everything about you and to not to tell you would be to be dishonest and I am not a dishonest person Holly. I'm just a woman who is irrevocably and undeniably in love with you." Gail shuddered out the last breath of her speech. She felt breathless, exhausted and scared beyond belief. She stared at her hands, not bearing to look up and see Holly's reaction. The fear of rejection was overwhelming. "Please say something Holly. Anything" she pleaded.
"I… I can't" Holly responded in a whisper. Gail hesitantly looked up at Holly and could see the shock all over the woman's face. Gail suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. She had sprung this upon Holly and now could plainly see the turmoil on her face.
"I need you to leave." Holly said slowly.
"What?" Gail responded dazed.
"I need you to leave." Holly repeated.
"Holly…" Gail pleaded.
"I can't. I can't do this. I can't do this Gail. Don't you see? Don't you get it?" Holly was angry now, furious, "How could you? What do you mean, you love me? You don't get to love me. That wasn't part of our deal. This wasn't what was meant to happen. This was no strings, remember? Love? Love is definitely what I would call a string. I can't do this. It's hard enough with Aaron, I can't do this. I need you to leave." Holly fumed, pacing now across the living room floor.
"Holly…" Gail pleaded again, tears flowing down her cheeks as the rejection gripped her heart, "Just tell me you don't feel the same, tell me you feel nothing for me and I'll go. You won't ever have to see me again. Please just tell me the truth."
"I… I can't do this. I don't. I don't feel anything for you." Holly whispered, barely looking at Gail as she said it. Gail stood up, tears freely flowing down her cheeks as she fought against the sobs trying to wrack through her body. She looked at the woman she loved, the woman who had now broken her heart one last time and she left. She didn't notice the tears slowly rolling down Holly's cheeks as her emotions took over.
Gail sat in her car in Holly's driveway as sob after sob poured out from her. There was no doubt in her mind; no pain was worse than this, no bomb, no bullet, no physical injury could ever match this. As she put the key in the ignition, bringing the car to life, Gail mourned the love which was dying in the same instant.