A/N: Twilight and all characters associated with it do not belong to me. I'm judging by the lack of reviews that everyone is mad at me. =[ I'm sorry. Please leave me some love anyway...or hate. Just let me know what you're thinking. Song for this chapter is still-"Hemorrhage (in my hands)"-Fuel.
A week and half later we were finally home. Jasper and Emmett and sufficiently gotten everything done to our apartment. The walls were freshly painted, there was new carpeting and we even had a brand new door and frame. It was definitely a change, an unwelcome change in our already messy lives. The minute we walked inside I went directly to the bathroom for a shower. Showering in the hospital was never the same as showering at home. I spent twenty minutes under the hot spray trying to wash all the grime of the hospital off of me and even then I didn't feel completely clean, but it would have to do. I changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top; not the best way to dress for the winter weather but it was the only thing I could wear that didn't aggravate my wounds. Edward helped me put the antibiotic salve on all eight stab wounds and bandaged them up, and then I went to bed.
Esme and Carlisle came over a short while later, but I didn't get up. I still had no desire to see or talk to anyone. I didn't want to see the pity in their eyes, or hear their apologies for the millionth time. I didn't want to hear that I would be alright, and that given time these wounds (both emotional and physical) would heal. I definitely didn't want to hear that also with time we could try again for another baby. I knew they all meant well, but I just couldn't bear to hear any of it. Edward was even getting under my skin the past few days. He seemed to be holding himself together rather well, and that just made me wonder how much he really wanted a child to begin with. Was I the only one still mourning the loss of our baby? It sure felt that way.
I got out of bed, and made my way to the closet. I was cold and wanted to attempt some sweatpants. That was when I saw it. The bag of baby items I had purchased the day of my attack. Tears welled up in my eyes, and got up slowly and retreated from the closet. I walked out of the bedroom as calmly as I could manage, into the kitchen and grabbed the trash can. I ignored Edward calling out to me, and went straight back to the closet. I picked up the bag of baby items and threw them into the trash can. I picked up the trash can and threw it across the room, letting out a loud scream as I did so. I slid down the floor and cried. Edward, Carlisle and Esme came running into the room.
"Oh, Bella." Esme said softly, kneeling before me. She reached out to touch me and I pulled back quickly, yelling, "Don't touch me!" She sighed heavily, and sat in front of me. "Sweetheart, it will get better. You will get over this just like you did the first time, and everything will work itself out." She said calmly. I glared at her. "You think I'm going to get over this? That I'm just going to forget about her? About what happened to me? I will NEVER get over this!" I yelled angrily.
Edward walked over to me, and helped me up. He walked me over to the bed, and covered me up as I lay back down. He crouched down in front of me and wiped my tears away. Carlisle came over with a glass of water and a pill bottle. Edward took out an Ativan and gave it me. I swallowed it willingly, and closed my eyes. I felt the bed shift, and opened my eyes. Edward wrapped his arms around me, and held me tightly to him. Carlisle and Esme were gone.
"She was just trying to help, love." He murmured in my ear. "I know." I sniffled. I closed my eyes again, and let sleep overtake me.
EPOV—
I couldn't stand to see her like this anymore. I didn't know what to say, or how to get through to her to let her know that I needed her. That I was in pain, too, and that I was about to lose my faith in everything. I walked into the bedroom, and yanked the blankets off the bed. She just lay there, staring at the wall, huddled into herself. She looked so…broken, and lost. It broke my heart all over again to see her that way but I had to do this.
"Bella, we have to talk." I stated softly. She just lay there as if I weren't even in the room standing right in front of her. Tears, both old and new streaked down her perfect face. Three weeks. Three weeks of this…this shell of the woman I love and I've had enough. I knelt down and grabbed her hands only to have her pull away from me. I sighed heavily and grabbed her hands again, this time holding firm when she tried to pull away.
"Get up. We have to talk. Now." I said more harshly than I'd intended. Still I got nothing. "Bella!" I shouted. She jumped, and turned her lifeless gaze to me. "We can't keep living like this, love. You haven't been going to counseling; you haven't been doing anything, Bella. I lost her, too, Bella, but this is not healthy. I can't watch you do this to yourself." I explained as tears threatened to spill down my own face.
"So leave." She said, her voice cracking with emotion and loss of use. "What?" I blanched. "If you can't be here for me than leave, Edward. I don't care anymore." She clarified. "Bella!" I exclaimed as the tears started falling freely.
"What? What do you want from me Edward? Can't you see how much pain I'm in every fucking day? Can't you see how hard it is just to wake up in the morning and realize I'm not pregnant anymore? Do you have any idea what that feels like? I WANT TO DIE! I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE! I JUST WANT…to die." She whispered the last brokenly. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her roughly until she slapped me hard across the face. I released her, stood up and started pacing the room.
She sat up in bed and sighed. "I can't do this anymore, Edward. If you can't be here for me than maybe we should just go our separate ways. Obviously you don't want to be here so I-"
"I don't want to be here?" I questioned cutting her off. "I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE?" I shouted angrily. Something broke in me in that moment and I lost it. "I HAVE BEEN HERE WATCHING YOU FALL APART EVERY GOD DAMN DAY FOR OVER A MONTH! AND THE WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN TRYING LIKE HELL NOT TO FALL APART BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE THE STRONG ONE FOR YOU! I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE BELLA! I LOST HER TOO! SHE WAS MY BABY, TOO AND I LOST HER BECAUSE I WASN'T HERE TO PROTECT YOU FROM HIM! HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL? IT'S MY FAULT SHE'S GONE, BELLA!" I shouted, punching the wall. I didn't give her a chance to respond. I walked out, slamming the door behind me. I grabbed my keys, and left. I wanted to kill Jacob, but seeing as he was in jail that wasn't a possibility, so I decided to go to my parents. What good that would do me I had no idea, but it was better than being in that apartment watching Bella self-destruct all over again.
"She needs time to cope with everything, Edward. Just give her some time." Esme stated compassionately. We were sitting around the dining room table discussing how to approach Bella lately. "It's been three weeks, Esme. She won't talk to me, she won't eat, hell she won't even get out of bed unless it's to use the bathroom. She told me to leave tonight." I replied. "She won't let me touch her, or comfort her when she has her really bad days. She won't take her medicine, and she sure as hell won't talk to Jan. I can't watch her do this to herself again. Especially when I know it's my fault in the first place." I continued with a sigh.
"Edward, it is not your fault. It's no one's fault but Jacob's. He did this to her. To the both of you. You have to understand that." Carlisle said. I shook my head. "I should have been there. She's been worried that Jacob would try something and I didn't listen to her. She asked me not to go to work that day, but I insisted on going because I was so behind with my lesson plans. I should have been there." I repeated.
"You need to go home to your fiancé, and talk to her. Make her understand that you're both hurting and that you need each other to get through this. It isn't going to be easy, but I know you can do it. Push her past her limits everyday and I guarantee you'll start to see a change." Esme stated confidently.
"Yeah? And what if all I do is push her farther away from me?" I whispered. "You might at first, but she's smart, Edward. She loves you as much as you love her, and she'll start to come around. But you have to try my sweet boy. If she pushes you away stand your ground. Don't leave when she tells you to. That's when she needs you the most. Go home. Make her take her medicine. Make her take a shower. Don't let her guilt you into giving in to what she wants. You've done it before you can do it again." Esme explained squeezing my arm.
"If she refuses to eat or take her meds you tell her I'll come over there and force her into a treatment facility. That should get her going pretty quickly." Carlisle stated with a sad smile. I smiled back at both my parents and said my goodbyes. It was time to go home and face the love of my life. I felt a little better about doing what I knew had to be done, and they were right in the fact that I've done it before. Why should this time be any different?
I walked into the apartment, and went straight into the bedroom. Bella was still lying there, staring at the wall; the blankets were still on the floor. She hadn't moved an inch in the two hours I was gone. I went to the bathroom, grabbed her medicine and a glass of water and walked back out to the bedroom. Bella sat up immediately and stared at me warily.
"Why'd you come back?" She whispered. I breathed in deeply, handed her the meds and water and replied, "Because I love you." She eyed the medicine for a moment, debating whether or not to take it and then popped the pills into her mouth. She took a long swallow of water and handed me the glass. I set it down on the nightstand, and picked her up bridal style.
"Where are we going?" She asked appropriately nervous. "You're going to take a shower." I stated firmly. "You're not going to throw me into the tub again are you?" She asked nervously. I chuckled. "Not as long as you cooperate." She gave me a small smile, and I put her down once we'd reached the bathroom. She started the water, and began to undress. I went back into the bedroom to gather up some clothes for her and brought them back to her. She was already in the shower. I heard her hiss in pain, and immediately reached for the shower curtain.
"What's the matter, love?" I demanded softly. "Nothing. My muscles are a little tight and my wounds sting a bit." She stated shaking her head. "That's because you've been lying in bed for three weeks. No more of that do you hear me? We're going to start doing the physical therapy the doctor recommended, and you aren't staying in bed all damn day. I took a leave of absence from school so I'll be here with you every day. And it isn't going to be easy, Bella. We're probably going to be at each other's throats most of the time, but we can't keep going like this." I explained softly.
Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she nodded in understanding. I left her to finish her shower and went to make her a salad. I was just finishing up when she came walking slowly into the kitchen. She looked absolutely stunning to me. Freshly showered, with a tinge of pink to her skin from the hot water, hair hanging loosely around her face, and no make up. She was perfect. I kissed her lightly on the lips, and pushed her gently onto a chair. She nibbled at her food, mostly picking through it, but at least she ate something.
I helped her to the living room and sat right beside her on the couch. We watched TV for awhile and then we both went to bed. I didn't get far with her today, but I at least got somewhere, and that's what counted. I would keep pushing. Every single day of the rest of my life I would push her to do better because I love her, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing her.