Bweh. Huge storm means no internet means new chapter.
Apollamarine: Belly button lint. Wow. I am so unbelievably thrilled my story has helped you to better know your stomach.
Azulcat: tell me about it, I get nothing, then approximately 67 alerts in 3 days. And dude, if you think this is almost done…think again. We've got most of Eldest and all of Empire to go yet!
Coffee Grounds: chocolate? No, I think Eragon's more of a cookies and cream person…
Crimson and Chrome 42: ooh, thankyousthankyousthankyous!!
Diamondchild: oh, you did? Maybe I'll check it out!
DragonRider2000: er, neither. You'll just have to wait and see!
Elevanya: actually, you've just given me a brilliant idea!
Invaderm: of COURSE you could. This is Hilaria we're talking about.
Megalomaniac-Dude: yeah. Uh-huh. You do that.
QueenOfTheUnknown: I can point you to fifteen stories right now that can and have taken longer than me.
shellyross55174: meh, I already replied, not my fault you're being too much of a baby to respond. And if you got it as a joke, how'd you get this far into my story?
Tehe-61: well who ever said school was meant to be interesting…maybe that's the real reason they came to Alagaesia, they got bored with school.
Toxique: ah, screw the profanity. Curse away, curse away!
Whispering Lillies: Oh. My. God. Do not even talk to me about that horrible…thing.
Thank ya, bananasrokk, for this spazzerifically awesome idea!!
Chapter Twenty-Five: The Day the Cheese Attacked
"God dammit, what is WITH you and waking me up in the morning??!!" screeched Hilaria as she was yet again woken by the sound of knocking.
"Get up, the head chef wants to talk to you!!" yelled Murtagh in response.
"Oh god," mumbled Hilaria. When people woke her up to talk to her it was generally because she was in trouble.
"Alright, whaddaya want?"
"Miss, um, Hilaria?" the man looked at her.
"The one and only. Wassup?"
"I and the rest of the kitchen staff would like to say that, in the event you would ever need anything, we would be happy to provide it. We are extremely supportive of your pranks."
"Oh…um, thank you? Okay, while I'm in a good mood, can you get a large, large and I mean large, like really humongous, cauldron of melted cheese?"
Murtagh stared at her. Really, I shouldn't be surprised. You never know what to expect with her anymore.
The chef blinked.
"Oh, and get five eggs, too."
"Yes, we can certainly do that…"
"Thank you!" Hilaria beamed and slammed the door.
She grabbed a toothpick, a bobby pin, and a large mallet and set off for the Twins' quarters.
"Okay…screw the lock picking, I can't do this," she muttered, staring at the immensely complex lock on the door. Hilaria stormed off to find a certain something. Or maybe a someone. It's up to you.
She returned some time later with a large red reptilian being with her.
Remind me what you want me to do again? Thorn blinked slowly.
"I want you to break down this door."
The dragon shrugged and threw himself against the thick wood. It completely fell off its hinges, and Hilaria kicked it in.
"What do you think you're doing?" asked an incredulous Murtagh, poking his head around the corner.
"Well," muttered Hilaria as she tramped into the room, "I'm breaking and entering, which is highly illegal. But whatever. I am also," she said, pulling out a large saw, "making a large square hole in the floor."
"Yes, I see that. But why?"
"Because then," enunciated Hilaria as if Murtagh were stupid, which he was, "I can dump the Twins in a vat of cheese."
"Mm-hmm. And what will you do with these cheese-encrusted Twins?"
"I am going to feed them to Shruikan."
"WHAT?"
"Watch and see."
"You want some help with that?"
"Yeah, that would be nice."
Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Hilaria stood on a balcony in the main hall of Galbatorix's castle. The Twins were standing under her, talking. I've always wondered what it would be like to crack an egg on a bald head . . . With that thought in mind, she zoomed off to the kitchens where she snagged the five eggs she had reserved.
The Twins were still there. She took two eggs, aimed, and dropped.
They hit their targets dead on. The Twins roared in fury, looking around. Hilaria backed away from the edge and waited. It didn't take long.
"HILARIA!" they yelled. She stuck her head over the railing and put a mild expression on her face.
"You rang?"
They swelled in anger. Hilaria dropped her remaining three eggs and ran.
The Twins ran and ran and ran, but they couldn't find her. No shit they couldn't: she was tailing behind them all along. So they went back to where Hilaria had hoped they were going: back to their rooms to wash up.
When they set foot inside the (newly repaired) door, the floor dropped out form under them and they were immediately strung upside down from their feet.
"What is the meaning of this?" cried one of the Mr Baldies.
The floor slid away to reveal a bubbling cauldron of melted cheddar cheese.
Hilaria stepped out of the shadows, feeling very much like the villain in a cheap B-movie horror flick.
"Baldies," she announced, "It is time to die. Any last words?"
The Twins did not respond, but frantically began crossing themselves.
"What the…you're Christian??!!"
"Please don't kill us! The power of Christ compels you!"
"Agh…sorry, guys…I'm Jewish…" Hilaria pulled a lever.
The Twins fell headfirst into the boiling dairy product.
"EW, has this been pasteurized?" Hilaria had a very disturbed expression on her face. "Whatever, the Twins are dead! Yayness!"
Shruikan poked his head into the room. I smell cheese. Can I eat it?
Hilaria laughed darkly.
"Inspiration often comes late at night, when you should be doing your homework." –Amy Lee, lead singer of Evanescence.
And have a happy time reviewing.
OMG, I just realized something!! If the wins are dead, Roran can't kill them at the end of Eldest, and so the Varden will have no reason to like him!
Huh. Maybe I'll have Shruikan poop them out or something.