Chapter 25: Doubts

EPOV

There was no way that Bella was going to work there, not if I have anything to say about it. She was going to hate me, I already know from the tone she was giving me.

"No," I repeated, looking at her with seriousness. My jaw was tight and I was gripping the handle of my mug.

"May I ask why?" she kept her irritance obvious. Her voice rose in volume.

"Do you remember when we went to Aura? Do you realize how many drunk assholes were eyeing you? I fucking wanted to bash all of their faces in," I got up, heading towards the kitchen in quick, wide strides, pouring my coffee down the sink. If I drank more, I think I would have been sick to my stomach. "

Alice and Jasper turned their attention to me now, wondering what my problem was. Bella followed behind me, but still held onto her coffee. She just put it on the counter.

"They'll see a beautiful woman and… you have no idea the vile things men think when intoxicated, Bella. I don't even want to give them the chance with my girlfriend," I stared her down.

"I'm not beautiful," Bella muttered with her eyes downwards. "You have nothing to worry about."

Alice scoffed, unbelieving what she just heard and I agreed with her. But Jasper pulled an irritated pixie towards the room to give us privacy. She fought, looking at Jasper with annoyance, but thankfully, Jasper was strong.

Cool points for Jasper.

What the fuck? Why did Bella always underestimate herself? What happened to the confident Bella that I knew? Did my word not matter?

"Bella, you don't see what I see? A confident, smart, beautiful woman. Besides me, guys are going to attract to you like a fucking magnet."

"You're gonna say to me whatever it takes to not take this job, Edward. You're not going to change my mind," Bella said angrily.

"Okay, fine, what if I'm right? What if guys hit on you left and right, will you be able to handle that? While I'm back in Washington wondering what the hell what's happening?" I couldn't hide my jealousy.

"You don't trust me? Fuck, Edward."

"I've never been in a relationship like this before. I'm in love with you and the thought being away from you is just too… I trust you with all my heart, Bella, it's just the thoughts of those bastards around you that I don't trust," I ran my hand through my hair, irritated as fuck.

Bella flew to me, cupping my face in her hands.

"Look at me," I couldn't face her with such anger inside me. I wasn't angry at her, I was angry with myself for being such a shit to her, " Look at me, Edward."

She said it with such authority, sternness, raising her voice. I couldn't help but gaze at those deep brown eyes.

"Don't get angry to what I'm about to say, but I've been fine without you here for three years, Edward. I'm a grown up. I love you to death and truthfully, I don't know what it's going to be like after you leave me, but I'll be fine. It's something to pass the time away till I see you again," Bella paused, clenching her teeth. She bore her eyes into mine with concern. "What's really bothering you?" she asked softly.

"I don't want to leave," my hurt broke though as I said it quietly. "I don't know what to do. I thought I'd be able to handle leaving you for at least a little bit, but now, it's fucking driving me crazy. I haven't even left yet, but I feel this panic thing in the pit of my stomach and it won't go away. I leave Sunday and.. I don't know," I broke from Bella's hold and paced in front of her. Both my hands gripped at my hair, feeling the sting, but it was a reality check. It was pain, I know that part was real.

"We don't have a choice in the matter. I'm gonna do what I have to do to finish school, then I'll come home to Washington to you, like you've said before. You're going to finish school too and become a doctor like you've always wanted."

"I want you," I stilled, looking at my angel's face. My own revealing the anguish, almost breaking me down.

"You have me, Edward. Always. But we have to be brave so we can handle the next few months until we can see each other again," How can Bella was so calm when I was a damn wreck?

It was the exact opposite of what I thought would play out. She would be the wreck and I would be the calm, reserved one. How life turns the tables on you.

"I need this job. I can not work. And if you think about it, Jasper will be there and you know he'll take care of me, along with Emmett, while we're apart."

"Who's going to take care of me?" I said.

She pulled me into her arms and I wanted to break down in her arms. My angel, my life, my Bella, without her for at least five months. Who was going to keep me sane? Who did I have? Bella had Alice, Emmett, Jasper, & Rosalie. I was by alone, only with school and my parents hours and hours away from me. Fuck me. Life sucked right now.

"Will it make you feel better if I ask you to marry me?" Bella murmured.

I looked at her with complete shock.

"What?" It didn't sound like my own voice.

"Marry me."

I couldn't speak. God, I wanted to marry her. I wanted to go now and have her become my wife, but this not how I had imagined it to turn out.

"This isn't going to make it any better, Bella. It's just going to make it worse," I stated.

"I ask you to marry me and you tell me it's going to be worse? Why would you say something like that to me?" Bella moved away from me. Hurt, anger, disbelief. I could feel the tension in the air from the moment my words came out of my mouth.

Fuck.

I reached toward her and she pushed my hands away.

"It's either you don't want to marry me or you do," Bella's eyes were pink, the tears of hurt emerging. Her voice was beginning to quaver and my heart sunk. I hurt her feelings.

"I do want to marry you, but getting married and not being able to be with you is fucking nuts. You're not seeing it in my perspective, Bella. I can't even be with my wife for fuck's sake!" I said, expressing my anger with my hands waving in the air.

"If you look at it that way, maybe I don't want to marry you Edward," Bella narrowed her eyes at me then rushed to her room, slamming the door behind her. I was right behind her, turning the doorknob. Before I could turn it completely, I heard the doorlock click. "Leave me alone, Edward."

I could tell she was crying now from the quivering in her voice.

"Please let me in, Bella," I said through the door, I rested my forehead on the door.

She sobbed behind the door, unmoving. I knew she wasn't going to let me in. What the hell did I just do?

***

BPOV

I just asked the man of my dreams to marry me and he says something stupid to ruin the moment. I wanted to marry him, a proof that he was the only one I ever wanted in my life. Our rings would be proof to others that I was taken, that my heart belonged to Edward. Fuck him if he doesn't want to accept my proposal.

The tears quietly spilled down my face. I may have cried silently, but inside I was screaming. In a way, Edward didn't reject me, but he did. I grabbed my pillow and cried my heart into it. It smelled like Edward and threw it away from me.

I was just offered a job that would help me to keep me occupied and pay the rent and Edward goes off the deep end, acting like a jealous lunatic. He was still at the door and I ignored him, letting my heart break. I was a strong person, always able to keep my feeling hidden from others. I've done it for so long, Edward never knowing how I felt about him for so many years. Now all I wanted to do was lay there and wallow in my misery.

Edward kept up at the knocking on my door, but I ignored the echoing sound of knuckles hitting against wood. I don't know when Edward stopped knocking, or if he was still on the other side of the door, or when I stopped crying. But I do remember going through a mental list of why I should or should not marry Edward now. Questions appeared and I tried to put answers to them that made sense.

Was I doing the right thing?

He would be mine, of course it was the right thing to do. I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen. His wife. He was the man I fell in love with and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. There was no doubt in my mind that this was perfectly right.

Was it too soon to ask him that I wanted to marry him?

In my eyes, it didn't seem like it was too soon. I've loved him since the day I met him. I've dreamed of being his wife. Maybe if I met him a month ago, this proposal would be ludicrous, but that wasn't the case. Still, maybe Edward thought it was too soon? I don't know.

What would come out of marrying him now than later?

I would have his last name. Though, a thought of a big wedding with a white dress and flowers and bridesmaids would be better planned out for later. If married now, it would be a quick ceremony.

Would it really be worse off this way? To be married and not be together?

I thought it would be worth it. I don't know why Edward thought it wouldn't be a good idea.

Does Edward want to marry me?

He said he did. Then why didn't he just say yes?

Now I knew that Edward was a jealous man, it showed when he met Emmett. I do understand how he would get insanely jealous of other men noticing me, but why worry? I was his. Nothing would ever change that.

Should I move to California to be with Edward?

No. I was too close to finishing school. Besides Edward being one of my priorities in my life, so was school. God forbid, if anything were to happen in our relationship, what else would I have? At least I would have my knowledge of what I learned from school to have a career. A future.

Anger rose up again, instead of the hurt prickling at me. Then it hit me, I wouldn't be working at Aura forever. This was just temporary! Just six months. How come Edward didn't see that?

Then I thought to myself, if Edward was in my shoes, would I act the same way?

No, of course not. I admit, I am a jealous person also, but I would not have reacted in the way he had. I would have let him do what he needed to do to get by. Small sacrifices.

Fuck him.

I'm going to do this. I was going to work this job to keep me from killing myself mentally from missing him. I was going to do this with or without him.

If I deny this job, would another opportunity like this come along?

Of course, but it would be the same thing. Edward would still get jealous no matter what. Maybe not to the extreme extent of me working at a bar, but his jealousy would still be there. There was no way avoiding it.

Now, here was a question that I didn't want to face after all that had been said. Will Edward still have me as his wife? Now or later?

What am I suppose to do now?

***

APOV

Is my brother an idiot? Why was he acting like a complete moron!? I wanted to go out there and slap him beside the head, hard. I can't believe that he would let an emotion of jealousy override his senses. He was being childish and stupid.

And Bella, how did she think she was not beautiful? Someone, and that someone was me, needed to straighten her out. I was livid. That stubborn brat was as stubborn as my stupid brother. Didn't she see that she was a beautiful person inside and outside? What did it take to make her see how we saw her?

Right now, my best friends were being…UGH!

A growl escaped me. I stomped back and forth, trying to listen to their argument through the walls. Damn the walls for being so thick. So instead, I cracked the door open just a touch to eavesdrop. Jasper watched me wear the floor away with my pacing, not saying a word. When I looked at him, he said my name, "Alice, instantly calming me a little.

"I want to go out there. They're both being retards," I told Jasper, sitting next to him.

Jasper took my hands in his and pulled me closer to him. I couldn't help but lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

"Just give them time, they'll work it out. When they come to you for someone to talk to, that's when you come in to help. Don't make it worse by interfering," Jasper suggested.

"But I'm their best friend, I can't stand to see them like this," my face was full of worry and concern.

"They'll be alright. They love each other, it'll all work out. You'll see," Jasper told me.

"I'm glad you're here," I murmured to him.

"Me too."

I lifted my head with a smile I tried to give him. He kissed me and I felt better. I don't know what I would have done if Jasper wouldn't have been here to put me at ease. I was trying to be patient with Bella and Edward, but he was right, I would have made it worse with my intrusion.

Patience. Patience, Alice.

My Conscience told me. She was right. I would have to wait until one of them came to their senses or needed me.

I remember when I was in a rut like this. When my head wasn't straight with thoughts of what to do with Jasper. I didn't speak to Bella or Edward about it, thinking I was able to handle it myself. But, I did. Though, this was something completely different from my situation.

What if this ended their relationship that just started? What if it worsened when they were apart? Would it be the end of the Three Musketeers? No, it couldn't. We had too much history together. It's not going to happen, they belonged to each other.