Closer by everymonday

Chapter Twenty-Five: Love Was Surely Made For Fools Like Me

---

November 23; 9:10AM
This would end with a fall.

Lizzie just had a feeling. She'd been here before. She'd done this before. She knew how this would end.

There was a studio, some whispers, some directors. There was Will Darcy on her mind, in her heart, under her skin. There was cause for alarm.

She'd done this before. She felt like she was in the same studio, in the same clothes with the same worries. This was the same audition, different details. Different location, different directors, different moves. The details were inconsequential compared to this feeling that she'd done this before. She knew how this would end.

So then why didn't Lizzie feel the same kind of panic she had felt in London when Will had intruded her thoughts. She was dancing in front of the directors of the American Ballet Theatre, and Will Darcy was on her mind. This was definitely cause for alarm, so she didn't know why she wasn't alarmed.

Maybe because while she was warming up, she finally understood that being with Will didn't mean being without ballet. Maybe they could exist peacefully inside her heart, together. Maybe she could make room in her heart for both of them, because she wanted both of them so badly.

Being in Will's arms made her feel like she could have both of them, together, at the same time. Will understood her enough to know how much she needed to be a ballet dancer on her own terms, but he still wanted her anyway. The wall she had put up between ballet and the rest of the world seemed to crumble when she was with him. When she untangled herself from his arms a few days ago, her heart had remained entwined with his, and she was completely happy with that.

Lizzie was beginning to understand that Will was less of a heavy burden and more of an anchor of support and stability.

She still had no idea how it would work, if it could work. There were many more details to work out, but she finally saw that there was more to life than ballet. Her heart was big enough to fit ballet and more, and she wanted to be able to fit Will Darcy.

Because that was the thing. They fit.

Will looked at her, and sometimes she felt like he knew her better than she knew herself. Lizzie finally, finally felt like she knew who he was, and she'd be crazy to give that up without trying.

Lizzie felt Will's presence in her steps, in her jumps, in her heart. Instead of crippling her, she felt herself move more gracefully, leap more powerfully, dance more beautifully. It was exhilarating.

She didn't think about falling, she just thought about ballet and Will, and how much she loved the them both.

November 23; 3:01PM
Jane and Charlie were sitting together on the couch, hands entwined, when Lizzie returned to the apartment. Jane was laughing at something Charlie said, and Charlie was grinning, looking very much like he had months ago.

"Hey guys."

"Lizzie!" Jane greeted, smiling widely. "How did your audition go?"

"Really well," Lizzie replied. "I have a good feeling about it."

"Was this ABT or NYCB?" Charlie asked.

"ABT." Lizzie dropped her keys on the coffee table and sank down into the wingback chair.

"NYCB won't let her audition until after Christmas," Jane told him, her mouth now a thin line.

Charlie matched Jane's expression. "Why not?"

"After the whole fiasco with Lydia, I had to reschedule my auditions. NYCB didn't have time in their schedule to see me until later. They need to focus on the Christmas season right now. ABT does too, but they made a special exception for me," Lizzie explained.

"That was nice of them."

Lizzie shrugged sheepishly. "I've known the director for a while."

"He's been trying to steal you away from NYCB for a while," Jane reminded her. Then she said to Charlie, "She feels bad about knowing him. Lizzie hates using connections to get things."

"But you knew the NYCB director for a while, didn't you? Why couldn't they make an exception for you too?"

"They don't deserve you, Lizzie," Jane said fiercely, before Lizzie could even open her mouth to respond.

"Well, if I get in at ABT, I won't audition for NYCB anyway." Lizzie shrugged again. "It works out. I'm so tired of auditioning anyway. You know how much it bores me."

"What if you don't get into ABT?" After a pause, Charlie's eyes got wide. "Not that I'm saying you won't! I mean –"

Jane patted his knee reassuringly with her free hand. "It's okay, Charlie."

"It really is," Lizzie agreed, staring at the way Jane's hand didn't move from Charlie's leg. "If I don't get in, I can go to San Francisco. Mary told me they called this morning to offer me a spot."

"Lizzie! That's great!" Jane removed herself from Charlie to give her a hug.

"You want the apartment to yourself, don't you?" Lizzie asked jokingly, returning her sister's embrace.

Jane rolled her eyes as she resumed her seat. "Don't pretend you're not excited about this, Lizzie. I know how badly you wanted San Francisco."

"I did want it." Lizzie paused. "I do want it. It's nice to know I have somewhere to go if ABT doesn't work out."

"Was ABT your first choice?" Charlie asked, arm unconsciously hugging Jane's shoulder.

"It was tied with San Francisco for a while," Lizzie admitted. "I think I really liked the idea of getting away from the New York ballet scene for a while because of all the criticism I was getting, but being back here has made me realize how much I love this city and how much I want to prove myself to them."

Jane looked satisfied. "Hey, Charlie and I are going to dinner later tonight. You should come with us."

"You should, Lizzie!" Charlie agreed. "We could make it a celebration."

"I haven't gotten into ABT yet!"

"But you're in at San Francisco."

"I don't want to be a third wheel." Lizzie bit her lip, trying to watch Jane's reaction at the implication that she and Charlie were a couple.

"We could invite Will," Jane suggested, seemingly oblivious to the meaning behind Lizzie's words.

Lizzie smiled. Jane hadn't denied that she and Charlie were a couple. Maybe she had taken Charlie back. Lizzie would have to talk to her sister about it later for confirmation. "Is Charlie talking to Will now?"

"I was never not talking to Will."

"Really?"

"I was upset with him, that was a given, but I've forgiven him. We're fine, just not hanging out a lot because he's dealing with the press, and I think it's better if it seems like I'm mad at him anyway. I've realized that Will was just looking out for me and it's more my fault for listening to his bad advice than his fault for offering it to me. I knew more about my relationship with Jane than Will did, but I still listened to him. It was my inability to grow a pair and just trust my own gut."

Jane, who had been looking at the floor when Charlie started his explanation, was now looking at the blond man with a happy, brilliant smile.

"How's your sister doing, Jane?" Charlie asked, obviously wanting a topic change.

"Which one?"

"Lydia."

"Oh." Jane's shoulders sagged a bit. "She's unhappy in rehab."

"That's to be expected," Lizzie reminded her dryly.

Jane nodded. "I guess it's just bad timing since Thanksgiving's in a week, and Mom feels like Lydia should be with us for that."

"Mom's going to fly out and be with her though," Lizzie said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. Lydia was clearly their mother's favorite. Everyone had known that, but Lizzie hadn't expected her to abandon Cat during Thanksgiving for Lydia. Cat insisted she'd rather stay with Lizzie and Jane for Thanksgiving anyway, but Lizzie saw Cat's anger at their mother through her false smiles.

"I'm sure Lydia will be okay eventually. Sometimes it takes something like missing out on family holidays to get through to someone," Charlie said carefully.

Lizzie smiled at Charlie's effort. "Maybe."

"What are your plans for Thanksgiving, Charlie?" Jane asked.

"Charlie, did you send those flowers?" Lizzie asked suddenly, effectively cutting off Charlie's answer, when she noticed the beautiful arrangement of lilies on the end table that definitely had not been there when she left this morning.

"No. Will sent them to you." Jane grinned.

"What?" Lizzie stood up to inspect the flowers. "When?"

"They came about an hour ago," Jane answered. "By the way, where were you? I thought you said your audition would be over before noon."

"It was. I went to the ballet studio to dance because I felt so restless. Then I had lunch with Mallory and Ed." Lizzie dug through the flowers and found a small card.

Lizzie,
Hope your audition went well. Please give me a call later. I'd like to hear from you.Yours, Will
743-5764

Lizzie read the card twice, and then reread it a third time, in case she'd missed something. A greeting, three sentences, a closing, and his phone number. That's all it was, yet her heart was racing.

"Is Will working today?" Lizzie asked, her voice cracking a bit for no apparent reason.

"I think so," Charlie answered, watching her curiously. "Did the card not say?"

"Would she ask if it did?" Jane teased.

Charlie playfully pinched her arm. "Just checking."

Their sweet, couple-like behavior (or just couple behavior, she wasn't quite sure) was cute, but Lizzie wasn't sure how much of it she could take without actually feeling like a third wheel.

"Are you going to call him?" Jane asked curiously.

"Should I?"

"If he left you his number, so I'm going to say yes."

Lizzie raised an eyebrow. "You are just sassy today, aren't you, Jane?"

"She is," Charlie agreed, nodding. "Go call Will, and I'll teach her a lesson."

"Please don't do it on our couch." Lizzie shot them both a knowing look before walking out of the apartment with her cell phone. She heard Jane and Charlie laugh as she closed the door.

It took her several deep breaths before she forced her fingers to dial the number left on the card. Lizzie counted seven rings and thought about hanging up, but Will's voice stopped her.

"You've reached Will Darcy. I obviously am not here right now, so please leave your name, number, and a short message. I will get back to you as soon as possible."

Lizzie smiled at the brevity and terseness of the message, but realized she had nothing to say, so she hung up.

She stared at the card, wondering what she would have even said if he had picked up. Gathering up her nerve, Lizzie redialed the number. She chewed on her thumbnail while she waited through the seven rings and the voice mail message.

"Hi, Will," Lizzie began, taking her finger away from her mouth. "It's Elizabeth…Bennet. It's Lizzie." She paused to cringe at this awful start. "I got your flowers. Thank you so much for sending them. They're lovely. My audition went really well. It's actually the last of my auditions for a while." This was a bad idea, Lizzie thought miserably. She forged on anyway.

"I hope you're doing well. Jane and Charlie want to go to dinner tonight. I don't want to be a third wheel, so you should definitely come." Lizzie took a breath. "I'd really like to see you," she admitted softly.

Lizzie smiled ruefully. "I think I was supposed to keep this message short. I guess just give me a call when you can."

November 23; 6:30PM
Will didn't call. It did nothing to settle her thoughts. All she could think was wouldn't it be ironic that when she was finally ready to let Will in, he decided he didn't want her anymore?

Charlie had invited them back to his place, where he'd cook. Only Jane accepted. Lizzie decided to order Chinese and curl up with a book to try to stop thinking about Will.

Her phone gave a shrill ring just as she was finishing her chicken stir-fry. The number looked familiar, but Lizzie couldn't figure out why.

"Hello?" She gathered the chopsticks and used containers with her free hand to put in the garbage.

"Lizzie? It's Will."

Her mouth dropped open and her hand dropped the containers. "Will?"

"Yeah."

Lizzie stared at the small mess on the ground and contemplated what she should tell him first. There was nowhere to start. There were too many things, all too long and seemingly inappropriate to say over the phone.

"Are you still there?" Will asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes." Lizzie knelt to pick up the small boxes and grains of rice that had scattered. "Sorry. How are you?"

"I'm good. I got your message."

Lizzie couldn't read his voice over the phone. She couldn't even remember what she had said in that message.

"I'm sorry it took me a while to call you back," Will continued. "I was at work. Are you still having dinner with Charlie and Jane?"

"No," Lizzie replied, wondering how that would look to him. "I actually just ate."

"I see. Are you at your apartment?"

"Yes." She took a deep breath. "Would you like to come over?"

"Sure," he answered without hesitation, allowing her to exhale. "When?"

"Now?"

"Alright. I'm in a cab right now, so I can be there in about ten minutes."

"Okay."

"I'll see you then."

"Okay."

"Bye, Lizzie."

Lizzie swallowed. Why did he affect her so much? "Bye."

After hanging up, Lizzie came to the realization that the floor was still a mess and so was she. She quickly finished cleaning up the mess before washing her hands and rushing to her room to change out of her pajamas.

She was running a brush through her wild hair when there was a knock at the door. Lizzie looked down at herself for one final inspection. She was wearing a pair of comfortable blue jeans and the same evergreen sweater she'd worn in London.

The apartment was a bit of a mess, Lizzie noticed as she walked to the door, but there was nothing to be done about it now. It probably didn't matter, since Will had been here just a few days prior, and it hadn't seemed to bother him then.

Lizzie opened the door, not sure why she felt so nervous. "Hi."

"Hi, Lizzie." Will smiled at her. It was a subtle, easy curve of his mouth, and it captivated her. Without thinking, she moved so that their bodies were touching and her arms were around his neck. He didn't hesitate in returning her embrace, holding her body tightly against his.

He dropped a familiar kiss on her forehead, but it wasn't enough for Lizzie. She turned her head up so that the second time his lips descended on her skin, they would be on her mouth.

Lizzie heard Will give an appreciative hum as he began to kiss her slowly. She took one hand away from his neck to reach behind her and close the door so she could lean back against it. She knew her legs would not hold her up for very long.

After approximately ten seconds of devastatingly slow exploring, Will's lips became more urgent, and Lizzie kissed him back with just as much fervor. The poetic scene ended the moment Lizzie opened her mouth to allow his tongue entrance. They were both desperate. They were sloppy. Teeth clanked and tongues clashed as they tried keep up with each other.

Will's body pressed hers against the door, one hand was in her hair and the other was on her hip. He dragged his mouth away from hers and began placing brief kisses along her jaw and down her neck.

A soft moan escaped her mouth when his lips closed over her pulse point and sucked. He trailed more kisses on her bare shoulder, and Lizzie was very, very glad she wore an off-the-shoulder sweater. Her skin burned deliciously with every inch his lips conquered and the sound of their combined breaths made her hot and dizzy.

Somewhere down the hall, a door slammed, making them both very aware that they were making out in the hallway like two hormonal teenagers.

Will was the first to right himself, pulling away from her just enough so that she could adjust her sweater.

Lizzie cleared her throat, relieved to see Will's face was as flushed as she was sure hers was. Though whether it was from what they'd done or where they'd done it, Lizzie wasn't quite sure. "Do you want to come in?"

He let out a sound that might have been a laugh had it not sounded so choked. "Yes."

Lizzie opened the door, but he gestured that she should enter first. Even now, his small acts of chivalry surprised her, though she knew they shouldn't.

They both stood awkwardly in the living room, neither one wanting to look away.

"How was work?" Lizzie asked, ignoring the way her fingers itched to touch him again. She sat on the couch so that she would have something to do other than think about recreating the hallway scene in her living room.

"It was fine. How was your audition?" Will's breathing still hadn't returned to normal, but he looked like he was putting in great effort to control it as he sat down next to her.

"It went really well," Lizzie answered, allowing their denim-clad knees to touch nonchalantly. "I, um, I came to a revelation."

Will's forehead creased. "Did you?"

Lizzie nodded, though he couldn't see because he was staring at their touching knees. "It's kind of hard to explain."

He met her eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know. It's probably not hard to understand. You know me so well. I'll probably just have trouble articulating it," Lizzie admitted honestly. "Can I get you anything?"

She meant to ask that before they sat down, probably before she had launched herself at him, but she didn't. Now, judging from the way he was looking at her with his smoldering gray eyes, it was a loaded question. Maybe it had always been a loaded question.

"I'm fine. Tell me about your revelation."

"Can I ask you something first?"

"Alright." His posture stiffened, a sure sign he was becoming uncomfortable.

"It's kind of personal," Lizzie warned, hating that the statement probably wouldn't make him any less uncomfortable.

She was right. His back didn't lose its rigidity, but he didn't disagree. He simply nodded and watched her with wary eyes.

Lizzie wondered if he was tired of this, of her. She knew she was often difficult to deal with. His aunt's words kept screaming at her. She wasn't good enough for Will. Not because she was independent or a ballet dancer, but because she was Elizabeth Bennet. She was stubborn and obsessed with ballet and volatile.

"Do you still love me?" she whispered. It wasn't the question she meant to ask him, but it was a question that had been plaguing her for a long time.

The crease in his forehead deepened, and his eyes did not change. "How can you ask me that, Lizzie?"

She bit her lip and tried to keep the tears at bay. "I'm sorry."

"After everything, you're still unsure?" he asked in disbelief. He stood up, and for a second, Lizzie thought he was going to leave. However, he simply kneeled on the floor so that he was looking at her face to face.

She wrung her hands together and resisted the urge to bite her nails. Lizzie bowed her head to allow her hair to fall over her face and hide her insecurities.

Will's hands pushed her hair back behind her ears and cupped her face gently. "I don't know how to make myself any more clear to you, Lizzie."

His lips descended on hers, but before she could respond, he pulled away.

The pads of his thumb wiped away tears she hadn't realized she'd been shedding.

"When did you know?" she asked quietly. That was the question she had meant to ask him before.

"That I loved you?"

Her heart raced at the words. "Yes."

"I don't know," Will replied honestly. "I can't give you the exact hour or spot or action that laid the foundation. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun."

Lizzie cautiously took both of his hands in hers and laced their fingers. "You weren't very nice to me when you first met me."

His lips curved into the small smile that never failed to make her stomach swoop. "You weren't nice to me either. In fact, if I recall correctly, I'd say you were uncivil to me for much longer than I was to you."

"You liked it," Lizzie teased. "You're attracted to women with bad manners."

Will guffawed. "If that were the case, I'd be with Caroline." He laughed again at Lizzie's sour face. "However, I think it'd be more appropriate to say that I'm attracted to a woman with endearingly bad manners."

"Are we still talking about Caroline?" Lizzie pretended to sulk.

"How about a woman with endearingly bad manners who is embarrassingly oblivious of my affections?" Will stood up and pulled her with him.

"Fine." She was too distracted by his proximity to continue arguing.

"It's difficult for me to give you anymore than I already am, when I'm getting no encouragement, Lizzie," he admitted. "I'm a very prideful man, as you know. There's only so much rejection from you I can take."

"I'm not rejecting you now," Lizzie whispered, tilting her head up.

Will's eyes remained on her lips longer than necessary, especially since he didn't even kiss her. "Really?"

Lizzie wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a shy peck on the corner of his mouth. "Really."

It was all the encouragement he needed. His lips seemed to meet hers at the same time that his body pushed hers so that the back of her legs hit the couch. She would have fallen back, had his hands not held her hips and steadied her. His hot tongue was making dives into her mouth, making her frantic and frying her brain. This wouldn't do. She needed to tell him things.

With a lot of effort, she pulled her mouth away. "Will?"

"Mm?" He was kissing his way down her neck again.

"I think we need to – oh!" His mouth had found her pulse point again.

"Need to what?" he asked. She could feel his smile against her skin.

"Hmm." She was distracted. "We need to, um, talk."

"About what?" Will abandoned her neck for a moment, only to settle near her ear. "I thought we were done talking."

"Don't you want to hear about my revelation?" Lizzie asked, clinging to the fabric of his shirt as his hot breath sent shivers through her body.

Will traced the shell of her ear with the tip of his tongue. "Maybe later."

Lizzie swallowed. "It's, um, really important."

"Alright." He gave her one last kiss just below her ear before pulling away, though he kept his hands on her hips.

"Right," Lizzie said, concentrating on slowing her out of control heart. "Right."

"Right," Will repeated, amused.

Lizzie took a deep breath and gathered as much of her courage as possible. "The thing is… I'm messed up."

Will frowned. "Was this your revelation?"

"Kind of." Lizzie bit her lip. "I mean, I don't think I'll ever – that is – I don't know if I'm wired the same way as other people."

"Because of your passion for ballet?"

"Yeah," Lizzie sighed, relieved that he knew her so well. "For a long time, I thought that I could only have ballet and nothing else. I couldn't love ballet and something else."

Will nodded. "Why not?"

"I feel like I have to be focused. It was even worse this year because I was trying to go back to the dancer I was before the accident." Lizzie looked away. "I couldn't stop thinking about you at my audition at Royal Ballet, and I fell."

There was no response from Will, and Lizzie didn't want to look at him just yet.

"I don't blame you or anything. I mean, obviously, it's not your fault that I couldn't focus. It just…got me worried, you know? Because we weren't even together then, but you had such a hold on my heart."

A pause, then Will asked, "And now?"

"And now," Lizzie looked up to meet his guarded eyes before continuing, "I'm madly in love with you, and I don't want to be without you."

Lizzie heard him inhale sharply and watched as a range of emotions crossed his face. They moved to quickly for her to read accurately, but the one that stayed was pure happiness. "I love you too."

Her body was melting into his, and she'd never felt more comfortable. He bent his head to give her a soft kiss. "I love your passion." He gave her another kiss. "I love how much you love your family." Another one. "I love your persistence." Another kiss, this one a bit longer. "I love your stubbornness and your strength." Another kiss, this time he missed her lips and got right under her nose. "I love everything about you, Lizzie."

"And you're okay with the ballet obsession?" Lizzie asked, because she wasn't sure if she could handle being asked to give it up, not by Will.

"It's a part of you. How could I not be okay with it?" He moved to kiss her, but she pulled away, needing to be sure.

"It's hard to deal with sometimes."

"You're hard to deal with sometimes." Will's eyes were teasing.

"I know but –"

"Lizzie," Will interrupted. "I know that being a ballet dancer is synonymous to being alive for you. So why would I ever be bothered by it?"

The air in her lungs felt insufficient. His words squeezed her heart and made it ache in a way she'd never known. "You make me feel alive too," Lizzie told him softly.

Will's soft lips were on hers again. This time, she didn't move out of the way. His tongue entered her mouth, slowly rediscovering and thoroughly caressing hers. She let him claim her mouth the way he had claimed her heart.

It had taken her a while, but Lizzie finally realized that falling for Will did not mean falling while dancing.

Author's Note: I know a few chapters ago, I said this story would be about thirty chapters, but I managed to condense it into twenty-five. I have an epilogue planned, so technically twenty-six. If there's anything you would like to see in the epilogue, please let me know (since I'm still kind of unsure what I should write in it). I'll try very hard to include your suggestions/requests. The only thing I won't write is another wedding because I don't believe every story has to end with a wedding. Hopefully it won't take two weeks to get out, but I can't make any promises. :/

Other than that, I really hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter and the story. Many, many thanks to Lizzy and Lyndell for editing this for me! Also thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter and is still reading.

This is so bittersweet for me, guys. I'm really excited and sad that this story is one chapter from being over.

Please review. :]