I've been writing a super-long chapter, but it's taking too long, so I've decided to create a little chapter to fill the needs of this story. So I introduce this chapter!
Episode Twenty-five: Part One: Don Dies
It was a very normal day. Vegeta was bored, as usual, so he sat in front of the TV. After half an hour of doing nothing, he decided to check the mail.
Vegeta opened his laptop. "Let's see.. mail... mail..." he muttered under his breath, and started saying the topics out loud. "Random junk... more random junk... your subscription has expired... rent a llama... you win our prize... tower collapse kills -3 people... nuclear invasion... this sucks, what's in the junk mail?"
"Why would you check the junk mail?" Goku asked.
"That's what one of the e-mails is called, and what are you doing in my house?"
"It was a great party," Goku said, nodding his head.
"What party?" Vegeta asked suspiciously.
"Oh yeah, you were HAMMERED!" Goku replied. He shuddered. "I'll never get the picture of your naked except for a speedo on your head out of my own head..." He turned and said a clip on AFV, before laughing. "Okay, that helped!"
"I don't remember any guests coming over," Vegeta said.
"How can you not? You're sitting on Krillin's head!" Vegeta stood up and Krillin took in a massive gasp of air. "Anyway, go to that rent a llama, I'm very interested."
-Outside-
Trunks was taking a walk when he saw Goku go flying out the door head first and crash into the mailbox. Trunks then took out some actual mail and walked inside, sitting at the kitchen table and taking a sip of some of Vegeta's coffee. He began sorting the mail.
"Hey, we have funeral invitation!" he yelled and Vegeta and Bulma came in.
"Is it Kakarott?" Vegeta asked eagerly.
"I hope so, I hate that bastard," Goku said while standing beside them, making everyone give him weird looks.
Goku went flying head first out of the door and into the mailbox. Vegeta dusted off his hands and went to see who's funeral it was.
The four of them were standing there, as Trunks opened the letter. "Why are there four of us?" Bulma asked.
"I dunno."
"I dunno."
"I dunno." They all turned and looked at Krillin.
Goku was rubbing his head when Krillin was thrown out the front door head first, also hitting the mailbox. "Welcome to the club," Goku moaned.
-In the kitchen-
"Now that that's taken care of, we shall see who has died," Vegeta said professionally.
"What happened to your pants?"
Vegeta looked down and saw that he was only wearing boxers and a shirt. He flew up the stairs, changed with inhuman speed, which was normal for a saiyan, and ran downstairs into the kitchen in three seconds flat.
"So who died?"
"Let's see..." Trunks said, taking out the letter.
Dear GENERIC PERSON,
We are sad to report to you that one of the pirates has died.
"Please be Carrod please be Carrod please be Carrod please be Carrod please be Carrod please be Carrod please be Carrod please be Carrod..." Vegeta chanted.
"Dad, Carrod isn't a pirate," Trunks said.
"Don't ruin my fantasy!" Vegeta snarled. He began picturing a world without Carrod. It was filled with a flaming city with him standing on top of a large tower laughing like a maniac. He snickered.
The pirate Don will be having a funeral at a Lakeside Hotel in three days. Come if you want, and bring cheese! Shut up Dumpface, and look what you made me write!
Brian
"NO!" Vegeta screamed. "NOT DON!"
"Do you even know which one Don is?" Trunks asked.
"Is he the slug?"
The next day, Vegeta was bored so decided to go and find out how Don died. He flew all the way to the Bahamas and found his pirate crew. They seemed amazingly bored, with Scumpy playing with a ball in a cup and Brian moving a flashlight's light around a wall, which Dumpface was trying to catch.
"Hi!" he said happily.
"Hi," everyone except Dumpface replied dully ("Why can't I catch it?" asked Dumpface).
"So how's everyone doing?" Vegeta asked.
"Bored," everyone but Dumpface, who was till trying to catch the light, which had been moved to the roof, answered.
"Man, Don must've really been the life around here," Vegeta said.
"Who?" Riff asked.
-Six hours later-
"Okay, I'll ask this one last time," Vegeta said. "How did Don die?"
"And I'll answer for the last time," Scumpy said. "I told you the first time, you just fell asleep so I told you again but you were battling Dumpface over who would catch the light so I gave up and you started asking so I told you again but your brain couldn't comprehend that knowledge."
Vegeta blinked. "How did Don die?"
-Flashback-
Don was devouring about 10 000 marshmallows a minute, and Scumpy, Chip and Greybeard were watching. "Man, he sure eats a lot of marshmallows," Chip said.
"Arg, he be living off them," Greybeard replied.
"Okay, seriously, stop talking like that!" Scumpy said threateningly.
"I wonder what would happen if we started roasting the marshmallows before he eats them," Chip said.
"I dunno, but we'll need to get to them before Don," Greybeard said.
They all snuck down to Don, and as Greybeard's hands were about to grab the marshmallows, Chip sneezed. "A-" Scumpy knocked him out with a punch to the gut. He fell over, fell on a table which smashed to pieces, one of the pieces going flying into orbit before coming down and making a crater the size of Ontario. Don belched, scratching his ass. Greybeard's eye twitched before he grabbed the marshmallow bag and the two of them ran, leaving Chip.
-Reality-
"He found us roasting the marshmallows over a fire," Scumpy said. "He thought we were burning them alive and died of a heart attack. That answer your question?"
Vegeta sighed. "What a sad way to die... So how did Don die?"
-However many days later-
Everyone stood at the funeral parlor wearing black, until Dumpface walked in wearing a clown costume. "Time for everyone to laugh!" he said, spraying silly string into Vegeta's ear. "Wait, this isn't clown school-" He was interrupted by Vegeta blasting him out the window with his Galic Gun. The saiyan laughed evilly.
"What do you know, I did laugh."
The priest stepped up beside Don's coffin and was about to began talking.
"Why's a catholic priest at Don's funeral? He was Jewish," Lance muttered to Orange, who shrugged.
"A few of Don's close friends will say some eulogies for him." Scumpy was first up.
"Don was a good man," Scumpy said. "He showed no mercy and was never hesitant to take hostages. And that's what makes him better then this idiot." He pointed at Dumpface.
Riff was next. "Don was great at video games, especially Mario Party 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and above. He was meh at 5. His favourite video game was Halo 1. That's all I really know, aside from the fact that he was striaght. Or was he?" he added in a sly tone but was yanked away by a giant cane.
Dumpface clapped happily and ran up to coffin. "Hi Don! How're you doing?"
"He's dead," Greybeard reminded him.
"Oh ya," Dumpface said, then turned back to the coffin. "So what's it like being dead?"
"SAY YOUR DAMN EULOGY!" everyone yelled.
"We are gathered here today for the gathering of Don in eternal slumber. Speak now... or... forever..."
"Somebody shut him up..." Scumpy muttered and Vegeta shot a thin finger blast which knocked Dumpface behind the coffin.
Brian walked up next. "Don was a great man, and was also second in command. He did a great job, and I taught him many things which he claimed were trivial and worthless, but I beg to differ. Few can eat cheese without opening their mouth, but I can. Few can launch a bottle rocket to the moon, but I can. And few can be candidates for the upcoming election, but I am. Vote Bob Rian!"
Cricket.
Cricket.
Cricket.
Cricket.
The hook that had pulled Riff off the stage grabbed Brian and yanked him too.
Ol' Stabby ran up. "I like stabbing," he said phychoticly. "I wish that I had gotten to stab Don... again... we had fun... he laughed... or maybe swore... At least I only got him in the arm..."
The hook brought him off too. People began to wonder what was beyond the door it came from. Sam went in and never came out... or you could agree with the witnesses who say he came out with photos. But back to the demented eulogies.
Chip cleared his throat. "My last memories were trying to steal his marshmallows to eat them ourselves and see what he would do. Wow, those were unexpected results... Anyway, we got along good, even though I was the one who suggested the idea that killed him..."
The hook came out, and Chip screamed, trying to run. He was caught and began to be pulled. He clawed at the floor, screaming not to be taken as he was brought to his uncertain fate...
Orange, afraid of what had happened to his brother, had to be dragged up and glued to the spot. "Um... hi... Uh... nice day, isn't it?" Then he remembered he was at a funeral. The doorknob of the room began turning. "Don was a good man, who possessed many good qualities, and was good at his job, and good at making friends, and... Did I say good enough?" The cane reached out and grabbed him, ripping up some of the floorboards in the process.
Lance got ready for his eulogy. "I never knew Don too well, so I don't even know why I'm up here."
The cane came out to grab him, but Lance pulled a metre long cane from no where and blocked a blow. The two wooden objects began exchanging blows, and Lance backflipped onto the coffin and began blocking the cane's every blow. He ducked out of the way and leapt into the air, doing multiple somersaults and downcutting through the cane, snapping in half. The cane fell to the ground and the door closed, Lance doing a victory pose. the crowd was silent, and someone coughed.
Lance sighed and walked to his seat while Vegeta walked beside the coffin, kicking the cane's fragments away. "I was Don's captain, so I knew the most about him. I may have only known him for about five months, but he was like a father to me, teaching me the way of hte pirate."
"You're older then him!" Trunk yelled. Vegeta ignored him.
"I knew Don better then anyone-"
"You didn't even know who Don was a few days ago!" Trunks yelled.
"I had forgotten."
"You still don't know who Don is!"
"Yes I do, he's the snake!" Everyone was silent.
Dumpface popped up from behind the coffin. "Hi everyo-" Vegeta punched his face without looking, knocking him out.
"Well, now for someone who knows Don better then anyone who ever met him, Cir!"
Hi, and it's great to be here! I'm lucky I'm here, my lugage got misplaced and the only way I could get it back was with an umbrella.
No body talked.
Tough crowd, tough crowd... Oh wait, this is a funeral isn't it? I thought funeral was bar in a different language.
"You suck!" someone yelled. There was a flash of light, and all that was ledt of him was a hat and ashes... strange... he wasn't wearing a hat...
Seriously though, Don was a good guy. He lived life to the full extent, which to him was eating the most marshmallows physically possible. He was six away from a world record. Too bad he couldn't live life to the full... because of my decision. Sayonera!
Everyone blinked. Vegeta stood up. "Well, I guess this funeral's over. But I wonder what happened to those pulled by the hook?"
Suddenly the door swung open, a bright light coming out of it as well as steam, making everyone shield their eyes. A figure stepped from the doorway.
2 Be Continued...