Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.
Stealing From Thieves
Chapter 25
Weigh the Enemy More Mighty Than He Seems
The gawkers had plenty to do the following Tuesday, and there were plenty of gawkers to stare at the motley group we made walking through the Ministry. At the staff meeting the previous day Minerva made a big show of assigning me to act as an Hogwarts representative and travel to the Ministry with Hermione, Potter, Weasley, and Arthur and Molly Weasley for the hearing. I grumbled and cursed about why not send Hagrid along instead because he seemed hurt not to have been chosen, but Minerva held fast. The reality was that I wanted to go because I had other business at the Ministry besides supporting Hermione, and in the end, Hagrid decided to come along to watch me. I was not offended, but what did offend me was all the people that stared at us. Gawkers made my ass hurt.
I could hardly blame the rubberneckers though. After all, it wasn't very often when you were faced with a half-giant, three of the reddest haired people on the planet, two other war heroes, and the living embodiment of everything that can be good and evil all at the same time. I was that final dichotomy. I could see the question in everyone's eyes. Is he good, or is he evil? Whenever I cut my eyes in someone's direction to meet theirs they would twitch and falter in their steps, and then glance back apologetically as if their clumsy mistake of assuming I was going to attack was offensive. It should have been, but I was slightly amused and more than a little annoyed instead.
The Ministry had opened the hearings to the public which only increased the spectacle we made, but fortunately they had forbidden cameras. At the security station there was a ridiculously large pile of cameras sitting haphazardly on the floor. For some reason I thought of Colin Creevey and his own photographic machine. I hoped his little brother, Denis, would do something more important with his camera than get a job as paparazzi. Something in my soul said that he would become something more special than that and that his pictures would move the world rather than entertain it.
I walked towards the back of the group and spoke very little throughout the course of the morning. I was giving off the impression that I was irked to have an entire day's worth of classes cancelled for this wasted errand. Only Hermione knew that I wasn't, and only one portion of the visit to the Ministry would be less than pleasant. I sat through Hermione's well rehearsed and delivered testimony before I excused myself from the trial. Hermione spoke quickly and eloquently only telling exactly as she saw putting heavy emphasis on the fact that she was honestly not paying too much attention as her goal was to get to where she was going. I don't think she could have offended anyone much. I caught her eye before she left the witness stand and gave her a very small, but reassuring smile.
The hallways of the Ministry were quiet now that the trial du jour was underway. I ran into no one as I made my way to the Auror's offices and was pleased to see Wulfric Banes sitting in his desk chair behind a mountain of paperwork. Banes was an ancient senior Auror who hadn't seen battle in years, but was responsible for the records of them, and also the man who authorised visits in and out of Azkaban. He saw me through his cracked door, but I knocked anyway.
"Come in," he called as he shuffled the papers in his hands and looked at me with curiosity.
I closed the door behind me and settled myself in the extra chair without invitation.
"Do you have more information for us?" Banes asked almost eagerly. "We have done well with what you have offered us, although the men we most desire still evade capture."
"No, I do not come with more information, but to make a request." I leaned forward slightly and lowered my voice as if to include him in the effort. We both knew he had nothing to do with any captures beyond copying my notes and dispensing them to the active duty Aurors. I enjoyed how his beady little eyes brightened at my dramatic effect. "I wish to visit with Lucius Malfoy."
The bright little eyes sharpened as his brow furrowed. "He is only allowed visits from immediate family members once a month." Meaning only Draco, because his wife was currently imprisoned for another seven months in her home.
"Is that your only concern?" I pressed searching his eyes. He was doing a poor job of hiding his suspicion.
"No, no. Of course not," he stammered as he wiped his brow.
I leaned back in the chair, crossed my legs, and laced my fingers together over my raised knee. I was the portrait of collectedness and Banes continued to sweat as I fixed him with my hardened gaze. After a moment I flashed him a wide toothy smile with straight new teeth that disconcerted him even further.
"Then I would like to make a special request for an exception. They have been granted in the past. I do not wish my visit to publicised so there should be no objections," I said.
"The request would have to be approved by the Minister of Magic." Banes twitched as he reached for the appropriate forms just as I knew he would. "And he will want to know the nature of your visit."
He poised the pen over the paper as if waiting for me to give him the explanation so he could write it down. Instead I slipped the parchment calmly from underneath his palm and stood up. I was making the man perspire enough as it was. It was obvious he did not want to be the man responsible allowing the visit that freed Lucius Malfoy from prison. One did not have to be a skilled Legilimens to know that was exactly what he was thinking, but it did help.
"I will place the request myself. I wouldn't dream of doing something without going through the proper channels, and you are a busy man." Banes looked relieved as I exited the office and I saw him pull out a handkerchief and take a swipe at his brow before I closed his door behind me.
Unfortunately, the Minister was currently presiding over the trial taking place in the courtrooms below me. Getting the visit approved would have to wait. I wished I had Hermione with me as I went to my next stop which was one of the many offices where magical deeds were kept.
Once I arrived at the appropriate place a plump witch with mousy brown hair smiled and welcomed me without taking her eyes off the article she was reading in Witch Weekly.
"How may I help you, er, sir," she stammered when she finally did look up and recognised me. I did not recognise her. She was clearly much older than I and obviously not one of my past students.
I ignored her surprise and withdrew the copies of my shrunken new blueprints from my pocket and expanded them. "I would like to register changes to the deed of my house and to apply for a building permit."
"Oh, of course." She took my information and went to a file cabinet. After tapping three times with her wand a drawer popped open and she retrieved my home's records. "This won't take long. It is such a shame about the fire," she quipped after reading on my file what happened to the original house. I didn't respond, but I did not glare at her as I was wont to do either. Thirty minutes later I was finished and on my way back to the trial. I would be notified by owl when my permit was approved which she said would take one to two weeks. That meant during Christmas I could begin building. Thanks to the wonder of magic, a little bad weather would not deter from building in the winter time. I wanted my new house built as soon as possible.
By the time I got back to the courtroom the hearing was over. Several members of the Wizengamot were milling about outside speaking with the three young Gryffindors. Arthur had excused himself back to work and Molly was fussing over Percy, her eldest son. I saw Kingsley end an interview with someone from the Prophet and I took the opportunity to approach him before anyone else could.
"A word," I muttered in his ear. I silently cast the Muffliato spell as I gently led him a few more feet away from the milling crowd. "It will only take a moment."
"Of course, Severus. What is it you need?" At least Kingsley had stopped looking at me as if I was going to snap any second and start summoning Death Eaters out of nowhere. I was not the Dark Lord, after all.
"I wish to visit with Lucius Malfoy." I retrieved the already completed request form from my pocket and handed it to the Minister.
He skimmed the form letting his eyes linger on the 'nature of visit' section. I had written to be of assistance to an old friend. I wanted to write 'none of your business,' but figured honesty would provoke and equally incredulous response. I was right as Kingsley's brow furrowed much as Banes's had.
"While it is not extraordinary to grant an exception like this, I cannot help but be conscious of how suspicious it might appear to the public," Kingsley stated in a voice that was a cross between a pandering politician and concerned friend.
I could not keep my frustration at bay any longer. "I am not planning to release him. Haven't I done enough to satisfy the Ministry that my intentions are honest? I only wish to do as I stated and offer my assistance to an old friend. Furthermore, I expressly stated I do not want knowledge of my visit leaked to the public."
I could feel the bright spots of colour high in my cheeks. I wasn't even aware of how tightly I was clenching my fists until I saw Hermione out of the corner of my eye. The look on her face and those of the people surrounding her were of worry and mild shock. I relaxed immediately and turned my back on the bystanders. "Please, Minister." I hated to beg.
"Yes, yes. Forgive me. You have done more than enough to show your loyalties and I should be more forthright in my gratitude. Now turn around and smile." He grasped my shoulder and whipped me around for the sea of people who could see us, but not hear us. I silently released the spell and moved forward with the Minister.
Hagrid eyed us both suspiciously before clapping me hard on the shoulder. "We're off to the Leaky Cauldron for lunch before we go back ter the castle."
"I will send you an owl," Kingsley whispered for my ears only as Hagrid shoved me and the three Gryffindors through the crowd and out into the lobby of the Ministry. We took the next available floos to the Leaky Cauldron and I didn't relax again until I was seated at the table with a pint of ale in front of me. Hagrid ordered a pint for Ron and Harry as well, but Hermione opted for a milder butter beer. It was odd sitting with my students at a pub, particularly those three students, but I was not put out. The new me, or me that was always pushed aside but always was, wanted to enjoy the day. I even kept my mouth shut when Ron ordered another beer before we even got our food. He was an adult after all, sometimes.
Conversation focussed mainly on the trial and I was soon apprised of everything I missed and the verdict. The Hospital paid restitution to the hurt reporters, but the security personnel were allowed back to work. New procedures were being drawn up on how to deal with unruly reporters as we spoke. Hermione seemed relieved, but was soon fretting over her exams which were only days away. A couple of weeks actually, but her concern was endearing so I said nothing. I wanted more than anything to reach an arm out and pull her closer to me, but as only Harry knew how I really felt about her, I kept still.
"You are more than prepared," I offered.
Ron looked at me suspiciously with an open mouth as if I was going to retract my statement at any moment. When it was clear I did not make an error with my words he slowly closed his mouth.
"Thanks, Professor," Hermione answered blushing.
The conversation lulled as we all became suddenly interested in the food on our plates. After a few minutes silence Harry announced that the Dursley's had been returned to their home on Privet Drive. Hermione and Ron both exchanged a glance. I knew Harry's life at the Dursley's was less than ideal, but I really had no idea what it was like exactly. I had never wanted to know because I needed to imagine that he was a spoiled brat in order to maintain my fantasy that he was like his father and not like his mother.
"Are you going to see them again?" Hermione asked.
Harry shrugged. "I dunno."
"You're better off without them, mate." Ron took a heavy swig of his beer and clapped his friend on the shoulder. "They never did anything nice for you."
Harry looked at his plate and pushed the food around. There was something in his eyes that said Ron was wrong. Either the tales were not true, and Harry was treated well, or he had developed a case of Stockholm syndrome. I could tell by Hermione and Hagrid's face that they had thoughts along similar lines.
Ron continued unabashed. "I mean, your aunt and uncle were nasty, and Dudley was a mad bully. It wasn't on, mate."
"I guess," Harry mumbled.
"Don't you think on it, Harry," Hagrid interjected as he slid the last of Ron's ale away from him. "Everything will work out."
As big and lumbering as the giant can be, he was wise as well. Harry was just a kid without a family, and now he was having conflicting emotions over the only one he actually knew. It was expected, but I wished I knew more details. I wanted to reach out to him. I was, still at that point, a lost boy myself, and it hurt to see me in him. I know Hagrid could see himself, and he looked like he wanted to press Harry further, but was too tactful to try. Hermione looked worried and Ron was oblivious as usual.
"Hagrid's right, Harry. And whatever you choose, we will be right there with you." She reached and gripped his hand. Harry smiled up at her and squeezed her fingers back, but released them quickly after he caught me staring. I wasn't trying to appear threatening, but the expression is natural on my face. I was just thinking that it was nice they had each other. Frankly, I was beginning to get nauseated at the emotional display. I still preferred to leave mine for Hermione, when I am alone, or when Minerva sucks them out of me through the sheer force of her will.
"I don't know what I would have done if I didn't go to Hogwarts. I probably would have run away, or gotten in trouble I wouldn't be able to get out of," Harry blurted suddenly. "I hated the Dursleys as much as they hated me. I wish I had known sooner that they were protecting me even if they didn't know it. I hate that no one told me anything."
I hated it too. Everyone was too stunned to speak. In any other situation I would have left the table by now, but something compelled me and as the metaphorical word vomit spilled out, I had to force the literal thing to remain inside my stomach. "Hogwarts has a way of becoming a home for those without another option. It finds us. We should have helped you more." I should have helped him more, but my admission was enough without directly implying myself. I felt nauseous.
The rest of the meal passed awkwardly and quickly and soon we were back at Hogwarts. I didn't speak a word to anyone and I hoped that I wouldn't have to face any of them for at least another day. I was happily working on my potion when there was a knock on my lab door. I don't like being disturbed at any time when I am brewing, and seeing Harry in the doorway did very little to improve my disposition.
"I'm brewing, Potter," I greeted without looking up.
I could hear him shuffling his feet before he spoke. "Yeah, uh, sorry. I'll just go then."
Something in his tone made me look up. "Sit."
I waited for him to sit down in a chair I pointed to before I turned back to the potion. It was fifteen more minutes before I was at a sufficient stopping point. I tried to ignore Harry's green eyes as he stared transfixed at what I was doing. When I was through I washed my hands and took a seat across the table from him.
"Well?" I asked. He was in some distress, that much was evident, but I wasn't in the mood for more theatrics and soul bearing.
"I, erm, I just wanted to say that," he paused and cleared his throat. "Hermione told me you could hear everything everybody said to you when you were in your coma."
I nodded sharply. I wondered if he was there to reiterate his message.
"I hope you're not angry with her for telling me," he continued in a rush. "Do you remember what I told you?"
Like it was yesterday. "Yes."
"Oh, good. Well, not good. I wanted to say that maybe I was wrong, and maybe it would be sort of okay if you didn't leave me alone." He began to pick at a small notch in the table. I could see a bright flush in his downturned face.
He looked so young and so old at the same time. I would have been a fool and a bastard not to recognise how hard it was for him to reach out me like he just did. I would be an even bigger fool and bastard to throw his words back in his face like an infinitesimal part of me wanted to do. I thought of Denis Creevey and his older brother's camera again and came to a realisation. One that I had always known, at least since I woke in spirit form, but didn't really make sense until that moment. I was an acerbic, grumpy, and sceptical man, and no one needs that in their life. Wit, perhaps, but not meanness, and I had them both in spades, but they were not necessarily mutually exclusive. People like Denis, Colin, Harry, even Ron do not really need to change. They need to grow and mature, but not change. It is people like me that need to change. I swallowed around the sarcastic comment stuck in my throat and choked out an "I see." Clearly, it was just as difficult for Harry to admit he was wrong as it is for me.
"I may have been wrong as well," I said. "I hope you know from my memories that I was always on your side, and I thought that Dumbledore withheld vital information from you."
Harry nodded and glanced at me with damp eyes. I had to swallow around the lump in my own throat again. I will not say something rude just to restore balance to the conversation, I chanted to myself. The moment had finally arrived where Harry and I could start learning to be friends, or at least acquaintances, and I had no idea what to do with it. I wished Hermione were there to mediate. We sat in an uncomfortable silence for quite some time. I was about to kick him out of the room when he spoke again.
"I'm really sorry about your house. Hermione's really upset too. She said you are going to rebuild, and I wanted to offer to help." He stood up and dusted off his clothes even though there was nothing on them. "If you want it."
Hermione would kill me if I refused. "Certainly."
Harry left and I returned my potion. I tried not to think about our brief encounter, but my over analytical mind could not help parsing it out until I was absolutely sure there was no hint of falsity in his words. I needed to convince myself that he came to me solely because he wanted to and not because he felt sorry for me or because Hermione made him. I never did thoroughly convince myself that Hermione had nothing to do with it, but he did not pity me anymore, and for that I was infinitely grateful. Now if only Draco would warm up to me again I would feel much better. I still missed Draco, the child who loved his Uncle Severus. Thanks to Voldemort, I didn't even really know Draco, the man.
After dinner that night I wandered up the dungeon stairs and did rounds for several hours. I still enjoyed doing rounds, and when a tired Bill Weasley met me in the faculty room to relieve me I offered to do his rounds as well. He looked grateful and made some half intelligible comment about projectile vomiting babies and thousands of illegible essays to read. I waved him on not wanting to get involved in whatever domestic/academic drama he was currently involved in.
Towards the end of Bill's shift I wandered up to the Astronomy tower without even thinking about it. It was a place that I avoided like the plague during my illustrious year as Headmaster, but lately it seemed my feet wanted to go there of own accord. I minded less and less as I came to terms with what happened there. I was done playing 'what if,' but I wasn't finished reminding myself of how much had been lost. There were no students wandering in the halls at that late hour, but the castle felt as alive as always. The cold stones seemed to quiver with sentience under my fingertips. Hogwarts was as much a part of me as anything else and the castle recognised that. I imagined that if Harry took the time to really feel the castle he would have that same understanding as well. I know Hagrid felt it.
This particular night was different though. The castle was welcoming like always, but it was somehow closed off to me. Normally I had a sense of not only home, but a sense of completeness about home. There was a time when the castle made me feel like I didn't have to go anywhere else, but now I could feel it kind of pushing me away a little bit. It sounds stupid, I know, but I really felt like the castle was telling me to move on in the same way I imagined a loving parent would encourage a child to go on their own in the world, but at the same time be sad for the loss. We would still see each other, but it wouldn't be the same ever again. It was really time for me to build my new home.
The sky was clear and the air was crisp on the tower. I took a few deep cleansing breaths and then scanned the night sky. The stars were bright and shining in stark clarity against the black blanket of night. The crescent moon shown like a beacon, illuminating the tops of the trees below it and I could see birds and thestrals flying about. I was watching the thestrals quite contentedly until a lone figure on a broom sent them flying straight back in the trees. Whoever it was flew high over the trees towards the castles and then abruptly turned. He went higher and did it again and then higher still. It was clear that whoever was on that broom was attempting to get past the wards. The thestrals had been playing at the portion of the forest nearest where the wards had been redrawn after the battle. The wards were infinitely high and only faculty could fly through them. It was obvious that the person out there was testing the limits.
My stomach clenched painfully as I leapt over the edge of the tower and flew sans broom towards the figure. So far they hadn't noticed me so I took care to stay close to the roof of the castle and out of sight. I knew that eventually I wouldn't be able to hide, not that I was afraid of a confrontation, but as long as the person was distracted they might not see me, but he did. He came swooping lower as I approached ready to defend the castle, and then I saw who it was. It wasn't the castle I would have to defend, only myself.
"What are you doing here, Yaxley?" I shouted through the space of the wards without crossing them. I had to keep moving back and forth because like a shark, without movement I would plummet.
"Ah, Severus, it has been some time," he sneered through his yellowing teeth. "I gather you received my message."
I ignored him as I mentally battled with myself over whether I should cross the wards and kill him with my bare hands right there in the sky or send a curse through one way barrier.
"Perhaps I sent it too soon," he drawled. "I see you still have a taste for some of the Dark Lord's lessons."
I faltered slightly in my flight. He pinpointed the only reason I hadn't flown without a broom in as long as I did. Simply because I had learned it from Voldemort.
"You should leave, Yaxley," I said in a patronising tone doing my best to train my wand on him, but not moving forward.
Yaxley pulled out his own wand and snarled angrily, "Why don't you come over here and make me?"
"Clever, Yaxley. I have no wish to fight you." Like hell I did just not there, not so near the school. It would be too easy. Any spell I cast would go through the wards, but none of his would reach me. All I could see was red. I wanted to kill him for burning down my house, for being a Death Eater, and for taunting me at the castle. I hated Minerva and Hermione momentarily for making me promise I wouldn't do anything stupid. It would not be self-defence because he couldn't cross the wards and that made my blood boil. His timing was damn inconvenient.
"So, it is true then. Everything they say about you. You are a tired, soft, old man just like Dumbledore was," he taunted. "You should die for your treachery Snape, and you will. You think you are not afraid of me, I can see it in your eyes, but you should be. I will destroy every attempt you make to live outside of this castle. One by one, I will find the people you love and destroy them too."
I almost sent him from his broom then, but my promises to Minerva rang in my ears. I would not lose my job because of him even if he took away everything else, but I prayed I would see him again away from the protection of the school's grounds. I laughed. The sound was hollow and cold even to my own ears. He was not a completely stupid man. He was smart enough to know that to hurt me was to hurt others. I had always been foolishly Gryffindor in that respect and publication of my allegiance and love for Lily had opened that vulnerability up for the world to take advantage of. I could taunt him back, but words were not powerful enough. I had suffered in my life far more than he had and I could make him feel that pain. I had no desire to deny the existence of loved ones, and because of that I could never underestimate him for fear of someone else's life.
"Whatever you do to me, Yaxley, you will feel as well," I said barely above a whisper as I floated slowly in front of him.
Yaxley sneered at me and pushed the broom against the wards. "Come over here and fight me like a man, you coward."
I really hate being called a coward, but I held my ground. "We will meet again soon, I assure you. Now leave these grounds before I alert the rest of the faculty."
I did not wait for a response. I turned and flew to edge of the forest nearest Hagrid's hut and landed to walk the rest of the way. I did not make it more than ten steps before the sonorous barks of Hagrid's dog Fang echoed across the half-giant's considerable garden before dying out in the thick of the forest's trees. Hagrid emerged from his hut with his crossbow perched high on his shoulder.
"Who's there? Show yourself!" he said loudly into the night. The lantern he'd lit glowed dimly behind his bulk.
I stepped into the small bit of light and raised my hands. "It is I, Severus Snape."
"Oh, well all right," he said lowering his bow and stepping further from the doorway so that the light from the lantern could pool across his stoop illuminating me further.
"What're you doing out here so late?" he asked and then raised a hand. "Never mind, don't answer that I probably don't want to know."
"Actually Hagrid, you probably should know." I walked up to his doorway and waited for him to invite me inside. After he did and offered me the requisite drink I told him everything about my conversation with Yaxley. I left out the names of any potential people I might care about, but I spared no details for the rest of it. Hagrid's face shifted from anger to sadness and back to anger again as I told my story. I could see in his eyes that he was touched I had chosen him as a confidante.
"Don't worry, Snape. I will watch out for anything else suspicious," Hagrid said gruffly. He sat quietly for a few moments sipping the tea he'd made as I talked. It was obvious by his expression that he wished to ask me something and I waited. Finally he dragged a large hand down his wiry beard before speaking. "I have ter ask, what did you mean that you would make him feel it too? How're you gonna do that? I figured you just wanted them dead."
I was not expecting that question. There was no hint of anger or disgust in Hagrid's voice when he mentioned my desire to see my enemy dead. There was only understanding and of course, mild confusion.
"There are worse things than death." I swirled the last bit of my tea and stared at the dregs. I wondered what Sybil Trelawney would have to say about my tea leaves, not that I would ever consider consulting her. The woman grated on every single one of my nerves. Hagrid shifted in his seat and I could feel more questions coming off of him even though he did not open his mouth. I did not look up, but I felt compelled to say more. "To watch people live, and not be able to join them, having only your own torturous memories and painful thoughts for company, that is a fate far more terrible than death."
Hagrid shuddered, and when I finally looked up at him his eyes were red-rimmed and leaking. I stood then and excused myself.
"You're all right, Professor Snape," I heard Hagrid say as I walked up the path towards the castle. I didn't feel all right anymore. Something ominous had settled in my gut and I felt flat. The only consolation I had from it all was that I had confided in someone. It is true that having support lessens one's burden. I was doing everything everyone wanted me to. I was not fighting, I sought assistance with Yaxley because he'd attempted to breach the school wards, and I was reaching out to others for friendship, and most importantly, I allowed my heart to open to love once more. It felt freeing and wonderful, but any potential joy was quickly erased by an overwhelming fear that Death was going to end my life and snatch it all away.
The castle was still and silent as I made my way down the dungeon stairs. It was nearly two in the morning so I was more than surprised to find Hermione waiting for me underneath Harry's invisibility cloak in the hallway before my quarters. She was an answer to my prayers in that moment, and for the remaining morning hours I sought the sort of solace that only soft lips, feminine curves, and warm brown eyes could provide.
Hey everyone! I know that I didn't respond to everyone's reviews from the last chapter (technical difficulties), but I will for this one! You have no idea how great it is to get your reviews!