Being Dysfunctional Has Never Been So Much Fun
Short #25: Letters from the seven sisters
It's nice to talk to you, Miss Renahhchen. I am Lucifer, the oldest of the seven sisters, and I speak on behalf of my younger siblings when I say I'm delighted you're writing stories that feature us as the main characters. It is very rare people write about us; generally the stories on this site are focused around Battler and Milady. Whilst I have nothing against Milady (she's a very… interesting person), I honestly find Ushiromiya Battler puerile and childish, and his hair is ridiculous. I don't understand the appeal and it's flattering to see the seven sisters are getting the respect they deserve.
However, I do have a few issues with your stories. I am sure you must work very hard on them- but it is my job to give constructive criticism to others, in the hopes that they will improve. I apologize if I am too harsh, but as I look after seven younger sisters I have developed a rather sharp tongue.
Firstly, you appear to write about some of us a lot- Beelzebub in particular. This is a mistake. She's rather big-headed as it is, and your multiple shorts about her will only exacerbate the situation. I really don't want to listen to her complaining anymore. Surely it would be fairer to spend more time on Leviathan? You upset her deeply when you failed to make her the main focus in any of your stories, and I suggest you apologize to her before she does something drastic.
Secondly… I-I appreciate that you have written a few shorts about me… B-but must they be so humiliating? P-please don't broadcast my faults to people like this- I-I am the oldest sister, and I need people to respect me! J-just because I can't cook, i-it doesn't mean you should announce this to the world! C-can't you be more careful with the words you choose? A lady's pride is very important!
Please be a bit more tactful in the future! If you're not you might find yourself in a very nasty situation! Be grateful I'm even giving you a second chance, because most people who humiliate me like this don't live for very long. I'll make an exception this time because the others seem to enjoy these stories… but use your head next time before you write about something so embarrassing!
Lucifer, the oldest of the seven sisters
Uwaaahhh! Renahh, I hate you, I seriously hate you! You've written 24 shorts by now- and I, Leviathan, am not the main character in ANY of them! You've written about all my younger sisters, but you haven't spared more than five words about me! I'm the second oldest sister! I deserve some more respect! The others will all laugh at me now, and it's all your fault! I hate you! I really, seriously hate you!
Uwahhhhhhh!
I think your story is disgusting, depraved and completely pointless. No idiot would ever want to read about something so idiotic! Why don't you go die in a fire? It's obvious you didn't think these stories through! It's not funny at all. I bet you're just a sad person who stays at home in your parents basement with nothing to do but write stories about other people in embarrassing situations because you don't have the imagination to think of any original characters for yourself! That sickens me. Useless people like you shouldn't be allowed to live.
Go die in a fire.
Satan
Hello, Miss… Renahh? Renahhchen?
Why do people on the internet have such complicated names? To begin 'Renahh' is a corruption of 'Rena', correct? But even 'Rena' is a strange name. And 'chen'? That's not an honorific. If you called yourself 'Rena-chan' it would be much easier… However, you're not Japanese, so the 'chan' becomes completely ridiculous and unnecessary. This is so pointless…
Sigh.
But I digress.
At least your name doesn't have numbers in it, or multiple 'X's, or a random smush of upper/lower case letters. Then I really would have cause to be irritated.
I'm pleased I appear in a few of your shorts. It's quite fulfilling to finally get the respect I deserve. I'm not jealous or bitter, I just… want a little bit of recognition. So that's nice, I suppose. Thank you.
Although, I really must comment on your sense of 'humor'. Personally, I don't find jokes about the female anatomy amusing at all. It's quite childish and immature, and I would appreciate it if you would stop that. When you write about such things it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, and it makes your writings appeal to the lowest common denominator. Could you not aim for some more sophisticated sense of humor?
That's all I have to say.
Thank you for listening to me. I will continue to read this series despite its flaws, and I will tentatively give it a six out of ten. There is room for improvement. Then again, nothing is perfect. I suppose that's a rather depressing part of life, but it's fruitless to complain.
Belphegor
The forth sister.
Hey, renahhchen~ It's Mammon of the seven stakes here~ Are you scared? Don't worry, I won't hurt you… Much. Kukuku…
I love that I appear so often in your stories! It's like, yeahh, all hail Mammon! Gyahaha! Oh, I am sooo going to rub this in Levia's face later. She gets, what, five lines in the whooole thing? Laaa~aaame. I guess you know who the prettiest, sexiest stake out of the seven sisters is~ Gyahahaha!
But, um… I'm not really that egotistical and big-headed, am I? I'm not! I think it's crazy-awesome I'm included so much (go me!), but I'm really as much of a bitch as you make me out to be! I have a nice side too, you knowww?
Well, I mean… I just don't wantAngetoreadaboutthis. Eheheh… It's a little embarrassing- but I don't want her to think badly of me!
What if Ange comes across these stories? Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think about my REPUTATION?
And… you're being really mean to Ange in these stories, too! Can't you make a few nice, happy stories with me and Ange in them? She's been through a lot! Be nicer to her orI'llstabyouTEEHEE.
I won't hurt you, but if you don't make another short in which I am completely awesome I might just manifest myself in your house and break your fingers when you sleep. If you hear something creaking in the night, you'll know who it is. Not that I would make any noise. I could kill you in a millisecond and you wouldn't even know :D
Better get typing, or shit will get real~ Magic really can mess you up, fufufufu~~~
Lots of love~
Mammon~~~
Yay!~ It's Beelzebub here, but you can call me Beelze… And~~ Eeee! I just read your series of shorts, renahh (you don't mind if you call you renahh right? We're friends!~) and… I'm included in them a whole bunch! YAY!~ / ^_^ /
I liked chapter three especially! Look at me showing Ronove how totally AH~MAYYY~ZING I am, kukuku~~ Umm, if I had any complaints (not that I'm upset cause I REALLY LIKE YOUR STORY XP) I'd say…
Why can't you write a short where I actually get fed for once? ;A; I'm a growing girl!~ I need vitamins! And cookies! RONOVE'S COOKIES!~~~ Does the punch line always have to be 'NO FOOD FOR BEELZE TROLOL'? That's just sad! DON'T BE SO MEAN ;A; D: ;A; D: ;A; D:
SAD FACES. SAD FACES EVERYWEAARRRRRRRRRR ;A;A;A;A;A;A;A;
Uuuu, now I'm getting hungry…
I think I'm going to go raid the kitchen ^_^;;
With sincere feelings sweeter than chocolate
Beelze, the cutest sister~~
Hiii, renahhchen-chan!~ This is Asmodeus, the stake of lust, speaking! As if you didn't know that already, though, hehe~ I saw you were writing stories about us seven sisters! Yayy, that's so cool! That stupid uncute Bahhhttler totally dominates most stories, but you're finally giving us some time to shine! Yayyy!~~ p(*＾-＾*)q
Do you like my cute emoticons? Aren't they adorable?~~ Big sis Luci tells me such things are vulgar, but you seem like a really nifty person, AND you use emoticons in your authors notes, too XP That makes it okay, ri~ight?
You're so cool! Please write more and more!~ Especially stories about me! I love it when people write about me! I need to spread my cute-ness worldwide! ヘ(^_^ヘ)(ノ^_^)ノ Think of all the poor, miserable people who have never heard of Asmodeus, and imagine how miserable their lives would be! Kekekeke~~ / ^_^ /
Ja ne!~ Bye-nii!~
Hugs and kisses （*＾＾）＾*） Chu！！
Asmodeus, the stake of lust~~~
a/n: So I tried to do something different for the 25th chapter cause, 25, ya know. S'a big number XD
~renahhchen xoxo