Well, if you have any general knowledge of dates, listened to the radio, turned on the TV, or just went outside, you'd know yesterday was Valentine's day. It's the only day that's almost as cheesy as National Cheese Lovers Day. Yes, that really is a day. January 20th, even ask Google. Or Bing, or a general search engine.

Yesterday was crazy shit, as it usually is. Actually, it was probably more cheesy than crazy. How cheesy? To the extent that Fatass did something I really don't want to remember.

Oh God…It had to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever witnessed. I'm going to tell you anyway. Prepare the brain-soap, because the mental images I am about to inflict could cause severe trauma.

Well then, Cartman decided that the girls love cheesy things, like cheesy love songs and cheesy gifts. So, before lunch, he ran off to the cafeteria at speeds I didn't know fat asses like him could reach. I figured that asshole just wanted dibs on the special heart-shaped nuggets. When we eventually got there, we came across the most repulsive thing any of us has probably witnessed.

In the middle of the room, Fatass lay in a 'sexy' pose, covered in thick macaroni cheese – Completely naked. You don't know how revolting that is unless it's right in front of you, staring you in the fucking face.

If that wasn't bad enough, the stench of cheese was so strong, that the girl with the cheese allergy passed out. She wasn't even in the fucking room.

Girls were passing out left, right and center. Fatass, being the stupid prick he is, thought it was because of his 'sexy bod'. More like those endless rolls of flab. The cheese did nothing but define the points where one roll envelops another. Then again, at least it hid his genitalia. Not the thing I'm into, thank you very fucking much.

Hell, even Kenny passed out. Kenny! I mean, jeez, I don't know if the trauma of seeing that did it, or the fact that he'd just contaminated all the cheese. When it comes to food, Kenny's against waste. He has his reasons, work it out yourselves.

After the incident, Nurse Gollum really had her work cut out for her, trying to revive all the horrified students. At least Mackey has something to keep him busy though. I bet those traumatised kids can't wait to hear him ramble on, with the occasional 'Mmmkay?'

Principal Victoria was pretty pissed with Cartman's stunt. He spent a good half hour in the Principal's office, before he was sent back to class with that smug look of success. Things only got more irritating from then on.

He started talking to thin air, like something small was floating there. He kept going on about something, constantly muttering 'Cupid Me', and all this stupid shit. I swear, he's fucking losing it. I genuinely hope people stop being so dense, realise this child has issues, and take him to a mental asylum before he tries to 'continue where Hitler left off'.

Once class was over, he started running off to random people, shoving them together and handing them roses he'd somehow acquired, muttering once again about this 'Cupid Me'.

At first, I didn't mind so much, because it kept him away from me. I'll admit, he was being an ass to those couples, who probably already had dates or something, but was there much point trying to stop him? I mean, the last time he did this shit with Token and Nichole, he went to the extremes.

Then he crossed the damn line. He crossed that fucking line so far, that the line was a little speck in the distance. I'm fucking thankful none of you guys go to my school, or this shit would be all over the fucking internet.

He gave Stan a rose. We both figured he was going to push him with Wendy, and try and get those two back together again. Hell no.

That goddamn fucker pushed Stan into me, and the two of us fell over, Stan on top, in the most awkward of fucking positions. Then he yelled all the 'fag' shit, and took pictures. HE TOOK FUCKING PICTURES! I swear, if they leak all over the internet, hear me out first, it is not what it looks like! Don't fucking twist my words around!

Then he said, 'Aw Kahl, your blushing! See, I knew you gahs were fags!'

I kicked that fucker so hard in the balls, that he won't be seeing them for a month. Hell, he can't see them anyway under that stomach.

So, that's the story. Back to the general topic area of Valentine's Day. It's a fucking Hallmark holiday, kinda like how Halloween has become, but more so.

Most people forget it's called Saint Valentine's Day, and that it's about a guy who died for the purpose of Christianity, and for secretly marrying people. Another little history lesson. The whole 'From your Valentine' thing was inspired by Valentine's last words, being those three. He wrote them in a letter in a girl he healed.

I'm obviously not of the Christian faith, but hey, it's useful to know the stories behind things. It's sad to think that people don't recognise just how much this man did for marriage, and how he was brutally tortured for the sake of it. Now it's all red roses, chocolates and hearts.

Seriously, the day has become a great method of getting money from customers, rather than respecting some dead guy.

As for most people at school, if you're wondering, Clyde acted like a bit of an ass, mainly because he still thought of himself as the hottest guy in our class. We never did tell him it was a fake. He got a few notes though, probably from self-centered girls who want some goddamn shoes.

Kenny got some too, but I'm pretty sure they were just numbers from the desperate whores. Either way, I don't think he minds.

I got one, but I have no idea who it's from. I just found it stuffed sideways in my locker this morning. My best guess is Bebe, but hey, I don't know.

That's probably enough for now, I guess.